Dear Willie,
I have a zit the size of a planet on my nose. I am going out with a lovely girl and she has never mentioned it, though she does give me the occasional funny look. But I just know that one day, while kissing her, my zit will burst and drown her in pus. What can I do?
Dave, Honolulu
Dear Dave,
There is a simple answer, find a different girlfriend. Maori girls are notoriously short-sighted and won’t even notice your zit. If your new girlfriend should spot it (pun intended), simply tell her that it is your friend’s pet zit and you are looking after it while he is away.
Willie