Dear Employee,
It has come to my attention that you do not enjoy showing up to work at 9am
every morning and apparently you really dislike having me lecture you about
"The problem
walking through the door a minute late (our policies stipulate that all employees
with being un-are to be at their stations 15 minutes early… we don’t pay for those 15 minutes
employed is
that you are on our time, but we certainly want you here).
that as soon as
You have voiced your opinions (with many adjectives I don’t care to repeat)
you get out of
about the work that you do and the remuneration that you receive.
bed, you're on
The wages are set at a fair level that are on-par with performance. Yes, I have
the job."
taken a salary increase every several months for the last few years… but that’s
simply because the company is profiting so much from the work that our many
employees are doing. Unfortunately, our budget for wages has not grown.
Last week I was in the staff room and I overheard you say, “Good news guys,
only 7 hours and 59 minutes to go.” While it was an intelligent observation,
somehow I got the feeling that you didn’t want to be at work.
I recognize that the work you do isn’t all that pleasant. No two ways about it,
your job sucks. I wouldn’t want to do it. In fact, I don’t want to do it. That’s why I
sit behind a desk and pay you as small of a portion of my profits as I can get
away with so that you’ll do the work. But for these paychecks, I expect a smile
and a lot of productivity.
For the above stated reasons, I would like to congratulate you as you have just
been promoted to customer. This is effective immediately.
PS. I’d like to think that over the four years of you working here, you have also
taken the initiative to establish other sources of income. I’d like to think that you
didn’t allow yourself to become entirely dependent on others to provide you with
an income source. I’d like to think all this, but I’m sure I would be wrong.
Respectfully,
How Can
Your Boss
YOU Make
Extra Money?
"So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer, "have you any
other skills you think might be worth mentioning?"
Find Out On
"Actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two
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short stories published in national magazines, and I finished my
novel."
"Very impressive," he commented, "but I was thinking of skills
you could apply during office hours."
Dear Employee,
Mrs. Smith explained brightly, "Oh, that was during office hours."
Your Job Sucks
Author—Rob Toth
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