LADY SUSAN VERNON TO MR. DE COURCY
Upper Seymour Street.
I have received your letter, and though I do not attempt to conceal that
I am gratified by your impatience for the hour of meeting, I yet feel
myself under the necessity of delaying that hour beyond the time originally
fixed. Do not think me unkind for such an exercise of my power, nor accuse
me of instability without first hearing my reasons. In the course of my
journey from Churchhill I had ample leisure for reflection on the present
state of our affairs, and every review has served to convince me that they
require a delicacy and cautiousness of conduct to which we have hitherto
been too little attentive. We have been hurried on by our feelings to a
degree of precipitation which ill accords with the claims of our friends or
the opinion of the world. We have been unguarded in forming this hasty
engagement, but we must not complete the imprudence by ratifying it while
there is so much reason to fear the connection would be opposed by those
friends on whom you depend. It is not for us to blame any expectations on
your father's side of your marrying to advantage; where possessions are so
extensive as those of your family, the wish of increasing them, if not
strictly reasonable, is too common to excite surprize or resentment. He has
a right to require; a woman of fortune in his daughter-‐in-‐law, and I am
sometimes quarrelling with myself for suffering you to form a connection so
imprudent; but the influence of reason is often acknowledged too late by
those who feel like me. I have now been but a few months a widow, and,
however little indebted to my husband's memory for any happiness derived
from him during a union of some years, I cannot forget that the indelicacy
of so early a second marriage must subject me to the censure of the world,
and incur, what would be still more insupportable, the displeasure of Mr.
Vernon. I might perhaps harden myself in time against the injustice of
general reproach, but the loss of HIS valued esteem I am, as you well know,
ill-‐fitted to endure; and when to this may be added the consciousness of
having injured you with your family, how am I to support myself? With
feelings so poignant as mine, the conviction of having divided the son from
his parents would make me, even with you, the most miserable of beings. It
will surely, therefore, be advisable to delay our union-‐-‐to delay it till
appearances are more promising-‐-‐till affairs have taken a more favourable
turn. To assist us In such a resolution I feel that absence will be
necessary. We must not meet. Cruel as this sentence may appear, the
necessity of pronouncing it, which can alone reconcile it to myself, will
be evident to you when you have considered our situation in the light in
which I have found myself imperiously obliged to place it. You may be-‐-‐you
must be-‐-‐well assured that nothing but the strongest conviction of duty
could induce me to wound my own feelings by urging a lengthened separation,
and of insensibility to yours you will hardly suspect me. Again, therefore,
I say that we ought not, we must not, yet meet. By a removal for some
months from each other we shall tranquillise the sisterly fears of Mrs.
Vernon, who, accustomed herself to the enjoyment of riches, considers
fortune as necessary everywhere, and whose sensibilities are not of a
nature to comprehend ours. Let me hear from you soon-‐-‐very soon. Tell me
that you submit to my arguments, and do not reproach me for using such. I
cannot bear reproaches: my spirits are not so high as to need being
repressed. I must endeavour to seek amusement, and fortunately many of my
friends are in town ; amongst them the Mainwarings; you know how sincerely
I regard both husband and wife.
I am, very faithfully yours,
S. VERNON