15. ETHICS
Both mongers and sex workers feel very strongly on what is right and wrong. The men rationalize prostitution mostly on socio biological grounds. GetRhythm, for example, tells his views to an American friend he met in Costa Rica. They went on a date and had a couple of drinks together and then he decided to ―let the cat of the bag concerning the types of massages I'd had on my recent trip to Costa Rica.‖ The woman did not like his sharing of this information and told him she felt sad for the poor women who ―are forced by their economic situations to engage in sex for pay. She went on to say that if these girls lived in a society where they had better opportunities, then this type of thing wouldn't exist.‖ 323 GetRhythm did not like her response and gave her a piece of his mind on this topic:
I say balderdash! Prostitution has existed throughout history for one basic reason - there is a demand for it.
Many women don't seem to understand that men are simply wired differently. Because of our different ancestral roles, we require sex more often and prefer to have it with a greater variety of partners. Of course, this doesn't rule out the possibility of finding satisfaction in a loving monogamous relationship, but nevertheless, the temptation will always be there. Don't know if I'll be having dinner again with my friend anytime soon, but no matter - my next trip to CR isn't far in the future.324
As men have a genetic make-up to spread their seeds, most mongers think, it makes sense that they want frequent sex with lots of women. This biological need explains, therefore, why women back home cannot satisfy the men‘s more ―promiscuous‖ tendencies. Menś ability to have sex with multiple partners without emotional involvement can also be explained by gender. Feminist theory, for example, promotes a view of sex as culturally-constructed where men are trained, not born, to enjoy multiple partners and paid-sex. Nevertheless, mongers do not like this framework as it calls for personal responsibility to modify sexual conditioning and for being respectful toward woman‘s sexuality. It is much easier for them to explain their sexual behavior on the basis of genes, hormones or brain ―wires,‖
whatever that means.
The men are aware that prostitution is not ethically acceptable to the majority of the population.
Ruffunutz recommends to a monger who is planning to take his son to monger along with him in Costa Rica, that this might not be a good idea: ―I want to be clear on what I am saying, I am not saying that mongering is BAD, but you really don't know if your son may in fact think it is, and you being the one exposing him to this lifestyle will forever create an association between you, the father, and mongering in his head... if he so happens to think that it's wrong in any way, it may change your relationship and his opinion of you for the worst. Not to mention the fact that you will burden him with the knowledge of your infidelity to his mother, which puts him in a very bad situation, as he will be torn between keeping the secret and betraying his mom or revealing what he knows and betraying you, either way he loses... not a fun place to be.‖325
Mongers see prostitution in terms of needs and rights. One has a right to pursue something that is lacking- a need- and the other has the right to sell it. In a market economy, sex is not seen more different than any other services. When it does, as in the United States, it is because of prudishness and hypocrisy. The sex tourists admire Costa Rica where prostitution is legal.
The right to pay for sex should be framed in a consumer‘s morality. According to this perspective, the monger is a client who buys a product and hence is entitled to receive a good service. This means that 323 http://www.costaricaticas.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=4230
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the women who sell sexual services must do it professionally and without taking advantage of the customer.
Mongers are aware that women sell their bodies because of a lack of job skills, because of poverty or to fulfill a need for goods that are scant in third world countries: ―I suppose if it wasn‘t for the ‗third world‘ countries – those far less fortunate than us, we wouldn‘t find the inexpensive, available material for the exercise of our passionate hobby of whore-mongering. The misfortune of these societies provides the economic basis for our affordable pleasure.‖ Nevertheless, to buy their services is moral-they say- because prostitution allows the poor women to improve their lot and that of their families:
―As a ‗monger‘, I support these girls. Without me and people like me, they would starve. Luckily, there is no shortage of men anywhere in the world who are looking for the services they provide.‖
Sex tourists do not think they can do much to change economic handicaps: ―Would I change that if I could? You bet. Do I have the power? No way. I learned a long time ago, I can‘t change the world; I can only try in my small ways to make it a better place by my actions and behavior.‖ According to him, there is no reason to feel guilty: ―No, I do not apologize for being a monger…I will give them money for the crises that they always seem to have – if I have seen them several times and enjoy their company, I am willing to do that. I never promise what I can‘t or won‘t deliver. No promise of marriage, no promise of ‗living with me in California‘ and no promise that I will buy or rent a place in TJ or Rosarita that they can live in and ‗keep up‘ for me. That would be more than unfair, it would be cruel because it won‘t happen.‖ ―Likewise, I would not ask them for exclusivity. That would not be economically feasible, emotionally fair or reasonable to expect.‖326
Fr. Lust believes that by paying for sex he is fighting famine and destitution. He does not want to marry the woman or to bring her home, but he feels nonetheless that he is doing something positive.
Goal gets ―annoyed‖ when other mongers negatively judge sex workers for their work. He is convinced Costa Rican sex workers do it to support their children and that contrary to what happens in the United States, they do not spend the money on drugs. Since sex money feeds kids, it is good money. This monger thinks that he is no different than any well-meaning organization such as UNICEF that helps Third world kids. 327
Men see this transaction as a sort of investment in the social development of the sex workers, something similar to the loans rich governments provide to the underdeveloped world. It is like building a country‘s infrastructure (education, health, food). They reason that thanks to them these women have a chance to improve their lives and their standard of living. Sex money should be therefore seen as a kind of loan that is up to the woman to put to good use. Mexpat says that ―My thought was that once a chica has made the decision to sell her ass for money in the BM... THEN... if she continued to live in poverty, it would be her own fault. In the BM environment it seems to me certainly possible for any reasonably attractive chica who dedicates herself to ― la vida facìl‖ to make a very good living if she applies herself.‖328
But as any major bank that lends money to the third world, mongers find it frustrating when the women do not appreciate this investment and give back a lousy service in return.
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Price is a major ethical concern. The money issue is –as we have seen before- complicated. First of all, there is not a set price on sex. ―What is fair to pay?‖- a monger asks. Some argue that Costa Rican women should not charge, as much as prostitutes in the United States whose tag is $300 an hour. They reason that since the cost of living is much lower in the third world, sex workers should charge less for their services.
The problem is that mongers do not know what the ―lowest‖ rate should be and many admit to know fellow-mongers who easily pay $200 an hour. In order to prevent prices from rising, mongers strategize. The first thing they do is to keep Costa Rica to themselves to avoid a flood of sex tourists that would drive the rates up. Secondly, they agree among themselves to pay no more than 100 bucks an hour. This ― no cien‖ policy is enforced through mutual solidarity and advices in the sex forums.
Some of the tactics seem to be the tools of a Socialist economy than a capitalist one. Don Gordo, for example, recommends lowering prices through economic starvation. He tells his friends to wait until the sex worker is desperate: when women find they might go home alone, they will drop the prices.
Vegas Bob tells other mongers to hide their willingness to buy: ―If you don´t look horny, you have more leverage‖- he writes. Uncle Sam, as a new Columbus, suggests to others to exchange American trinkets for sex. ―Sex workers think American chocolates are really expensive. Give them some and ask for a discount‖- he says. Don Giovanni uses the poor‘s strategy to inspire pit: act as a therapist and listen to the sex worker‘s sad stories in exchange for halving her asking price. King Costa, finally, suggests going for the not-so –attractive sex worker to get a better price: ―In general, the hotter looking the chica is, the more likely she will put you on the clock. In many cases, sexo is very mechanical.
Chicas with a few flaws such as age, weight, face issues or simply a lack of experience in many cases will provide you with a better experience simply because they are not in the highest demand.‖ 329
According to mongers, sex workers should be paid according to their good looks. Top sex workers, rated at 10, can charge more for the hour. Younger prostitutes are entitled to ask for more and those who are adolescents can get the most dollars. If the woman provides an excellent sexual performance, which includes oral sex, she might be entitled to top money. The same goes for time. A whole night should be more expensive than a single hour; an entire weekend or month more than a day.
Nevertheless, when the deal includes more than one day, the woman has to provide sex anytime and anywhere. Mongers make their own calculations to get the price of each sexual act right. McMonger, for example, tells other mongers that if they pay $700 a week and have sex three times a day, the rate for each sex act has come down to $33, a real bargain. Papa Nut is not so sure. He responds to McMonger that he forgets to include food, Viagra and entertainment. These items must be added up to the costs. According to Papa Nut, the price is therefore closer to $40 per sex act. 330
Price bargaining is not that common in the States. Mongers admit that they would not dream of asking for lower prices from American prostitutes. Nevertheless, as people in Latin America try to overcharge the tourist, they believe it is fair that the tourist fights back. So much they haggle that VegasBob thinks that mongers have gone overboard. First of all, he admits to agree with the mantra of ― No Cien Policy‖
to some of the sex workers like ―the "Colombianas with the silicone tetas who usually spend even less than an hour for the cien.‖ Nevertheless, some mongers have made this advice into a general policy and make the mistake of excluding “chicas who are the best GFE experiences.‖331
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As part of the mongers‘ morality, customers should not be imposed extra payments. Romulus finds unethical that girls negotiate downstairs a price and ask for another upstairs: ―She is quite attractive and has full lips and shoulder length black hair. She will accept whatever price you agree upon downstairs and when you get to the room she will ask for $100 and to pay up front. Watch out for her and warn everyone else you can about her!‖332
Sex workers are not supposed to ask for money for transportation or communication. It is not up to the customer to pay for their cell phones. They should not expect the customer to buy them gifts either, with the exception of those in “novia‖ relationships. It is not moral to ask for money for children, relatives, groceries or clothes. More importantly, sex workers should not steal. According to mongers those who do steal should be prosecuted and expelled from the sex industry. Some customers feel so betrayed that they propose to have their photos taken and to expose them as thieves in the Internet. The forums have warnings on many chicas who steal and so does the Hotel Del Buey that keeps a file on them. Administrator 1 gives the 10 moral commandments for sex mongers:
Thou shall not pay any Chica cien for 1 hour!
Thou shall not send money to a Tica from the US!
Thou shall always backup a CRT member by being an on-call wingman!
Thou shall freely help other CRT mongers in need of advice!
Thou shall always act like a gentlemen and not ruin the CRT Name!
A) Thou shall not drink too much and behave like an ugly American!
B) Be respectful of the ladies, but also the "civilian" tourists and hotel staff.
C) Respect other members and chicas anonymity, get permission before posting pics.
D) Great service? Give a tip!
E) Be aware and keep valuables locked up.
Thou shall not ever share the secrets of CRT or give Ticas access to pictures!
Thou shall not a GFE threaten or take over your life!
Thou shall not ever pay upfront!
Thou shall not be so intoxicated as to become an easy victim! 333
One of the major monger‘s complaints is the abuse of time. If the woman sells herself by the hour, it is expected that she stays for the entire sixty minutes. Mongers feel ripped off when they finish in a few minutes and the sex worker decides the session is over. In www.costaricaTicas.com, a poll shows that most Mongers do not want their sexual encounters to be less than an hour. 334
What is the preferred length of your sexual encounters?
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I prefer quickies, in and out in under 1 hour.
5%
[ 4 ]
An hour or two is good for me.
47% [ 33 ]
I like a "date". Maybe dinner/dancing then sex.
15% [ 11 ]
I like all-nighters with something in the morning, too.
21% [ 15 ]
I'll hit it as hard as I can for as long as I can.
10% [ 7 ]
Total Votes : 70335
As a customer, the client has the right to request the woman to stay either for more sex, a massage or a simple conversation. Goal is of the idea that he is entitled to come as many times as possible in sixty minutes and gets annoyed when the sex worker asks for more money. Nevertheless, when the situation is reversed and the monger cannot ejaculate within the hour, he feels exploited if the sex worker decides to leave.
A poor service is one that is done without passion and love for your work. As any other business, prostitution should be done with gusto. If the woman does it with lack of interest, she is being unethical since she fails to come up with the goods. Mongers consider immoral to pay one hundred dollars for those who are ―professional‖: ―Hopefully we all know that the " no cien" is for the hardcore putas who want to go give you a quickie rubber Phuck with no contact, no passion, no time, as soon as they can get your drunken ass to C*m or pass out and flee with your money.‖336
Sexual practices must be diverse. Sexual tourists expect to own the woman‘s body for the time agreed.
This means that the sex worker should be willing to do all that is asked of her. When a woman refuses to engage in French kissing, oral sex or anal sex she is perceived as dishonest. She may charge more for painful or difficult practices yet she should not reject it outright.
A major moral flaw is to fake, to simulate and to lie. Mongers believe the woman should not fake the orgasm. They believe she should enjoy the sex even though she is getting paid for it. Besides, most think they have the ―proper equipment‖ to satisfy women.. In the first place, as we saw in former chapters, they think they are better lovers and friends than Latino men. Secondly, they think that they have larger genitals.
Mongers make fun of sex workers for trying to make them believe that they are well endowed. Vegas Bob laughs at the ― chicas extoling the virtue of my ‗incredible‘ thing with comments such as Papi Papi you have a big D*ck.‖ He says, on the one hand, that ―you'd think that all we guys should be making movies‖ and that ―The chicas in CR all seem to say that anything over an inch and a half belongs in a museum.‖ 337 In a poll, 65% of the customers say that sex workers do not care about size and prefer smaller organs. 338
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fooling them after all. VegasBob doubts his own hypothesis. He tells his readers that he ―took a legitimate 18 year old first timer out of the DB and to my house.‖ He found out that the girl ―is a virgin,‖ something doubtful for a woman who is found at Del Buey. He adds that the girl was ―really astonished‖ to discover his penis size: ―As we were playing on the couch we disrobed each other. She put her hand around my manhood and said innocently ‗is this normal?‘ I'll be damned if she didn't earn a propina (tip) right there.‖339
Other mongers agree with VegasBob that they are indeed well endowed: Dick67 says ―These guys are real mongers with the necessary equipment to satisfy the chicas in demand. I'm proud of my well hung status......must have gotten it from grand dad.‖ 340 Astroglide agrees with Vegas Bob and reports that sex workers are impressed by his penis size. He thought to be ―average‖ before going to Costa Rica.
But once he went to his bedroom with Cristal and Joelly, the former sex worker ―was bragging to her friend Joelly about me...‖ When they finally took their clothes off, ―she showed Joelly the merchandise, and she seemed impressed.‖ He is now ―sure‖ that the women were not joking and if anyone ―has any doubts‖ Astroglide informs VegasBob that he uses Trojan Magnum condoms since the ―regular condoms fit too tight and hurt me.‖ 341
According to monger‘s morale, the woman as a provider must ensure that her ―equipment‖ is clean and in good shape. Mongers like Costa Rican women because they are extremely clean and shower frequently. They give laudatory remarks because they take care that their sexual organs do not smell and that this makes it easier for them to practice vaginal oral sex. Sluthog wants to know, for example, whether it is safe to do it: ―Although I have been very tempted on occasion to DATY on some beautiful pro or semi-pro I just haven't been able to get past the fact of who has been there before me! Time to fess up; who dares to really and truly "lick the whisker biscuit"? 342Piroca responds that he‘s done it and that the girls are so clean no one had ever guessed what they had done before: ―I did last week to a REALLY Hot young girl that tasted Great and acted like no one had ever done that to her before (that's Good!!). And I DO NOT have any cold sores!!!‖343
They disapprove of some foreign sex workers who are not so clean. In such cases, they feel entitled to ask for a replacement and not to pay for the session.
Sex tourists expect the women to be tested. It is their responsibility to know whether they are HIV
infected or not. Mongers constantly ask other mongers whether they know if the sex workers get their medical check-ups. As customers they do not seem to have the same concerns. They do not expect to be tested to ensure they will not infect the women.
As customers, mongers believe they also have some moral responsibilities.
It is ethical to respect the woman‘s privacy. Sexual tourists should not reveal the woman‘s identity.
Mongers are aware that posting the woman‘s picture in Internet is a violation of her rights and a threat to her security. Most of them do not respect this rule, but they have moral concerns for breaking it.
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Sex tourists also feel responsible for reckless behavior. If the woman gets pregnant, for example, they feel that is their responsibility to provide for her. They would make sure that she gets a DNA test to prove that the child is his, but it would not be ethical to walk away. If she gets sick because of drugs or intoxication while in their company, mongers feel they should take her to a private clinic or hospital.
Despite these moral guidelines, the sex forums are filled with posts of stories of mongers who fled from these situations. Sex tourists are aware that Costa Rican paternity laws are strict and that a man who fails to take a DNA test is legally assumed to be a father and is responsible for child support.
According to some mongers, the best alternative to avoid the law and the situation ―is to take the first plane out of the country.‖
Mongers have more responsibilities with novias. This includes buying them presents, paying for clothes, taking them out, inviting them to vacations, and in some cases, providing allowances, loans and money for the children‘s tuition.
Money is for Astroglide the trick that does the magic to turn a prostitute into a friend: ―But for this investment, every time...I have seen the girl change right before my eyes.‖
Astroglide says that if he pays $100, sex gets much better: ―In the case of Katherine, she went from giving me 75% to 150% in bed.‖ For only $25 extra, he says, ―She goes from seeing me as a customer to a friend.‖ 344 He recognizes that ―it might be true that I spend too much money on them,‖ but it is worth the price. He suggests that not only pays to pay more for sex, but to provide sex workers with unsolicited gifts: ―As for Keren, the sweetheart that took me to the airport, she was shocked that I offered her money and tried not to accept it until I insisted.‖ 345
Gringotim is aware that the gifts often end up in someone else‘s hands: ―Many times I've given CD
players, CDs, and various other gifts to chicas. When I see them on subsequent trips, many times they've told me that they no longer have the gift(s)...they were stolen!‖ Despite of this, he sincerely believes the presents were welcomed: ―Oh well, at least they enjoyed the gifts a little while, and I know they were always appreciated,‖ 346
They expect the woman to be faithful. If the woman is not exclusive when the monger is gone, she must be when he spends his time in Costa Rica. If the woman is faithful, she in entitled to gain more money. Nevertheless, one thing is to ask for money once, and another to do it more than once. John, a monger, ―admitted to me that he sent $200 bucks via Western Union on two occasions.... and he now regrets it.‖ According to him, ―The problem is simple...if you continue to communicate with them....either by phone or e-mail, they will eventually ask for help.‖ But since these women ―live in near poverty,‖ they will try to squeeze as much as possible from them. John admits that he ―can‘t blame them‖ since ―They do not know what is appropriate to ask for.‖ The solution, for him, should be simple: ―I just say.... no gracias. I can't do that. They back off.‖ 347
Unless the American tourist marries the sex worker, she should not expect to be taken to the United States or to share the man‘s life back home. Mongers are adamant that the ― noviazgo” ends at the 344 http://www.costaricaticas.com/phpbb2/viewtopic.php?t=82
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