The Crab Man Chapter 7
It wasn’t as fancy as the others but it was the only one that was purple. For some reason Eddie just felt like wearing the purple bow tie today and leaving the others in the drawer.
Could it be that the Joker wore a purple bow tie? Eddie really didn’t know but the purple bow tie definitely looked good on him as he stood from the mirror and gussied himself up.
“Hurry up in there! I gotta get primped up for work too ya know!” Hissed Shawna beating on the bathroom door.
A few more adjustments got made to the bow tie. “It’s gonna be a good day today I can feel it. Thought of some new jokes last night I wanna use today.”
Shawna knocked at the bathroom door one more time. “Okay Mr. Funny man. You think next time you can at least get the coffee maker started first.”
“We’re all out of coffee babe.”
“What!”
“Used up the rest of it last night while writing up my jokes.”
“Psst. Shit Hun this shit ain’t cool.”
Eddie defended himself. “Starbucks right next door. Stop being so lazy.”
“You paying for it?”
Eddie felt confident his show would land him some big dollars today.
“Sure just take it out of my wallet. It’s on the counter.”
Shawna gladly removed a five dollar bill knowing the coffee would only cost $3. She had every intentions of pocketing the extra two bucks for her inconvenience. She stuffed the five dollar bill into her back pocket and hurried over towards the front door. Something didn’t feel right.
She shouted to Eddie who was still finishing up his morning ablutions. She insisted on calling him by his comic book name.
“Eh uh Mr. Crab Man. You order from Amazon or sumthn? Sumthn heavy is blocking our door.”
“Hell no I didn’t order nuthn from Amazon. Better not be the neighbor kid stealing our credit card numbers.”
Shawna gave the door a harder push so that the door would open. Whatever it was that was blocking it was evidently heavy. The door slowly moved forward and Shawna saw what appeared to be two 60 gallon black trash bags taped together with something big and heavy inside. She gazed at it intently.
“Yeah this shit definitely ain’t Amazon. I don’t know what’s in here but somebody wrote all over these trash bags with white out. What’s RBF?”
Eddie knew that RBF was a medical term and immediately began to panic.
Oh no! Oh no no no!
He raced out of the bathroom with bow tie in tact to inspect the package at his door. By the time he got there it was too late. Shawna had already tore open the bag and accidently had grabbed into the strawberry blonde hair of a hot college babe cadaver.
“A-a-a-a-a-a-h-h-!!!!!” She screamed liked it was a tarantula.
Eddie immediately closed the bag back over the human head to prevent any additional nightmares. Shawna couldn’t take it and raced back into the apartment and cried on the sofa. Eddie stayed in the doors threshold to scrutinize my art work.
Aside from hand written capitol letters “RBF” was a hand scrawled foot print of a bird. I needed Eddie to recognize my signature. I was just warming up and knew how imperative it was that I send a global message as to why important documents meant for the original Spyder Woman SHOULDN’T be intercepted.
Eddie gaped in horror while he just stood there contemplating on what to do next while Shawna finally regained her composure on the sofa.
“It’s him babe isn’t it?”
“Yes”
“What does RBF stand for?”
Eddie felt the bile rise up in his throat as he answered.
“Resting Bitch Face. It stands for Resting Bitch Face.”
Eddie left the cadaver in the bag but noticed there was in fact more white out writing on the bag. Small letters reading “No cheese in the cheeseburger”. He wasn’t sure exactly what it meant but he surmised my McDonald’s order had not gone well. He was in fact correct.
The Crab Man went for his cellphone to dial 911 when he noticed yet one more small detail.
A crab pin neatly pinned to the bag. I had some more things I wanted to say to Eddie Spaghetti.