The Crab Man Chapter 8
Shawna obviously wasn’t able to share her Starbucks coffee amongst four people but she did find the perfect opportunity to dig into her special tea collection to make hot tea for her guests. Being raised up in the hood she never thought she would see the day when she would allow law enforcement into her home without a search warrant but today was special. Detective Winters and Chief Psychiatrist Dr. Kedson were not here to rip her and Eddie’s apartment apart but rather here today to help.
Shawna used her special teddy bear honey in the tea that even Eddie didn’t know about. Her Grandmother had given it as a Christmas gift and today would be a perfect opportunity to impress her guests. Very intelligent men with Ivy League credentials inquiring about their most recent threat. Dirty Bird.
The cat made a point of sitting on Detective Winter’s lap while Eddie showed the Psychiatrist where to plug in the crab pin in the USB port in the back of the television. Once the connection was made a big sideways triangle appeared on the screen and Eddie fished around the sofa cushions for the remote.
Eddie gave Winters and Kedson a warning before he hit the play button so that they could embrace themselves for my convoluted sick twisted mind games.
“Are you guys sure you’re ready for this? Shawna and I haven’t watched this one yet we wanted to wait for you guys first. This Bob Dirty Bird guy is just pure evil.”
Dr. Kedson assured him to hit the play button. “Detective Winters and I have been in this business almost twenty years. There’s probably NOTHING out there that we haven’t stumbled across before.”
Eddie grinned. “Okay then but don’t say that I haven’t warned you.”
He slowly planted his cuticle bit thumb over the play button on the remote and pushed the button. It was tough for him not knowing if his Nephew (The Scribbled Kid) would be smiling in this one.
A cartoon popped up on the screen and everyone in the room immediately recognized it as Tom and Jerry. A big sheepish grin was on Tom’s cartooned face as he proudly pranced around with a cute dead mouse in it’s mouth.
Shawna immediately pointed her finger at the TV towards the dead mouse on the screen.
“Hey I remember this cartoon. It’s Tom and Jerry!”
Eddie became frustrated and smacked the butt end of the remote with his fist.
“Oh I’m sorry guys this is just my TV. I don’t think the play button went through. Must be dead batteries in this remote.”
But the psychiatrist cut in. “Nope you did everything right. Let’s watch what Bob has to say to us.”
Eddie still pointed the remote at the TV but Dr.Kedson blocked it.
“Shhhh…let’s just watch.”
Tom the cat playfully drug the dead mouse to the front doorstep of a red cartooned brick house and dropped the dead mousey right on the welcome mat of the front doorstep then got on two legs to push the doorbell. Elmer Fudd came to answer the door. When he saw Jerry the mouse lying dead on his welcoming mat he just looked at Tom the cat and grinned. The two locked eyes as if Elmer Fudd was very impressed with Tom bringing him and showing off his quarry.
Eddie crossed his arms very frustrated. “I don’t get it. Why is Dirty Bird starting off with a cartoon? This make no sense to me.”
Detective Winters immediately began writing notes onto his yellow pad while letting Dr.Kedson assuage Eddie.
The Psychiatrist pointed towards the dead mouse. “Oh I completely get it. Bob is trying to get inside of your head. This explains now why he dumped a dead body in front of your door. He’s trying to impress you. Your stalker is trying to show off. This is his way of flexing his muscles and saying hey look Eddie. Look what I can do.”
Eddie kept his arms crossed and just glowered. “I see him taking notes. Does this cartoon help you guys any?”
“Oh absolutely it does. We already have a hunch he’s a misanthrope. The fact that he starts his video off like this might suggests he’s already detaching himself from human interactions such as bars and clubs. There’s a good chance we can narrow our search down to possibly a zoo or even out door parks.”
The detective began taking notes a little faster. Shawna had a suggestion. “What about a library? It’s usually pretty quiet in there. Maybe Dirty Bird studying animal behaviors at the public library?”
The detective agreed before the psychiatrist could reply. “That’s a good possibility. Doesn’t have to be a zoo or park.”
Suddenly a lightbulb went off in the doctors head. “Eddie, didn’t the first video say something about this document you allegedly stole supposed to go to an original Spider Woman?”
Eddie defended himself. “Look man! I told you Bob a nut ass dude. Got no clue about any document meant for Spider Woman.”
Kedson corrected him. ““Original” Spider Woman”
“Yeah original or like whatever. I don’t like spiders. Smsh. Detest all spiders. No spiders coming in my house!”
The shrink calmed him down. “Look I agree with you. I’m not accusing you of stealing any document I get it. I just have to check something.”
With that Dr. Kedson immediately googled something into his phone. He googled Original Spider Woman.
The room silenced as he read passages from his phone. “Hmm…this is interesting…Google says the original Spider Woman was a black woman named Valerie. Valerie the Librarian as a matter of fact.”
Shawna was still confused. “A black Original Spider Woman? Than who is the current Spider Woman?”
All three of her guests shrugged their shoulders. Kedson picked up the remote and hit the play button again so the video could continue.
The video immediately jumped to another scene.
Simon AKA the Scribble Kid was riding a new Schwinn bicycle down a wooded road with many, many trees. The camera zoomed in on Simon’s yellow corn Cobb hair pieces that Eddie had once made.
Eddie pushed the pause button on the remote and pointed towards the yellow plastic corn cobbs. “That’s him! That’s my little nephew! That’s the Scribble Kid!”
The detective had a question. “Why the Scribble Kid?”
Eddie continued. “That’s the nickname I gave him because he always wanted to be like me. I taught him how to Scribble doodles and that’s all he mostly did. My Nephew gonna be a famous artist some day.”
The detective jotted some notes. “And you say your nephew Simon was the one that bestowed the nickname Crab Man that people call you?”
“Yes he was convinced in his mind that I was a super hero. He had this little plastic crab toy he always used to play with. He would hold it up to me and work the Pinchers on it and say Uncle Eddie. You da Crab Man! You gonna protect the bitches!”
Shawna chuckled. She was already excited to meet Eddie’s Nephew that she only recently learned of. Perhaps Eddie never mentioned him because he assumed his nephew was long gone and didn’t want to open up any more emotional wounds.
Winters chuckled as well. “The Crab Man. I like it. Good super hero name.” He turned his gaze to a befuddled Dr. Kedson. “His nephew here says his Uncle Eddie gonna protect the bitches. Almost as if the Scribble Kid predicted his Uncle Eddie might run into someone like Dirty Bird.”
Eddie pushed the button on the remote and watched his nephew continue to peddle his bicycle down an isolated road flanked with trees. He paused the video every few seconds hoping to recognize a street name but none had approached. Suddenly the camera shifted to a dark black mysterious Cargo van. The kind with no windows. The van slowly crept down the street in a distance. It moved closer until you could read big white lettering on the side of it “DB” with a decal of a pterodactyl.
Eddie panicked. “Oh no Simon no! Pedal faster Simon pedal faster!”
The dark mysterious van began gaining some momentum as it made it’s way towards the Scribble Kid.
“Pedal Simon! Pedal Simon!” Shouted Eddie at his own tv.
Loud tire screeching sounds came from the van as it raced full speed towards the Scribble Kid on the bicycle. It’s speed was already up to 65mph.
“He’s gonna run him over! Fuck! Dirty Bird gonna kill my nephew!”
Just as the speeding van got within ten feet of Simon the television screen went blue and there I sat in a wooden rocking chair concealing my face with my homemade Mr. Rodgers mask. I leaned into the camera.
“Hello Eddie Spaghetti! Now that I have your utmost attention I’ll bet you wanna know if I turned your nephew into road kill. He’s fine by the way. I managed to remember the three feet rule for bicyclist at the last second. I’m sure the mighty gust of wind gave him a good scare though.”
Eddie gave his middle finger to the TV. Obviously I could not feel this for this video was made quite a while ago. I looked directly into the camera screen.
“Mr. Crab Man! You have something I want. I TOLD YOU THAT DOCUMENT WAS MEANT TO BE DELIVERED TO THE ORIGINAL SPIDER WOMAN.”
Shawna leaned forward from her chair. “See there he go with that original shit. He said it again document meant for original Spider Woman. Must mean there another out there.”
Eddie was frustrated. " I don’t know what the fuck he talking about no damn document. Like a telegram or sumthn. Told you he a nut ass dude. I just wanna get my nephew back."
The psychiatrist finally piped up. “I’m sensing this psycho bird guy wants to make a trade with you. Give him back the document meant for Spider Woman and perhaps he will tell you where you can find your nephew the Scribble Kid.”
Eddie cringed up his face. “This dude tripping. Ain’t got no damn document meant for Spider Woman.”
Once again Shawna corrected him. “Original Spyder Woman. Eddie. We gotta make some calls to a bunch of libraries and ask for a Librarian named Valerie.
Perhaps if we can locate the original Spyder Woman we can ask her if she was expecting any documents from a very dirty, dirty little bird.”