Sitting inside the bus, acting dumb, I feared for the worst. What could happen at the most? They may send me to gallows, or shoot me in an encounter. Both cases indicate the worst case scenario - that of death. Everybody has to die one day but fighting till the death is the spirit mankind must possess, I recalled my last English teacher’s words. Today, this soon the day had arrived, no, I did not expect this. I cannot accept it. I am still young, I will fight till the end, I resolved. But the more I thought to be brave, the more cowardly I felt. Maybe I was indeed a coward. Otherwise, why would I run away after affecting a suicide? Wasn’t it because my conscience knew it was murder?
The bus made slow progress towards the road having the hotel’s entrance. Panic set in. It was the hotel where, in the second floor of the building, Karthik lay dead; It was the hotel from where I seek to run away. The police vans were now slowing down and before I took any stupid action, I realized it. Thank God. They stopped at the hotel gates as the bus gained speed. Relief.
No wonder now that for the rest of the journey, I was thinking about Karthik. Once a best friend of mine, then a bitter enemy – that’s how I would describe Karthik. His lie to our former classmates had reversed the dynamics completely between us. Then there was the reconciliation, and finally his death. Had his life come around a full circle? He owed me a lot.
He still hadn’t felt sorry for alienating me in my schooldays. Perhaps the suffering he would have undergone during his death, wouldn’t that suffice as my revenge? No, how I wish to see him suffer mental agony! I was becoming a sadist.
But what should I do now? I questioned myself. The hotel employees had known about the murder and would surely have seen me escape from back side on the CCTV cameras. I have to hurry, I know. But I cannot panic. I have to bide this time. This time shall also pass.
Suddenly, I had this queer feeling of cowardliness overcoming me. I had a feeling of fearing death. Should I take my own life or should I let anybody else have a claim over it? My life is my own. I should be the one who decides what to do with it. But, I took away his life — Karthik’s life — where was my conscience then? Shouldn’t it have stopped me from committing the cowardly act? Or was it revenge — a revenge for the lies Karthik spread about me nearly a decade ago? Shouldn’t I have overcome it by this time, now that I was no longer in contact with any of my classmates from school? My head was confused.
The tap by the conductor on the shoulder brought me back to the present. “Get down! You dumb fellow!” the conductor ridiculed. I was in no mood to protest. I had to escape out of this place. Now, somehow.
As I saw the BEST bus move on, I turned around to have a look at the vicinity. No probing eyes, no followers. That was good news. But how long will it be so? I don’t know. But what I indeed know is that I have to board a train – any train that departs earliest. I entered the train standing in the platform number one. It was the train to Chennai. That’s good. At least I shall go to a place where I can survive, knowing the language well and also I can look for some college there. I can study engineering. I can grow in life. Time is the best healer. It will heal the scars of today. However, all this is future. It would have been possible if I were not an escapee. I brought the ticket for Chennai using the cash stolen from the dead friend’s wallet.
I settled into the seat of the second class sleeper compartment of the train knowing very well that I was in trouble. The effect of murder was beginning to have serious repercussions as the law abiding citizen of the country. I shuddered at the thought of my name being all over the media, the thought of going to prison, facing trial in court, bringing shame to my family. All had one reason and the reason was well known.
I am now not only a murderer but a fugitive.