CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT
Just inside the door of Zeeks Barber Shop; Herbert Mueller and Gerald Bozeman were playing checkers. Nigel had Sonny Darnell trapped in his old worn brown leather barber chair, trying to trim up what was left of his thinning hair.
“If you don’t stop squirmin’ around so much, I swear I’m gonna tie ya down,” Nigel mockingly threatened as he tried to finish Sonny’s haircut.
“Well, for Pete’s sake, stop gougin’ me with your fancy clippers and I’ll sit still. I truly declare, I never seen another man whose hands shake as bad as yours.” Sonny moaned as he winked at the others. A few chuckles could be heard under the ruckus the electric clippers made.
“It’s your move.” Gerald said.
“No, I just moved there,” Herbert pointed at one of his red checker’s.
“Oh, well then, let me see,” Jumping two of Herbert’s checkers, “King me.”
“Wait just a darn minute. That checker wasn’t there, it was there,” Herbert said pointing at the board, “Stop cheating and take it back.”
“What the Sam Hell are you talkin’ bout, that was a fair move and you know it!” Gerald roared.
Sonny threw his two cents in, “Watch him Herbert, he pulled some slick moves on me last week.”
“Oh, is that right?” Herbert questioned contemptuously.
“Don’t believe nothin’ that ol’ farmer says, he’s full of sheep dip.” Gerald snorted.
They all busted out in back-slappin’ hilarity. They enjoyed each other’s company immensely and trying to one-up each other was their favorite pastime. Some of their happiest memories came from the barber shop.
“You gents goin’ to Chief Hudson’s funeral next week?” Nigel inquired on a more serious note.
“You bet your bottom dollar on it. Frances was more than the Chief-of-Police; he was a true friend.” Sonny bragged.
“That’s true, he’d give ya the shirt off his back if need be,” You could hear the pride in Herbert’s words.
Gerald agreed, “Yes sir, yes sir indeed. A true gentleman of the highest caliber.”
Herbert decided it was time to fire things up a bit, “So, Nigel, I hear tell little green men stole your cat again.”
All those good ol’ boys broke out in deafening hysterics; true knee slappin’ laughter of the first order.
When they finally settled down, Nigel spoke first, “That darn cat has caused me more trouble than you fellers could ever know. This last time Mandrake went missin’ Mable stood out in the back yard every evening for two whole weeks yellin’ ‘here kitty-kitty, here kitty-kitty, mommy loves you Mandrake.’ Liked to drove me mad. If those little aliens do have him, and mind you, I didn’t say I believe in’em…I pray to god they don’t bring him back.”
Laughter all around erupted once again.
“So, I take it you never seen a silver space ship, nor any little spacemen runnin’ about?” Herbert asked.
“No sir, not even one.” Nigel replied.
“Sonny, how ‘bout you. You ever see flying saucers or Martians out at your farm?” Gerald asks.
“Bull feathers and horse hockey I say, there ain’t no such a thing. That’s all I got to say on the matter.” He folded his arms across his chest as if to end the subject.
Nigel was now working on Sonny’s neck line, “For heaven’s sake, will you stop movin’ around.”
“So tell me Herbert, what’d you do if Beau Camp went walkin’ past here right now?” Gerald queried.
“Ah, I don’t rightly know to be honest. He never done me or Hazel no harm. Always seemed friendly enough. Sold us some good insurance.”
“What about you Nigel, what’d you reckon you’d do?” Gerald asked.
“Well sir, I must admit, I barely knew the man. Mable didn’t care for him and she told him so to his face one day when he approached her in Franklin’s Market. I don’t think he was playin’ with a full deck, if you know what I mean. But if he went wanderin’ by right now, I think out of respect for Frances, I’d call the law.”
“Sonny?”
“I’d get my double barreled 12-guage and blow that murderin’ son’s-a-bitch to kingdom come. That’s what he’d get for killin’ my friend, Frances. Then I’d dig a deep hole in my back yard and shove his bloody body in head first and plant some daisies on top. That way, each year I could sit on my back porch and watch the daisies bloom. That’s all I got to say on the matter.”
The others just stared first at Sonny, then at each other. Finally, Gerald said, “I sure do hope I never get on your bad side.”
They all broke out once again in uncontrollable, side-splitting stitches. Yet, it was planted in the dark recesses of their minds; just how much of what Sonny said was just him blowin’ hard, and how much was truly serious. Only time would tell.