It completely shocked me when I recognized props in the courtroom. It was all there set up more neatly than a doll house with custom blue prints. The blue Snoopy bike, reams of papers, and yes, evidently my landlord allowed then to unscrew my heater from the wall. I mentally gave them one request.
Could my wedding planners go to this distance?
As I took the witness stand I noticed my sister-in-law looked less confident today. Spencer looked even worse. I noticed him eyeing up the Snoopy bike which was no longer a Snoopy bike but rather simply a girl’s blue bicycle looking like it had just come out of a car wash. Debra was in fact the only one that looked confident today and I was surprised because I guess her chiropractor friend had 190
A Secret Spyder Verse better things to do today. I had surmised Spyder Woman’s testimony was no longer needed. She most likely had spines to adjust back at the clinic.
The only person Debra seemed to want to see today was me. She kept looking at me as if she had personally read all my diaries and knew everything about me. When I would laugh. When I wouldn’t laugh. And of course comments that were bound to spike my blood pressure. I have to admit that it does bother me when people know more about me than I know about myself but I have learned those people are really out there with that extraordinary insight. I adjusted my microphone to my likings while watching Debra play with the kickstand on the bike as she parked it next to the heater.
It was the afternoon so the courtroom was full this time. Trial day number 3. Yay. Debra started us off as I observed once again that neither my brother, biological sister, nor my mother was present today. How strange.
How can a cop’s wife be on trial for attempted murder and the husband not be present? My gut told me that my brother’s boss advised as many to stay home to keep Debra from strengthening 191
A Secret Spyder Verse her case. If it’s anybody capable of getting away with crime a smart person would know with all the time spent in courtrooms the very cops themselves would have the skillset to elude justice.
Debra pointed to the blue bicycle. She had a royal blue dress on today that matched the bike.
“Mr. Stettler, do you recognize this bike?”
“One similar to it yes.”
“And what would be different?”
“The one in my apartment was dirtier and had a Snoopy sticker on it.”
“Did you wash and clean this bike Mr. Stettler?”
“I did not.”
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“Do you know who did?”
“I suppose my biological sister.”
“The same biological sister that you sent a picture to of the charred receipt found in your heater?”
“Yes.”
“How did your sister get the bike?”
“She asked to have it back.”
“Was it loaned or given?”
“Given”
“How long ago?”
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“About two years ago I think.”
“Do you think she wanted it back to cover for her sister in law that tried to murder you? Maybe like wipe away the prints?”
Spencer stood up from his chair.
“Objection your honor! The witnesses biological sister is not here to as ascertain these hypotheticals.”
The judge tinkered with his water cup. “Sustained. Please try to get somewhere with this counselor.”
Debra continued. “Mr. Stettler, is this bike set up along the heater just how you used to keep it?”
“Yes”
“Why did you keep the bike adjacent to the heater?”
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“To block things from getting to close to the heater.”
Spencer still had more to contribute. “Your honor the witness has already admitted earlier to drinking and moving the bike.”
Debra got frustrated and turned red in the face. “I know I’m getting to that! Just let me finish!”
“Continue” Said the judge.
Debra picked up a huge stack of manila folders. “Mr. Stettler.
Would you have any reason to keep a grocery receipt in these manila folders which contained papers from an old lawsuit?”
I shook my head. “No mam.”
“Where were these folders located? How far from the heater?”
I pointed towards the front tire. “Just to the right of the front tire.”
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A Secret Spyder Verse I watched as Debra placed the folders in front of the front tire.
“Now Mr. Stettler, you stated that you never actually moved the bike altogether but rather only picked up the back wheel is that correct?”
“Correct. I was curious if I could put a car jack under it to turn it into an exercise bike to get me through the Covid-19 quarantine.”
“Do you remember being drunk when you moved the bike?”
Spencer again. “Your honor! He’s already admitted to drinking the night before a high alcohol content beverage. Can we keep in mind the witness also takes psychotropic meds?”
It was Debra’s time to shine. She waved some papers at the judge.
“Your honor! I have a statement from Mr. Stettler’s doctor right here. He didn’t pick up his first psych prescription until April 6th.
That receipt in the heater was discovered April 4th. And this welfare application with the comical picture of a sexdoll covered in bread crumbs? April 1st also known as April Fool’s day.”
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A Secret Spyder Verse I didn’t like where this conversation was going. We didn’t need to bring Bobbie Jo into this. No wonder Spyder Woman had better things to do today if she caught wind of Bobbie Jo. George had told me she came around so she may have even seen Bobbie Jo stealing my lawn chair and holding the fort down while I’m away.
SOMEONE has to do it. My apartment has been broken into way-y-y-y too many times and I trust nobody. Nobody but Bobbie Jo of course.
Debra had more questions for me. “Mr. Stettler. Did you ever tell your family about your companion Bobbie Jo?”
“No.”
Spencer had an argument. “Objection your honor. Aside from the giggly left wing crowd in the back do we really need to hear about sex dolls or can we focus on the bike?”
Debra apologized then went back over to the bike.
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A Secret Spyder Verse Whew! That was close! I owe Spencer one I thought to myself.
“Mr. Stettler can you give us a live demonstration of how you moved the bike?”
“Sure.” I said. I was glad to step down from the witness stand. Any pictures of me in a witness stand could get me killed in jail. I liked the judge’s idea of banging out this case quickly. When I picked up the back of the bike the front tire nudged just enough to topple the stack of folders right up leaning against the heater. Debra looked rather surprised.
“Hmph!” Was all she had to say. Once again Spencer was winning as I had predicted but she fished around in her brain for more hypotheticals.
“Mr. Stettler. Where do you normally keep grocery receipts?”
“Leave them in the plastic bags.”
“Throw the plastic bags away?”
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“No. Use them as trash bags first.”
“So you have a collection then?”
“Yes. I keep in the cupboard.”
“So bags you haven’t gotten to as of yet would have older receipts correct? Older grocery receipts like this one?”
Spencer. “Your honor! How are we moving from the heater over to the cupboards?”
Unfortunately the judge was already becoming enthralled. “Let her talk Spencer.”
Debra continued. “The Ephrata police once described your family as Snoopy correct?”
“Yes this is true. Momma always had lots of free time on her hands. Said supervising me was her full time job.”
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“Even when you don’t live there.”
“Correct.”
“And if you recently filed a welfare application just days before, did it ever dawn on you they may have been snooping around for ATM
receipts but bumped across grocery receipts?”
I turned red as a cherry. My family had money issues of their own and had an indelible history of getting into my financial business for years. This was all starting to make sense. They weren’t there to catch peeps of Bobbie Jo. They were there to Snoop around for money!
“It’s possible.”
Evidently Debra had far more Snoopy powers than my mother, sister in law, and biological sister put together. She pulled out some banking papers from where I bank and showed them to the judge.
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“Your honor, our friend Bob over there hasn’t even one time asked the ATM machine in years to print a receipt. It’s almost like he had gotten used to his family snooping around and constantly looking for ways to combat it. Isn’t that right Big Bad Bob?”
It didn’t matter if she intentionally “Bob” boosted me or not. That alligator grin of guilt danced on my face. Even as a hoarder, ATM
receipts could NEVER be found in my apartment. Those got immediately flushed down the potty in those rare ATM
malfunctions of printing receipts.
Debra got her warm up dance going. She raced over to my sister-in-law with her first hard attempt at getting a confession. She got right up in her face. Close enough to see those glossy green contacts she was always smart enough to hide behind.
“You got angry Mrs.Stettler didn’t you! Just admit it! I’ll bet you spent hours going through many grocery receipts looking for an ATM receipt. You got frustrated and folded up this grocery receipt and stuffed it in the heater! Bye Bye Bob! Burn Burn Burn!”
My sister in law cringed but didn’t cave. Police wives don’t go to jail. She even had a comeback for Debra.
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“You’re suggesting I’m following in the Snoopy footsteps of my mother-in-law? I thought my motive was Dangerous Rogue?
Thought I had an evil twin to rescue?”