Unpublished (A Secret Spyder Verse) by Bob Miller - HTML preview

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CHAPTER 17

Spyder Woman meets a Mason

The curiousity was eating away at her like a rapidly spreading cancer. Her Spydee powers tickled her senses telling her that some thing about this attempted murder case was wrong. The conspiracy just didn’t add up. And the motive? It seemed to have more holes in it than a piece of swiss cheese.

The chiropractor zipped up her tennis racket and immediately 151

A Secret Spyder Verse called Debra.

“Hey Debra, it’s me. I think we’re due for a game of tennis.”

Debra knew about the “tennis” code all too well. She scampered around the utensil drawer until she found the little white blue tooth ear buds. These little electronic ear buds synced with an ap on the phone meant for private conversations. The “Teletalk Offline” talk ap was designed by the Chinese and heavily encrypted. As long as two people using the code to the app were within a hundred feet of each other no hacker in the world could infiltrate and ear hustle into the conversation. Studies and research had proven the “Teletalk Offline” app to be full proof.

Doctors and lawyers used this app really quite a bit.

Within the hour the big black Tahoe belonging to Debra pulled into the tennis courts just before dawn with Spyder Woman all but hunkering down in the passenger seat with a tennis racket between her legs. The ladies already had a history of playing these tennis matches quite a bit. In fact they found the tennis courts were a great place to share information.

Let’s play tennis was always there secret code for 152

A Secret Spyder Verse Let’s gossip about current events.

Even though the school was shut down due to Covid-19 it was typical for strangers to use the tennis courts without looking suspicious or out of kilter. Once it got leaked to Debra about the attempted murder case with the suspect being a police wife the ladies had no problems adjusting their tennis location to the school. And what a large beautiful school it was with batting cages and all. But the catch to it all? It was all but a stone throw away from Dirty Bird’s apartment.

It was no surprise that Debra always got eaten alive out on the tennis courts. Trying to keep up with someone younger than her was proving to be a daunting challenge but the ladies weren’t swinging too hard today. The little taps of the racket back and forth proved they were engrossed into some heavy conversation.

Spyder woman wore mirrored sunglasses and made a point of keeping her backside facing towards the main road. Debra was in charge for overseeing the sunset.

The chiropractor purposely lobbed one high into the air giving time for Debra to think and not have any reason to blow out a knee.

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“How much sun do we have left?”

Debra caressed the sweat away from the curls in her hair and looked at the big orange ball of fire.

“I’d say it’s gonna be pitch black in about 15-20 minutes.”

Spydee girl put down her tennis racket. “I think I should pop in on him now.”

Debra appeared confused. “I thought we agreed to wait until it’s fully dark.”

“I don’t want to trip a bunch of sensor lights.”

Debra didn’t argue. “Good point. I’ll take a breather on the bench and look busy texting.”

Spyder woman plucked the Puma sweatshirt hoodie from the corner of the courts and donned it. She then handed her tennis 154

A Secret Spyder Verse racket over to Debra. “I’ll be back in twenty minutes.”

Debra cracked a joke as she watched Spyder woman saunter away into the sunset following the trail paths that led to Dirty Bird’s apartment.

“Be careful little red Riding Hood!”

But the chiropractor had a witty reply. “You know when the sun is darkest? Just before the dawn!”

The chiropractor was a smart woman. She had her gandering gait down to a perfect science to prevent her from looking suspicious.

And yes, it also helped that she was strawberry shortcake as pale as Casper.

As she got closer to the apartment complex she felt that eerie feeling of approaching a haunted house. She couldn’t help but be curious as to just how many boogie man vibes Dirty Bird allowed on any given day to emanate from the apartment complex. All she knew of was occasional neighboring complaints posted on Facebook about a strange secret bird in town that nobody knew 155

A Secret Spyder Verse on a personal level.

Had Dirty Bird intentionally made it this way? Was he estranging potential friendships to solidify his chances at becoming a ghost?

She knew of his apartment number because of his medical papers she had with him. Finding him would be such a breeze but she wondered how he would take the surprise visit? Probably not very well. He’d get over it. She knew Dirty Bird was going absolutely nowhere. As cheap as he was she knew he really had nowhere else to go to keep up with those adjustments. Maybe there would be times he would cancel his membership, but in the long run he would always be crawling back.

Thoughts raced through her mind as she approached the driveway leading to the apartment complex.

I can do this. No I can’t! Yes I can! What if he takes it for liking him?

What if he’s playing Scrabble with Bobbie Jo? As cold as he liked it would she still be wearing that Saints sweater that she wore in April?

156

A Secret Spyder Verse The doctor tip-toed slowly towards the apartment and whispered into her Bluetooth to Debra. “I could ruin my credentials over this.”

Debra assured her. “Relax, I got this all covered. He’s schizophrenic remember? Nobody will believe him. Besides it’s dark and you’re wearing a hoodie.”

“I don’t think I see a doorbell.”

Debra chuckled. “Well knock nice and softly and not obnoxiously like the UPS man. Don’t wanna startle the bird man in his skivvies.”

Debra was in fact still back at the tennis courts chuckling up a storm just trying to imagine what might be going on over at the apartment complex. One of the cops she was friends with knew one of the neighbors in the complex and described the layout as apartments literally the size of a pup tent. Once somebody came a knocking there really was no upstairs to climb up and hide under a bed. In fact with the lighting inside you could see shadowy figures from the road that looked as grotesque as an Austin Powers movie. Their tennis trip ride home would be full of giggles 157

A Secret Spyder Verse for sure.

The chiropractor steeled her nerves to walk closer to the front door as she did so ever so cautiously. She was an adult now and hadn’t felt like this since her teenage truth or dare years. The rush, the suspense, the thrill of creeping up on someone. She saw Blake’s car in the driveway and knew just what apartment was his.

Just walking past his car gave her the heebie-jeebies. She intentionally used her Spydee super listening skills to try and detect any human screams exuding from his trunk.

“Psssst! I think he stole your bike again!”

The doctor stopped dead in her tracks and found herself grabbing her heart to give it permission to keep ticking. She quickly took a step back and looked around to see where the voice was coming from but saw nothing.

“Past! Hey lady down here!”

It was George. George, the silent recluse from down below.

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“Dirty Bird ain’t home. He stole your bike. Don’t know when he’ll be back.”

Finally the doctor could see long grey strands coming from the Lord of the Rings character from down below. The long strands of grey hair covered his face making her feel uncomfortable not knowing whom she was talking to.

“Who are you?”

“I’m George. I live down here in the basement.”

“What bike? I don’t own a bike?”

George kept his voice at a whisper. “You own a lot more than that.

Would you like to come downstairs for some coffee so I can explain everything to you?”

The doctor was reluctant to budge so much as an inch. George could sense the nervousness.

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"It’s okay lady. Bob said most likely you’d be scared. I don’t bite.

You’re the Spyder Woman you do all the biting.

The chiropractor could hear Debra’s chuckle from the tiny white ear bud piece concealed inside her hoodie.

Deb kept chuckling. “Go on Spydee girl. It’s okay. I got your back.”

A big black spider zig zagged across the cracks of the concrete steps that led down to the cellar below. It helped that George was a feeble old man so the likely hood of things going crazy was pretty slim.

How dangerous could a lanky old man aged to a Grandpa really be?

By the time the doctor descended to the second step she could hear the heavy static sounds blaring her eardrum from the Bluetooth. She was just barely able to make out Debra’s last words.

“It’s okay I ran a check on him. It’s just old man George. You’re in 160

A Secret Spyder Verse good hands. Come out when you’re finished.”

Debra’s last audible words gave the doctor the assurance that George was nothing more than a harmless old man. She could already feel her shoulders rolling back towards a new degree of confidence and of course would have many, many questions for George.

When they got inside the apartment the signal got completely lost.

The chiropractor got straight to the point.

“How do you know who I am?”

George answered while walking over to his antiquated coffee maker.

“Bob talks about you all the time. He knew EVERYTHING about you many years before you two even met.”

The chiropractor helped herself to a seat at the kitchen table and admired all the U.S flags hanging from the cupboards. There were 161

A Secret Spyder Verse also quite a lot of WWII memoriabilia encompassing the kitchen walls. It seemed to provide the doctor with an extra degree of safety.

“How is that even possible?? And why do you call him Bob like everyone else?”

George stirred in some creamer and chuckled. “He was always schizophrenic since the age of 17. The courts forced him into a multiple personality. He has three of them. Would you like to know who they are?”

The doctor took her coffee and gazed at the reflection of light bouncing off of the mug.

“Well can we start with Blake?”

The old man chuckled. “I’ll bet he never once told you he prefers to go by Bob did he?”

The doctor shook her head. “Nope. He never did.”

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A Secret Spyder Verse George continued. “I figured. You look like the church girl type not much on cussing and things like that.”

“Cursing is technically a weakness.”

George chuckled. “Well I’ll put it to you like this. I’m all familiar with his three personalities. Blake’s a quiet church boy gentleman, Bob on the other hand is extremely aggressive towards woman but not dangerous, now. and I say listen carefully….Pastor Edwards….he lives inside that boy’s head the most….yeah… Pastor Eddy is the one you gotta look out for. “P” “E” for short. “P” “E” is the one with the short fuse that don’t hesitate to make things go boom.”

The doctor looked at George in shock. “You’re no making this up are you?”

George shook his head no. “I call him Bob because it boosts his confidence which a fella is supposed to have….but I assure you mam….no Pastor Edwards allowed down here.”

The chiropractor still looked confused. “That’s three personalities.

163

A Secret Spyder Verse Where does Dirty Bird fit into the picture?”

Once again George shook his head no. “Cuz Dirty Bird ain’t a personality. Welfare office gave him that name to put all his personalities into one to save on paperwork. You know….kind of like that Biblical Trinity thing father, son, holy ghost all in one shit.”

George noticed her squinting at his “shit” remark. “I’m sorry mam.

Didn’t mean to startle you. Would you like to see what Dirty Bird has secretly been working on for all these years?”

“And you allow him to?”

“Oh yes in fact I insist on it. I oversee ALL of it and here’s why.

Military gave us training on how to deal with mentally ill people like him. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. If I don’t let him do his work here he’s libel to do it somewhere else where I can’t oversee everything.”

Spyder woman looked confused. She looked around the small apartment. “I see your flags and your purple heart awards. I don’t 164

A Secret Spyder Verse see any work down here.”

George snorted a bit then placed his coffee down on the table.

“We got you some things to catch up on Spyder Woman. You just ain’t seeing everything.”

The chiropractor watched in complete awe as George walked over towards the book shelf and yanked onto one of my books I had written over a decade ago.

Mary’s Contractions. Things suddenly started to sound like an Indiana Jones movie as the book shelf slowly spun around exposing a deep dark tunnel. George gave the chiropractor even more of a scare when he mentioned her accomplice by name.

“You see doctor. Your friend Debra sitting up at the tennis courts forgot to mention the man that lives from down below. Dirty Bird has known for years about the satellite you people assign to him.

It can’t see nuthn from down here we safe. But there’s something Debra should ALSO know. I in fact was a Mason. We’ve been dictating underground communities in Lancaster for years. And 165

A Secret Spyder Verse do you know what us Masons are mostly known for aside from influencing judges?”

As the doctor shook her head no George turned on the lights leading to the tunnel that had been built by Masons almost centuries ago.

“Welcome to the club Spyder Woman. Us Masons were always known for keeping secrets. Dirty Bird had just as many eyes and ears on them as they had on him. Would you like to take a walk into his kingdom?”

166

A Secret Spyder Verse CHAPTER 18

Spyder woman discovers her role

The moment the chiropractor crossed the threshold of the Spyder cave she felt a wave of valor spread throughout her body. The temperature seemed to drop with every step as they made their way through the tunnel.

So this is where Blakey spends all his free time the doctor thought to herself,

No wonder he likes it down here. So nice and cold down here.

As they made their way into the tunnel sensor lights kicked in lighting their path. Every hundred feet had a separate room dug 167

A Secret Spyder Verse out where Blake had been working on numerous projects and experiments. The doctor recognized the spiders in the corners but really didn’t feel threatened by them. She continued to follow George while taking in and assimilating everything. She had many, many questions.

“This tunnel lead all the way to the school?”

George swatted at a cobweb. “Yup. All the way to right below the schools resource office. Masons started this project years ago.”

“Started?”

“Bob and I finished the project and dug the rest out. Evidently the Masons felt the tunnels below the courthouse were of a higher importance.”

George purposely stopped at a standstill in the tunnel and pushed open a wooden door. The doctor embraced herself for what she was about to see.

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“This Spyder room was built just for you Doc. Come now. Let me show you around.”

But before going in the chiropractor still had questions. “Why was this cave started in the first place. Why would the Masons want to spy on the school?”

“They didn’t. This was meant as an evacuation cave in the event of a terror attack. This cave is top secret and only meant to be used in the event of emergency to provide a contingency escape route for the students. Tornadoes, earthquakes, and yes school shootings.”

“And you trusted Blakey with all this?”

“Yes. I trust him. I supervise EVERYTHING he does down here.”

George waved for the doctor to enter the secret Spyder room.

“Come on in doc. Don’t be scared. Bob’s been building things for you for years now. He insists I show you your role.”

The chiropractor chuckled and repeated George’s words. “My role” she said while stepping inside of the Spyder room. The first 169

A Secret Spyder Verse thing she noticed was the entire plastic combo bin full of Spyder women comic books. She insisted on picking one of them up to witness evidence of Blake’s schizophrenia. It was definitely there.

She immediately picked up another outdated comic book of Spyder woman and chuckled.

“So it looks pretty obvious Blake felt the reason the original Spyder woman failed was because she was too tall. I see where each and every page he took white out just to shorten her up a bit.”

George pulled on a string that lit up an additional ceiling light.

“Well, I guess if you compare a spider to a giraffe one would say a spider might not look to tall.”

“This is OCD Mr.George. Looks like Blakey shortened her up on each and every page. Please no, no don’t even tell me…this entire bin gonna look like this?”

George had to sullenly nod his head yes. “Took him a while to do all that. Definitely went through a lot of white out. Claimed he was just finishing up the work of the writers that gave up on you.”

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“Hmph.” Was her only reply.

“Over here now Spyder Woman. You really gotta check out some of these spy gadgets he built. But first. Lemme show you your Spyder woman suit. You’re really gonna love this.”

The doctor ambled her way towards the wooden closet that had spider logos carved into it. “Nice woodwork.”

“Yeah, his Pop Pop was a carpenter. His Pop Pop built this closet years ago.” George swung open the closet doors. “Come now, come check this thing out.”

The chiropractor gaped in awe as she studied the Spyder woman suit hanging from inside the wooden closet. It was about the coolest looking superhero costume she had ever seen. Super alright but definitely not too glitzy. It was almost as if Blakey knew ahead of time that the REAL Spyder woman wasn’t the type to draw too much attention to herself.

Besides, what kind of a spy draws attention to themselves? Wasn’t that the point of being a spy? Was to not get caught spying?

171

A Secret Spyder Verse The Spyder suit for the most part was completely black. The exoskeleton appeared to be actually made of Spidey skin. Inside the suit was a tiny black box with many switches. The grey stitching was micro wires looked very web-like.

“So what does it do?” The doctor finally asked.

“What does it do? This was Bob’s top priority special project.

Certainly you would already know spiders are cold blooded creatures. Bob purposely built this suit to fool the infrared cams.

You’re completely incognito inside this suit mam. Dirty Bird built it this way. You could run a marathon in this thing and the infrared cams would never know. Some of this suit is also made from the chemical inside of glow sticks.”

“Can I try it on?”

“Sure. It’s customer tailored.”

The doctor donned the Spyder woman suit and as she zipped it up felt super powers race through her body. Her mind felt sharper, her knees felt extra extra springy, and she could even feel a bulge 172

A Secret Spyder Verse in her biceps for the very first time.

“Mind if I wear it for a while?”

“Sure it’s yours. Fits you like a glove. Come here so I can show off all this Spyder gear. Just wanna be clear though. All your Spyder woman projects must always be returned to this cave. Bob was always known for contingency plans. He doesn’t want your cover blown. Please don’t keep any of these gadgets in your home. This is why Bob keeps all his projects down here. I’m just a lonely old man pushed off the grid.”

“So what do you do for a living?”

“I work for a garbage company. When Bob found that out he insisted on being my friend. He was never one to leave behind digital footprints. He swore up and down the garbage collector always knew ten times more than Google could ever find out. Now here…this way…lemme show you first your iron clad alibi machine.”

“Machine?”

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“Yeah. Check this thing out. Lemme see your phone once and I’ll show ya how it works.”

Spyder woman soon found herself staring at a mechanical robot arm equipped with numerous mirrors and skinny little rubber pencils bunched together about the size of an iPhone key board.

“Here once. Lemme see. Ah yes. Your phone fits right into the clip mount.”

“So what does this thing do exactly?”

“Gives ya an iron clad alibi that’s what it does. It acts like a mirror booster. This is the only machine we want you to take home just not today. Cellphone signals don’t work down here but with this machine and a second phone? Smsh. You can fool any snooping authorities tracking you into believing you’re somewhere else.

Whatever actions you do into the phone you don’t want tracked this machine will mirror those actions into the phone you do want tracked.”

“Hmmm. clever…but occasionally I use FaceTime.”

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“No problems there either. See all the mirrors. We will need numerous recordings from you to program it first so you can fool the cameras. Try to keep FaceTime at minimal within 60 seconds.

It will work up to two minutes but use technical difficulties as a copout. This thing is fool proof for unlimited calls and texts.”

The doctor was becoming enthralled by my inventions I had started many years before we even met. I knew she had to be extremely curious as to why her Spyder suit magically fit like a glove. She looked around at all the spyware I had created over the years. All while under the watchful eye of prior service George.

Somebody had to be a watchdog of this crooked town. With the satellites on me 24/7 I knew it sure as hell couldn’t be me. It was all just a matter of timing before Spyder woman would eventually cross paths with me.

The doctor retrieved her cellphone. “Great. What else we got?” She said in a playful voice. “What’s Bob the builder been up to all these secretive years?”

They tried not to trip along loose wires tossed onto the floor as George continued to show off the Spyder gear. Soldering guns, circuit boards, and yes lots of spyware technology not yet known 175

A Secret Spyder Verse to the public.

“Do you like balls mam?”

“Excuse me!” The doctor seemed greatly offended.

“Spyder balls. Here. Come here. Lemme show you how these things work.”

The doctor let out a sigh of relief when she saw the slimy black Spyder balls. George plopped one into her hands and it sure felt very much sticky. “What does it do?”

“Bob built these with equipment from Dollar Tree. Was his favorite store ya know for a schizophrenic like him. Made for less confusion as all prices were always the same.”

“What am I to do with these black slimy balls?”

George chuckled. “See that wall over there? Go on toss one against 176

A Secret Spyder Verse the wall and see what happens.”

“It gonna blow up?”

George chuckled again. “Now your starting to sound like his biological sister. No it doesn’t blow up. I would never let him build bombs down here. Spies are supposed to be the ones spying on the bombers. Your role has been in the comic books since 1995

when the writers first created you. Go on Spyder lady. Chuck her against the wall.”

The chiropractor opted to take aim at my dart board that had a caricature drawing of the Demon Snatcher. She threw the slime ball nice and hard watching intently as it landed on bullseye. The room quickly sounded like someone pulled a fire alarm. An electronic scream emanated from the slime ball the moment it stuck itself to the dart board.

“That siren sound coming from the dart board?”

“Nice toss but no. They’re diversion balls created for your missions. Now check this out.”

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A Secret Spyder Verse George pulled out what looked like a car key chain and pushed on a button. The siren immediately stopped. He handed the key chain to Spyder woman. She could only think of one thing to say. She was becoming mighty impressed by my dexterous craftsmanship that I had self taught my little hands twisting those tiny wires over the years.

“Where’s Blakey? I never gave him permission to ride my Spyder bike.”

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A Secret Spyder Verse CHAPTER 19

I woke up to the salty taste of slime tickling my nose and causing me to grimace. It was Stella. My biological sister’s dog. I was in a deep slumber before she started licking my face but I didn’t scream like a woman like I had once done years ago when misconstrued her for a black grizzly bear. When I finally opened my eyes I realized I was still laying on the floor of the camper staring at the ceiling. It was my brother in law’s thick Super Man glasses that first got my attention hovering over me. I looked to my left and saw my biological sister crossing her arms. They both had prominent “WTF” cloud bubbles hovering above their thoughts.

My sister spoke first. “Where’s your car? How did you get here?”

I lied. “My car is back at my apartment. It’s hot. Cops installed a GPS on it years ago. I took an Uber.”

“Huh? What’s going on? Why couldn’t you sleep at your 179

A Secret Spyder Verse apartment?”

I spoke truth this time. “I’m hiding from Spyder Woman.”

My brother in law chuckled while Stella licked my face a few more times. “Blake have you been taking your meds?”

I didn’t know what to say. “Well yeah. Just not last night. Trying to keep away from Spyder Woman. Just not sure if I can fully trust her yet. According to the writers that first created her she spies for BOTH teams.”

My brother in law chuckled. “Hun are you hearing any of this?

They definitely gotta up his meds.”

I heard a crotch rocket fire up from up the street. I couldn’t help but recognize that familiar sound. It was the SpyderCycle for sure.

I jumped to my feet and immediately opened the door of the camper and jumped out. By the time I caught a glimpse of the street all I could see was a two wheel shadow whizzing by.

180

A Secret Spyder Verse I freaked out. “There she goes! Spyder Woman just stole my motorcycle!”

I heard chuckles from the both of them. “Blake you don’t have a motorcycle to steal. You took an Uber remember?”

I suddenly realized what might have prompted the doctor to claim her bike so early. She came out this way to retrieve something else as well. I looked at my big sis. “Where’s your phone?”

“It’s still charging by the bed why?”

“Did you touch it yet”

“Don’t think so not really sure. Stella been acting funny all night.

We kept hearing alarm sirens from outside that drove Stella crazy all night but it eventually stopped.”

I was still freaking out as I processed this information.

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“Did you let Stella out last night to go potty?”

“Yeah, several times cuz of that stupid siren scream. It must have come from the neighbors kids toys cuz those stupid little black balls are still clinging to the siding of the house.”

Now I was really in panic mode. “They’re Spyder balls. Not toys. I need to see your cellphone now.”

My sister was confused. “Why?”

“Just trust me. What’s charging next to your bed might not be your real cellphone.”

“It is. I’m sure it is. You need to take your medicine. You’re acting completely crazy.”

“No I’m not. I need to go in the house to see it myself. I got an idea to know for sure if it’s really yours.”

182

A Secret Spyder Verse My brother in law giggled and did the old circle motion around his ear with his index finger to suggest I was nuts. “Woo-woo-woo. Go for it Blake.”

I stopped petting the dog and headed for the house.

“Don’t you have to be in court in a few hours Blake?”

“Yes. I’ll make it. But first I gotta figure out what’s going on.”

I raced into the house and went straight for my nieces toys until I found what I was looking for. A little red etch and sketch. I immediately started smashing the toy into the corner of the counter to break it open. My sister freaked out on me.

“Blake what are you doing? You gonna pay for that?”

I pulled out a ten dollar bill to shut her up. “Relax. I bought this at Five and below. Buy two of them. I need the graphite out of this sucker. Some hobo I picked up along the road showed me this trick.”

183

A Secret Spyder Verse I went back to smashing the etch and sketch toy vigorously against the counter trying not to also damage the counter.

“You want me to go get my phone?”

“No!” I said. “Don’t touch it just yet! I do need you to go get me some packaging tape.”

“Okay. I’ll try. Hubby is out in the yard spraying those black sticky balls off the siding with a black garden hose. Why were you throwing them up against my wall? We barely slept much last night with Stella keeping us up.”

“I didn’t. Spyder Woman did that. She’s not fully trained and she’s already getting to work too soon. Now how bout that packaging tape?”

I managed to bust the toy open. I found a styrofoam bowl and immediately started dumping graphite into it. Once I felt I had enough I grabbed a plastic bag and started racing up the stairs.

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“Where you going?” Sister asked.

"Your phone. I need it "

“Thought nobody was to touch it.”

“I’m not. That’s why I grabbed this plastic bag.”

As I scurried up the stairs I had a pretty good idea how Spyder Woman had switched out the phones without being detected. I must have underestimated her because utilizing the Q- Spyder takes a certain skill but maybe she catches on quickly. I just can’t believe George was introducing her to her role so soon like this.

I saw the pink phone charging next to the bed and I put my hand inside the plastic bag to pick it up. There had better be my sister’s finger prints on this phone or Debra now has some tangible evidence to play with and that puts me at risk of surrendering my hush money. This has all becoming a nightmare. And what’s sickening about it? Debra probably thinks she’s helping me by preventing my assailant from trying to kill me again. No good deed goes unpunished. I would think with her being an attorney she 185

A Secret Spyder Verse would know that one.

When I got back downstairs I could see my brother in law with the green garden hose aiming still at the Spyder balls. They weren’t still screaming but he had still managed to find them. I could tell by the giggle on his face he surmised I was the one responsible for the sticky balls and was merely acting on another psychotic episode. Over the years my sister had updated him on my mental condition and to beware of what mother called “Psychotic Episodes”. It never took much for my paranoia to be induced.

My sister just stood aloof and watched me. She seemed to be happy about the ten bucks.

“Do you have a pen?”

“Yeah sure. Bunches of them.” She said. She then handed me one on top of the fridge.

I took the pen apart and blew ink into a separate bowl. “Hey sis, before you take off lemme get your finger prints so I can match.”

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A Secret Spyder Verse I took an unpaid college bill and flipped it over to get her prints.

She then washed her hands but had words for me.

“You’re crazy. That’s my phone. My prints gonna be all over that screen.”

“You sure you didn’t touch it yet this morning?”

“Very sure. If someone did a switch-a-roo how would they get the information from the other phone into that one.”

I had an answer as I dumped graphite onto the screen then placed a wide piece of clear packaging tape over top.

“We’re dealing with a powerful Spider. One that’s friends with an attorney. Wouldn’t be hard for them to download everything from the cloud and transfer it to another phone. You would never know if it was the same color and model.”

Once I had good prints showing in the graphite I pulled the clear tape away from the screen. I then cut another piece of tape the 187

A Secret Spyder Verse same size and put them together both sticky sides towards each other to laminate it.

“You have a printer with a scanner?” I asked.

“Yeah a wireless one in the den.”

Shit.Shit.Shit! I thought to myself, Most likely the peek-a-boos gonna thwart the scan if it’s wireless. I often wondered just how frustrated the government was with me having an old school printer back at my apartment. It surely drove them nuts to no end not being able to oversee everything that I scanned and printed. My investigation time was running out and I was soon due in court. I had an idea to satisfy my itch.

“I can scan this later and zoom in on the prints. Is it okay to pan through your surveillance cam in the living room to check on something?”

188

A Secret Spyder Verse My sister was still fondling the ten dollar bill I had given her as if it might go towards chinese later tonight. I swear. Women and money.

“Sure we can pull up last night on the iPad. What does Spyder Woman look like?”

I grabbed the iPad out of her hands to do my search.

"She looks tiny like a spider. I don’t think I’ll see her on here but I should see some sort of evidence of a home invasion.

“You’re nuts.” My sister said.

I fast forwarded and fast forwarded. Nothn. No sign of Spyder Woman breaking into my sister’s home. I was about to give up when I saw something I didn’t like.

It was Stella barking incessantly at something hiding under the sofa. I zoomed into the pre-recorded video and sure enough saw a little black robotic leg teasing the poor dog.

189

A Secret Spyder Verse Spyder Woman had embarked on her first mission just a little prematurely. She was learning her role quite quickly. And she was using my Radio controlled Q-Spyder to do it.