Unpublished (A Secret Spyder Verse) by Bob Miller - HTML preview

EPILOGUE

When I stumbled upon Bella's grave I was plagued by an immediate pang of trepidation. It was that same exact trepidation feeling I felt when I pulled the charred receipt from my heater. The same rush of fear I felt when I saw a dark grim reaper figure appear on my security camera barging into my 15 X 19 ft. apartment with what appeared to be a gun? Even though it has been two years since that mysterious grainy footage I still can't get that special police like stance out of my photographic mind. The intruder had the same exact shooting stance as my brother. The same stance he had used when he shot that soon to be convicted sex offender.

The ground was muddy and mushy as we approached Bella's pre-dug grave site. I was now nervous as hell. This wasn't adding up. How was this possible? Who could predict when a dog would die?

I parked the wheel borrow next to the well dug grave and caught my breath. Pushing a 76 pound dog up a steep hill was harder than it looked. Especially since the tire on the wheel borrow was partially flat. Bella's demise seemed a bit too abrupt and moving her listless carcass was a bit of a workout. Almost a sweaty workout. Just like trying to move around Bobbie Jo. Bobbie Jo the love of my life.

Bobbie Jo, whom happened to get me in this mess. And of course, Bobbie Jo, whom also happened to weigh a listless 76 pounds.

I couldn't dig a perfectly square hole in the ground like this and I couldn't help but comment on just how well and square the hole had been dug. If I didn't know better my gut was telling me that this 271

A Secret Spyder Verse grave site in my parents back yard was meant for somebody else? It was such a shame that my father was too fat to drag Bella up this hill.

I had big Christmas Eve plans tonight and was in a hurry to get this family dog buried so I could check into a very upscale hotel and finish writing lyrics to a new acoustic soundtrack. Rain had already started and we had to get this dog buried quick.

I looked over at my father in disbelief. “I'm confused! I thought you said Bella just died yesterday? This pile of dirt off to the side has clearly been here for days.”

An impish smile took over my father's face. “That's because it has been there for quite a while. Your Sister-In-Law came over to dig this grave site.”

WTF? WTF? WTF? Did my father just say my Sister-In-Law? How could this be possible? Why would my Sister-In-Law drop what she was doing to travel this far for a dog she didn't even know or care about? Was this grave really meant for Bella? How could my Sister-In-Law predict the dog's death and why would she care about such an ugly looking dog with goofy deformed shoulders?

“Are you okay?” asked my father.

“Yeah. Just a little confused that's all. I thought I was digging the hole today.”

Everything felt wrong. I could literally feel my Sister-In-Law sneering at me from miles and miles away. Wouldn't even surprise me if she was GPS stalking me while texting her salty friends. This was all just wrong. This completely felt wrong. I couldn't be any more convinced that this grave was initially dug for someone else. Perhaps I would piece all of this together on Christmas morning?

I wanted to impress my father and do a professional job filling in the dirt as we buried Bella. I already knew my father would tucker out after just tossing in two or three scoops of dirt with the shape he was 272

A Secret Spyder Verse in. I didn't want any creatures from the adjacent woods coming along and digging up any of Bella's remains so I patted the dirt down extra tight and went so far as to step on the shovel to pat it down. I hit a very soft spot and it gave me the Heebie Jeebies as the shovel reached a squishy spot. Ewww. Dead dog. So very gross. Poor Bella. I felt guilty now that she was dead just how little attention I paid to her because she was such an ugly dog. I guess I had always given my utmost attention to our cuter dog Arnie. We had rescued Bella from the hood. The badlands of Baltimore and we knew that she had symptoms of PTSD. She would always get seizures just before drifting off to sleep. We had heard rumors that her previous owners may had abused her.

Years ago a neighbor had thrown me a curve ball when I had taken Bella for a walk one day. I can still replay everything in my mind as a stranger down the street insisted on petting Bella. “Oh my gosh you have such a cute dog!” “No she's not!” I had countered. I had thought the stranger was downright crazy. “Oh but she is! She's a beautiful mutt”. Neighbors and their silly power play jokes. I had thought to myself.

12-25-2020 (Christmas Morning) 05:00 AM

It was quiet. Just a little too quiet. But to make matters worse? The temperature was getting cold rather quickly. I knew something was wrong. My Christmas morning was quickly turning into a grotesque scene quasi to “The Prisoner” movie. A movie that shocked people and a movie that my brother was very adamant about me paying and watching in theatre.

Mother.

Mother.

Mother.......

As I stared at the stove devoid of a digital clock I quickly put all the missing pieces together this sick and twisted Christmas morning. It 273

A Secret Spyder Verse ALL made sense now. My Sister-In-Law WAS IN FACT out to get me and my mother sacrificed Bella to prevent an all out war!

I couldn't throw up because I hadn't eaten my breakfast yet. I wouldn't be eating breakfast this morning anyways because the power was out.

The smartest thing for me to do right now was to snuggle tightly with Bobbie Jo under these covers without lifting them as the heat ran on electric. But the BIG question still remained at large. What was I doing here? Why wasn't I at the non-reimbursable expensive hotel I had reserved to finish writing my song? Who was spying on my bank account to orchestrate this deftly skilled attack? Was Bella really supposed to be dead or had one of my insidious family members with big connections have plans of orchestrating the kidnapping of Bobbie Jo?

I had no choice but to whisper into Bobbie Jo's plastic ear. “Merry Christmas love, Hope you're happy because you killed Bella you stupid bitch!”

I tugged on Bobbie Jo's hair to show her just how serious I was by how she had ruined Christmas. The pieces were ALL coming together now. Fortunately for me I had been tipped off by an email from the power company the night before predicting a power outage which seemed EXTREMELY out of kilter. EVIDENTLY my intruders had plans of bypassing my homemade security system to kidnap Bobbie Jo and bury her in my parents back yard! Didn't they know kidnapping her would be a felony? Didn't they know that even though I got her on sale I still technically had to fork out like $600? Isn't any theft over $500 considered a felony? Isn't that what inspired me to buy a Rolex years ago? Knowing it would be a felony if it were stolen?

As the cold temperatures crept through the room I made sure to whittle my body slowly to the side of my mattress where my Stanley vacuum tight sealed thermos awaited me. I was smart. I smelled foul play the night before. I sensed all of this coming and stayed home and brewed a thermos of coffee the night before. Nobody was kidnapping my babe. Nobody was even supposed to know about my paralyzed girlfriend made of silicone. I certainly hadn't mentioned her to any of 274

A Secret Spyder Verse my family members but it was obvious someone in the human resources had blabbed about her.

Horse and buggy after horse and buggy drove past my apartment as I sipped on my hot coffee wondering just how many hours the power would be off. And the funny part? The kidnappers most likely assumed I would still be at the hotel stretching out in a queen sized bed finishing up my lyrics.

The pieces.......the pieces.....mom......bad mommy.....but wise mommy.....but still bad mommy.......what have you done mommy???????

I felt sick in my gut replaying me petting Bella the weekend before she died. Mommy did this. Mommy killed Bella. Mommy knew what my evil Sister-In-Law was up to and found a clever way to divert the kidnapping by locking the dog out side into the cold. I could literally hear my own words being replayed in my mind on that weekend just before she died. “Mom why is Bella ice cold? Look mom pet her. Her entire body is literally frozen is she okay?”

01-25-2021

Township Manager signs document ascertaining my brothers separation from the police department for his alleged “Mental Disability” and thanked him for his 15 years of service. Whether or not my brother ratted himself (or his wife) out during all those psychiatric examinations remains a mystery. Dirty Bird believes that the doctors/lawyers secretly know whom it was that tried to kill him but they insist on keeping it a “Republican Hush”. The “Cares Act”

was in fact a big Republican cover up. I was coerced to undergo therapy myself as part of D.O.T stipulations for trucking credentials. I have never mentioned Spyder woman or the hush money to my therapist. To the best of my knowledge she flat out quit on me. I also don't know if the original Spyder woman from 2012 ever got the opportunity to meet the chiropractor but it has been brought to my 275

A Secret Spyder Verse attention that there is now a third Spyder Woman? A senior Spyder Woman? Batman was clever enough to have a double but Spyder Woman? Let's just say that the tax lady is smarter and older than the other two Spyder Women. And oh yes.... Did I mention? Senior Spyder Woman is deftly skilled at erasing her name from all paper trails. She's a ghost. Literally. Even Dirty Bird does not know the real name of Senior Spyder Woman and only knows her by her face. To the best of my knowledge Spyder Woman has never actually in real life ever met my younger brother but like the saying goes........”You don't know what you don't know”.

THE END

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A Secret Spyder Verse Unpublished (The Secret Spyder Verse) DELETED SCENE

Easter Monday 2020

He was the man with horns. Well, not literally but anyone gifted with delusional sight might be able to piece together that the hint lied within his last name.

The Captain liked having the locker room all to himself at this early hour of a Monday morning but he knew his solace would be interrupted within the next two minutes. It didn’t stop the Police Captain from zipping his pants up any faster because as short as he was he knew deep down despite all of his awards from the Academy this was really his only time to show off. But what made it a surefire win for him? Was knowing EXACTLY who would be entering the locker room next with hopes of eluding all the other immature patrol men looking to start their morning off with a comical sword fight.

The Captain continued to fool around with his 13 pounds of artilleried belt while he recognized the ostentatious clanking sound of boots entering the locker room. He knew exactly which one of his officers it was by the loud abnoxious thudding. It was almost as if the intentional thudding was a sort of self contrived gesture to alert any 277

A Secret Spyder Verse newbie cop that struggles with confidence issues the moment the uniform comes off.

The boots thudding got louder but the Captain didn’t turn around as the smell of cheap Calvin Klien cologne ascertained just exactly who it was. The Captain insisted on calling his colleague by the nickname his mother had bestowed upon him.

“Oh hello Tiger Bear”. He said without the need to even turn around.

“Did you have a good Easter?”

“Ehhhh…I think Wifey dressing up as Gi-Joe might have tipped him off.”

The Captain chuckled. “Oh you did another safety check on your brother?”

Tiger Bear looked as white as a ghost. The Captain couldn’t help but notice.

“What’s wrong?”

Tiger bear slowly started entering his lock combination. He liked that his locker was literally right next to his bosses. The same boss that got him his high paying job in the first place. In fact, recruited him straight out of the Academy.

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“My dad called last night. Said right after we left Pop Pops and called my dad my brother vamoosed right after that phone call.”

The Captain chuckled again. “Did your dad have you on speaker phone?”

“No.”

Another chuckle ensued from the Captain. “What ear did your brother say that ant crawled up in? Maybe he just overheard your conversation in his good ear. What did you tell your father?”

This time Tiger Bear chuckled. “I told him my brothers combination to his front door 6969”

The Captain chuckled. “6969 huh? Guess that’s just like your brother.

So did Gi-Jane help you retrieve the burnt receipt?”

Tiger Bear remained sullen and pale as a ghost. “We couldn’t find it.”

The Captain immediately stopped fooling with his belt and pinned his partner in crime up against the locker while grasping tightly his lapel.

He knew Tiger Bear could over power him but he also knew Tiger Bear wouldn’t dare retaliate against his boss.

Little brother sweated profusely from the startlement. “What? What’s 279

A Secret Spyder Verse the big deal? It’s just a receipt?”

The Captain was just as nervous as Tiger Bear. He quickly scoured the locker room looking for any potential ear hustlers.

“You might think this is funny but they won’t! I’m already a witness to this because you admitted it to me. If this leaks out our entire Police department could get shut down!”

Tiger Bear defended himself. “Pssst..my brother has no friends and he’s schizophrenic. Who’s going to believe him?”

The Captain eased up his grip and released his hands from the officer’s lapel.

“Did he make a police report?”

Tiger Bear mocked the question. “My brother? Hmmff! He’s institutionalized! I don’t see him talking to the police.”

“Did he tell anyone?”

“Who’s he got to tell? It’s Covid. We’re still on lockdown. Think he might of told my sister about it though. Yeah come to think about it I think he texted her a picture of the burnt receipt.”

The Captain immediately went back to panic mode and once again grasped firmly the Tiger Bear.“This isn’t funny! Now there’s a 280

A Secret Spyder Verse material witness. This agency can’t afford a lawsuit like this! I’m not flushing my career down the toilet because you didn’t follow proper protocol with your safety check.”

Trepidation permeated all of Tiger Bear from head to toe as he could tell his mentor was being serious.

“So what do we do?”

“We? You’re the one that folded up and stuffed the receipt in his heater. That’s attempted arson. It might be funny to me and you but now you gotta figure out how to keep this hush hush for the next six years. For now I suggest you resign and hope they stretch this lockdown out a little bit longer so this all blows over.”

“Eyy…III…eyyy..III..I’m not quitting my job are you crazy!”

The Captain let go of Tiger Bear so he could once more sweep the locker room for any potential ear hustlers. You could NEVER be too careful in a police station like this. All it would take is one green eyed underpaid officer with a recording device and they’d both be on the evening news.

The Captain shrugged his shoulders. “I dunno, you stepped over the line. You gotta go.”

But Tiger Bear was not so easily swayed. Things just didn’t really work like that. Not after 15 years with the police department 281

A Secret Spyder Verse overseen by extremely wealthy people. There was something the Captain seemed to be forgetting. Ole Tiger Bear knew the dirt on EVERBODY. If he was going down making a biblical statement against Bobbie Jo and his older brother and their attempts to make a baby out of wedlock then the Captain should surely know he’d be going down with the entire ship of crooked police officers.

“I can’t quit this job! I’m almost at 20! I got wifey, expensive house, three kids! Wifey never gonna allow me to resign! And besides, isn’t everyone gonna demand to know exactly why???”

The Captain burrowed his face into his callused hands to help him think. He always had a knack for improvising.

“Wait….wait just let me think…I think there might be a way out of this…but you’re still gonna have to quit. I can’t have this backfire on us. You’re brother might be a nobody but the Newsies will portray him a SOMEBODY if this leaks.”

“I’m not quitting I need money. What do we do?”

The Captain regained his composure. “Oh yes you’re quitting but I got this. Just let me think….wait a minute…I got an idea..how long has it been since you shot that pedophile in the head?”

“I didn’t shoot him in the head that’s where he had already shot himself

remember?”

The Captain cringed. “Yeah yeah but the public doesn’t need to know 282

A Secret Spyder Verse that.”Tiger Bear chuckled. “And the public doesn’t need to know if the DA was already in Florida when the shots rang out or if he had vamoosed to elude the news anchors.”They both chuckled remembering the incident now.

“Seriously though. How long ago was it?”

Tiger Bear recalled his notorious shot subsequently ruled a justified kill.

“That was like a year and a half ago.”

“Shit!” Said the Captain, “Thought it was like six months ago. Might be a little bit too long for a PTSD claim,”

“PTSD???”

The Captain gazed at his underling seriously.

“You still wanna be paid don’t you?”

“I thought only soldiers get that? I was never in a war.”

“Cops get it too. I have a friend with it. Gets a big fat paycheck from Uncle Sam every month.”

“You can’t be serious? You want me to quit my six figure job and go 283

A Secret Spyder Verse out on medical?”

The Captain started to readjust Tiger Bear’s lapel as he smirked with some words of closure.

“You wanna know the difference between you and your brother aside from many things?”

Reality sunk in for Momma’s lil bear. Momma’s lil “Tiger” bear as a matter-of-fact.“What?” He finally asked his mentor.

“Your brother Bob purposely bounces around from job to job to hide his future intentions. But you?”

The Captain made one last adjustment to his underling’s lapel.“You’re gonna have to bounce around from job to job to hide your past.

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A Secret Spyder Verse Chapter 1 (Deleted Scene#2) Everybody hated Monday mornings. Just the simple fact of knowing fun Friday was an entire 5 days further into the week just put a damper on a rainy Monday morning like this. But was Monday mornings known for being busy at work? Of course not.

Not for the average local police station in these kinds of towns.

Officer Shu didn’t much care for the rainy Monday but was glad it was raining now and not over the weekend. Those plastic covers they put over their police hats never really keep them all that dry as they write out a speeding ticket. But there was of course one particular speeding ticket the officer just might not mind standing in the rain for, a ticket for that weirdo down the street, a ticket for little Bobby. Some day it would come, patience of course was the key. Officer Shu knew he just had to wait it out. Everybody slips, everybody.

The police gear felt nice and heavy as it always did as Officer Shu strapped on his police belt full of holsters meant to hold mace, 285

A Secret Spyder Verse tasers, flashlights, etc. Pretty much the only thing that didn’t go in that belt was his cellphone. That of course always stayed in his right pocket.

Chirping birdie sounds suddenly erupted from the officer’s pocket but he of course knew there was no little bird lodged in his pocket.

In fact, he had specifically chosen the comical ring tone to remind him of the reclusive weirdo that all the officers occasionally politicked about. Ghost boy Bobby….AKA Dirty Bird.

Officer Shu immediately recognized his boss on the caller ID. He picked up immediately.

“Yes boss”

It was Captain of the entire crew. Officer Shu knew he couldn’t joke around with his verbage.

“Officer Esh was a no call no show today. I need you to go over to his house and check up on him.”

286

A Secret Spyder Verse A pang of trepidation crept up on Shu as this simply made no sense.

a no call no show? That just simply wasn’t like Officer Esh. Shu knew him on a personal level. They hung out with each other quite a bit over the weekends.

Shu kept his demeanor and remained professional. “Okay boss I’ll check up on it”.

The moment he hung up his phone he sent a text to Esh.

“Yo dude you are in so much trouble. Get your ass in here.”

No response.

Shu immediately tried calling him instead. The phone jumped straight to voicemail.

Odd? thought the officer to himself, 287

A Secret Spyder Verse huge fight with the wifey? .

The raindrops were barely felt as Officer Shu briskly walked outside to the company vehicle black and white. Because it was Monday Shu was in no mood for games but it frightened him a bit knowing Esh was very far from being a prankster.

So what came up then? A sudden death in the family?

Officer Shu was at least grateful to have an easy assignment to start the day off but was terribly concerned how the department would respond to his buddy’s no call no show. The cops here in this department we’re paid just too lavishly to participate in such employer/employee reindeer games as to do a no call no show.

As Shu nosed into the gravel driveway he couldn’t help but notice the only vehicle in the driveway was Esh’es Mustang. Lately he knew his buddy’s wife had bumped down to part time work and was known for being home quite a bit. After Shu parked he didn’t waste time grabbing an umbrella but walked quickly up the driveway to ring the doorbell. The outside of the rancher looked good as it always did but something in the air still didn’t feel right.

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Ding Dong

The officer waited but nothing.

Ding Dong

Not even commotion could be heard from inside. Shu’s curiousity took over him as the minutes went by.

was he on the crapper?

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Ding Dong. Nothing.

Shu reached for the door and realized it wasn’t locked. He knew his buddy well enough that Esh wouldn’t press charges obviously for walking right in the house. In fact, numerous times throughout the years it was okay to do this.

The officer let the safety off his weapon just in case his buddy was in jeopardy of a burglar or something like that.

“Esh! It’s me! What the fuck is going on? Where are you?”

Shu recognized the drunken voice of his friend immediately. Esh was a social drinker like everyone else but certainly not into binge drinking or anything crazy like that. There was more disgruntled grunting coming from upstairs. Shu put his hand on the hand rail to make his way up the stairs. Empty beer cans almost on every step.

290

A Secret Spyder Verse More grunting coming from upstairs. “Don’t tell my wife about this! Please!”

Shu was completely perplexed. “Your wife is the least of your worries. You’re in some serious shit for this no call no show.”

It was obvious that Esh was still up the stairs somewhere drunk as a skunk. “It doesn’t matter! Big Bad Bob fucked us BOTH over!

We’re BOTH gonna have to relocate!”

The fact of knowing that Shu himself might be in a bad pinch caused the officer to move up the stairs a little quicker to check on his partner. To his surprise another ten empty lager cans surrounded Esh as he lay helplessly on the floor surrounded by cesspools of his own vomit. Shu had to cover his nose the putrid odor was just that bad.

Shu was mad. “What the fuck man! You let that little creep down the street put you in a way like this?”

Esh let out a long abnoxious burp. “He’s got evidence. You’re a witness, I’m a witness, we’re fucked!”

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“Newsflash! Bobby’s a schizo. He ain’t got shit! Just another paranoid delusional mess ranting about his delusional conspiracies he believes plotted against him.”

Officer Esh used what little strength he had to reach into his pocket and pull out a manila key card envelope with writing on the outside of it. On the outside of the little envelope was written by me “WWMD”.

Esh let out a little chuckle. "It doesn’t say WMD like we thought.

Look closely. It says WWMD and little faint scribbles below it saying “What Would Mcguyver do?”

Shu just chuckled. “Big deal. So what. Heard about this already from the Captain. Bob dropped by the police station to drop off a bullet he believes was planted on him. So what the fuck has changed? Why are our jobs in Jeopardy?”

Esh took a long swig from the lager then violently chucked the empty can at the wall.

“Because people that get curious about Bob disappear! He tried to 292

A Secret Spyder Verse warn me upfront about that! The postal worker, the lady at the bank, all relocated after getting curious about all this conspiracy nonsense. There is DEFINITELY something haunting him!”

“You got curious about his persecutory delusions?”

Esh was still angry. He reached deep into his pocket and pulled out a hollowpoint .40 caliber bullet. “All I had to do was just shake the bullet! Here! Come check for yourself!”

Esh tossed the bullet to his friend. It helped mitigate the situation that Esh was ostensibly drunk but Shu was now getting extremely curious about these conspiracy stories pertaining to Bob about allegedly complaining the world was out to get him.

Shu took the bullet and shook it. “I don’t get it. Just another bullet.

What’s this got to do with our jobs?”

Esh persisted. “Now hold it up to your ear and shake it.”

Shu took the bullet and shook it by his right ear. This of course 293

A Secret Spyder Verse was his better ear.

“I don’t hear nuthn. So what?”

“Exactly!” Esh reached in his pocket for another hollowpoint .40

caliber bullet and tossed it to Shu.

“Now shake this one in your ear”.

A sullen look on Shu’s face as he accepted the bullet. He duteously shook the other bullet along his right ear and could in fact hear the gunpowder swooshing around from inside the canister.

“Oh shit. So Dirty Bob gave us a dud bullet. You think he must of known all along the bullet he claims was planted on him was a dud?”

Esh stuttered his way to a subtle sobriety. “All these thoughts we have about creepy Bob, but what if secretly for all these years Bob has been innocent all along. What if he really is clinging to the dirty laundry of all the people on Village road? What secrets could 294

A Secret Spyder Verse this guy know about people that everyone wants him dead?”

Shu chuckled. “With all the jobs he bounces around with I assumed he’d be another tick tocker disrupting the library but I guess you’re right. As they always say. The pen is mightier than the sword. I still don’t understand the meaning of the dud bullet and who would have planted it on him? Why would we be in some shit? What’s this got to do with our jobs?”

Esh took the bullets back and held up the one devoid of gunpowder. “What if Bob isn’t crazy. What if there REALLY IS a conspiracy plotted against him involving a corrupt CIA agent doing illegal things in an attempt to put him back in jail because she feels threatened by his mental illness?”

“Where you going with this Esh?”

“Mcguyver never used a gun so maybe Dirty Bird assumed it came from the police to use on the creepy old man from the church boning his mother. I mean we know his history suggests he’s fascinated with bombs maybe guns just aren’t his thing?”

295

A Secret Spyder Verse Shu was ever so slowly starting to comprehend the alleged conspiracy plotted against the weirdo down the street.

But who were these people and why would they be trying so hard to put Bobby back in jail if he wasn’t committing any crimes? What deep dark secrets did Bobby know about the town that someone would try to frame him for murder?

Shu cleared his throat. “So wait. I think I’m starting to understand this. I’ve heard rumors that Bobby is an author and there’s like some unpublished story floating down the river for a lonely fisherman to find explaining why Bobby is the way he is. Basically you’re suggesting Bobby was going to be secretly followed and caught in the act of shooting the creepy old man boning his mother so they could put him back in jail. Was that the conspiracy? Does this explain why his parents divorce has been dragging out for years? Because it’s fake? A diversion?”

Esh shook the bad bullet. “This bullet planted on him proves THERE IS in fact a conspiracy plotted against him. Have you talked to the Ephrata police that remember him? That one officer that picked him up on a warrant decades ago swears up and down Bobby was never all that close to his folks and really doesn’t give a 296

A Secret Spyder Verse rats ass what his mommy does in her free time.”

Shu was still slightly confused. “So wouldn’t the CIA know that?

Why the bait? Who’s trying to catch a big fish in town with a plastic worm? Wouldn’t a smart fish know not to bite into a plastic worm?”

Esh shrugged his shoulders. “I dunno, why does he insist all his dispatchers call him Bob when that’s not his real name?”

An impish smile grew on Shu’s face. “Ahhhh…I get it now. Perhaps he’s smart enough to know the CIA uses his family to lure him with a plastic worm such as this creepy old man from the church.

Perhaps these affairs truly are made up to divert him from his work. Does he really think there’s a real spider woman that’s gonna expose a corrupt CIA agent orchestrating faux affairs and planting bullets? Is this Spider Woman character really known for REAL NEWS?”

Esh sighed. “I think he just wants to mind his own business and be left alone. This empty bullet is a real game changer. Both you and I know we can’t pass a prosecutor’s cross examination and if Bobby finds himself in a pinch someday,with the right attorney, he’s in for 297

A Secret Spyder Verse a sympathetic jury that’s gonna believe these conspiracies plotted against him.”

“Did you give him a police report after he turned in the bullet?”

Asked Shu.

“Hell no I ain’t giving him shit. I didn’t even want him knowing my name. He must of noticed it on my name tag. So if we get crossed examined we’re going to have to admit talking to him.”

Shu chuckled. “I didn’t give him so much as a piece of paper either.

But rumor has it he went all the way out to a police station in Philly to complain about our department. If they left him with any papers it could look bad for us later down the road.”

Talk of the conspiracies plotted against me were abruptly interrupted when officer Shu’s cellphone did it’s little birdie chime. Shu immediately recognized the DA’s number in the caller ID. It was Heather. She was known for being hissy but today she seemed in quite the giggly mood for some reason.

“Boys what’s going on? Is Officer Esh okay?”

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“Sure. He’s right here.” Shu handed the phone to his buddy.

Esh didn’t waste any time. “Am I fired?”

Heather couldn’t stop her uncontrollable laughter. “No you’re not fired silly but this story is getting way too funny. I too am unfortunately part of this. Lil Bobby managed to mail me an entire digital dossier years ago that I have been ignoring and rightfully so.”

“So what’s going on?” Asked Esh.

The prosecutor couldn’t stop her uncontrollable laughter.

“Oh I’ll tell ya what’s going on. Is Bobby currently in town?”

Shu already knew the answer. They had her on speaker phone for the three way. “No he’s out trucking”

“Oh that’s good because I’m sitting here with his landlord’s little 299

A Secret Spyder Verse brother who is adamantly INSISTING on being a mediator in all this and meeting with Bobby privately one on one.”

Esh was kind of in shock. “Bill’s got a little brother?”

Heather giggled. “I meant younger. His younger brother is quite bigger which makes this story more and more funny for the older brothers. It appears Bobby and his landlord have something in common as they are both the older brother. Bill’s been conversing with Bobby’s younger brother, the now retired police officer, quite a bit and now Bill’s younger brother is here with me insisting it’s only fair he gets to even the score so Bobby can talk to his landlord’s younger brother.”

Officer Esh was sobering up at lightning speed.

“So what’s the plan?”

The district attorney knew it was unprofessional but still couldn’t keep her giggling under control. This Dangerous Rogue conspiracy was really getting off the hook.

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“Boys we really don’t have to worry about protocol on this one.

Even Bobby knows what that word means as his chiropractor taught him the meaning of that word. This lease agreement expired years ago and Bobby was too stupid to notice. From a technical standpoint he’s been secretly squatting for all these years..I think it’s time we let Bill’s younger brother get the opportunity to make heads and tails of these conspiracies.”

CHAPTER 2 (DELETED SCENE#2)

I was completely surprised that for a boring Monday evening my apartment’s parking lot was completely empty.

Where are all the other tenants? I thought to myself as I noticed my car the only one in the lot. I had just walked almost four miles to get home as my big rig was parked miles away. I liked fooling the nosy town most likely curious about why my vehicle hadn’t moved in weeks and if perhaps I died in there. I fumbled vigorously around deep in my pocket for the door key as I embraced myself to be prepared for a stare down from Bobbie Joe. Before I left for work I had neatly placed her sitting in my recliner to hold down the fort while I was away for weeks trucking. I know she’s just a doll but my mind plays tricks on me so often that I clearly forget.

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A Secret Spyder Verse As I slowly open my front door I reach for the lights only to realize my dollar tree light bulb has burned out on me once again.

No biggie I think to myself Bobbie Joe will protect me from the boogie man.

It’s pretty dark but there’s enough light to see Bobbie Joe’s hair dangling as she’s slightly hunching over just as I had left her. As I inch my way towards her I notice something subtle that just doesn’t look right.

Why is Bobbie Joe reading a book? Had I left a book for her to read?

I took a few steps closer to grab the book out of her hands when I heard a deep voice chuckling.

“Hello Dirty Bird”

I froze. I panicked. I raced over to the walls banging wildly and 302

A Secret Spyder Verse screaming for help.

Bill’s younger brother sat in the chair giggling as he tried to settle me down. “It will do you no good. Bill made a huge donation of hamburgers to the church next door. Everyone is going through hard times. You really think your neighbors gonna pass on free Angus sitting just across the street?”

I suddenly recalled the eerie empty parking lot. I stopped beating on the walls.

“Who are you? Why’s it dark in here? Who let you into my hut?

What’s with the book?”

The man with long strawberry hair chuckled. “Bill let me in. Your lease expired years ago Mr. Squatter. Did you know EVERY bar in Lancaster talks about you?”

“I don’t really go to bars. Too much money. Cheaper to drink at home.”

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A Secret Spyder Verse

“My point exactly. These deleted scenes are getting leaked to the local bars. People that never met you think you’re a strange bird to be talked about.”

I tried to keep myself calm. “Where’s Bobbie Joe?” I asked.

Evidently I was wrong about my dollar tree light bulb burning out.

Somehow the light turned itself on and I gaped as I saw Bobbie Joe crouched up in the corner of the room hog tied and duct taped.

Some sick brotherly humor I thought to myself. My jaw dropped even more when I saw the large print book that Bill’s brother held in his hands as he sat in my chair. He chuckled as he read it taking me in as no threat at all while he turned the pages. I immediately recognized the book and didn’t feel comfortable with this long haired stranger reading it.

“That book belongs to the old man. There are no other copies.

How did you obtain a copy?” I hissed.

I was very much curious how a second copy of a book I had written nearly ten years ago had surfaced. I also could clearly see 304

A Secret Spyder Verse how this stranger sitting in my recliner very much looked like a brother of my landlord.

The long haired man continued to chuckle as he read through the book. “Bill told me this book would get your undivided attention.

This scene here with the squirrel at the park showing you his nuts is hysterical. You even mention your blood pressure going wayyyyy up.”

I went to grab the book out of his hands but he was stronger than me and pulled it away. “What do you want for the book?” I asked. I had been secretly wanting it back for years.

Bill’s brother just chuckled. “Oh you’re not getting it. The value of it went up when the old man from pawn stars died. Look….looky here. Recognize your own writing where you signed it to him?”

I immediately recognized my own scribbles. It was a relief knowing copies weren’t being printed behind my back.

Bill’s brother continued to chuckle as he browsed the book. “You wrote this all the way back in 2014 but in fact this book ties 305

A Secret Spyder Verse together the Dangerous Rogue conspiracy that’s got all the Sunday School teachers squawking. You know churches are a big thing around here don’t you Dirty Bird?”

I nodded. I knew.

Bill’s brother went on. “Do you know how many countless hours Bill and I had to spend to put the pieces together?” He said waving the book at me. “This book is the reason your brother is no longer a cop. This book is the reason your sister in law went viral high beaming people with those fake headlights of hers isn’t Dirty Bird?

Just admit it! Here we sit ten years later after you wrote this and everything within your family is fucked up because of this fucked up book you wrote. This is your Bible ain’t it?”

I was red in my face. I recalled so many nights wanting to know years later what stupid stuff I had said in that book but no longer had the book to check and find out. But I did in fact recall the scene of the squirrel taunting me.

But long haired man wouldn’t stop. “You’re tinitus, your TMJ, your sister in law misbehaving, all has to do with this nut ass terror book you secretly wrote and never told anyone for years. What 306

A Secret Spyder Verse happened in 2018 Dirty Bird? Jog your memory. I think you knew all along the REAL reason the Sunday School teacher let them fake headlights go viral. Bill knows you well enough to know that I shouldn’t underestimate your sleuthing skills and you knew all along after checking your text threads why your brother wasn’t paying his wife any attention on his birthday causing her to do that little high beaming power move.”

I froze. I thought about it. My face went pale. But the voice. The voice inside my head!

Defend yourself Bob!

“I didn’t know Google could keep a secret. I’m so used to my brother spying on me.”

The Dirty Bird Bible got waved in the air. “You never told your brother you wrote this book and you were smart enough to write it under another name. Then in 2018 you couldn’t hold the secret any longer and you sent a screenshot of the book to your brother just hours before your sister in law started high beaming people on the internet isn’t that right Dirty Bird? You’re not a schizophrenic delusional man just an author from hell!”

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A Secret Spyder Verse I felt sick in my stomach but was careful not to admit to anything.

This stranger most likely was wearing a wire. It didn’t matter of course I already had a history of being an author and I was protected by the first amendment. This town that conspired against me because of all the texts/emails that I digitally hoarded was not a credible threat.

Instead I tried to change the subject. “Who put the receipt in my heater? Was it my brother or YOUR brother?”

Long hair put the book down to stare at me intently. “You scare people with your excessive reclusive behavior. Have you even once ever walked out this door without wearing a ball cap?”

I defended myself. “It’s not your business.”

But he went on. “You created this Dirty Bird. It’s now boogie man on boogie man. You’re not delusional. There is in fact a boogie man watching your every move.”

I was jarred. “So I got it wrong all along? It was my own landlord trying to light this place on fire and all this time I thought my 308

A Secret Spyder Verse sister in law was trying to torch me?”

Bill’s brother just chuckled but wouldn’t accurately answer my question. “I’m just as curious as you are. If you hide things from YOUR little brother what makes you think that Bill won’t do the same and hide things from me? I’ll never get a confession out of him and I’m told that you flushed all the evidence down the potty after you realized you were paid to shut up.”

I corrected him. “I was paid hush money but never signed an actual hush agreement. I hushed in good faith.”

Long hair just continued enjoying being in my chair and chuckled.

“I just got one question for you Dirty Bird. If you keep secrets from your little brother what makes you think he’s gonna tell you the real reason why he’s no longer a cop?”

Screwy Louie eased his Pathfinder into the parking lot and gave his girlfriend another kiss after putting it in park.The free burgers at the church next door felt soooo warm in their stomachs.

Although Louie had lived with his girlfriend there for a number of years he liked knowing the landlord couldn’t damage his credit as he was never an actual tenant. Like a real “O-G” Screwy Louie was 309

A Secret Spyder Verse smart enough to keep everything in the girlfriend’s name. Almost every cop in town tried to press him for updates on Bob in exchange for more leniency with his child support.

Maria chuckled as she noticed the siloheuette commotion coming from apartment number #2. She quickly elbowed Louie as he wiped his burger hands clean with a napkin.

“Look look! Louie look Big Bad Bob is home! Does he really think that life size doll is a real human being? I can see him in there arguing with her!”

Louie wiped his chops with the napkin and just chuckled. “He’s a fucking weirdo”

She agreed. “Yeah…let’s wait for another windy day for the door to blow open so you can stuff another receipt in his heater. That really ought to get his attention”

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