My demeanor was a little more calm this time when I took the witness stand. I knew everything spoken in the courtroom had to be recorded for public records but I really didn’t care. I was 233
A Secret Spyder Verse covered. I was “Bob” covered. I made it clear to Debra I would give the courts the entire A to Z story granted when she cross examined me she would address me by my proper name. “Bob”.
Debra had also managed to somehow put a contract together signed by lawyers and judges agreeing that I could sing like a canary and still be entitled to keep my hush money. I knew I really had nothing to lose and everything to gain except for one last thought I had.
Was the thousands I had received in hush money really worth releasing my story prematurely? Then I thought about Carmen. The Demon Snatcher. I determined that yes it was. In fact. I knew my testimony today would be in my best interest if I wanted any chances at having a normal life. Carmen had taken my sanity away.
Carmen had not only destroyed my family but the entire community as well. I knew with my testimony today I was taking sonething away from Carmen that she had been dreaming about for a very very long time. My life sentence in jail. Today was the day the John Deere crowd in the back would finally be putting the pieces together. And as for the left wingers over towards my left?
They would be shell shocked by learning how the story was actually supposed to be played out before it got intercepted by my chiropractor curious as to why her employee had been placed under investigation. Poor, poor Spyder Woman. She had mistakenly opened the wrong can of worms and today each and every worm would be crawling out at once!
Debra slammed her hand into the witness stand to get my 234
A Secret Spyder Verse attention.
“Bob, Bob, you’re zoning out on me again. I know you’ve built up a tolerance to your medicine can I please get you to focus?”
I squeegeed my eyebrows. “Sorry. Just had a dire premonition of the Demon Snatcher.”
The crowd in the courtroom looked at me very quizzical like.
“The Demon Snatcher? You mean your sister in law sitting over there?”
I shook my head no. “No. I was referring to Carmen.”
Debra adjusted her horned rimmed glasses. She looked stunningly beautiful today. She was a dress kind of girl and today she was rocking a navy blue dress with cool looking purple polka dots.
“Carmen who?”
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“I don’t know. Spyder Woman refuses to reveal to me her true identity.”
“Can you point her out in the cortroom for us Bobby?”
“Bob” I corrected her.
“Yes Bob. Can you point to us the Demon Snatcher?”
She wasn’t there. It really didn’t matter because before I could say anything Spencer sprung from his chair.
“Objection your honor! I don’t know if Mr.Stettler recently had some changes to his psychotropic meds but this is getting a bit ridiculous don’t ya think. Spyder Woman? The Demon Snatcher?
Are we in a court room or is Mr. Stettler dressing up comic book heros over there?”
The judge looked at me and frowned. “Agreed. Mr.Stettler can you please address people by their correct names. We really want to get to the bottom of this story.”
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A Secret Spyder Verse I looked back with my Sunday School quiet seat prize eyes. “Sorry your honor. I’ll try not to go off on any tangents.”
Debra slid the picture from 2015 right under my nose so I can take a good look at it.
“Mr. Stettler did you Photoshop this picture?”
“No that appears to be the original.”
“Were you the one that took the picture?”
“No.”
“And how did you receive this picture?”
“In the form of a text.”
"Do you recognize where this picture was taken?
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“Yes in a discount grocery store.”
“Do you shop there?”
“No but mommy does. I’m afraid of the place. Their 99 cent flea milk had me sitting on potty all day and I almost got fired from work.”
I heard chuckles from the John Deere crowd in the back. I was certain some of them looked like cops and probably were.
Evidently those coppers are a fan of John Deere as well.
“And what does your mommy appear to be doing in the picture?”
“Holding hands with Froggy eyes.”
“Froggy eyes your father?”
“No. My father wouldn’t have time to be at a grocery store.” I pointed to Froggy eyes. “Unlike this guy he’s employed.”
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“So why did your brother text you this picture?”
“I dunno. My piggy bank was getting full and he prolly took it as a threat like he always does. I suppose he felt like this was a nice diversion.”
Debra continued. “Do you think there was a witness as to who took this photo?”
I pointed a little towards the center of the picture where George had a very disappointment look on his face as he wore his WWII hat and pushed a shopping cart.
“That’s my neighbor that lives down below. That’s George.”
“Is he here today? Is he here today Bob?”
“No he’s scared. He says if I sing like a canary and he sings with me then the whole alphabet soup is likely to get tarnished. I mean….you know how them military vets are with their yes sirs and no sirs shirts tucked in etcetera. They always tend to adore 239
A Secret Spyder Verse the police like they’re on the same team.”
Debra snuck me a dirty look like I should curtail what I was saying so I shut up. She pointed in the picture towards the little Gi-Joe hooded stranger who’s head just barely perched above the shopping cart.
“We can’t see the face of this little soldier but do you recognize this hoodie Bob?”
“Why yes I do. A few years later after the picture was taken I saw that little tyke hoodie in the closet at my brother’s house. I believe it belongs to my youngest nephew.”
Debra continued. “And when your brother sent you this picture via text did you first assume your brother took the picture?”
“I did.”
“Did he say anything? Did he take responsibility for shooting the picture?”
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“No he did not. His exact clever wording was that he had been sent the picture from somebody belonging to his church.”
“Did he say your sister in law took the picture?”
“He did not.”
“Did he give the name of the person that took the picture?”
“He did not.”
“And does your sister-in-law sitting over there…” Debra pointed over towards my now flush red sister-in-law looking like a deer trapped in the headlights. “Does your sister-in-law belong to your brothers church?”
“Of course. Took me years to figure out I had been duped.”
Debra continued. “And would it make sense for your sister-in-law to be shopping at this flea milk discount store in the first place?
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A Secret Spyder Verse Would not your brothers salary be described as handsome? How many miles would she have to travel to get there?”
I chuckled. “Quite a few. You’re correct. It took me years to figure out the encounter at the store was not a mere coincidence.”
Debra sprung a change of topic question on me. She tricked me good days ago with the alleged welfare abuse charges and she always seems to get a thrill catching me off guard with questions giving me no time to prepare.
“Do you believe your family is trying to goad you into making your mother’s purported mistress disappear Bobby?”
She had slipped again. I corrected her giving me a moment to think.
“Bob”
“I’m sorry Bob I meant.”
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A Secret Spyder Verse I answered her stupid question. “Why absolutely yes.”
Debra continued. “And do you feel like maybe the trucking industry has done their part in assisting with the goading process?”
“Oh absolutely yes.”
“Can you give me an example Bob?”
I sure had some news for them.
“Well…. I was at a Flying J all the way out in Illinois and I noticed a potbellied trucker with a shitty grin on his face purposely wearing his bright yellow shirt in front of me as if demanding I take a good look at it.”
Debra appeared very enthused. “Was there a logo? Did the shirt say anything?”
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“It sure did. It sure did Debra. It said I’m just a big freaking Ray of Sunshine.”
There was much chuckling amongst the courtroom crowd. I couldn’t help but notice even Spencer couldn’t hide his grin. That’s okay. Let Spencer grin. I’m just warming up. He will find out.
“So what else? What else happened Bob?”
“Things got weird. Keep in mind I’m literally 700 miles away from home and don’t know nobody at the truck stop. Usually I don’t talk to nobody so I decided to take the man in the bright yellow t-shirt off guard and question him about it. He seemed extremely nervous the moment I spoke to him.”
“And what did you say?”
“I said that’s a nice t-shirt where did you buy it at?”
“And his reply?”
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A Secret Spyder Verse The smirk eradicated from his face and he immediately looked guilty as hell. He hemmed and hawed for quite a while."
“So where was it purchased at?”
“That’s what made the encounter so weird. He was too afraid to tell me. It was like he just assumed I was the type not to open my mouth and he was in shock. It was a strange mystery for several years until I eventually saw the same t-shirt for sale at a store at the mall.”
Debra was still very enthralled. “And what store was that Bob?”
Little churchy boy personality flew right out of me and for once the courtroom was about to witness firsthand my uncontrollable schizophrenic outburst. They never saw it coming but I leaped up from my witness chair and pointed directly over at Spencer.
I screamed at the top of my lungs.
“I saw it at the mall belonging to a store owned by that man right 245
A Secret Spyder Verse over there!!!!”
The older more sensitive ladies grasped their chests as if checking themselves for a heart attack. Each and every one of them was now glowering at Spencer.
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A Secret Spyder Verse CHAPTER 25
It was time for a fifteen minute recess. Everyone in the courtroom was taking a fifteen minute break except for one person. Debra Cyan. I could see it in her eyes she wasn’t going to let my sister in law get away with trying to murder me. I couldn’t help but notice as the crowd in the courtroom stepped into the hall, Debra leafed through each and every page in her manila folder as if hellbent on finding any additional clues. Something to this horrific case just wasn’t adding up. She was sure there was more to the story and a lot more key witness out there.
Suddenly Debra got a text from Spyder Woman.
“Let him keep talking but slow down on the sister in law. I think I may have found something that will get us closer.”
The hub bub grew louder as the milling crowd discussed details to the case. Some claimed I was just downright crazy and disorganized. Others still had a million questions and couldn’t quite yet understand the motive.
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A Secret Spyder Verse Debra replied with a text message to the chiropractor.
“What is it? What did you find?”
Spyder Woman replied. “Not enough time to explain. Just keep him talking. I’m bringing her in.”
“Who? Bringing who in?”
But there was no reply. Now Spyder Woman finally got to feel what I have to deal with almost ALWAYS on a daily basis. Spoofing.
The higher ups were blocking all incoming and outgoing texts to Debra’s phone. Debra was getting extremely frustrated but there was really nothing she could do.
Just keep him talking? What about all his tangents she was forewarned of? Was Bob gonna bedazzle the crowd with all his horsey talk?
I noticed as I took the witness stand yet again that the moment I plopped into my seat the crowd shut up. I wasn’t used to all this 248
A Secret Spyder Verse attention. Actually, all this attention could be bad for my schizophrenia. My only way around it was to refrain from making eye contact with the strangers in the courtroom. I noticed Debra seemed jilted somehow like she had just seen a ghost. Her face looked a little pale and she was no longer shooting death stares at my sister in law.
Debra accosted me and led us off. She pointed towards the white lettering plastered to the wood below me.
“Say uh Bob…what does this say?”
“It says witness”
She gained her composure. “Uh huh uh huh….and what is it supposed to say?”
My face got pretty red. I clutched hard onto my immunity papers.
“Defendant”
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“And why doesn’t it?”
“I was hoping Spyder Woman could help me flush out the Demon Snatcher before she would earn any unscrupulous medals.”
“And what would you be getting charged with?”
“Murder”
“Murder who?”
“Froggy eyes”
“Froggy eyes. Like Froggy eyes who was allegedly sleeping with your mother?”
“Correct”
“And when did you first start to figure out the affair might only be a diversion orchestrated by the Demon Snatcher to distract you 250
A Secret Spyder Verse from your work?”
“About three years ago. There was too much confidence in her voice.”
“Who’s voice?”
“My mother’s”
"What did she say?
“I was in the car with my parents returning home from a family meeting at my brother’s house orchestrated by my sister-in-law concerning Froggy eyes. On the ride back my mother shook her head incessantly like she was harboring a deep dark secret that only she herself knew. She stated that she was not having sex with Froggy eyes. I knew she was telling the truth because I know when she’s lying.”
“And that’s when you first started to sense that a CIA operative was behind all of these faux affairs?”
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“Yes”
“And who was it to be your contingency plan in the event you got caught…. let’s say….taking the bait that Carmen was dangling at you since 2013?”
I had to chuckle on this one.
Here comes one big curve ball of a surprise!
I pointed right at Spencer. “That man right over there.”
Spencer looked in complete shock.
Debra turned around and looked at Spencer.
“Spencer did Mr.Stettler ever state that he had plans of removing the family threat?”
Spencer looked like a ghost. In fact I was now basking in this 252
A Secret Spyder Verse moment. My tattoo is seven years old and I still to this very day haven’t ever told anyone what it means.
“He did not. And as much as I know Mr.Stettler I would also add that he would not.”
Debra became enthralled. “Even if he got caught and you were representing him? He wouldn’t admit it to you?”
Spencer stood up for good measure. “Correct Miss Cyan.”
“And why is that?”
I couldn’t hide my evil smile and neither could Spencer. I often insisted that my brain was just as big as his and the only thing that made us different was our looks.
“Because Mr.Stettler already knows that we attorneys fight harder when we believe in the innocence of our clients.”
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A Secret Spyder Verse I gripped my immunity papers harder as Spencer was sure to send me a
you worm gesture. Debra was really starting to put the pieces together. And fast! She tapped on my witness stand.
“So you saw all of this coming didn’t you Bobby?”
I didn’t correct the Bob this time. Instead I sullenly nodded my head to agree.
“You started to blame yourself for Carmen orchestrating the faux affair between your mother and froggy eyes. Then things took an even worser tone when your sister in law started to believe having two lovers was okay and that’s what prompted her to go viral with her oohs oohs. Later she got nervous rembering that you never delete anything and have a history of hoarding and that’s what prompted her to light you on fire! That’s what prompted her to light you on fire Bobby!!!”
Suddenly the back courtroom doors swung open and Spyder Woman stormed into the courtroom with a beautiful lady in tow. I 254
A Secret Spyder Verse had never seen this aggressive side of the chiropractor and truthfully it was kind of hot.
Spyder Woman stormed up towards the judge dragging the pretty lady by the arm like she was a worthless inmate. This was so hot. I never knew Spydee girl had a violent bone in her body. She was only meant to be a spy. Not manhandle some unsuspecting woman.
The chiropractor raised her voice for all of us to hear as she dragged the woman up towards the front like cattle.
“Your honor! I have Mr.Stettler’s psychiatrist right here. I think there’s something she would like to say!”
The crowd was gaping but the judge remained calm. He ever so slowly turned his head towards me.
“Mr. Stettler. Is this woman your psychiatrist?”
“No your honor. Seeing a psychiatrist would violate my hush 255
A Secret Spyder Verse money agreement. I have never met this woman until today.”
The judge looked utterly confused. The psychiatrist was blond and as cute as a button. Cute but also scared as a mouse in a Snake’s throat. We all watched as the judge pointed his long finger towards the psychiatrist.
“So then who does this psychiatrist belong to then?” Asked the judge.
I was quick to reply.
“Evidently another Stettler your honor. Evidently another Stettler.”
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A Secret Spyder Verse CHAPTER 26
The courtroom got quiet as the yellow haired psychiatrist took to the witness stand. I felt the bile rise up in my throat as I watched the psychiatrist see my face for the very first time.
Actually to be truthful? I basked in it. She looked at me like I was the boogie man himself. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe her gaping at me in horror was all part of the alphabet plot. I only had one candid question I kept asking myself.
What kind of stories had my brother been telling her about me? Just what kind of picture did he paint that would cause her to look at me so petrified like?
Her petrified incessant gaping started to make me feel uncomfortable so I looked over at Spencer. He shrugged his shoulders at me as if even he wasn’t expecting this curve ball.
Spyder Woman supervised the psychiatrist taking the witness stand then waltzed her way over to the left to go sit with the left wingers. The chiropractor even made a point of six foot social distancing when she sat down then immediately crossed her arms as if she was clearly upset that literally days had been wasted on this trial when all the answers to all the questions were right there all along.
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A Secret Spyder Verse I watched a bailiff approach the psychiatrist yellow hair lady and swear her in. The burly bailiff’s big toothy grin was making me uncomfortable as if he insisted on showing me his big pearly white chicklets in his mouth. After the psychiatrist was sworn in the bailiff accosted me and surreptitiously slid me one of my own business cards I used to dole out years ago when I belonged to an acting agency in Michigan. I flipped over the business card to see he had took a sharpie and wrote one single word on it.
“Kaka”.
Right away I knew what it meant. Until this very moment I could never figure out why a year ago my mother drug me to a Zwahille church service where I couldn’t hear a word of English. There was one word that I had heard numerous times that I later googled out of curiosity. “Kaka”. It means “Brother”. When the brother is the secret enemy.
Even Debra looked too nervous to cross examine the psychiatrist but looking over at Spyder Woman seemed to give her a new wave of confidence. The courtroom got quiet at Debra led the show.
“So…. would you mind telling the courts your profession?”
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A Secret Spyder Verse The psychiatrist pulled back her yellow hair so we could see her face.
“I am a licensed psychiatrist. I typically contract with law enforcement.”
“And when did you first start visits with Mr.Stettler’s younger brother?”
“2018.”
“Something traumatic happen?”
“Yes he was forced to kill in the line of duty.”
Debra pulled out a CD from her manila envelope and showed it to the judge.
“Your honor if I may?”
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A Secret Spyder Verse The judge nodded. “Go on.”
Debra walked over towards the tv screen monitor and played the three minute surveillance video. Creepy chills just like before raced up and down my spine as I watched the grim reaper break into my apartment with a handgun.
Debra looked over at me.
“Bob do you remember this video?”
“I do. Pretty sure I deleted it over a year ago.”
“Why did you delete it?”
I answered curtly. “Can’t make out the face of the intruder. I have only one lightbulb that hasn’t burnt out. It just looks like a dark racing shadow.”
“You said racing. Do you ever walk that fast?”
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“No.”
“Does your brother?”
“All the time.”
Debra looked over at the psychiatrist. “And what about you mam?
Do you recognize that pose?”
“Yes. When Officer Stettler shot that child molester the video footage was all over the evening news. Officer Stettler holds a handgun in that same peculiar way.”
“And what about you Bob? You have any firearms?”
“No. I deleted the video because I assumed it had to be me racing into my apartment holding a cup of coffee.”
“Would you be holding up a coffee that high?”
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“No.”
“And how did you feel when you watched this video from your motion camera. Did something not feel right?”
“Correct. It gave me the heebie jeebies.”
“And when did you stop using your motion cameras?”
“Right after I wrote a letter to the police in the latter summer of 2018.”
“Ever figure out why your motion cams weren’t capturing all the break ins you fussed about?”
“Yes. Evidently I was up against some pretty smart people that knew how to pull the SD card and erase themselves. I also learned that there was a three minute window where all an intruder that knew about the cams ahead of time would have to do is pull the power cord. Once the motion cams got tripped you had three minutes to pull the cord.”
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“Did your brother have lots of techy dorks in his inner circle?”
“Oh absolutely. As brainwashed as this sheltered town is I’m surprised they haven’t changed the lettering in the currency from In God We Trust to In Police We Trust.”
My comment brought a few chuckles from the left wingers but the guys in the John Deere hats were not amused. Oh well. Hard to get a chuckle these days.
Debra shut off the video screen realizing the whole thing was nothing more than speculation because the footage was just too dark and grainy to make out. She reached into her manila envelope and plucked out the image of the charred receipt. The same receipt that was lodged in my heater. She walked it over towards the psychiatrist and placed it in front of her.
“How many months of therapy did officer Stettler undergo in 2018?”
The psychiatrist got defensive. “Were….I mean HIPPA rights….this has already gone too far.” She looked over at the judge.
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A Secret Spyder Verse The judge was now becoming infatuated with the case. I myself was shell shocked.
“I’m granting you permission to speak freely about Officer Stettler.
This is a criminal investigation and pertinent to the case.”
I noticed the psychiatrist didn’t want to see the image of the burnt receipt. She made a purpose of not staring at it.
“I saw him for only a few months for the shooting incident. It’s a protocol we typically do for police officers.”
Debra clucked her tongue and held her pen up to her lips.
“Huh! And did officer Stettler talk about other things besides the justified shooting?”
I watched as the psychiatrist shifted her gaze towards me. I was really enjoying how she had to steel herself just to look at me.
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A Secret Spyder Verse What was I supposed to think? Just nine years ago a rookie cop dubbed my big nasty head on my shoulders a weapon of mass destruction just to look at!
“Yes as a matter of fact he did. He talked a lot about that man sitting right over there.” The psychiatrist pointed a very long witch finger at me.
This wasn’t a movie. I could care less that she was stupid enough to drink the alphabet Kool Aide that my brother had offered her.
With as much as I gambled on the ponies I’m sure my nephews had some interesting stories for their kindergarten teachers as well.
Debra did the pen to mouth pondering thing again. “Huh! Very interesting! So if you only saw him for a few months after the shooting then it’s been nearly two years since you last saw him?”
Oops. Looks like SOMEBODY just cracked a case The psychiatrist looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Her skin turned so pale you could write on a chalkboard with it.
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“No.”
The courtroom got abruptly quiet in a way you could hear a pin drop.
Debra continued. “So when did you start seeing Officer Stettler again?”
“About mid April of this year.”
“And what traumatic event had occurred?”
Before the psychiatrist could answer the question my sister-in-law sprung up from her chair and started screaming wildly at me.
“You see Uncle b! Now you know why I was dressed up like Gi Joe on Easter! I was trying to protect everybody! You and your stupid Spyder Woman are idiots! You wanna see your nephews grow up fatherless than I suggest you shut your mouth and accept your hush money! You’re JUST like your brother! Neither one of you could EVER keep a secret except you’re even worse because you’re 266
A Secret Spyder Verse holding the pen!!!!”
It all made sense to me now. Still sitting at my pop pops on Easter Sunday an hour after my brother and sister-in-law had left.
Luckily that karaoke ant had crawled into my right ear drum and not my left where my father sat next to me on the couch. I could literally picture the stethoscope in my mind as my little brother announced over the phone to my father 6969. The very code I had set to the knob lock on my door. My sister in law wasn’t trying to kill me. She was trying to break in to destroy the evidence my brother had left after trying to murder me. The clues in the April texts he had left me were all there so why hadn’t I figure it all out?
As the shock of a blood relative trying to murder me enveloped my body I then watched as Debra poured an entire black trash bag of envelopes I had been using over the months that covered my knob lock all over the psychiatrist. I was in shock. I felt heat flashes. I felt hot sweat ooze from my upper lip and into what felt like paper butt cheeks?
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A Secret Spyder Verse CHAPTER 27
“Blakey Blakey! Wake up! There will be no napping on my chiropractor table.”
My entire body was sweating profusely. I didn’t know where the hell I was or how I got there. Oh….wait a minute. Is this the chiropractor’s office?
I mumbled a bit before peeling my face away from the paper butt cheeks in the table.
“Go away Spyder Woman! Don’t you have some spying to do?”
Within seconds the chiropractor was accompanied by her assistant who seemed to be busting up laughing.
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“Did he really fall asleep?” Joked the assistant.
The doctor looked amused. “Spider who? Who’s Spider Woman?”
I pointed at her. “You’re spider woman!”
They both chuckled. “You’re sweating profusely because we cranked the thermostat up when you wouldn’t wake up. Your adjustment is over. You’re well over your five minutes. Don’t you have some pizzas to deliver?”
I kind of liked that I was leaving a sweaty mess for them to clean.
The doctor poked at my side a few more times. “Come on Blakey. I have more people coming in.”
I defended myself. “It’s almost 100 degrees outside. I ain’t delivering shit today.”
The chiropractor’s assistant kept giggling. “Did he really call you 269
A Secret Spyder Verse Spider Woman?”
I didn’t know anything about the chiropractor’s personal life. Had no clue if she was married or even had any kids for that matter. I finally leaned towards my side so I could ease myself away from the table. What a strange weird dream I had had. I couldn’t help but wonder just how long they had left me sleep or if this had ever happened to anyone before.
I looked over at the chiropractor’s assistant still chuckling.
“Yup. She’s Spyder Woman all right. The writers started on her in 1995.”
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12-24-2020 (Christmas Eve)