I HAD BEEN TRICKED. Sure the officer had been driving in front of me the entire time. Sure the sun had even gone down giving me ample opportunity to toss my cellphone out the window but there was just one problem. Officer Lopez failed to inform me that Mommy would be following behind
me and I knew that her and her creepy old accomplice would be watching like a hawk for any contraband to be discarded along the highway.
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A Secret Spyder Verse I had been tricked with my coffee as well. The officer held up on his end with the hot cup of joe but I have bitten into cardboard that has tasted better than this. No wonder cops are so cranky all the time. If I had to drink generic coffee like this I’d be slapping cuffs on everybody just to have something to do to keep me away from playing mind sweeper at the station while drinking little chunks of cardboard.
I wasn’t about to give these fellas in blue satisfaction of screwing with me with a bad cup of coffee so I did my best to hide my sour grape faces as I sipped away at it. Luckily it was super hot so I had a good excuse to peck away at it cuz there was no way in hell I could guzzle something as nasty as this.
Lopez’ bald headed boss came from out of nowhere with a big manila folder to match my manila envelope. The first thing he plucked out of his folder was in fact the official yellow legal pad.
Uh-Oh I thought to myself as he clicked his pen. The sordid look on his face clearly suggested the sergeant had no intentions of being my friend. I’ve seen quasi looks like this before in life. It’s the same 22
I don’t want to help you but unfortunately my job requires it look that I knew all too well.
“Mr.Stettler. Do you mind giving me your address and phone number?”
I corrected him. “Bob”….“My purchased name is Bob Miller”.
Sergeant Diller all but threw the folder across the table.
“Look cut the Bob shit! We know who you are Blake!”
My coffee was suddenly tasting pretty good right about now. I took a few light sips before proffering my address and phone number. It seemed kind of pointless as I was smart enough to know my mother in the other room more than likely volunteered it already. I HAD PAID FOR BOB MILLER. It wasn’t my fault the prothonotary office stole my filing fees then meddled with my mail preventing my name change hearing.
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A Secret Spyder Verse I toyed with the sergeant a wee bit more simply because I felt I could.
“Well my dispatchers know I prefer Bob. I accept other Bob names as well like Big Bad Bob, El Bobberdusky, your Bobness etcetera, just please don’t refer to me as SpongeBob.”
Now I had just mistakenly left the door open for Diller to play his asshole card. I even watched him underline the name he was about to bestow upon me on his legal pad.
“Okay SpongeBob. I’m marking it as SpongeBob. What brings you out here this way today SpongeBob square pants?”
I gave him my cover story with evidence of course to back it up.
“I came out here to work on singing my song.”
Diller gaped. “Your song? You just purposely drove your car across state lines to sing a freaking song and I’m supposed to believe that?”
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A Secret Spyder Verse I defended myself. “It’s a nice day. Sure why not?”
I watched as the sergeant took notes.
“And I suppose you stuffed the song in that manila envelope tucked under your shoulder?”
I laid the envelope on top of the table but didn’t open it up for him.
It was nicely sealed.
“Oh no,” I said, “This envelope here is for Amy.”
The sergeant jotted. “Oh, so I take it she didn’t show up. Have you got anything to back up your story?”
“Like what?” I said.
“Oh I dunno, maybe some outgoing texts or emails telling her to meet you at the rocks?”
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A Secret Spyder Verse I sullenly had to shake my head no. The sergeant continued. “And I suppose then that maybe if I reached Amy she would back up your story?”
Again I had no choice but to shake my head no.
“Then Mr.Stettler, if I might ask. What in God’s name are you doing all the way out here with that envelope? Paying off a seagull?”
I chuckled. I simply had to at this point just imagining a seagull pretending my $2,000 cash was a loaf of bread. I fished for an excuse.
“Look I started this story eight years ago. It’s no secret that the government spies on me ALL the time and now I’m cursed with this mental paranoia disorder. I guess I just assumed inquisitive Amy partnered with the FBI to upgrade her peekaboo powers and knew of the place at the rocks.”
“Did you have your location button on so she could find you?”
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A Secret Spyder Verse One strike, two strikes, and three strikes on this swing for sure.
“No. No I did not have the location turned on my phone.”
Diller slammed the legal pad into the table. “No call or text history either. Just how in the hell was she supposed to find you?”
“I dunno. A hunch?”
I was pretty certain it wasn’t illegal to walk around with exorbitant amounts of cash for no apparent reason wether the casinos were opened up or not wouldn’t matter in the eyes of the law. I was getting ready to walk out of this interview when suddenly the officer reached into his manila folder and whipped out a picture of Bobbie Joe.
Uh oh I thought to myself.
27
A Secret Spyder Verse This interview concerning Amy’s kickbacks was nothing more than a ruse.They want details to a much more bigger story.