BECOMING A FATHER…OR NOT?
07/07/2020
The last thing on my mind was my brother’s anniversary despite the lucky 777s being completely impossible to forget. Aside from luck the number 7 is in fact mentioned numerous times in the Bible so I was not in the least surprised my brother intentionally got married on 07/07/2007 being the little Bible thumper that he was. I couldn’t go to his wedding then even if I wanted to. Pictures 32
A Secret Spyder Verse of it had landed between the little slit of the door of my federal prison cell.
All in one luring coffee break my world had turned from a scenic view of a power plant near a rocky pier to a moldy pile of shit. All I could think about this morning was Bobbie Jo and our planned 07/04/2020 due date for our son “Bobby”. I was going to insist his classmates refer to him as “Big Bad Bob” by the time he reached seventh grade and I would deem it okay for him to start liking girls. Because of my alleged schizophrenia disorder it is often difficult for me to accept that Bobbie Jo (my fiance) wasn’t technically a human being. “Technically” if that basketball got pushed out of my Saints sweater she stole from me we wouldn’t be having a baby out of wedlock. So therefore we technically
“wouldn’t” be living in sin.
I was still at the station enjoying my breakfast. I had no choice but to spend the night in this moldy jail cell located on the basement of the station. It was an old school holding cell. There was literally nothing I could do yesterday to prevent this predicament that I’m currently in. While I was questioned by sergeant Diller yesterday that creepy old man that constantly hung out with my mother stole my car. I had purposely left my cellphone in my car during the interview at the station fearing a potential shakedown. I didn’t 33
A Secret Spyder Verse trust police. Never, EVER would with my criminal history. Never understood things from their point of view. Laws never made much sense to me and often got bent by the wealthy. Leaving my cellphone in my car panned out to be a really dumb move. Now it was quite certain the police had my cellphone.
How had Spider Woman known they were coming? Would anybody believe our rendezvous at the rocks?
My jail cell was old but I was confused by all the unnecessary
“amenities”. The temperature was a nice 68 degrees and they had brought in a nice Sealy mattress better than you could find at a hotel. My breakfast I was currently eating came from a waffle House down the street. And the door to my jail cell? Completely unlocked. None of this made any sense. I was more confused than a kid getting ready to experience a big surprise birthday party for the very first time.
I heard the jingling of keys coming in my direction from down the hall. It was Officer Lopez again. He seemed in a lot better mood today than yesterday. He was even smiling like he was harboring some sort of big funny secret. He had two coffees in his hand. I knew one of them was for me.
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A Secret Spyder Verse He stopped right outside my cell door. I felt compelled to speak first.
“I didn’t pick the lock.”
He handed me my coffee. “I know.”
“So how is any of this making any sense? Who spends a night in jail on a big thick Sealy matress and gets served a waffle house breakfast the next morning? None of this is adding up?”
Officer Lopez chuckled. “This ain’t your first rodeo Mr.Stettler. You done time already. I know you cats got curious about them inmates returning to the block bragging about eating Chinese.”
A pang of trepidation raced across my chest as I fully recalled an inmate we called “Barberos” returning to the block one day wiping duck sauce off his lips and smiling like a Peacock.
What happened? We had asked, 35
A Secret Spyder Verse How did you get Chinese? Barberos just smiled at us all.
I told them what they wanted. I cooperated. At the sound of that we all flocked away from Barberos. Some of us even insisted he no longer cut our hair. Evidently “Barberos” meant Barber in Spanish.
So what then today did the police want from me? Did they just assume I would sing because I now was older and could be threatened with sleeping on those exercise mats? I didn’t think I had anybody to tell on as I simply didn’t really know anybody or hang out with groups in the first place.
Officer Lopez handed me my cup of take out coffee from the Waffle House while still smiling like he knew my day was going to get more interesting for sure.
“We leave for court in about ten minutes. Try to comb that hair.”
“I don’t have any hair to comb?”
“I know but try to comb what you’re working with. The judge wants to see ya all pretty today.”
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A Secret Spyder Verse I was still immensely confounded. Surely this had to be all some sort of a prank. Was a camera going to emerge out from the corner and tell me I had just been punked?
“What judge? You told me yourself this ain’t my first rodeo? Why would I be seeing a judge so quickly? How is any of this even legal? What about a call to my lawyer?”
Officer Lopez chuckled. “You ain’t got no lawyer Stettler! You said so yourself in your most recent song. How’d them lyrics go? Call their phone….Call their phone…call their phone but no lawyers home!”
I drummed up a good reply. “But I got money!”
Lopez chuckled. “You got welfare money is what you got Stettler.
You think you gonna lure them mouthpieces with yo crispy cringle?”
I didn’t have any welfare money. I don’t think Lopez realized that.
Somebody had been intercepting my mail. Either that or my good time green card had landed in someone else’s mailbox?
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A Secret Spyder Verse Lopez handed me some creamers then turned around to walk away. I don’t know why but he started to sing the itsy bitsy spider song in a giggly manner as he traipsed down the hallway.
“Where you going?” I cried out.
“I’ll be back. Comb that hair. You still have ten minutes.”