7
The bus moved slowly along the road that led to the uncertainty.
I looked out of the window blankly, seeing the scenery rushed past at a fast speed like a life taken away by fate. Cool wind touched the skin as if a cold hand trying to comfort me, to forget what happened in the past.
“Don’t be that serious.” Ton said. “I’m here with you, you know? Cheer up a bit.”
“Thanks,” I replied without looking at him. “But I really can’t take what happened last night out of my mind.”
“I believe you now.” Ton said. “That’s why I’m going with you.”
“Don’t you worry that you’ll get into trouble as well?” I turned to ask him. “As you know, now we have evidence that the attacker is still around. It means that something terrible might happen at any moment. Aren’t you scared?”
“I’m scared…” Ton smiled. “But I’m worried what might happen to you as well.”
I looked out the window again. My face was hot with embarrassment. Ton took out cards from his bag before shuffled them fast.
“Well… did you report to the police?”
“I did this morning… but they ignored me.”
“Fucking again…” Ton sighed.
“Do you think the message last night have any hidden meaning?”
“Hidden meaning?” Ton’s eyes moved around. “Well, when thinking about the illusion you saw, it might be related. The person sent you the messages might be the one who stabbed you. I don’t think this is a joke. How many people know about this?”
“That doctor, you, me, and my Dad…” I was silent for a moment. “But Dad doesn’t know the details. So, I think we can count only you, me, and the doctor.”
Ton nodded before putting the cards back into the box.
“Do you have any scar?” Ton asked. I shook my head in refusal.
“It’s strange that the number the attacker sent to you is your old house’s number. Four means your limbs. Two are your eyes. These matched what he wrote, but what about seven? What does it mean?”
“I don’t know…”
“And people who know about this aren’t that many. Who can be the attacker then?” Ton rubbed his chin. “You know what? I’m kind of suspect Bill.”
“Bill… you told me he looked at me strangely back then, right?”
“That’s it.” Ton nodded. “But that’s not the point I care most. I care more about when Bill squeezed your wrist then you saw the illusion.”
“The birthday song…” I whispered.
What did I see when Bill tried to hurt me? How did a birthday song relate to all of this? I couldn’t make sense of anything.
“Yes. The birthday song.” Ton repeated. “I can’t see its relation with your other illusions.”
“Or all of these happened on my birthday?” I said. “But what about that child’s voice? The image of when I was stabbed… it didn't happen when I was a child.”
“You said that you heard cheering to blow candles, too, right?” Ton asked. “When we talk about birthday cake and candle, what will we think of?”
“Children,” I replied.
“That’s right.” Ton said. “Maybe there wasn’t any child on that day, but you may relate what happened that day to the definition of the birthday.”
“Well, that’s possible.”
“But what I interest the most is that the attacker tried to send the message that he killed you. Why does he have to do that?”
“Is it weird for a psychopath?”
“Yes.” Ton shook his head. “Why does he need to do that exactly when you saw the photo? How could he know that you can remember something when for all the people who know are you and me?”
“What about that doctor?” I asked.
“You’ve seen him before?” Ton asked. “From my understanding, if the attacker wants to hurt you, covering himself must be number one priority. However, telling you the house number or something like that shows that he must know your house very well. I don’t think that the attacker who came to hurt you on one single night would be able to remember your house number. It doesn't count the case that he’d followed you for some times.”
“I don’t know anything about those.” I shook my head, feeling depressed. The more I tried to think and dig deeper in this matter, the more I felt bad. Even though I wanted to know the truth, my heart had denied something all these times.
“I’m sorry…” Ton said. “I forget that you’re not ready to talk about it.”
Ton took the cards out of the box again. He tried to smile to make me feel better.
“Anyway, let’s play a memory game so you can relax a bit.” Ton placed the cards into rows on the empty seat. “The rule is easy. The one who can remember more cards wins. You and I will have one minute to remember the card and where it is.”
“Fine…” I agreed without really paying attention.
“But just playing isn’t fun.” Ton smiled. “Let’s have a bet.”
“Bet on what?” I raised my eyebrows, feeling that Ton would set up a strange condition for me.
“The loser will have to pay for lunch, okay?”
“If I say no…?”
“Hey, we’ve never play this game before. Don’t you think that you can win?” Ton said playfully. “I read that women’s brain works better than men’s. Don’t you think that you’re refusing the bet and letting go the chance of winning?”
“Okay… Fine…” I agreed with annoyance.
“So, you agree, huh?” Ton winked. “Then, let’s start.”
We walked into a restaurant not far from my old house. Ton looked at the menu and smiled brightly.
“What should I order, hmmm?” His words had a hint of delight.
“Just pick something and stop bragging.”
“The loser shouldn’t complain, you know?” He smiled. “Moreover, I hadn’t forced you to agree. Can you remember that?”
I sat still, couldn’t go against the fact he said.
“Anyway, how can you remember all those cards?” I asked out of curiosity.
“Want to know my secret?” Ton laughed. “Nothing’s special. I just made up a story from them.”
“Make up a story?” I raised my eyebrows.
“Yes. Something like when I saw a King and a Queen, the story will be that the King marries the Queen. If the next card is a Jack, I might add that the King marries the Queen with the Jack standing beside them.”
“I see.”
“Good.” Ton ordered his food before turned back to me. His playfulness became serious.
“It’s probably useless to ask because we’re here now but I’ll ask you again anyway.” He weaved his hands together. “Are you sure that you won’t back down? You still have that chance.”
“I don’t know…” I avoided his eyes for a moment before staring back at them. “It might be… dangerous but I think that letting the attacker follows me like this is more dangerous.”
Ton nodded. The waiter came to serve the drinks then left. Ton paused to take his drink.
“Um.” He started. “If you’d already decided that, I’ll help you with everything I have. I just don’t want you to force yourself.”
“Thanks.” I forced a smile. “I’ll end this as soon as possible.”
We left the restaurant after finished the meal. On the way to my old house, I tried to look around, seeking for something out of the ordinary. I realized that everything around here might be the key to the answer I’d been looking for. I wanted myself to be reassured that this trip would end everything.
Houses and shops lined along the way we walked. I noticed some minor changes. Grandma who used to like sitting in front of a house was gone. A sweet shop I used to frequent was now closed. Paints on buildings became faded and brittle. Memories remained the same but the reality changed. Ending and lost stay with us, support us to go to the end, then sing us the song of eternal sleep. We have born to end. That the reason making our lives meaningful.
Many things might have ended, but our mind still yearned for them. I felt familiar with this place as if I’d never left here. The bond made the happiness stayed forever. However, this happiness hurt me after I learned that this place hid my dark past.
We walked until the end of the road. The old house stood grandly in front of us. The electric lines on the side were changed as Dad told me. I’d left this place for three years, but everything hadn’t changed much.
I took out the photo to make sure that this was the place I used to live. The place I once called home. Now it might be empty, but the livelihood from the past was still kept inside.
I looked at the house on the opposite side. Max’s old house was silent. No light could be seen. It was closed as if a dead house.
Since Max had moved to the dorm, I hadn’t asked him about this house again. I didn’t know what had happened after I moved away. Fate and time might already drive Max’s family away from here. I couldn’t confirm it. I didn’t know.
Ton stood still. He looked around the house I used to live with the doubtful eyes.
“It’s this house?” He asked. I nodded.
“Give me a minute.” He walked around the house, examined everything that might be dangerous for us. Ton might be laid back, but he’d always be very careful with important matters.
At that moment, a wasp flew from the sideway. I stepped back a bit to avoid it.
When I was young, I was hit by a wasp once. Its needle pierced into my flesh, released the deadly toxin. I cried out loud from pain. Dad took me to the hospital immediately. I still remembered his expression from that time. The cold mask broke into pieces. He was so scared. His eyes revealed the fear of losing.
I was in pain for quite some times, but the pain in my memory lasted even longer. I wasn’t scared of an insect that much. However, after that incident, whenever I saw one of them my intuition screamed for me to run.
“What’s the matter?” Ton turned to ask me.
“It’s a wasp,” I replied.
“A wasp?” Ton raised his eyebrows and walked to my side. “Well, that’s not a wasp. It’s a fly.”
“It’s a wasp.” I tilted my head a little. “A fly doesn’t look like this.”
“Yes. A normal fly doesn’t look like this.” He said while extended his hand forward. The wasp flew to stop on his finger. “This is a fly that has a similar appearance of a wasp. What strange is how come it appears here?”
“There’s something like that?”
“Don’t you see that it doesn’t hurt me?” He moved his hand closer to his face before shook his finger a bit to let the fly flown. “Because it looks like this, other animals are scared of it and allow it to survive longer.”
“It disguises as a wasp?” I raised my eyebrows.
“Nah.” Ton shook his head. “It doesn’t even realize how it looks. Other animals just think that it’s toxic and avoid it.”
“That’s strange,” I said.
“Yes. Nature has many strange things.” Ton said. “Probably like a human.”
“You start to compare something weird again.”
“Weird?” Ton laughed. “If we keep assuming things on our own, don’t you think it’s a bit hard to live?”
“Well, maybe.” I nodded in agreement.
He brushed the dust of his clothes, took a deep breath, and turned to me.
“Okay. Are you ready to go?”
I hesitated for a minute before nodded. We looked at the old building in front of us with strange feelings. Some secret was hidden in there, and this was the time to seek it out.
We walked inside together with straight neck and determined eyes. We had to throw away all hesitation if we wanted to know the hidden truth.
We had to sacrifice everything.
Old memories were replaced with the silent. The dark inside the house erased the warmth it once held.
The house wasn’t locked, so we got in easily. It was a bit bigger than the house we were living now. The room Ton and I were standing was the living room. The dining table was in the middle of the room. A pair of dark sofas was put in a corner. They used to be white but the time made it duller. The bright color turned to be blackish brown.
Their vast space invited people to rest on them. On the side was a bookshelf that looked as if it was ready to crumble. Not a single book was left on it.
The air in the room was full of dust and smoke. Spider web filled the corners and wood creaks. I could hear creaking sound with every step I took. Water dropping sound resonated around the house.
I touched the dining table lightly. This was the room Dad, and I used to have meals together. Now we might have a new happy place, but my heart still yearned for the gone memories.
Deep in the kitchen, the wall and the ceiling reminded me of my Dad’s cooking skill. He might like cooking, but the kitchen obviously refused to have him there. Every time he poured the oil into a pan, black smoke would cover the whole area and burnt smell would permeate the entire house. It always needed some times to settle the chaos down.
I was amused every time I thought of this. Even we’d brought the new house not so long ago, the kitchen here and the kitchen there weren’t that much different.
But those happy memories had something hidden in it.
The dark smoke here reminded me of something… Something that made me scared.
Blood…
This house might be full of fond memories, but it also concealed an indescribable disgusting atmosphere.
Ton walked behind me. He looked around and seemed to be alert.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I feel something strange about this place.” He said. “No one moved to live here after you’d moved away, right?”
I nodded, and Ton continued to ask. “Before you moved out, there’s so much smoke stain downstairs like this?”
“It did,” I said flatly. “My Dad always destroys the kitchen like this. Our new house is in the same condition.”
Ton looked at me doubtfully for a while before smiled.
“It’s probably like you say.” Ton said. “I probably overthink it.”
When we looked inside the kitchen, a mouse rushed out from under the sofa and went straight at me. I shrieked with shock. My body jumped automatically. I loudly hit my back to the wall on my right side.
“Are you alright?” Ton came to support me immediately.
“It’s okay. I'm all right.” I rubbed my back gently.
Ton smiled and supported me to get up.
Suddenly, blood was drained from his face. He looked straight through me. His eyes opened wide. His mouth is dried. Ton stepped back as if a monster was getting near.
I turned to look at the back with curiosity. What could make Ton that frighten? When I saw it, I was shocked with the answer.
Bloodstain has covered the wall. The once white wall was painted into dark brown. The smell of old blood that I knew shouldn’t actually exist started to arouse my senses. The smoke’s blackness and the red of blood mixed together disgustingly.
My stomach twisted terribly. A bitter taste rose through my neck. I had to force the overwhelming feeling down. Right at this moment, I noticed my pale hands and realized that I was too scared to face all of this alone.
The blood on the wall was the proof that what I saw wasn’t an illusion.
It was an image from the past, my disgusting history.
I used to die once. Here.
Ton took a few more steps back. He took deep breaths, trying to calm himself. He supported my weak body, touched my back lightly and tried to comfort my mind that was shaken by the dark truth.
“Just as I said.” Ton said. His voice was so low as if he was whispering.
“We shouldn’t be here…”