It is one week into the beginning of term. Sir wanted to have a word with me. I have delayed for a few days because Daniel said that there is no problem, so no rush.
I have just been to see Sir and he agrees with Daniel. Sir was very pleased to meet me. He has heard nothing but good about me and he is sure that I will work constructively with the school.
Sir is a tall, good looking man. He tends to stare out of the window a lot when he is supposed to be listening to parents.
Two weeks later and Sir wanted to have another word with me. I arrived at the appointed time and sat on a small chair. Sir sat opposite. He was on a small chair too. His knees touched his chin.
Daniel has been spitting at children in the playground at the beginning of the school day. Parents have complained and Sir can not blame them.
I asked Sir what had happened to Daniel’s job. He said that Daniel is nine years old and too old to be a register monitor. He said that Daniel should face up to his problems and take responsibility for his actions. We, as Daniel’s parents must take an arms-length approach and allow the school to discipline Daniel appropriately.
Daniel comes home and is excluded from school for three days. He hit a girl during the literacy hour. Daniel says that he hates girls. His baby sister was a girl. She died.
I do not want Daniel to go back to school. I want him to stay at home where he is happy and safe. Daniel is dying to go back to school. He says that he is missing Sir and he is sure that Sir is missing him. Daniel is also concerned about his dinner lady. She may be wandering around the playground on her own or someone else may be looking after her.
Daniel does not want either of these to be happening.
I asked Daniel to try to think of ways to keep out of trouble at school. He thought for a long time and came up with a splendid idea. Daniel explained that he hit the girl he had been made to sit next to at lunch time. When they returned to the classroom the girl laughed at him because he likes peas. This resulted in Daniel hitting her. He said that it was only a little hit but she cried a lot. Daniel said that the whole situation could have been avoided if he had been a sandwich boy. Not only has Daniel taken full responsibility for his actions he has also thought of a strategy to manage his own behaviour.
I am deeply impressed. That day I take Daniel to ASDA to buy an Action Man lunch box. My son is going to be the best sandwich boy on the block.
My Nan used to say that we are only given what we can cope with.
This wise old adage does not apply to packed lunches. Packed lunches take up to an average of three years of ones life. There is also the stress factor. Apparently, other mothers provide a wide range of sandwich fillings and interesting little nibbles. Their daily choice of crisps and liquid refreshment shows imagination and a commitment to a poor diet and rotten teeth.
I asked Daniel for his much needed support. I asked him what he likes. Daniel was horrified. He likes a surprise.
Daniel returned to school after his exclusion with hope and enthusiasm. Sir thinks that Daniel should put the incident behind him. Daniel has learned a valuable lesson and this is reflected in his good behaviour at lunch times. I told Daniel that I am proud of him.
Daniel said that we have Sir to thank because he is the best Sir in the world.
Today Sir told me that he is reading a book about emotionally damaged children. He said that these children need careful handling and understanding. They need the opportunity to talk about their experiences in a calm environment. They need to talk to someone who is non-judgmental and who values them. Sir thinks that the special someone is the educational psychologist. I thought it was me.
I am not one to hog the lime light so I expressed my gratitude and agreed to the referral. Every little helps. Sir said that the educational psychologist will help Daniel to form positive relationships with other children. Before long Daniel will be a normal, happy child, full of confidence and a good mixer.
When Daniel came home from school today he told me that Sir has made him move his desk. Now, Daniel sits alone in case he feels like hitting another girl.
Daniel thinks that it is a great idea. He said that he would never have thought of it himself and isn’t Sir dead clever.
The jury is out.
Daniel has not been able to return to school. He has an ear infection. Daniel is lying on the sofa with Duster. He will not be able to return to school this week. Daniel says that he is going to build the Titanic with Lego. His dad is going to help him. Daniel is not a bit concerned about Sir or his dinner lady. He says that they should be able to manage without him by now. I kiss Daniel’s forehead.
Daniel says that I am the best mum in the world.
When it comes to chic I don’t exactly cut the mustard. Daniel has often seen me with a paint brush but never with a mascara brush.
If I have a quick shower and wipe over my trainers with a damp duster I feel top-notch.
However, today, I decided to make a real effort for my visit to school. I wore my tightest jeans and shimmering blouse that was open to just below my throat. I felt quite seductive. The reason for the transformation was because I decided to chat-up Sir. Daniel still thinks that he is the best Sir in the world. I must be missing something. I am willing to use feminine wiles to find a point of contact with the man. I have the impression that Sir finds me a bit threatening. I am quite a bit older than him, I know quite a bit more about children and much, much more about Daniel. We need to put our heads together and discuss why Daniel is still having problems at school.
We need to trust each other. A squirt of perfume can’t do any harm.
When I entered the classroom I licked my lips and sucked in my cheeks. It was supposed to look sexy. It could have been mistaken for a gum boil. Sir was pleased to tell me that he is half way through reading his book about emotionally damaged children. He has just reached the bit where negative behaviour at school is often a reflection of difficulties at home. Sir wondered if family therapy would help. I explained that Daniel’s behaviour at home is quite normal. At home Daniel does not spit or hit or throw things. Daniel does not lie or kick or constantly swear. At home Daniel’s behaviour is good. We expect it to be. Sir thinks that Daniel is repressed.
At this point in the conversation Sir was like a dog with a bone. He is convinced that Daniel is not able to express himself at home. Sir delivered his verdict and stared out of the window. I was being dismissed.
As I walked out of the classroom I buttoned up my blouse. It is the last time I play the tart for him. When Daniel came home from school he told me that he has to stay in at play time for two weeks.
At morning break Daniel pushed a child under a dripping drain-pipe.
The child’s new shoes got wet and Sir reckons they could be ruined.
Sir fully expects the child’s parents to demand the money for a new pair of shoes. However in true Sir style he will have a quiet word with the parents and put things right. Daniel thinks that he is dead lucky to have Sir. Daniel told Sir that he is his best friend.
Sir telephoned me today. He still has a bee in his bonnet about family therapy. Sir had been to a lot of trouble to find the telephone number for the child and family unit at the local hospital. I thanked him for his trouble and pretended to write down the number.
I expected Sir to tell me about the dripping drain-pipe but he did not mention it. I gave a little prompt by asking him how Daniel is doing at school. Sir said that Daniel is doing fine. He thinks that this is due to the good relationship he has with Daniel. Sir explained that Daniel has told him that he is his best friend.
He is Daniel’s teacher. Barney is Daniel’s best friend.
Last night I lay in bed listening to Daniel cry softly. Every time I went into his bedroom he pretended to be asleep. Daniel has been in bed since he came home from school. He thinks he has chicken-pox. Daniel has had chicken-pox before and it felt just like this. I knew it wasn’t chicken-pox.
Whenever Daniel thinks that he has chicken-pox he wants tomato soup and a video in bed. This time he wanted nothing, not even me.
When I got up this morning Daniel’s eyes were swollen and his pillow was wet. However, he said that he was feeling alright and we commenced our usual morning search for matching socks. As I turned towards Daniel I could see silent tears running down his face.
He tried to stop crying. He tried to find his last bit of dignity. He could not find it. It was gone. Sir does not like Daniel anymore. Sir said that Daniel is a dummy because he lost his pencil. Daniel’s quiet sobs built up to a scream. I could barely make out the words, “I’m not a dummy. I’m a smart lad, honest Mum, I’m a smart lad”.
Daniel collapsed onto his bed. He was utterly broken. Sir does not like Daniel anymore. I will hate the man until the day I die. I decided to keep Daniel off school for the rest of the week. When I telephoned I said that Daniel had suspected chicken-pox. The school was not surprised. There is a lot of it about.
This morning Daniel went off to school with his lunch-box and a smile. He would have another smile later when he opened his lunch-box. Apart from his favourite food he would find a note telling him that he is not only great but dynamic. It also said that I love him.
I went to work but failed to achieve much. I could not concentrate. I wanted to be with Daniel. Last week I took some time off work and tried to put Daniel back together again. I let him win at Monopoly until he began to suspect something. I let him show me how to make a model airplane. I let him carry two bags of shopping because he is stronger than me. I let him believe that he really is a smart lad.
Today I was lost. I knew that Daniel had to return to school. He needs an education. apart from that, he had no spots. At lunch time I went to the library. I tried to find a book about home tuition.
When Daniel came home from school he was in a celebratory mood.
His day had been good. Daniel is going to be a shepherd in the school nativity play. He narrowly missed being Joseph. Daniel was delighted. Joseph has to talk to Mary. Daniel would rather talk to sheep. At Daniel’s suggestion we went out for tea. This was an occasion to be marked in an appropriate way. We drove to a rather posh country pub. It is a bit expensive and we usually save it for special occasions. What the hell! My son is going to be a shepherd.
Daniel smiled sheepishly as he studied the menu. He had saved the best bit of news of the day until now. Daniel told us that Sir likes him again. He waited for a reaction. I didn’t know what to say. I kept my eyes on the menu. I wasn’t hungry.
We have had a good build up to Christmas. I took Daniel Christmas shopping. He chose a Parker pen for Sir and chocolates and flowers for his dinner lady. Sir has given Daniel a card. Inside are the words “To Daniel, from your best friend.” Daniel has stuck it on his bedroom wall with Blue-tac. Daniel said that Sir must think that he is a really smart lad. Only smart lads can read double writing.
The next morning it was the day of the nativity and Daniel was a brilliant shepherd. He had no words to say. He said it all. As Daniel stood on the stage I could see his eyes searching for us. When he finally found us his eyes were shining brighter than the foil star above him.
They were shining brighter than all the stars in the sky. My son was born more than nine years ago. Today, I saw the star.
Daniel has seen the educational psychologist today. Apparently he is a nice man who knows a lot about football. He talked to Daniel for over an hour about football. Daniel was a bit bored but he thinks that it is good for a man to have a hobby. Daniel’s hobby is computers. He hates football. The psychologist asked Daniel if he is happy at home. Daniel told him that he is very happy at home.
Daniel told him that he loves his computer, his dog and his parents. The psychologist asked Daniel if we ever shout at him. Daniel was surprised at the question. Of course we shout at him. We are his parents.
The next day Sir telephoned. The educational psychologist is a bit concerned about Daniel. Apparently, we shout at him. I am no longer in control.
Daniel ran away from school today. He hit Sir then he ran away.
The police and Daniel’s head teacher searched the village. The head teacher and I arrived at our house at the same time. Daniel was in the garden. He was cold and shivering. I wrapped my coat around Daniel and cuddled him. Daniel was swearing viciously at his head teacher. Daniel told him that he is not going to school again. No one likes Daniel and Sir hates him. No one wants Daniel at their school.
The head teacher shook his head sadly. He looked at me and said “What on earth have we done to him?”.
I took Daniel inside and made the house warm and cosy. Daniel calmed down almost immediately but he stayed wrapped in my coat for over an hour. Daniel was tired. I took him upstairs and we both lay in his bed with tomato soup and a video.
Now it is late in the evening and Daniel’s head teacher has just telephoned. He apologised for bothering us but he could not settle without knowing how Daniel was doing. I was just about to mention chicken-pox when I changed my mind. Something in the tone of his voice suggested the seeds of a plan. I was right.
There is a behaviour support worker who may be able to help. She will spend time with Daniel in the classroom and she will help him to cope with the day to day situations which seem to confuse him.
Daniel will have firm, clear boundaries and he will be helped to understand what is expected of him. The support worker will have regular contact with us and with our social worker if we wish. The head teacher is sure that I will like the support worker. I already do.
We went on to discuss more immediate issues. The head teacher will have to conduct an inquiry about the hitting of Sir incident. He suggested that Daniel should stay at home until Monday in order to calm down a bit. We are to have a meeting on Monday morning. Our social worker and the behaviour support worker will also be invited.
The head teacher asked me if I had any other suggestions. I asked him if Daniel could have his job back. He said that Daniel could certainly have his job back. He hinted that there might be a bit of a promotion.
I have a boss in a million. Not only does she allow me to have time off work at a short notice, she is also willing to listen to me for hours when I telephone her about our latest crisis. When she is totally saturated with my moaning the telephone is passed around our office so that I can moan to anyone else who is around.
The cleaner must be sick of me.
Today I had to stay at home with Daniel. I wanted to be at work. I wanted to be sitting in my little corner with a coffee and a cake. I wanted all my colleagues around me. I wanted each and every one of them.
Daniel wanted to close the curtains and light candles. We covered the coffee table with foil and found our box of candles. We have lots of candles. Each one is a person. They all live in different areas of the table. Daniel’s birth parents are in a far corner. We are the big candles in the centre of the table with Daniel. Grandma constantly flits and flickers around. She is an energetic women who has a lot of people to visit. Daniel has had lots of foster carers.
His favourite foster carer is adorned with glitter and a drawing pin. Duster is a scented candle because he smells. We also have a candle heaven where Daniel’s other grandma lives with his baby sister. This area is carefully circled with some Christmas tinsel. Daniel thinks that it looks like a halo. The school for candles is the top of a tissue box.
Daniel’s dinner lady seems happy in her surroundings. As we light the candles we talk about each one. Daniel knows that each one has loved him. It is nearly tea time. I have put all the candles away.
Daniel is fast asleep on the sofa. He is all burnt out.
I truly admire our social worker. She can cook pasta and listen to me all at the same time. I can’t even cook pasta. I telephoned her last night to tell her about the meeting with the behaviour support worker on Monday. She would not miss it for the world. She is going to find out all she can about behaviour support workers. Later I telephoned my boss. She said that she would find out about behaviour support workers too. My boss said that she would rope-in her husband for good measure.
Her husband is the head teacher of a primary school and he has a wealth of knowledge. Apart from that, he’s lovely.
My thirst for knowledge about behaviour support is part of my strategy. I have worked out that Daniel’s behaviour support worker is the perfect parent of two point four perfect children. She will know all about parenting skills. I need to know all about behaviour support. I do not want her to feel disadvantaged.
Daniel went back to school today. He was brimming with enthusiasm. We told him that he will be in another class for a few days. It will be a class for older children and Daniel relished the thought of new faces and more advanced work. He will handle the work admirably. We told him that he has got his old job back with added responsibilities. Daniel will be employed as a register monitor-come-office boy. Daniel was delighted. He decided that his first job will be to show the office ladies how to use the photocopier. It is always best to start at the bottom.
The meeting was scheduled for 10:30am. Our social worker arrived in plenty of time for a cup of coffee and a chat. She declined the offer of a double brandy so I didn’t bother either. Our social worker has the ability to make me feel all cosy and cared for. A conversation with her is like having a warm hug. I expect she can do warm hugs too. She makes me feel totally capable. She makes me feel that I am walking ten feet tall. Today, I could not have walked to school without her.
We were the first to arrive. The head teacher was a bit late. He was being a clown in the infants assembly. Throughout the meeting he wore a red nose. I wonder if all head teachers are lovely.
we were introduced to the behaviour support worker. She told us that she has not been doing the job very long and she is still learning. She told us about her young son. He is an only child who has an untidy bedroom and a bad attitude. She wonders where she went wrong. I was absolutely bowled over.
Sir arrived at the eleventh hour. He wanted to tell us about the hitting incident.
Apparently, Daniel did not hit Sir. Daniel barged past Sir in an a temper and bumped into him with his shoulder.
Sir said that this is a technical assault and that he would be within his rights if he refuses to teach Daniel.
Sir said that Daniel is ten years old and of the age of criminal responsibility. Daniel has been ten years old for twenty seven days.
Sir went on to say that Daniel had told him that he is “pee-d off” about being adopted. Daniel does not say “pee-d off”.
I have taught him a better command of the English language. I looked at Sir. He tried to avoid my eyes.
I could see that his nose was growing.
Many decisions were made at the meeting. Daniel will return to Sir’s class in a couple of days. The support worker will have a long chat with Daniel. she will make twice weekly visits to the school and spend some time with him. We were asked if we had any questions.
We had lots. When we could not think of any more our social worker asked some. We returned home tired and happy. I have total confidence in the support worker. The bad times are over.
Duster wants a cat. Daniel says so. He can tell by Duster’s face.
Daniel thinks we are really lucky to save some kittens in our shed. A stray cat strayed in and immediately gave birth in our garden shed.
Apparently, a similar thing happened to Jesus. We planned to let the kittens grow a bit and then ask the RSPCA to re house them. Daniel had a better idea. He has been working on his dad. Daniel knows that I am a push over.
This morning Daniel found one of the kittens in the garden. The kitten was stiff, cold and probably dead. We put the dead kitten in a cosy box in front of the fire but it still looked dead. The RSPCA man came and collected the others. Then we all looked at the dead one.
He opened his big blue eyes and yawned happily as he came alive.
Apparently a similar thing happened to Jesus.
Duster loves Tigger. He takes him everywhere. Tigger travels around the house in Duster’s mouth. Duster is a big believer in care in the community. Tigger has been washed and shown around the garden. Duster has done it all. We are a fully functioning family.
Daniel is happy beyond belief. He loves everyone and he knows that everyone loves him. To cap it all Daniel’s office ladies have given him a box of cream eggs as a token of their respect.