Among Fathers
The relationship between kids and non-custodial fathers are often more strained and difficult compared to kids and non-custodial mothers. Fathers can become very detached and disinterested from their kids. A lot fathers actually did not visit or see their children after the divorce or separation. There are big issues revolving around the loss of a father, such as the absence of a disciplinarian or an authoritative figure in the home. The lack of a father also means less overall income in the home, because male income generally is greater compared to single working moms. More stress and strain are usually experienced by the kids without a male parent.
Reducing Single Parent Stress
Solo parenting is not unique. At least 25% of American children today live in a single parent home. Many parents are divorced, others are solo parents by choice, the rest are widowed, but whatever the reason is, raising a child alone creates a lot of stress. If you are a single mom or dad, here are the things you can do to help minimize the overwhelming stresses as a single parent.
Get a hold of your finances
Making sure that you have stable source of income to support your child is difficult. Hence, it is important that you know where your money is going and that it is going where it should be. Learn how to budget properly. Think of long term investment such as college and retirement.
Control your life
Stress can be a real menace: it removes you from your comfort zone, it gives you reason to be irritated more easily, it removes your concentration. But instead of allowing stress to control your emotion, and thus your action and outlook in life, control your stress. Plan your everyday activity. If you have several tasks to do, think of the one you are doing and forget about others. That's the only way you can accomplish things properly.
Do not isolate yourself
Spending time with friends is a luxury you can't afford. After all, you can't spend enough time with your kids. But remember that you need to socialize and associate yourself with people. Treat your friends as a support group. They will be able to help you put things in the right perspective, lighten up your mood if necessary, help you with some home tasks, and be there when you need support. Single parenting can be very lonely if you entertain negative thoughts and live in a lonely environment.
Establish a routine
Setup a schedule for meals, bedtime, chores, and other family functions so that you and your kids know what to expect. Knowing what you will do everyday helps you and your kids feel more relaxed and organized.
Talk to your kids
Your kids should not remain blind from the real situation of the house. Try to create an honest conversation about your financial standings, the changes around the house, and the adjustments they need to do. Once they realize what's happening, they will be willing to help.
Don't put the blame to your kids
It is not their fault if your life is not a living dream, so do not use family problems as reasons to treat your kids badly. It will never help.
Secrets Of Successful Single Parents
Not all single parents struggle with single parenthood. A large number of them, in fact, enjoy the process. Here are the secrets of some of the most successful single parents.
Acceptance of full responsibility.
Some single parents tend to see their situation as a huge roadblock for living a happy life. They only see the problems of their situation and all the possible ways to exaggerate them. Successful single parents do not do this. They neither exaggerate nor understate whatever they have.
Commitment.
From the day you have become a single parent, your main focus is your family and its well-being. If you can believe it in your heart that you live just so your child can survive and have a good life and if you genuinely commit yourself to taking care of that child who is born of your own flesh, single parenting will be just as good as having a partner to raise your child.
Open communication.
Good single parenting involves open communication which encourages children and adults alike to express their feelings and thoughts about the issues affecting their family. Open communication does not only allow children to directly participate with family affairs but it also allows the entire family to function more as a unit while maintaining the individuality of each of the members.
Appreciation of the advantages of single parenthood.
The advantages of being a single parent certainly pale in comparison with the advantages of having a complete family. However, there are still some benefits to raising your kid alone. You can as a single parent, for example, make important decisions for the family without the interference of another person. Find the strength in these advantages.
Working as a family.
The problem with many single parents is that often they do it alone, which is very destructive to themselves and their kids. To be successful in single parenting, one should realize that each member of the family is capable of contributing to the solution of any problem.
Enjoying the process.
Successful single parents are not bitter about their situation. If you see single parenting as pathological and not as an option, you will find it much more difficult than it actually is. Parenting, single or otherwise, is a wonderful experience. Being the child of a parent who enjoys his lifelong job can be very rewarding for the kid. Do not rob yourself and your kid the enjoyment of a family by thinking that single parenthood is a devastating disease. It is not. Think of it as a good option to share your life with your kid more fully.
Single Parenting And Parent Visitation
Parents are humans. It can be hard for them to see the excitement in the eyes of their children when it's time to visit their other parents. They can get jealous because their child seeks the love and attention of their other parent. They can even feel remorseful for the attention the other parent gets.
As a single parent, it is okay to feel all this. As the sole person who takes care of your kid, you feel that it is only right that you get all the attention and love from your kid. Understand that one parent alone, no matter how good, loving or attentive that parent is, can never fill the space left by the other parent. The kid will always look for that missing something that only their other parent can provide.
Tips That Can Make Parent Visitation Work For You
Allow your child to not feel guilty about loving his other parent. Do not rob your kid and your ex-spouse the excitement of spending time with one another. Even if the feelings run high whenever you see them happy together, do not show it. This could spoil the fun for your child.
Harbor no bad feelings about your ex-spouse. This part is, without a doubt, very difficult to do. But for the sake of your child, try not to speak poorly towards your ex-spouse. More importantly, do not trash your ex-spouse in front of your kids. Instead, speak well about her mother or father. Do this even when he or she speaks poorly of you. For all you know, trashing your ex-spouse in gesture and words can hurt and humiliate your child. Not to mention, this can put the distance between you and your kid.
Talk and let your kid talk. Once your kid gets back home, talk about the happy things that have happened around your house while he was away so he won't feel like being left out. Encourage your kid to talk about the fun things he has experienced with his dad or mom. Do not pressure your kid to talk if he doesn't feel like it. Do not ask questions that he is not comfortable answering. If he doesn't feel ready to talk about his other parent, don't push him. This will force your kid to close up in order to protect his other parent.
Allow your child to adjust. Kids show different temperaments when they get back to their original home after a visitation. Some become upset, stay quiet, or withdrawn. Others act up, feel happy about the swapping while at the same time feel guilty and disloyal towards you. Allow your kid to adjust and get used to the house. Give them a few minutes, hours or even days to become accustomed again to your house.
Single Parenting and Staying Healthy
In a two-parent home, when one parent is sick, the other can still go to work and take care of the family. In a single parent home, things are different. The custodial parent cannot afford to miss work and the responsibilities at home. Since everything relies on her or him, she or he has to work regardless of her conditions. No matter how well a single parent takes care of herself or himself, getting sick is next to impossible. If you are in this position therefore, is to remain healthy and avoid sickness as long as possible.
The first thing you have to guarantee to yourself is sleep. Getting enough sleep at night allows your body to recover, release stress, regain strength, and prepare for the following day. No matter how much work you have or how many chores that needs to be done when you get home, you have to maintain a regular sleep-wake cycle. This way, your body can anticipate and can prepare itself for rest. If getting deep sleep is difficult, remember to relax or practice a regular routine like taking a shower before going to bed. Once you train your body, you have better chances of getting the rest you deserve.
Eat right. Single parents usually have poor diet simply because they do not have the time and cannot afford to sit down and get a good meal. If it sounds familiar, there are things you need to change. First, eating right means eating breakfast, lunch and dinner. Skipping meals should not become a habit. Food selection is also important. Get a balanced meal. Eat more fruits and vegetables.
Get a regular exercise routine. You need not enroll to a gym to get your body going and burn some calories. A short run every morning, bike during weekends or other physical activities, as long as you do it on a regular basis should be enough to keep your body fit and healthy. In most cases, single parents love to inject some exercise in their daily activities but fail to do it because of time restrictions. What you should do is to treat exercise as one of your top priorities. Once you learn to prioritize this, it becomes more natural.
Getting enough rest, wise food selection and regular exercise are not exclusive to single parents. However, because of all the responsibilities you need to do and the roles you need fulfill, you, among all other people are in need of these things.
Single Parenting: Being A Good Parent For Your Kid
Single parenting is a strain no matter which direction you look at it. An average day consists of juggling yourself and your time between your kid, your job's, your bills, and yourself. These are not excuses to make life a living hell for your kid. There are many things you can do and should not do to make yourself into a good single parent.
Build a positive image of your ex-partner.
If this is impossible for you to do, then just try not to bad talk your ex-partner in front of your kid. The fact that your family is no longer the way it used to is already giving your kid a lot of stress. Don't make your family's situation a bit more of a struggle by 'poisoning' your kid's mind for any reason. Your child deserves a father or a mother. Denying him that would not only rob him off a father or mother figure but a good concept of family and adult relationships.
Be emotionally present for your child.
Your child needs you more today than he ever needed you before. You may understand by now that you are not alone in your suffering; your kid shares your suffering. Whatever you are going through, he has to go through. If you feel that you have lost a life partner, remember that your kid lost something more valuable, a family. It would be unfair for you to abandon your kid when he is stressed out the most.
Turn your house back to being a home.
It is not enough that your kid has a roof over his head or a shirt over his back. What he really needs is a family, a whole one. Although it is now quite impossible to restore the way things were, it is possible to build new foundations for a new home.
Make your new home as nurturing and as peaceful as possible. Do not let the troubles of the past overwhelm your family and the uncertainty of the future trouble your kid. Establish well defined, commonly agreed upon house rules and be firm about them.
Be good to yourself.
At the core of being a good single parent is being good to yourself. When you are unwell, emotionally and physically, your kid may feel it and be guilty about it. Keep in mind that a stressed out parent almost always produces a stressed out child.
Find good role models for your child.
Even if you could take the role of a father and a mother at the same time, there will always come a time when your child will be needing a father figure or a mother figure. In the deepest recesses of his mind, he searches for that someone who can complete his concept of a family. If this is not properly addressed by a good role model that can take the role of a father or a mother, the child might go his own way and find his own models.
Single Parenting for Fathers
Single parenting can be a very difficult task for either men or women. However, the men may find some adjustments quite confusing and challenging. Men are generally known to be technical and practical, so most of the roles they play in the home involves providing and physically helping their kids. Single fathers have to start adjusting by becoming more sensitive to the mental and emotional needs of their kids. Here are some vital guidelines.
New Roles in the Home
The father has to adjust to several things should he gain custody over the child. First, he should start becoming more concerned about the mental and emotional needs of the child as much as he cares for the kid's physical well-being. This means having to go home earlier than usual and spending more time. The father has to learn how to balance working at the office and staying at home whenever possible. Some fathers may take the weekend off and hang out at the park to play with their children, or others may quit their current job entirely to find another that allows them more space and time to raise their kid adequately.
The father has to learn some of the common tasks that mothers usually do, like cleaning the house and rooms, washing the dishes, cooking breakfast and making snacks for school. The father will have to read about the right things that the child has to be exposed to like the right television channels, books and magazines. The father has to be a disciplinarian as well as a loving parent whom the child can turn to during distress.
Growing Up
Single fathers need to adjust when their child reaches various levels of development as well. A lot of single fathers admit that raising a daughter is harder compared to raising a son. This is because male parents already understand the basic needs and demands of a growing boy. When raising daughters, the father usually expects the mother to be responsible and take charge. Fathers who raise their daughter independently can become very good at applying makeup, doing their child's hair, be updated about the latest female fashion trends and watch more girl movies and television shows.
Striking the Balance
Fathers will have to make the necessary actions that will make them good providers, as well as sensitive partners in times of need. The father has to know the signs and symptoms of depression among single parent kids. In some cases, the lone father may seek help and guidance from the appropriate agencies or may talk to a female mentor to provide effectively to the different concerns of the growing kid. Fathers have to be very balanced, being bold, strong and caring at the same time. The father has to take the role of being the protector, the provider, the career and the light of the home.
Where to Get Help
There are several materials and resources available online for single fathers. A lot of these web sites and online discussion boards provide tips and other articles that will help fathers understand their growing child more to become an effective parent. You can rely on some groups and agencies that provide books, seminars and programs that will help fathers cope with the various challenges that come with raising children.
Trust and Reward
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