Making Single Parenting a Breeze by Terry Clark - HTML preview

 

There are benefits from living in two separate homes. Children can experience different approaches around the house from which they can later pattern their homes after. While this may be confusing for the kids at first, in time, they will be able to judge for themselves the best things about both homes and bring these lessons with them.

 

Single parenting often involves extended family members to help with raising the kids. Because grandfathers, grandmothers, aunts, and uncles are involved with raising the child, the children from single parent families learn to build meaningful adult relationships along the way.

 

You may not be raising your child in a so-called 'ideal family', but think about it, raising a kid in single-parent family is not that bad after all.

 

 

Single Parenting Tips - Making Joint Custody And Visitation Exchanges Work

 

When joint custody and child visitation exchanges have been ruled by the court, there's one issue that becomes inevitable, how difficult the process will be for the child.

 

Kids need the presence of both their moms and dads. They need father and mother figures that can give them a sense of family. Children of divorced couples are no exemption. But these children, almost always have to undergo processes that are out of their hands and are too difficult for them to understand. To say the least, they will have to go back and forth from mommy's place to daddy's house. This may seem like a good arrangement for parents and their children, but it still remains a very difficult process. Here are some suggestions that can make swapping a little less troublesome for the kids.

 

Communicate with your ex-spouse.

Even good divorces have their share of conflicts which may manifest during exchanges. Try to work out solutions to make co-parenting and child visitation and exchanges as harmonious, peaceful, and simple as possible. No one suffers more from pent up animosity between ex-couples than the children between them.

 

Work out a default plan.

Conflicts, discord and arguments will certainly arise during the course of child visitation. It is not a bad idea to create a fully implementable default plan that have been agreed upon by you and your ex-spouse which will be used in case of dispute. This lessens a lot of confusion and minimizes the possibility of further problems that may severely affect the relationship between you, your ex-spouse and the child or children between you.

 

Adopt a business-like attitude with child exchanges and child visitation.

When 'swapping' your kid between your houses, it is best to adopt an positive attitude that can be helpful in making the process as smooth as it can be. This should not be the platform to be used for discussing and negotiating vacation times and child support.

 

Keep your child's best interest a priority.

This is not between you and your ex-spouse anymore. It is an issue that directly concerns your child. When making exchanges, always prioritize your child's best interest, not yours or your ex-spouses. This means that you will have to compromise your interest in exchange for what your kid truly wants.

 

Keep the transition smooth.

Prepare the kid beforehand. Allow him to be well-rested the night before the exchange. Ready his things. Take the child over to the receiving parent's place. Avoid the drama by allowing another person to act as mediator between you ex-spouses (this mediator is, for example, responsible for shuttling the kid back and forth the house of both parents). Most importantly, make the kid feel happy about the exchange. If this is impossible for you to do, it is best that you just avoid discouraging your child from going to his other parent's house or avoid making him feel guilty about spending the weekends with his other parent.

 

 

Single Parents and Non-Custodial Visitations

 

Single parenthood can be very complicated. The process can have financial, physical, mental and emotional effects on both parents, including the missing one, and the child. It is important that you understand the roles of each, so that the child can continue to grow and become a very stable and independent individual. Children of single parents can still see their non-custodial father or mother, provided that the limitations and rules are well set.

 

Being Allowed to Visit

 

In the case of separation or divorce, parents are still allowed to visit their children, provided that there are already set rules and regulations to help the child grow up to be very independent and stable. If the parents did not go through the judicial system or a legal process to formalize the divorce or separation, then the parents themselves may set their own rules and regulations. There are also several cases wherein the parents stuck with the terms and agreement, thereby letting the child develop fully even with just one custodial parent. If the divorce went through a trial court, then the involved parents should strictly follow the terms and other conditions of the agreement.

 

Via a Trial Court

 

A divorce or separation via a trial court will mean that the parents will be categorized as either custodial or non-custodial. The custodial parent will be responsible primarily for rearing and caring for the child. The non-custodial parent will be responsible for certain tasks and duties, particularly financial matters to help assist in the different needs of the growing child. The custodial parent will be responsible for providing the home, the education, food, clothing and other needs. The court will also require the primary parent to spend time with the child for a minimum number of hours. Between the two parents, the primary parent will need to have more time.

 

The non-custodial parent may no longer be responsible for providing most of the basic needs. He or she will provide financial assistance and other types of help should the child need it. In the case of emergencies or accidents, the non-custodial parent can still represent the child if the primary parent is not available. The non-custodial parent may be provided with time with the child, which explains why some single parent kids spend time with their non-custodial parent on weekends.

 

About Visitation Rights

 

The divorce rate in the United States has risen by more than 50%. A lot of adults are actually struggling to balance the established state laws and the divorce decree. Visitation rights are being considered thoroughly to ensure that the kids grow up to be very balanced. The child can suffer from mental and physical health complications if the visitation rights are not properly arranged.

 

To become healthy, the children may need to discuss the matter with the separating parents. Experts do not advise parents to let their child choose which parent they want to live with. This can have very big complications and profound effects that will last for a lifetime. The state law will finalize the outline of the visitation rights of each parent. Non-custodial parents will find that the outline is easier and can become non-compliant with the orders given. Complications can develop among children if their non-custodial parent fails to visit them regularly.

 

The Duration

 

Based on the terms of the child visitation order, the days and hours of visitation with the child will be established. For majority of kids, the terms of the visitation are explained fully so that the child can relieve stress and to provide structure to the schedule. When a non-custodial parent fails to be present for the designated visitation or if the non-custodial parent does not return the child to the house during the established period, profound distress and anxiety can result. Children suffering from this kind of stress can develop poor behavior, health complications and unstable emotional responses.

 

Modifying the Plan

 

If the child develops severe stress, pain and anxiety as a result of the non-compliance of the non-custodial parent, the primary parent may seek help from the court and other agencies. The rules and may change, requiring the non-compliant parent not to see the child to ensure that the child does not suffer from further stress and other mental and emotional problems.

 

 

Single Parents' Key To Happiness

 

There are single parents by choice, but most become single parents out of necessity and unavoidable circumstances. Either way, taking on the responsibility of both mother and father is not really what most people have in mind.

 

Being a single parent is a big challenge. For many, this is too much to handle and can lead to the feeling of emptiness and unsatisfied life. But rather than choosing to feel negatively about yourself and life in general, you can always go at the brighter side of life despite the difficulties and the responsibilities presented in front of you. If you are a single parent and you want to change your perspective in life, here are some tips that will help you succeed in doing just that:

 

Acceptance - There are things beyond your control and things do not always go as planned. If you are going to insist that things should happen this way instead of that, you are cooking a perfect recipe for misery.  Rigidity may help in some ways, but if the situation presented to you is something that is beyond your control, just accept it. The more you fight the current, the more difficult it is for you to move on. Go with the flow. Accept what you have and do not look for something that is not there.

 

Appreciate - You are not placed in that situation by chance. You are what you make of yourself. So instead of feeling sorry about how difficult it is to singlehandedly support your kids, appreciate every moment you have with them. It is you who has the power to change your life, but if you do not appreciate the things you have, you will remain blind of what you can become.

 

Support Group - Single parents cannot tackle life alone, they must seek support of a person (or people). The adage, a problem shared is a problem halved remains true in this situation. Keep a support group by your side whether it is your family, relatives, or friends. 

 

Have a positive outlook in life - Although life can play tricks on you, it should not stop you from dreaming of a better future and aspiring to become a better person. This is the only way that will make you strive despite of everything. Stay motivated, dream big, and life for the sake of your children and especially yourself.

 

 

Statistics About Single Parenting

 

Statistics has a lot to do with the number of single parents today. Single parenting has also increased significantly throughout the years for several reasons. There are pros and cons to the approach, depending on the parties involved and the issues. You have to know more about the figures then determine if single parenthood is the right way to go. You may be able to observe the trend across the world as globalization triggers the changes.

 

Among Men and Women

 

The US Census Bureau released some facts in August 2007, which revealed that there are around 13.6 million single parents living in the United States. These lone parents are responsible for the care of 21.2 million kids, which is about 26% of all the kids aged under 21 in America at present. About 84% of all custodial parents are women or mothers, and 16% are men or fathers.

 

Among the women, 44% are either separated or divorced, 33% are never married, 22% are married or have remarried and 1% is widowed. Among fathers, 57% are either separated or divorced, 24% are now married or have remarried, 18% are never married and 1% is widowed. These numbers show that death is not a very likely cause of single parenthood.

 

The Financial Digits

 

Majority of mothers (79%) are employed and earning comfortably. 50% of the women work full time all year-round, while 29% work only part-time or during certain periods of the year. 92% of all single fathers are employed and living comfortably. 74% work all-year round with full time jobs, while 18% only work part-year and part-time.

 

Custodial single mothers and their kids living in poverty in certain parts of the United States (27%), while 11.1% of custodial single fathers and their kids are categorized as poor. 31% of all parents raising their kids alone get public assistance, but only 6% get TANF or the Temporary Assistance for Needy Families.

 

More Conditions

 

Among all custodial mothers, 37.7% are aged 40 years old or older. Majority of custodial mothers (56%) are taking care of one child from the missing parent. 44% of the single mothers have 2 or more kids living with them.

 

More Effects

 

People who try to raise their kid independently are more vulnerable to becoming poor compared to couple families. Single mothers are also observed to be unhealthier compared to women who lived with a partner. Single parenthood is highly linked to an increased risk to negative behavior, social skills and emotional responses among kids. Majority of kids, however, who come from single parent families still fare well. Some of the factors that affect the development of children in single-parent families include the income of the family, the support of the family, friends and other significant others to the children, the education level, age and current occupation.

 

Across the Globe

 

Swedish research has shown that kids who grew up in single parent homes are more likely to commit suicide or attempt suicide before they turn 26 years old, compared to children who grew up with two parents. About 2.2% of girls and 1% of boys commit suicide because of the effects of growing up in a single parent family.

 

The number of single parents has also significantly grown all over the world. From 2001 to 2008, the numbers have increased by 11%. A decade before that, the growth has grown by 23%. Several factors are observed to trigger the growth of single parent families, such as new national and local laws, modern lifestyle and the decreasing number of fertile couples all over America and the world.

 

On Adoption

 

The US Department of Health and Human Services has revealed that 33% of adoptions is by a single parent. About .5% to 4% of individuals who successfully adopt are single. During the 1980s, about 8% to 34% of single parents adopted. The numbers continue to increase, although options nowadays have widened to inter-country or international adoptions.

 

Majority of single adoptive parents are women, and tests show that they prefer to adopt kids ages 4 to 7 years old than babies. Applicants for adoption are usually self-selective. Majority or independent but may have support from friends and family. Single parents in the US preferred adoption special needs kids who were described as older, a minority race or handicapped.

 

 

The Disadvantages of Single Parenting

 

Single parenting, whether by choice or out of force of nature, is a challenge. The responsibilities that should be shared by couples are all placed on the custodial parent. The most prominent of these is the finances.

 

Securing that there is a stable finances that would cover the needs of the family can be difficult, especially if there is no financial support on the part of the spouse. This isn't much of the case for the fathers as it is for the mothers as men often have better chances of landing a job with better pay than women. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, as of 2007, there approximately 13.6 million single parents in the country, 84% if which are custodial mothers.  Among these, only 79% are gainfully employed (50% work full time and about 29% work part-time or part-year). As a result, custodial mothers are forced to work more than what is required just to support their children. Many custodial mothers tend to live with their parents as it is more economical than living separately.

 

Should the custodial mother choose to maintain a separate home, there are the issues of daily expenses, housing, utilities, health care, education, college plan, retirement fund, and daily grocery.  Any custodial parent also has to struggle between quality time with the kids and working extra hours to earn more. Keeping the balance between home duties and financial security is far difficult than ever, not to mention other concerns regarding the family.

 

Then, there is the factor of broken family. Whether the children live with the father of with the mother, whether the non-custodial parent is allowed visitations, and whether the parents are in good non-marital relationship, the fact still remains wherein the children live under the less desirable and non-ideal setup. This creates a negative impact to children.

 

Nonetheless, being a single parent is a problem only if you let it be a problem. Yes, it is true that there are difficulties in carrying out the responsibility of being both the father and the mother. Remember this though: all good things are not easy to come by. With all the things said about the difficulties of being a single parent, in the end, you are the only person who carries your destiny. The choice is yours to make the situation work for you or not.

PREV   NEXT