Challenges and rewards: letting go of the old and embracing the new, also involved moving beyond the past, breaking ties and moving on. As mentioned earlier, this causes a lot of stress and anxiety (especially for the kids). It is journeying into the unknown, uncertain and un- chartered waters and territory.
As a member of this new family situation and context, unit, everyone has a role to play and a contribution to make. Whether you are in an only child or multiple children situation, you will feel the weight of this one on your shoulder. These children's lives are entrusted and loaned to you to champion, enable, empower and foster. You are all they've got. You are the one left behind. Some children cope with changes, loss and upheaval better than others. NO TWO KIDS ARE THE SAME.
Dealing with fights, rebellious behavior, bad grades, even isolation and detachment, can be hard at times - especially if they are your own children. You can try and compensate for the missing parent but never replace or bad mouth. Teach and model respect, forgiveness and consideration, no matter how tough the situation. They are now looking to you for guidelines and direction.
If you have an only child, you might see this as your ONE opportunity to get things right. Do not put too much pressure and expectation on either of you. Enjoy and foster, grow your relationship, bond and connection.
Being over-protective is the real danger here. Attachment and preoccupation is quite common as kids become the core of our being and existence. They are the reason we live. Sometimes we as the single parent can take this too far and need to step back somewhat to allow our kids to live their lives, explore and define who they are, outside of us and the family unit.
THESE ARE THE FIVE “S” approaches to dealing with an only child:
Self-definition - who are you, where do you fit in and you are not the ONLY person in this household or the world that matters. Self-assured and important, self-absorbed and selfish need not be tolerated. Appreciation and consideration of others needs to be taught at home, in the family, even and especially if there is an only child in the unit.
Socialization - interacting with others, beside yourself is critical, especially kids their own age, friends and other neighborhood adults and families can also help. It is important for them to be and act their age!