Smart Parenting by InovIngeBooks - HTML preview

CHAPTER 6: PROMOTING GENDER

SENSITIVITY

We find it normal when boys mess around with plastic

popguns and girls play with floral patterned tea sets. But if they

trade toys, most of us are overcome with uneasiness, shock, or even

anger. Experts say that kids grow into well-rounded adults if their

parents allow them to explore all possibilities – and this includes

stripping them of gender biases. Therefore, seeing your baby girl

play with toy cars and Junior play with Barbie Dolls shouldn't be

viewed as a threat, but as an avenue for children to reach their full

potential.

Children begin to form their own concept of gender identity –

or the sense of being a boy or a girl – by age one. Some say gender

identity is biologically determined. Most psychologists, however,

believe that gender identity is determined by environmental factors,

particularly in the way parents, relatives, and peers treat children.

Once a child's gender identity is established, "gender stability" takes

place – which is when children develop gender-typical behaviors.

Though physically different, both girls and boys should be

given equal opportunities to develop their potentials to the fullest.

Doing so boosts their self-image and emotional stability. By

removing gender stereotypes, you allow your children to explore and

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Raising Happy and Responsible Children in the 21st Century

develop latent gifts and talents that could otherwise be left

untapped.

It is possible to raise children who are not 'sexist' in their

points of view, who have respect for both males and females.

Positive parent and teacher child interactions are crucial in forming

bias-free outlooks, attitudes, and actions in children. For instance,

encourage both boys and girls to keep their rooms clean, fold their

own clothes, and put their shoes in place. Just because a woman

usually cleans up the mess, it doesn't mean that only females

perform these chores. Also, mom and dad should switch household

chores once in a while. Dad can do the cooking or iron the clothes,

while mom takes out the trash or washes the car.

Allow both girls and boys to express their emotions. A boy has

as much right to break out in tears as a girl has to show assertive

behavior in venting her frustration. In addition, boys should be

taught to be nurturing and compassionate, while praise and

courage should be instilled in girls.

Prompting Gender-Issue Discussions for Kids

While watching a movie or TV show, ask your kids these

questions:

Count all the characters in the show. How many are girls? How

many are boys?

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Smart Parenting

Do the boys act differently from the girls? How? Why do you think

that is the case?

How many characters in the show were aggressive or violent? How

many of the aggressive or violent characters were boys?

Which character do you want to be? Why?

What did you like about the show? Did anything in the show bother

you?

The above questions will help you better introduce gender

sensitivity to your child. In fact, these questions not only promote

equality but also instill in your child the values of being sensitive to

other people's natures, as well as a sense of personal responsibility.

This way, you allow him or her to think for himself or herself,

instead of relying on other people for opinions all the time.

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Raising Happy and Responsible Children in the 21st Century

THE MAGIC OF HUGGING

How This Simple Act of Affection Yields Major Gains in the Child’s

Health, Disposition, and Overall Development

In a November 2005 issue of the “The Straits Times”, a leading

Singapore daily broadsheet, there is a report on Singaporean

scientists’ ongoing efforts to find a way to transmit ‘cyber hugs.’

“The team is thinking of a wireless pajama suit for children,” says

research director Adrian Cheok, “which would use the Internet to

adjust pressure and temperature to simulate the feeling of being

hugged. Parents in a similar suit could be ‘hugged back’ by their

children.”

You may be wondering why science is showing keen interest in

such an everyday gesture. Indeed, while you’ve relied on it as a

natural painkiller after your little one has scraped his or her knee,

hugging unwittingly has many other positive side effects.

Various studies have shown the close association between the

positive emotions derived from this simple act of affection on the

one hand and on overall well-being on the other. Hugging and close

physical contact have been advocated by countless child experts as

an invaluable element in child development.

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Smart Parenting

Hugs Build a Child’s Life Skills.

Children who are exposed to hugs are often very expressive

and warm, while those who aren’t hugged very much or aren’t

shown affection by their family usually grow up putting a distance

between themselves and other people.

Hugging is a gesture of affirmation, appreciation, and

acknowledgement. A child who is hugged often acquires a positive

self-concept, whereas a child who is hug-starved or doesn’t receive

any other form of affirmation at home will start asking, “Am I loved

here?”

The indispensability of hugging and physical contact in a

child’s development can be attributed to as early as the child’s fetal

days, when the warmth and snugness of the womb simulates the

feeling of being hugged. The skin of the baby is exposed to warm

amniotic fluid the whole time.

Children in hugging households are equipped with emotional

skills that facilitate healthy interpersonal relationships. In fact,

hugging and other forms of touch therapy are employed by child

experts to help abused children recuperate from emotional trauma.

Touch therapy is used a lot, especially with children who have been

sexually abused, studies show. It is used with great caution and at

a pace the child is comfortable with.

Hug therapy, if successful in these cases helps restore a

child’s ability to cope, to trust in people again, and to emotionally

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Raising Happy and Responsible Children in the 21st Century

express him or herself – factors necessary in forging healthy

intimate relationships as an adult.

Hugs Build A Culture of Peace.

There are differences between ‘hugging’ countries and ‘hands-off’

countries. For instance, American babies are put in nurseries

separate from their parents’ rooms. For other cultures, this is not

practiced and the babies are immediately roomed in with their

mothers. Hugging has been found to affect cultural predispositions

towards aggressive behavior. That is, this is said to be why some

cultures are more violent than others.

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Smart Parenting

THE CHALLENGE THAT IS PARENTING

Whoever said parenting was easy must be daft or has not

experienced being a parent at all. Child rearing is a continuous

process and does not stop even after the child decides to move out

of the house when he or she turns eighteen. Even with years,

centuries, and millennia worth of experience, nobody can still

determine what parenting methods work and what do not.

Parenting is unique to every setup and to every child and remains

as unfathomable as ever. With this nature, the best we can do is to

prepare ourselves for a bumpy ride and cross our fingers that we

rear people who will be significant contributors to society.

We don’t own our children. We’re merely here to teach them

the ways of life as we know it so that they succeed and survive

gracefully in theirs. We can choose to forego being parents and

decide not to have children to escape this difficult feat altogether,

though it is highly doubtful that we would be able to experience the

level of happiness and fulfillment we would have if we chose to

become parents.

Being a mother or a father is one of the hardest jobs in the

world. But it is also the most rewarding of all.

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Raising Happy and Responsible Children in the 21st Century

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