There Goes the Brainstem: Tales from the Trenches of Early Motherhood by Elizabeth Bonet, PhD - HTML preview

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Bonus Chapter 2: Showertime

One of the best ways to help the baby blues is to actually leave your house after the baby is born. I know the thought is terrifying, but your child will survive the millions of diseases floating around out there waiting to attack it the minute you walk out the door of your cave. It will survive old ladies with blue hair reaching in to touch its hands (gasp!), children running past who cough at the very moment they breeze past your bundle of joy, and animals who happen to pee in the vicinity.

You may be thinking that there is no way you can leave the house in your state. You haven’t showered for days, your roots have grown out, and you can no longer locate your makeup bag. First, let’s just get you showered.

Shower? How? When? What happens if the baby cries? Believe me, you can do it. Drag the bouncy seat into the bathroom. Then pop the new babe in it and turn on the vibrate feature. One of three things may happen.

One, the baby may get all jiggled around and vomit. Solution: abort the shower and clean baby and bouncy seat. Crying would be appropriate here. Try again tomorrow without the vibrate feature.

Two, the baby will start crying. Solution: super fast mommy shower. Wash only the most important areas. Forget washing your hair. Just rinse. Jump out and comfort baby while you cry about the baby crying.

Three, the baby will love the sound of the shower and the vibrations and will sit happily until you’re done. Success!

Now . . . Get - out- of -the house. Pack up the diaper bag with every item in the nursery and go to the grocery store or a restaurant or the mall. Walk around. Be part of humanity. It will help you feel better.