The whole world is seeking happiness. In fact, it seems like we are all on an eternal journey to destination happiness. Yes, happiness is a journey, but not many people know that it is the path itself. You cannot get happiness, but you can be happy. While there is no one on Earth who doesn't seek this treasure, there are only a few who truly understand what happiness is.
“Do you know that you can choose to be Happy or unhappy? Happiness doesn't just happen; it is a Choice you make.”
– RVM
What is Happiness?
Happiness is a state of mind. It is a state of joy, bliss, and cheer. It is an emotion – energy in motion – that makes one glad, just as unhappiness is an emotion that makes one sad. A happy person is joyous and he smiles and laughs just as an unhappy person frowns and cries. We feel happy and it shows. Happiness radiates through cheerfulness and enthusiasm. Although happiness may be a common word, it is often quite tricky to define or explain “happiness”.
Who doesn't want to be happy? Everybody on Earth wants happiness, whether one is a baby or an adult, be it man or a woman, Indian or American, black or white, or rich or poor, who doesn't want to be happy?
Everybody alive on this planet seeks happiness. Not just human beings, it seems even animals want to be happy. We see that the dog wags its tail in joy, birds fly in the sky, fish swirl in the water, and the peacocks open their wings to dance in bliss. Don't you think they all seek happiness too? Everybody wants to be happy.
If you were to ask different people around the globe what they are seeking, you would get different answers from each one. But if you further ask them, why they are seeking it, you would get a common answer from all – “Happiness”. The goal of life is happiness. Everyone wants to be happy, and people do different things to achieve this one objective. To a businessman, a successful business brings happiness. To artists, it may be a creative product that is born out of their imagination. A student may be happy with excellence in exams, just as a politician is blissful on winning an election. We all do different things, but whatever we do, the goal is one: We all want to be happy!
“If you have not learnt anything, but have learnt one thing that the Goal of life is to be Happy, you have learnt everything!” – RVM
Look back at your life as far back as you can. Even a newborn baby giggles when it is happy and screams in anguish when it experiences pain. It starts at birth and goes on till death. What made you happy as a child? Simple things like an ice-cream, a ball, or a doll. Kids are mostly happy because they are innocent. But are kids always happy? I recall that a child at an airport refused to board the flight till his parents bought him a toy airplane. He screamed, squatted, and fussed till his desire was fulfilled. But as kids, it was not so difficult to be happy. A simple candy could make us jump in joy!
Then what is the difference between the men and the boys – it's the cost of their toys. As we grow up, the price tag on our happiness gets bigger. We want expensive cars, gadgets, holidays, and hence, happiness becomes expensive and elusive. However, seeking happiness is a common goal of humanity.
Do You Really want to be Happy?
A lot of people talk about Happiness. But how many are really passionate about being Happy? I can talk about swimming, but unless I learn how to swim and unless I put on my trunks and jump into the pool, I will never be able to swim. I can talk of it for years together – I love to swim, I can fantasize about swimming, I love the ocean… so what? You are talking, but are you actually swimming? For those who really want to be happy, there is a method. Not many people know the method and understand the way to happiness. During the first 25 years of my life, I discovered the method of being happy and I put it into six simple steps. Let us explore these steps.
SIX STEPS TO HAPPINESS
Step 1: Desire to be Happy.
Step 2: Find out what makes you Happy.
Step 3: Pull the Happiness Triggers and be Happy.
Step 4: Eliminate Joy Stealers and avoid being unhappy. Step 5: Bounce back from tough situations with Faith, Hope, and Enthusiasm.
Step 6: Choose to remain Happy always!
Step 1: Desire to be Happy
For anybody who is seeking happiness, it should start with desire. You should desire to be happy. How can you be happy if you don't want to be happy? You should make a commitment to your own happiness.
You should decide, “I will not exist. I will live. I choose to be happy”. It is so important to do things that make you happy and stay away from those things that make you sad. Life is short, and it is not worth spending even one moment in unhappiness.
“Wake up in the morning and get into each day, living it in a way that will make you happy and gay.” – RVM
People who don't desire to be happy are like trees in a forest. They just stand and let things happen to them. But people who want to be happy do things that make them happy. They choose a happy attitude that produces happy emotions. They live a positive life, laugh and smile, and live with faith and enthusiasm. Happiness is a priority of their life. They develop a burning desire to be happy, igniting a passion that leads them to seek happiness no matter what.
What about you? Do you have a strong desire to be happy, or are you just like a dead fish floating down the river of life? Are you a motor boat zooming towards destination “happiness”, or are you a sail boat that is just drifting along with the wind? If you are one who is drifting, don't expect to be happy because happiness goes to that person who desires to be happy.
If you want to be happy, then follow Step 1 – Desire to be happy!
Step 2: Find out what makes you Happy Do you know what makes you Happy?
“How can you be happy, if you do not know what makes you happy?” – RVM
If you truly want to be happy, it's very important to know what makes you happy. Each human being has specific triggers that create joy and peace. But how can you be happy if you don't know what makes YOU happy?
“The Secret of HAPPINESS—Enjoy what you are doing or stop and do what you enjoy.” – RVM
If you truly want to be happy, you have to FIND OUT what makes you happy, and DO what makes you happy! The following table would help you to identify your list of what makes you happy.
No. |
What makes me happy? |
How much time do I give to this Happiness Trigger? |
1 |
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2 |
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3 |
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4 |
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5 |
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6 |
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7 |
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8 |
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9 |
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10 |
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How to effectively fill this chart?
Through this chart, find out what makes you really happy in life. Reflect upon your life, and list all the things that are making you happy. If you find it difficult, look back – not just at the last few days, weeks, or months but at the last few years. You will be able to recall many things that had made you happy. It is not necessary that all the things that made you happy in the past will make you happy in the future. Some may get deleted because they are not relevant since many things have changed. But some things may be as important as they were when they made you happy. So, you must make a list of 10 relevant things that will make you happy today.
Then, imagine that those things were going to happen in the next one year; you would be absolutely blissful!
Imagine a genie came to you and told you, “I will give you 10 things that you love. What would you write in that list of 10 things that you really wished for in life?
Now merge the two lists to create one master list of things that that will surely make you happy. Such a list can help you achieve the happiness that you seek. Remember, if you do not know what makes you happy, then you can never be happy. The only way to be happy is to find out first what makes you happy.
You now have a list of what makes you happy, but your task is not over. The next task is to reflect how much time you invest in these happiness triggers that would make you happy. Now reflect – Do you actually do the things that make you happy?
You may be truly happy eating Japanese food, but when is the last time you had a Sushi or Teppanyaki? You may be truly happy meeting your school friends, but when did you meet them last? Or you may be really happy while singing. How much time do you give every day or every week or every month to sing? If there is a mismatch on the list of what makes you happy and the time that you invest in it, then something is wrong. You do not prioritize doing what makes you truly happy, and it only goes on to show that you are not pulling happiness triggers, which is the next step. After you read through the next step of pulling the happiness triggers, you will find many common triggers that people pull to be happy. You may want to add some common triggers to the list and review your list and modify it. And based on the time that you are spending on the triggers that make you happy, make that final list of those 10 things in life that will truly make you happy.
Step 3 – Pull the Happiness Triggers and be Happy After you decide that you want to be happy and discover what makes you happy, you must do what makes you happy. I call this as “pulling the triggers”. You already know what is going to make you happy and you want to be happy. But happiness is like a bullet in the gun; it is of no use till you pull the trigger. Only when you pull the trigger, you will be able to hit the target! After wanting happiness and finding out how to be happy, now it is time to put this in action. Do those things that will make you happy. Pull the happiness triggers and you will become really happy.
Let’s try to look at the common things that make people happy. There may be some triggers unique to you that you will discover on your own. But before you discover those unique triggers that make you happy, let's look at the common ones.
What Makes People Happy?
There are many things that make people happy. In fact, different things make different people happy. Some common happiness triggers are as follows.
Food: Food makes people happy. Ask the foodies. For them, life is all about food. They don't eat to live. They live to eat! “Oh, my God! What an amazing pizza!” – a foodie would exclaim in sheer joy. There are people who seem to get an orgasmic pleasure from food. It may be a burger, a steak, a south Indian dosa, or to those with exotic tastes, it could even be frog legs! Most of the Indians love parathas; the Italians, pastas; the Americans, French fries; the Chinese, noodles; the Mexicans, nachos and tacos; the Japanese, Sushi and
Teppanyaki; the Singaporeans, laksa; and the Indonesians, Nasi Goreng. It doesn't matter what the food is, but for the foodies, food is the arouser of happiness. Does food make you happy? Does it make you jump in joy? Or are you one of those who can go to a food court and get bored amongst those who are munching and lunching?
Shopping: Some people just love to shop and shop till they drop in joy. Shopaholics can live in a mall and just go on shopping. It doesn't matter finally what they buy, but the sheer excitement of browsing through merchandise gives them a pleasure that's beyond description. They may not need it, but they want it. It's just fun! The lines at the billing counters and the buzz around the fitting rooms are just some of the things that create excitement. It may be clothing, shoes, gadgets, toys, grocery, or gold – it doesn't matter to them. As long as it's shopping, it's fun!
Home: My home is my joy. There are so many who are happy in their home. Their life revolves around their house, and their entire happiness is focused on building a better home. It's OK for them to pay EMIs for decades, but they want that dream home with a garden, swimming pool, and clubhouse. After all, it is their source of happiness. They spend a lot of time designing the kitchen, buying the dining table, or importing a special sofa. These are the people whose happiness depends on their home.
Love: “If only I can fall in love….” “What is life without love?” – Have you heard people making such statements? Ask the people whose happiness depends on their love life. To them, life could be worthless without being in love. Despite several breakups and heart aches, people are addicted to falling in love. Probably, it's the movie industry that inspires people to believe that love is happiness. People invest their time, money, and life seeking love, companionship, and relationships. They yearn for romance – to love someone they can call their own. Sure, they are really happy at least for that moment. You can see the happiness in their face, their walk, and their talk. It's like an intoxication that gives a kick. After all, love can truly create happiness!
Sex: Today, to many people around the world, having sex is one of the most exciting things. Ask men who think that having sex is directly proportional to their happiness. If there is no sex, there is no happiness in their lives. Thus, they seek it through ethical or other means because they get hung on to this physical addiction. It doesn't reduce with age; the craving can only get worse. But so what? As long as it brings happiness, how does it matter? History shows that even kings had given up their kingdom for the sake of a woman. Men are ready to give up their career, their marriages, and their life for the hope of the joy that comes from sex and women. The growth of the global sex industry is a proof of how instrumental this happiness tool is.
Jewelry: “Gold makes me glitter; diamonds too!” – There are women who vouch that nothing can make them as happy as their gold, their diamonds, and their jewelry. They become miserable at the thought of living without their gold.
Security: Security gives some people joy. They don't want anything else. It's all about fixed deposits, investments, and security. As long as they are secure, they are happy!
Power: To some people, there is nothing greater than power. They live a happy life because they are powerful. Their name, fame, and influence gives them excitement and happiness. It does not matter whether they have money in their pocket or not; what matters is just how powerful they are.
Alcohol: “If I am tipsy, I am happy.” Millions around the globe are lost in the joy of being intoxicated. What matters is that they have their tequila, single malt, or vodka. They wait for the day to turn to night because their happiness starts after sunset. After all, once you lose your mindfulness, you become free to do anything and say anything, and this is fun. So to them, happiness is about going to the bar, choosing the best wine, and drinking with friends. Those who take it a step further need marijuana because smoking cigarettes and cigars or drinking alcohol doesn't give them that kick anymore. It's sad, but for many, happiness comes from these most unfortunate sources, which ultimately leads them to sorrow.
Dance and Music: Some people just like to dance. As long as there is music and they shake, they are happy! Of course, the company matters, and the music and lights matter. But dancing can truly make some people happy. There are others whose happiness comes from music. They don't have to dance. They can get ecstatic with music that elevates them to the top.
Arts, Sports, and Politics: Happiness doesn't end with these. There are some who are artists and their happiness comes from using their creativity. There are still others whose joy comes from either following or playing a sport, and further on the happiness list are politicians, whose happiness comes from the power of politics.
Sleep: Some people are unique; they don't need all the above mentioned triggers to be happy. They just need to sleep! Sleep can give them bliss above anything else. Ask someone who has not slept for last five days about how they feel. They could be the most miserable!
Near and Dear: There are still others whose happiness comes from a friend or a family member. Many people live with the objective of spending time with their near and dear ones. It may be eating together, travelling together, or just sitting around.
What actually happens? These happiness triggers release hormones, a surge of dopamine or serotonin into the blood. They seem to cause the “Happiness Hormone” to flow and create joy. That's why to many it may be just a “Hi” that appears as a reply on the chat of their smartphones. Such a simple thing could excite people. Yes, that's why some people invest so much in their gadgets.
Look further, and we will find some inspired by their new car and some inspired to admire their own beauty in the mirror. No wonder the cosmetics and fashion industry is a thriving one because people search for happiness from these triggers. Many people are even willing to spend any amount of money to take care of their health as they believe health is their wealth. After all, how can you be happy without good health?
There are many things that make me happy, but these need not make you happy. You may be happy sitting for hours on a beach and reading a book. I could be bored to death doing that. So it's not the same thing that makes everybody happy. There are hundreds of happiness triggers that spark joy in people's life. There is no end to the list. I know somebody whose happiness comes from watching a beautiful sunrise and sunset just as I know others who think of it as punishment to wake up so early in the morning just to watch the sunrise.
Food, shopping, home, gold, love, sex, jewelry, security, power, alcohol, dance, music, arts, sports, near and dear ones are all common happiness triggers that can make somebody happy. We can make a list of what makes us individually happy. For sure, it is going to be a different list for each one of us. But finally, the third step to be happy is pulling these happiness triggers, which means not only knowing that these make us happy but also actually going and indulging in these happiness sources. You may have a list of 10 things that truly make you happy. For you, it might be walking down the beach, it may be going on a cruise, or it may be dancing, but the question is when have you last danced or when have you last walked on the beach? There are many people in the world who “know” all the things that make them happy, but they do not “do” the things that make them happy. It means they are aware of the happiness triggers that would trigger happiness in their life, but they are never going to be happy because they have never invested time, effort, money, and energy in executing all those happiness triggers that would actually make them happy.
If there are dozens of things that can bring happiness, why are people unhappy? Happiness is mostly stolen by negative emotions called “joy stealers”.
To be happy, find out what is making you unhappy and change that. Reverse, RE-CHOICE and REJOICE! – RVM
As human beings, we tend to become unhappy – very unhappy and often miserable. Why? Because of joy stealers! Introspect, look back at the past, and find out what made you angry, upset, sad, and miserable. Different joy stealers took charge of your life either because of unfulfilled expectations, disappointments, or desires that just didn't materialize. Didn't all these steal your happiness?
Anger: Do you get angry? Why? Anger is like a fire; it creates flames within. And while we are spitting our anger on others, we don't realize that it's like holding a piece of hot burning coal in our hand. First, it burns our hands before it burns others! Why do we get angry? It is because we had some expectations, and we were disappointed at the results. Anger is our attitude, our response, and our behavior in certain situations. It is so difficult to suppress it, and it doesn't disappear after we express it. It is a joy stealer.
Worry: Another joy stealer is worry. We worry about the past and we worry about the future. By shuttling between the past and the future, we lose the bliss of the current moment. We can't change the past and we can't control the future, but our mind is like a monkey that doesn't know how to sit still. It keeps on jumping back and forth, and by doing so, this joy stealer makes us miserable and steals our happiness.
Fear: Does fear rob your happiness? Fear appears on the happiness highway to destroy our happiness. It paralyses and confuses us, and we start imagining our fear to be our real danger. Of course, we all face dangers, but our real dangers are very few as compared to our imagined fears. Most of our fears disappear with time. But before they do, they steal our happiness. Aren't you fearful about something today? Do you have some fear in command of your life? Do you have a fear that is stealing your happiness?
“Do the thing you Fear, and the Fear will disappear!” – RVM
Jealousy: Jealousy is another thief. But it appears from the backdoor and before we realize, it steals our happiness. Consciously or subconsciously, we human beings become jealous of others at the cost of our happiness. It's sad that we let this thief into our life.
Hate: Another burglar is hate. What happens when we hate? We collect all the negative poison to spit at others. While we may try to deliver poison to others, most unfortunately, we also throw away our happiness. Wouldn't it rather be so beautiful to live with love, forgiveness, and peace?
In the happiness journey, we face both – happiness triggers and joy stealers. Our happiness depends on the combination of the two that fill our life. There is no doubt that negativity and positivity are a part and parcel of life. But it is entirely one’s choice to decide the proportion of negativity and positivity in one's life.
Some of the happy people in the world list their happiness triggers and invest their time and money in them. They know which happiness triggers make them happy, and they pull these triggers as often as they can. But there are others who live and die in gloom. They never bother to find out what makes them happy, and so they never pull the happiness triggers. They lose command of their life to joy stealers that take over and make them miserable.
“If you can be GLAD, but you choose to be SAD, you are
MAD!” – RVM
MY LIST OF JOY STEALERS
No. |
What are the Joy Stealers in my life? |
1 |
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2 |
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3 |
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4 |
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5 |
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This chart encourages you to make a list of the 5 Joy Stealers of your life. Reflect back on your life and find out what makes you unhappy and miserable? Is it anger, is it worry, or is it jealousy? You may go through all the common joy stealers mentioned in the previous pages, including fear. Some of these joy stealers maybe stealing your happiness or find out those exclusive joy stealers of your life. Maybe it's a particular person, maybe it's a belief, or maybe it's