If we look around, we will find that many of those who seek happiness are trying to be happy through success, money, and pleasures that come from the satisfaction of their desires and expectations.
As we grow, we are taught that the purpose of life is success and money and being famous. We believe that happiness can only be exchanged using currency notes and credit cards. So, we all get into the race of wanting more. We want more money, more things, more relationships, more travel, and more fun. And the irony is that we are never satisfied. A millionaire wants to become a billionaire. A student who holds the second rank in a particular class examination is unhappy until he gets the first rank in the next examination. The sports team losing the championship in the finals thinks that the team has failed despite being the first runner-up. The passion for “more” is a distinct characteristic of the first peak of happiness – What is this first peak?
Achievement – The First Peak!
What is Achievement? The dictionary defines achievement as an accomplishment – a feeling that is born after achieving something. To the common man, achievement is more related to hitting a target or achieving a goal. There are others who consider fulfilling of dreams or desires to be achievements.
We human beings have desires and wants, and there is nothing unusual about wanting. But not all our wants are fulfilled. Whenever a want, a need, a goal, or a dream is successfully completed, we experience an emotion, a sense, and a feeling that is called achievement. This feeling of achieving is the First Peak of Happiness – Achievement.
Think about it. You so desperately wanted to go for a movie. You stood in a queue for so long to reach the ticket counter. And then you get to know that the seats are sold out. Are you happy or miserable? Of course, you are unhappy because you couldn't achieve your desire of getting the ticket for the movie.
Now imagine that you reached the ticket counter and you were the last one to get the ticket. How do you feel? You feel extremely happy because you achieved your desire of getting a ticket for the movie you really wanted to go.
Happiness is all about achievement. It may be any kind of achievement. We may term it differently, but the moment we get what we seek, we fulfill our desire. If our dreams come true, we become happy. We experience joy because we move forward on the peak of Achievement.
Achievement gives a “kick” – an immense pleasure that creates happiness. It releases that magical hormone dopamine in the blood, which triggers joy. It's like a drug you can't do without.
Does “Achievement = Happiness”?
It is a myth that achievement equals happiness because the joy experienced from achievement is temporary and fleeting. Of course, one experiences momentary happiness, but does one remain happy for very long? No, because we tend to seek more, and our greed over takes our need. People move from need to greed, and their appetite of expectations gets bigger and bigger. This is because people presume that they will get more happiness if they have more money, more love, more sex, more gadgets, more cars, more houses, or more gold. They continue on this journey, but they are never satisfied. They think that just by pulling happiness triggers, they can be happy.
It is ironical, but if we analyze, the ones who have achieved the most are not the happiest. If achievement was equal to happiness, then ideally, the greater the achievement, the happier one should be. But this is not the case.
Look around, and you will find hundreds of men and women living a miserable life. They are achievers with lots of success and achievement, but still they are unhappy. The “law of diminishing returns” sets in; the more one achieves, the incremental happiness is not proportionate. People get bored of their money, their success, and their life. Somebody has a great time going on a cruise for the first time, but the second or third cruise doesn't double or triple the happiness. One who loves chocolates doesn't enjoy the fifth bar of chocolate as much and may end up refusing the tenth bar. In fact, one could get sick if they were forced to eat the fifteenth one!
While Achievement does create happiness, it's just the first peak. Soon this peak of Achievement doesn't enhance one's joy, happiness, and peace. It could be continuous Achievement or a life with intermittent success and failure. All those who are on this journey of the first peak of happiness – Achievement – soon reach the end of road. It is a dead end wherein happiness always ends.
Do You Believe that “Money = Happiness”?
It is commonly believed that “Money = Happiness”; the more the money, the more the joy. Is it true? If it was so, then the rich would be glad, and the poor would be sad. Why do we find the opposite to be true? Many rich people live a disappointed life, feeling defeated although they have the whole world in their hands. This is because money doesn't create happiness. It can buy things that can give pleasure, but this joy soon runs dry. It may take one to the first peak of happiness, but suddenly one realizes there are others who are far happier and they aren't so rich. In fact, there are many poor people who are happier than the rich. With money, one can afford things that create happiness, but by itself, money cannot buy happiness. Money does create pleasure for many, but it is NOT the ultimate key to happiness.
“You can have everything in this world and still be unhappy; you can have little and be very Happy. Happiness does not depend on Possessions.” – RVM
Of course, those who are rich may be happy most of the time, but are they the happiest of all? They may be the richest in terms of material prosperity and they may be the tallest in terms of name and fame, but they are definitely not the happiest.
Often the rich and famous are frustrated to find those less fortunate than them, especially in terms of money in the bank, happier in the heart.
There was a boy, whose family was very wealthy. One day, his father took him on a trip to the countryside, where he wanted his son to see how poor people live. So they went to a farm of a family considered very poor to spend a few days. On their return, the father asked his son if he liked the trip. "Oh, it was great, dad" – the boy replied. The father asked, "Did you notice how poor people live?" "Yeah, I did"– said the boy. The father asked his son to explain about his impressions from their trip.
“Well, we have only one dog, and they have four. In our garden, there is a pool, while they have a river that has no end. We've got expensive lanterns, but they have stars above their heads at night. We have the patio, and they have the whole horizon. We have only a small piece of land, while they have the endless fields. We buy food, but they grow it. We have high fence for protection of our property, and they don't need it as their friends protect them.”
The father was stunned. He was speechless.
Then the boy added: "Thank you, dad, for letting me see how poor we are."
True wealth as well as happiness is not measured only by material things! So, are people on this peak actually happy?
The answer could be “Yes” or it could be “No” or both. On the peak of Achievement, people do become happy, but the very next moment, they are disappointed and become miserable when their expectations are not met. There are many who think that life is all about achievement, success, and money. They soon realize that their happiness gets exhausted far before their resources do. They may be chasing name and fame in the game of life, but they can't find happiness anywhere. There is lot of success, but very little happiness.
This doesn't mean that the whole world is unhappy. It is just that the world seems to be on a merry-go-round, and we are going round in circles passing happiness and unhappiness in every round of life.
People on this peak live like a yo-yo that goes up and down, being glad and sad. The mind desires and expects, but unfortunately, all our cravings are not fulfilled. Therefore, we experience the peak of happiness and the valley of unhappiness in cycles. Just like waves that appear and then subside in an ocean, we pull happiness triggers and become happy, but we are also attacked by joy stealers that pull us down, stealing our bliss.
The unfortunate truth is that at the end of the peak of Achievement is a cliff – death! People who chase success from womb to tomb ultimately die with probably a lot of wealth but not a lot of happiness. Such is the first peak. Majority of people get caught in this roller coaster of Achievement, and the excitement and thrill makes them forget to look beyond the peak. They go up and down crying and laughing, but ultimately it's over. They wanted happiness, but they had no time to look for it. They chase happiness only to experience intermittent moments of joy and sorrow. They hope that they shall reach the destination of bliss and joy, but they often die seeking such happiness. Alas! They never reach the peak. There is no end to this Achievement peak; it is like a bottomless well till we strike death. Such is the Achievement journey – the first peak of happiness.
Unfortunately, the whole of humanity seems to have been packed into an airplane called Achievement. From takeoff to landing, the entire flight of life is all about success, money, and achievement. It lasts as long as the flight lasts, but eventually we crash into our grave.
Those who age in a cage make their wage, but they just live to die. They don’t discover anything beyond. Everybody seems to be running to make more money, success, and achievement. The whole world seems to be on a race to be an ace, but we are caught in this maze. We get lost and forget how to be happy. Such is the default journey of life.
Happiness philosophers have analyzed that 80% of humanity live and die on the first peak of happiness. People think that achievement is the only peak, the only way to be happy. They believe that it is normal in the happiness journey to be constantly shuttling from peak to valley – being happy and then unhappy– and so they accept this journey as their only choice.
Most of us live and die on the first peak of happiness. People on the first peak think of it as the only peak of happiness. However, the fact is that happiness is a journey. Moreover, the search for seeking of happiness never stops. It goes on and on and on till the last day of our life. Normally, human beings are seeking, wanting, and craving for happiness, and therefore, the experience of the combination of joy and sorrow is a typical menu on any normal human being's plate as every craving is never fulfilled. And people think this is life; they live and die being glad and sad and think there is no other way. They confuse pleasure to be happiness, and by the time they realize the shallow understanding of bliss, it's too late.
While everybody wants to be happy, we continue to live in a world that creates both joy and sorrow just like day and night. We look for eternal happiness, but we go up and down the escalator of joy and sorrow.
Why is this so? Why does the man who actually seeks happiness live a life that shuttles between being glad and sad? Why does one go up and down the ladder of happiness on the first peak? Is it not possible just to go up? Why does 80% of humanity live on a happiness journey that doesn't promise joy and peace forever? Why is it that very few people are truly happy, satisfied, and content? Why is it that the majority – a huge 80% of humanity – is unfortunate not to taste the bliss and the joy of the second peak of happiness?
That is because though all of us are chasing happiness, not many are committed to find a way to live a happier life. People get stuck on the first peak of happiness and don't even realize that there is another choice because they don't search enough. They look up at their first peak of happiness just like a child who looks up at the sky and thinks that there is nothing beyond.
Less than 20% of the world is lucky to get out of this giant wheel of joy and sorrow that goes round in circles. They are the few who pursue the second peak of happiness. They take an exit on the highway of the first peak to find the next peak of Happiness – a Peak that's far more joyous.
What is the magic that creates more happiness than Achievement? How is it possible for the poor to be happier than the rich? Is there something that is beyond the ladder of Achievement? Of course, there is.
But it seems to be a paradox that many can't understand. Only those who move on beyond the first peak of Achievement know the secret.
It is true that people don't go from Achievement to the next peak because they don't have a good enough reason to. They have never stopped to find out what makes them truly happy. They have not made that list of their own exclusive happiness triggers. Of course there are things that they would love to do. Somebody would love to learn Japanese and somebody else would love to learn swimming in that ocean or snorkelling and scuba diving. But they never did it because they lived and died on the cycle of achievement. They believed that the cycle of achievement was such that they had to keep on pedalling, and if they stopped pedalling, they would fall. They never found a good enough reason to stop or to shut down what they were doing and to start doing something that was better, happier, and more meaningful as they knew of nothing that would give them contentment. It was not because there was nothing in reality, but because they didn't switch their passion and obsession for achievement to something that was better. So people live and die. They exist through life forgetting that they are amongst 80% who aren't truly happy. Of course, they are not unhappy all the time. People on the Achievement journey go up and down in cycles of being glad and sad. But they don't realize the joy that's experienced by the people on the next peak – the plateau of peace, joy, and bliss where there is no craving and desire because there is contentment. And one who is on this peak now lives with so much joy because he is doing something that he always wished to do. He is living a life of meaning and purpose.
What was it that was creating this paralysis in people who are on the first peak of happiness? What was stopping people from changing and from taking that leap? What made people tie their life like a little boat on the shores, stopping them from letting go and discovering the amazing oceans that lie ahead? What made people sit and not dream of a happier and healthier life? I realized the biggest problem. The biggest problem seemed to be the fear. What if my transformed life doesn't give me happiness? What if this journey of contentment is a myth? What if I stop my Achievement journey and fall behind? Such thoughts confine people in a cave like cavemen who thought their life was to live and die in a cave. So many people live like frogs in a well thinking that there is nothing beyond their well. They think that there is only an Achievement peak and nothing beyond. This is not because there is nothing beyond, but because their mind creates fear – the fear of the uncertain, the fear of what may happen tomorrow, and the fear of what may happen if they don't find meaning and purpose. This fear kills people because it makes them continue existing on the first peak till they fall down the cliff of life and die. Those who eliminate the fear are the lucky few – 20% of humanity – who take that leap of faith, transform their life, and choose to do things that truly make their life meaningful and happy.
There was a lady who lived on this peak of Achievement for years together till one unfortunate day when her husband passed away. Then she thought, “For so many decades, he didn't let me do what I love to do”. She loved to paint, and she got great joy from the canvas and the brush. Now suddenly she had the freedom to choose, to transform her life, and to spend her time painting each day with so much more joy. What was dreaded to be a life of loneliness without her life partner turned around to be a life of contentment because she was doing something she loved and it created happiness. Whilst the loss of a dear one did create that unhappiness, it was made up far more by the joy that came from painting. Do you have a good enough reason to transform your life, or are you so busy existing that you have no time to live? Many people live lives that are sad. They turn the pages of the calendar till one fine day, their life is over without finding a good reason to transform their life. They live and die on the first peak of Achievement.
What will people say? That's the next question that stops the majority of our friends to live a life of contentment. They are more worried about the society and what others will think and say. So they sacrifice their own happiness because of the fear of what others will say. Let us realize that people will talk. We have to be able to plant our own roses, to pick our own fruits, and to be able to create a life of happiness for ourselves.
If somebody is making a comment on our life, how does it matter? Their comment is theirs. We cannot control people's actions, but we can control our reactions because they are our reactions. We have to learn to react positively and to react to the challenges of life by transforming our life from a life of achievement to a life of contentment. For if we don't, we would be so controlled by public opinion and influenced by what people say that we would not have the time to go into our heart and find out what we truly love to do. That will be sad because this gift of life comes to each one of us just once. Life gone is gone. You cannot replay life. Yesterday is gone forever and instead of enjoying today, we worry about tomorrow and we forget to live. In reality, we shouldn't worry about the world and what people say. Instead, we should worry about what our heart wants and desires. If we follow our heart and if we take the path that leads to contentment, we will experience joy on the second peak. That is a peak that is far loftier than the peak of achievement. The joy, bliss, and peace that come on this journey can only be understood by one who transforms and takes an exit from the path of achievement. One who truly starts living rather than existing does what he wants to do rather than what the world expects from him. That is what takes one from the first peak of happiness to the second one.
When I look back at my life and my happiness journey, I see that I too was struggling on the first peak of happiness, Achievement, for 25 years. I started young at the age of 16 and took an exit at 40 after two and a half decades of going from achievement to achievement on the first peak. It seemed like so many peaks while I was on it – success after success. I thought life just had one range of happiness.
It was fun and exciting, but it was a roller coaster of joy and sorrow. Every time there was success, there were also problems and disappointments, but such was life – that's what I believed was the happiness journey of Achievement. It was only after 25 years that I was fortunate to find the second peak and I made the decision with courage to take an exit.
I bought my first car at 18 after opening an advertising agency that did unconventional stuff. What a success! It was a great feeling. I was truly happy, and it got me to start my success journey. I became a retail tycoon at 20 after I shut down my advertising business to help takeover my dad's retail store. Everything I did gave me happiness – not just the destination, but also the journey. I enjoyed climbing the peak as much as the efforts that went into preparation. There were lots of challenges, and through teamwork, creative imagination, and faith, we converted the problems into opportunities and experienced bliss. Success can be intoxicating; it often creates an addiction that blinds one from everything else. All I could see was success, money, and pleasure on the Achievement peak.
It was a decade of success that went on and on – one after the other. I started travelling around the world, bringing in new ideas, and risking larger investments that created further success and money. I was making more money than I could have ever imagined, and I was laughing all the way to the bank. I was truly happy, very excited, and amazingly blissful, and I felt completely satisfied with the name, the fame, and the pleasure that it created.
You name it, I've got it! There was nothing I didn't have – cars, clothes, credit cards, and cash; there was no shortage of anything. I had everything one could possibly want in life. But was all this making me truly happy?
The truth is my life as Ravi Melwani was like a roller coaster. There were times when I was screaming in joy, just as there were times when I couldn't sustain the pain. These ups and downs are seen by anybody who is on an achievement journey.
During my success journey, I was lucky to have somehow planted the seeds of doing humanitarian, inspirational, and spiritual work. I was just 30, but I used to go to the streets and serve food to the poor and distribute blankets to those freezing in the chilly winters. The joy that I got by “making a difference” gave me far more contentment than my Achievement.
Another great feeling was the inspiration that I created in the lives of other people. I frequently gave lectures that motivated people to flip over from negative to positive, thereby urging them to live with faith, hope, love, courage, and confidence rather than fear, worry, anger, hate, and doubt. Somehow this inspiration that I vibrated to others created a tremendous happiness in my heart. It was not about making money, but it was about transforming people's lives.
My faith in the Creator also granted me great peace and solace. It became the foundation of my positive energy. It generated enthusiasm in me that became the fuel for my success.
Together, all my three non-profit initiatives – Humanitarian, Inspirational, and Spiritual (H.I.S.) work–were giving me far more happiness than my success and achievements.
The next 10 years of my life were not just full of achievements but also a lot of contentment. Subconsciously, my happiness had evolved without my knowledge to a far greater joy of peace and contentment. After 3 pentads of Achievement, the next 2 pentads – my final decade on this peak – were far happier!
I used to think that it is only money that was giving me happiness. Yes, money was giving me happiness, but not all the time. Money was responsible for the pleasure and fun in my life, but whenever the happiness was waning, it was my humanitarian, inspirational, and spiritual endeavors that kept me blissful. Like everybody else, I too was shuttling between the peak-and-valley experience of joy and sorrow. It was then I realized that making money was giving me happiness, but far greater happiness was coming from making a difference!
I was happy – very, very happy, but I never ever thought that I was among the happiest people on Earth. I was very grateful as I counted my blessings looking back at the 25 years of my life. Our business had grown from a small rented store to a large property that we owned. I had further succeeded in buying another property that was ten times more valuable.
There was lot more money, wealth, and success in the dreams ahead. I was about to embark on another project that would take me from 40 to 60. No doubt the next 20 years would take me into the billionaire clubs, but would it make me happier? I was sure it wouldn't! Jesus had said – “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” I stopped and I thought: “Should I continue on this Achievement journey, or is there a better way to live?” I decided to exit! Till today I cannot believe that I had the courage to take this decision. It was after much introspection and after I turned 40, spending 25 years on the highway I called success that I took this decision. I changed my direction on the GPS of my life – away from the peak of Achievement to a highway of contentment. I did not know where I would reach, but I was sure my choice of making a difference would give me far more happiness than making money.
I shut down my business and called it a day. Somehow I knew that this peak of Achievement would not help me achieve my objective of life of being happy. I chose to be content living with peace and joy that came from making a difference rather than making money. People were shocked when they saw me taking an exit from retailing when I was just 40. Yes, I had worked for 25 years and become rich, but I decided to rethink the decision of whether I would want to spend the next few decades building an even wealthier empire. I wanted to live, but I did not want to exist like a machine that just makes money. I wanted to pursue those ambitions that were giving me peace and contentment. I did not want to die with millions in the bank that would be of no use to me after my life. Rather, I wanted to live a life filled with joy, peace, and bliss!
I was 40, and I had seen enough of life. I had seen the rich becoming richer but not happier. I had watched people live and die without fulfilling their dream of being truly happy. I could see it in black and white that we had to make a choice of either pursuing a life of achievement or a life of contentment. These were two opposites on the seesaw called life. If one was enjoying the aura of money and success, then one could never be content; but if one was content, then one did not want more wealth but was enjoying true happiness. One of these two choices summarized every individual's life. It was scary because 80% of world was settled on the peak of Achievement, but I could see that they were not truly happy. The 20% who were much more happier were content and had stopped pursuing success and achievement as their primary life focus.
I made the choice. It felt like a gamble. I was shutting down a profitable business that was making millions to pursue a life that would create more happiness. What if I failed? What if I was making a wrong decision of shutting down my business? I was just 40; maybe, I should take this decision after I was 60 or at least 50. But I didn't want to waste another 10 or 20 years on the Achievement peak. I wanted to be happy! In fact, I wrote a book – my first book titled “I Wanna Be Happy”– and this inspired me to make the final decision. I shut down my business and decided to pursue the second peak of happiness.
I knew beyond doubt that happiness was not just about Achievement and that there was a peak beyond. But I did not know more…. All I knew is that if I wanted to be truly happy, I should exit and move on towards the next peak of happiness.
Since 80% of humanity are on the first happiness peak, the most common question is “How does one go to the second happiness peak?” Why is it that most people are stuck on the first peak, and what is the method to scale up?
The first peak is Achievement, where people are trying to achieve MORE! People want more success, more money, and more happiness through more fun, more food, more travel, more entertainment, and the list goes on. People seek all these because they think more of all these leads to more happiness. But this is a myth. Unless people don't realize it, they will continue to chase achievement and remain on the first peak of happiness.
The second peak starts with contentment. On this peak, people are far happier not because they want more and have more, but because they are content and satisfied. This state is far more blissful than the state of achievement.
The first way to evolve from the first peak to the second is to understand the peaks and seek the second peak by stopping at need