Dear God by Boygene Borice - HTML preview

Foreword

This is my prayer and whispers.

The heart itself, is already drained.

Join me on this journey….

-Boygene

Dear God…

This is my heart’s desire;

To know you,

To love you.

To bask in your presence,

Now and forever.

But again, how?

I have called unto your mercy, Because on my own,

I keep failing,

And it is tiring.

Remember when I failed you?

That guilt is still eating me up, Can I have a touch of your love?

Because I am worn out already.

I have tried to forget about her, Yet she still lingers in my heart, Rising and setting like the sun.

Save me, please.

Yesterday, I made a profound promise, Today, I have lost the interest, How can I un-promise,

When it is about life and death?

I am afraid, that I will fail you again, Because my flesh is much stronger, Than the spirit,

Do you believe, I can ever win?

When I held her close, I knew she was mine, I have now met another,

And I am afraid of infidelity, Please don’t let this beauty dupe me.

I am afraid, that this heart can’t serve two master: As time goes by, I am already losing you, God.

I am 28-29 years old:

This confusion is causing me chaos, Soon, I shall be 30 years old.

Still confused about my life.

Why was I born?

Tell me my purpose,

Or I shall continue to wallow, In the oceans of lost souls.

Please heal my mother,

I am tired of seeing her tears, Flow like the waters of Indian Ocean.

I told my friend lies, so they could leave me alone, However, inside my little heart, I want them close like never before.

She was beautiful and adorable, Yet I hurt her and broke her innocence, Now I am alone, wishing I had controlled my tongue.

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I have tried since I was 20, To wake up in the wee of the night, To seek your face,

Yet the darkness robs me of that desire.

I have seen my aunt weep in pain, Because her troubles are infinite, Yet I keep laughing at her tears, Because I never want her to know that I care.

I want to ask you questions, Yet I wonder, will you ever answer me, Because I feel I am betrothed, To the throne of sin.

I have been waiting for that one miracle, Years are going, now I am so tired, Should I keep on?

Will you ever heal my aunty?

Her tears are too much,

I can’t keep collecting them anymore.

I dreamt of a beautiful future, Yet every day, I only witness tears, Will it ever be possible?

For the last two weeks, I have been kneeling down, While my face, drowns in solace, I want love.

I want affection.

Now I can’t stand.

I am trying to let go of my past pains, But every time I try, the faces of my torturers, Stand before me, and mock me.

I love her, yet she makes it difficult, For this love to grow,

I can’t hurt her, yet she tortures me.

How do I free myself?

I saw myself rising like a star, Making the world a good place, Yet when I woke up,

I kept hurting everyone around me.

Is my salvation not yet?

I want to love, like the sun loves the moon, I want to care, like mother to her child, But my heart is empty and void, I can’t stand the burden of others anymore.

Sometimes I just want to sleep, infinitely, Because what is the purpose of waking up, When its all gloom and doom?

Sometimes I try, but I fail, I pray for your mercy.

Yesterday I prayed,

It felt good,

Today I have lost interest, I want no more prayers.

I need miracles.

Sometimes I wonder, if you are there, Because, the tears I have shed this season, Even oceans can’t hold them.

Yet still, there is no breakthrough.

When I held her in my arms?

I could only see a future of us together, However, this love, is forbidden, Doesn’t family come first?

I met a needy person last month, He wanted me to give him salvation, I wish I could-I am the one in need of salvation, He needs money.

My mama taught me humility and obedience, Yet when I went into the world, It asked me of integrity,

I couldn’t persevere,

I followed the wolves.

Every time I see my brothers soaked in tears, I wonder if the prayers, I keep making for them, Really works,

How can we all be suffering?

Yet we pray earnestly and fervently.

I have always been glad that my dad died, Yet again, my heart breaks every moment, Knowing that I will never see him again, Why did he die?

Why?

I am tired of late-night tears, I am tired of being mocked, Can you please save me now?

Can you please honor me now?

I have one request, God:

At my weakest point, never leave me alone.

For my friends that don’t know you, Will you please save them?

I am fatigued seeing them drowning.

You have saved before, now save my family, You have healed before, now heal my friends, You have forgiven before, now forgive my enemies, You have blessed before, bless me today.

Do you see those tears my mother sheds?

Do you hear those prayers she makes every night?

She does them all for me,

Would you please answer her prayers?

That I may wipe away her tears.

I do get angry and I say things, Please, if you will,

Wipe away the things I say, When I am angry.

Please, don’t let my past catch up with me.

Amen.

All Glory to the Almighty God.

The End