43.
“when one is free from all desires
conscious and subconscious,
direct and indirect,
even the bitterness of roots
beholds the sweetness of honey
contentment is not in any object
as much as it is
within the state of one’s own soul”
there was another silence
majnuun smiled with the joy of appreciation
but it was not long before
a cloud of gloom rolled over his face
“i am not like this dervish
i have not shed all desires
among the most poignant ones remaining
is the wish to see my mother”
saliim was surprised
yet this presented a possible opening
to draw his nephew back to the human world
“i am sure she longs to see you too
why not return with me to visit her”
“i cannot abandon my desert clan
if i leave they might disperse
or eat each other”
“then what if i bring her to you
if you promise not to leave this place
i will return with her in a few days”
“i will not leave”
“and you must remain clothed”
majnuun smiled snidely
to indicate his agreement
saliim departed
with the objective of his agenda still intact
he could use majnuun’s mother
to bring him back
and she was a willing pawn
eager to be lifted upon the camel she rode
the hardships of the journey she bore with a smile
when they reached that mountain slope
she could hardly be contained
tears poured out in overflow with building
anticipation
she didn’t even wait for her camel to complete
its kneel
before rushing right through the animals
without majnuun saying a word
or moving his hand
they all knew to not harm her
including the lion she stepped over
to clutch her son in her arms
they had both aged
she, by the gentle ravages of time
he, by the brutality of enduring desert life
yet she would not be denied in her attempt
to recapture a glimpse of the boy
she birthed through her womb
so she combed his hair
put salve on his various wounds
and then cradled him tenderly in her arms
to the hum of ancient lullabies
in this way she withered away
portions of the facade of madness
to uncover a trace of the son
she thought she forever lost
as his soul began to coo and purr
within her embrace
she pricked him gently with deliberate words
“oh cherished son,
you have become the greatest thief in my life
even more terrible than death
who stole your precious father from me
for death gave plenty warning
of its impending robbery
but you simply rebelled and disappeared
abandoning me in a trivial pursuit of love
which still eludes you
“instead of a warm body close
and a source of comfort
you became a mysterious echo
a drifting sound winding
through the labyrinth of mountains and sands
the reverberations of your calls misrepresenting
your actual whereabouts
to leave me completely unaware
of where you actually were
is leaving me in such aloneness
the payment an only son should give
his worried mother
“has the intoxication of chasing a romance
that continues to escape you
brought you happiness
if so,
then my wish for you has been fulfilled
and i forgive you for the means
which tortured me with unending concern
but if you have not found happiness
and this chase has only cursed you
with pain and suffering
and more insatiable longing
then cease this stupid youthful ambition
and return home with me
“the brevity of life
amounts to only a few breaths breathed
why let these passing gasps slip away
without the contentment of peace
surely that doesn’t mean we get all that we want
but we can embrace what we have
with appreciation and serenity
your father left you so much to treasure
wealth and security, a noble station
among our clan
receive these instead of the company of wild beasts
and beds of rock and sand
“i am now within my last breaths
seeking to complete my life’s peace
grant me the sweet serenity
of seeing you take possession of
your rightful inheritance
in this way my grave will be a resting place
not a bed of angst
that continues to toil my worries for you”
* * *
her words struck majnuun to the core
yet despite his hurt, he was not torn
“oh mother,
it is not my choice to burden you with pains
or scar my own life with the robe of despair
this is the verdict of fate,
the chains are of destiny
how can i, therefore, escape
it is love that tortures me
beyond any will or intention of my own
do not think that i have not pondered
returning to your home
but that life would only be a poor imitation
a disgruntled actor playing an unwanted part
that would only be a smaller prison
trying to contain the larger prison
that embalms me with bondage
and why cause myself more misery
than what i presently endure
“my home is here in the wild
my calling is this pursuit of love
even if it tortures my body, mind, and heart
with unending afflictions
if the gates of my captivity
are to ever open to freedom
it will be by facing my fate
not trying to escape it in a place
that is home to you, but not for me”
there was a silence
although it was not what she wanted to hear
she now understood him in a way
she could no longer refute
the gaze of her eyes into his eyes
sorrowfully conveyed her acceptance
yet the son still felt he owed her more
so he fell at her feet crying for forgiveness
although he knew the blame lay
with something greater
“forgive me, my mother, forgive me”
his tears accompanied by kisses on her feet
her hands stroking his bent head
in the union of silent heaves
she knew in that moment
in a way transcending all doubt
that this would be their last embrace
so as the sun began
to drag its light beyond the horizon
she kissed her son one last time
and then made her way
through the surrounding beasts
who remained sitting in reverent humility
she greeted her brother with a look
that relayed the obvious
something she already knew
but was now sealed with a final confirmation:
the person who was now majnuun
would never return to being her son qays
her remaining days would be a living shroud
to a departure long determined
in the vague imprecision of days passed
❍ ● ❍