i left her apartment
with nowhere to be
and no home
to hurry to.
her advertising job kept
the work-shift late
and the wake up calls
early.
in between i would show up
on her Eastside
apartment doorstep
with a bottle
of wine.
she’s been with people
i know,
people
way cooler than me
but I had an advantage–
i knew their
strategies. I’d seen
them at work,
and I remembered the times
when she was bored
and
i remembered how much
she liked danger
what could stand me out
from the rest?
... cocaine
i have a friend in newark
she squares up
with a guy. his family
ships the good stuff
in through some fish market or
he’s a port authority cop.
the nights we
got honest enough to share
dealers our noses
were bleeding
and the dog tried stopping
us before
our heartbeats caused seismic shifts
-the details come and go (mostly go)
but i crossed the river to jersey,
got the candy
then took the train underwater
and
headed back
uptown
she was happy to see me.
she went to the bathroom
i pulled
a mirror off the wall
and cut two
lines. i heard the shower
water go on. i made
the lines
a little bigger.
i
could smell chemical
fruit coming
from under the bathroom door.
i shaped
each line
into
3 quarters of a
heart. they were perfect.
with a space
big enough
to
start
and
end
without messing up
the powder
she came out
and looked
at my creation.
“What
Is
that?”
“cocaine”
“I don’t want any cocaine. Why am i looking
at cocaine?”
“What says I love you
like our noses
sharing
a dollar bill?”
she was angry.
i’d had her all
wrong. i went for a walk
while she calmed
down.
how could i get
this girl
to fall for me?
i looked for
a park.
i was going to find a dog park
so i could
steal
her a puppy,
but
a used book store
had a cart
out on the
sidewalk.
i wanted to read something
about failure
but
i didn’t.
i bought a copy of
the sun also rises- for me
and something by sylvia plath- for her
she opened the door on the first knock
i handed her
both books.
“why?” she asked.
“i want to build a library with you”
we ate pho
and used
our
first two books as coasters
i
don’t
know
if she fell in love with me that night,
but i’m pretty sure
she will