Anguished Memories
When I was born you named me Donna Marie
Did you ever hold me when I was a baby?
You were so handsome and smart
So many times your drinking and unkind words broke my heart
I tried to be just like you because I thought you were my hero
It hurt when mom put me outside when it was zero
I remember you coming home drunk
I sat up with mom all night when she got in a funk
Leaving us four kids alone with the wrath of mom was painful
For she took her strife out on us when she got hateful
She said you were in the bars drinking
That you had been with other women?
Mom was nice at times
It was sad, when she missed you and cried
Then she would change her moods, and be full of rage
Singing in the cellar and reciting my poems, was my saving grace
Praying, always praying, for peace
It was as if I was living in a nightmare, and an anguished dream
I was so scared, and I am sure my dear sisters were too
I stayed up with mom sometimes until two
If I was bad she’d beat me black and blue
I was always kicked out of the house too
I was so sad, and full of shame
My childhood was mostly anguished pain
We were like water and vinegar you and I
Many nights I laid on my pillow and just cried
You never really talked to me
I never heard the words you’re smart, loved or pretty
It hurt when you put me down though
It broke my heart, when you told me at twelve years old
Because mom was abusing me, and you were too now, that you must go…
I turned into a heartbroken and confused problem child?
As a teen I was running wild
It hurt deep down so much
I needed a mother and fathers love
I was left with mom’s wrath for you
I was the scapegoat child, left broken and bruised
It goes on and on…
Bullying, being treated differently, abused, and there were no happy songs
I have taken myself out of this family dysfunctional role
The Scapegoat
Not taking any more unacceptable behavior and as I go
I feel love for myself and peace inside
Now I wonder why
I didn’t see the light
God has lit the light for me to see
To have love, joy and peace
I needed to forgive my family
I forgave for me, to be set free
The Ache within My Soul
A soul has an intense ache
While it captivates
Everything life once offered
It is now torn and tattered
With a silent ache
Avoiding everything in its wake
As its powerful force forsakes
The breath of life commences to its roaring Earthquake
Rubble and debris is all that’s left in its shadow of fate
Of impending gloom
In an empty hallow darkened room
Is painful memories
Found mysteriously
Through time and space
A shattered soul falls from grace
It begs God for shelter and peace