I don't know why Marina Fegelman and I
began kissing each other in the back of the laundromat,
maybe it was the hot, steamy bloom of desire
pressing up from her boney body
like a whispered, Yes, because
expectation was everywhere that summer.
I'd sit on the stoop all morning, waiting
for something to happen, and when it didn't,
I'd go to the movies with Flavian and Michael Monaco.
We'd sit in the balcony, put our feet up,
smoke cigarettes like big-shots.
Then, one day,
whatever was supposed to happen, happened.
Her name was Ruth, she said,
and she put her hands on her hips, told me
Flavian and Michael took turns
kissing and feeling her, that maybe
I could too, but I just stood there, not knowing
what to say until Flavian said,
Don't worry, you can too,
and a soon as he did,
Ruth looked lost, like she didn’t know
where she was anymore, but it just made me
want to touch her, slip my hands
under her blouse, feel her breasts.
But every time
I did, she’d always look at me
like I should know better, but then again
she never said no. I liked that about Ruth:
she may have had my number, but she never
beat me with it. Anyway, Ruth wasn’t that tough.
Not really. She just had opinions about everything.
And when she wasn't thinking about Flavian,
which was most of the time, she could be
really funny. Wicked is more like it.
Anyway,
that’s how I spent that summer: kissing and
feeling Ruth, then passing her to Flavian, because
that was the order: first me, then Flavian, then
Michael, except she’d sometimes
stand up, tell Flavian
she wanted to go home,
and for a moment, he’d look
surprised, or maybe angry, it was always
hard to tell with him, but he'd never
say anything, just get up,
take her home.
Then
just before high school, Flavian told me
Ruth wouldn't be coming anymore,
but I never asked him why
because I knew they were playing
with razors and then his father sent him
to military school and then to his uncle in Abruzzi
so we lost touch for I don’t know how many years
and then he calls me up out of the blue
and invites me to his son’s confirmation party,
and who's there when I walk in, but Ruth,
talking to his wife, and when she sees me,
she smiles at me like she's asking a question
and saying Hello at the same time
and I'm thinking, Jesus, maybe they're still lovers,
but there was something about her
that said she was living a different life,
so I kept hoping the balcony
wouldn't come up, but it was hard
avoiding it after she asked me if I still went
to the movies, because there was something
very funny about the way she said it,
so I told her, Yes, but I sat
a little closer to the screen now,
so I could see the dots, sometimes
between them, and we both laughed,
but not for the same reasons I think.