Sometimes If Not Always by Chibwe Bwalya - HTML preview

Still here. When they get fed up of using you I will wait to pick what remains.

Without Friends. I’d say I’d be weak but seeing I’ve survived

I’d be fine alone.

DAMN.

You only stayed because you knew

I’d break if you left

That hurts more than being cheated on shreds fabric of affection into doubt of whether, what I felt too was a lie.

Idk I hide what I feel afraid you’ll laugh at what I would take seriously. ?

I tell myself I’m strong strong enough to tell her

soon we meet

I forget where to start afraid she won’t understand just how much she means to me.

We were too young to understand. Mukubutila muma bula yankonde twalemonamo nefyupo.

Selfish.

I hate how you love spending time alone it only makes me want you more.

Regrets. Looking back there’s so much I wish I could do but the damage is done because I chose not to.

A Pair of Opposites. I hated writing you loved reading weren’t we just a perfect pair?

Lukhele. I go bananas a minion soon I see her very few if not none ever make me nervous thinking words to say an I LOVE YOU perhaps or maybe just silence keeping me to myself.

If only my eyes where yours. I wish you saw what I see the melanin of your skin or the charcoal black color that crowns your hair the pride of an African Queen.

Yvette.

I sleep thinking about you wake up feeling worse realizing its been weeks since I sent the text that you left in blue ticks

I dare to call

you don’t pick up

think she needs space but still yet, heart whispers

try sending her airtime and a text saying call me back.

Addicted.

You became my pill body paraphernalia to numb my agony.

Stereotyped.

Was always judged I never understood then but now I know why.

PTSD.

I try pretending pray the pain I feel’s a phase just one of those days that comes and go but that rarely helps

In time

I’m pushed to share pangs with a cigarette damn sure it knows way to numb this feeling.

For Her.

With every breath

I suffer to exhale I know I’m missing you like inhaling without a lung.

Stocker

I never press a like

or care to post comments but every time your timeline floods filled with photos I care to see and fantasize having you.

Experience and Its Lessons. People who leave us create gaps for others to fit at first, it’s hard to soften but as time passes the concrete heart learns the inevitable

is too a part of life.

Best I Had. You remain the only girl to have ever

understood me as my mum.

In the bitterness of June

I pray your blankets

remain cold to remind you of the warmth of being in my arms.

Nostalgia Between your legs was the only comfort that reminded me of home.

My 2 Fingers.                                   by charity.

I really fight act like I don’t give a fuck

But the more I try

I only end up wanting him even more

Explaining to myself

“He doesn’t feel the same about you” weakens my strength

and fantasies of him making me squirt

resort to fingers finding their way up between my thighs.

Eventually you’ll Learn

The bitter pill to swallow Isn’t being hated its accepting that you’re loved for what you have.

No Fool for Trying.                             by Kwame.

The only thing I still regret writing was when my friend sent a text saying

“I’m on my way to your place

What should I wear?”

The leprechaun feelings I dwarfed since kindergarten grew thoughts for legs as I paced my bedroom thinking Is this the green light for long I’ve waited or just her hormones speaking?

Anxiety, set a rhythm for the heart I now heard beat in my head sweat caressing palms as the urge to type out what I thought through leashed to dog my lust and fantasy in one text

In glee, I typed to reply saying

“Inside, put nothing on I want your yellow dress to be the only layer I’ll have to peel off “

That text was a full stop to what was a long sentence of locked up emotions but I guess she took it the otherwise because ever since then she never calls neither texts nor cares to visit.

Proof Check

If you think she’s an angel do care to check her browser history

If then you find what won’t shock you Imagine her with a halo because then you’ve found a saint.

What I Do to Forget You. I numb affection by jerking off to the screams of porn stars I watch.

Long story short… Teti ndekupatikisha ukuntemwa ngatafya peleshiwa ukweba ati tubepamo

I won’t force things to work out.

Mother Zambia. You preach abstinence but a condom sleeps in your pocket

You’ve taught, so you think for bringing up graduates uh? the people who kiss your lips have no room of affection for you

they just do it because it keeps you asleep

You’ve let your children forget their father by letting

men without a moral compass find you a thing to be used for pleasure

Yet, what better words have I than to blame our mother for being a whore?

I Need More. Holding you isn’t enough anybody you allow close can get a chance.

No strings attached. I just want to have fun tomorrow resume my normal life and see you as a stranger.

Obsessed.

I wish I got the kind of check ups you give tampons when you missing your periods.

Origami.                                    by Charity.

I hug my pillow close eyes trying to forget the warmth of his soft hands and how goose bumps would

fold me in a longing for more than just his closeness.

Origami – is the art of paper folding. Inclusive term for all folding practices…the writer alludes herself to being paper in her lovers’ arms, folding to his will because of how he makes her feel.

Sundays.

I don’t know where heaven is but I’ve felt how it feels when I lay beside you.

Another one lost. I hate that I have to bear the thought of you sharing