The biggest challenge in this down world, my darling, is to know how to fight the monster that is growing inside of you.
Is to learn how to survive with one piece of a heart, and still give love and kindness to those in need.
Is to shine bright when the sky turns black, when stars die, when hope fades away, when the world around you collapses into a vacuum.
The biggest challenge, my dear, in your very short life; is to give light when everything feeds on darkness.
Is to collect your broken pieces, one by one, and rebuild yourself from below yesterday’s ash.
Is to continue fighting, continue
burning, even when life keeps breaking your soul into a million little pieces.
Is to keep the child inside you alive and free, is to hear its laughs, and listen to its breathing, when silence takes over. Is to keep trying to fly, to spread your wings, ready to go high.
When everything pulls you down to the river of emptiness.
The biggest demons you have to face are those laying in your own shadows. Waiting for the night to come.
To suck away the last drop of hope in you.
And murder your inner child, once and for all.
I feel the urge to write, to spill all of my blood over papers, building the empire of my sad madness from the flesh of my heart and the unfinished breaths of my soul.
I feel the urge to tear my heart apart and then spread it on paper, write with my blood and tears all the sins I’ve never confessed, all the fears I’ve never shown, and paint the pain that troubles my inner peace and haunts my nights and dreams.
My feelings are all entangled. That I no longer know what I truly feel toward anything.
It’s just a beautiful scary chaos inside, which is slowly sucking my life, one ray at once.
And the outside isn’t that nice to see as well.
Everyone seems to go away at some point, leaving me desperate, alone, diving slowly in depression, losing a bit of myself day after day.
I no longer recognize myself in the mirror; is it really me? Is this scary shadow really what I used to be? That lovely girl everyone admired so much? No, I guess not.
That lovely, loving girl is gone. She couldn’t bear life’s roughness and wouldn’t have lasted long if she survived to feel what I’m feeling, to survive the storms I’ve been trapped in, and to conquer the hope that has been stolen from my heart, by those who murdered the child within me, by those who slayed every innocent wish I kept inside. But that change made me realize who I am.
Awakened my consciousness and opened my eyes so that I could finally see the real “me”.
I believed as a child that I was the worst kind of girls, that hell was, undoubtedly, my final destination; me, the innocent child who wanted nothing but to see her parents proud of her and her efforts appreciated by those she cared for.
After 16 years, I knew what I really am. I’m well aware of my worth, and of the depth of my heart and the pureness of my feelings.