But the thing is, I lost every bit of confidence I once had. I no longer believe in my abilities as much as I’d want to.
No matter how much I try, I always fail to restore my confidence. My stunning determination and my one-of-a-kind intelligence, and the efforts I make, all are vain; nothing ever works, and nothing brightens my days or lighten up my eyes and heart.
I remain that broken, sad girl who holds her bleeding heart in one hand, and the burnt dreams she once had in the other.
~ 26 ~
The Night They Came for My
I am a lost soul, a child of the night and a friend of the moon, wandering alone in the vast land of man, seeking to escape people’s ugly hearts and find a pure air to breathe, free of human lies and empty promises.
I traveled the worlds of my mind and expanded the universes within me to create others, with brighter days and warmer nights. I lived alone for a while now, my scars got deeper as age stole a bit of my shattered heart. And the light of my soul faded away with every life I have given to my virtual worlds, my private home.
One day as I went through the fields of singing flowers, and crying crows, I saw
a shadow coming towards me, a
silhouette running after the wind to catch my steps and capture what’s left of me. I stood still, not able to move even a toe, as if it casts an enchantment on everyone who sees it, my heart was beating so fast I thought it’d actually come out at some point.
The creature got closer and closer, slowly, tediously, then whispered in the wind: “Fear me not, little child of the Moon, fear me not, wandering young soul, I’m here to save you, save you from what haunts you, from the darkness that holds you prisoner, and all those gloomy thoughts you wish you didn’t have.”
“There’s nothing to save me from” I said in a hurry, scared of what the creature would do to me next. “I’m fine as I am, living the day, breathing pure air, and watching the world from a safe distance, I’m in security here, it’s my own creation; shouldn’t it be safe enough?”
“Oh, poor child,” It whispered again, as it came even closer, “you do believe that indeed all of that chaos is your own creation? You do believe that all of these horrors actually reside within you? If you do, I’m afraid you’re very mistaken. Poor child, you indeed had a flame of madness in you, but only they could have made you make this hell a living home.”
“I forbid you to say that about my home! As for ‘they’, there’s no one here but me, only some birds, those of my dreams, and some little creatures I call in my loneliness to keep me company ‘til dawn.”
“You’re not here because you willed it, poor child.” The creature said as it stepped even closer, “and you won’t be able to leave if you will it as well.” It came closer in a rush and covered me with its cape, it felt like I was choking on a plastic bag, as the tissue was blocking my mouth and nose. I screamed my last breaths and fought to come out, until all of my energy was consumed and ran out of air. The creature was flying, I suppose, but at some point, it slowed down, as if something was preventing it from going further. It suddenly made a horrible moan that almost deafened me. It was being sucked into something, a strong power that kept attracting it to the ground, to the soil of my world.
It dropped down in fragments of seconds, the united powers were stronger than it could handle on its own.
I got dizzy, voices were haunting my head, the same as those I used to hear when I was young, but it can’t be real for those were only the echoes of whatever I watched during the day.
I couldn’t feel my feet, as the voices got wilder.
Then I blacked out.
I woke up on a feather bed, covered with satin sheets and the window was wide open, with the most beautiful view I’ve ever seen or dreamed of before. The sun rays came into me, tickling my cheeks and brightening the room, birds were making enchanting melodies as in fairy tales.
I tried to get up and explore the marvelous castle I was in, but the minute I pulled the sheets off, someone came in.
“You better not leave now,” He said, “it
is not safe for you out there.”
“What do you mean by it’s not safe?
Where am I?”
“You’re in the bright part, the world you neglected for too long, has now rescued you from evil.”
“The demonic creature was indeed evil. But what about my other home, what about the lands I wandered in? What about the whispers of the wind? The butterflies of the dark that enlightened my lonely nights, and brought me stories from their world. Stories about angels and demons, about shadows
seeking revenge of those who dare transpass the freedom of the soul or murder the creativity in one’s heart. What about my life?”
“There is no need to dramatize all of this, my dear, the world you were living in for too long has consumed the flame of hope in you, has ripped off your feelings for a while. You were unconscious of your surroundings, lived in a bubble, and thought you owned the world, but
darling, you don’t.”
“I do though.” I answered fiercely. “I do own my world, I created it! I was the queen there, the emperor, and everything worked fine for me. My rules were never broken, for I had total control of everything around me, for everything around me listened to my screams; and didn’t run away.”
“For everything around cared about my hidden scars, and didn’t feel disgust as I revealed those ugly parts of me.” “Because the spirits I called in my loneliness, and the monsters I adopted as my companions, accepted me the way I am, embraced my flaws and adored my little perfections.”
“You see, that world of mine, as you say, hasn’t killed hope in me, but rather made me realize how dumb my wishes were, and how low my dreams were standing.”
“For those demons of mine, have helped me face my darkness, helped me understand my essence.”
“And let me build myself from the
ground.” “To be stronger.” “To be braver.”
“To give more, and think better.”
I stood up, and faced him, shocked, freezing, and speechless.
“What have you got to say now, savior?” I said as I passed by him, heading to the door, heading to the exit of this beautiful hologram, heading to the entry of the real world I lived in, the real place that hugged my bruises, and burnt the seeds of regrets and fake hope.
“May you have a blissful life,” He finally said, “if you find peace among your demons, then you already have made it half ways to your truth. I salute you, warrior”.
“We all salute you, warrior.” Repeated thousands of voices at the back, as one unit, one unbreakable unit.