The Master said,
“The gentleman helps others to realize what is good in them.
He does not help them to realize what is bad in them.
The small man does the opposite.”
—Analects of Confucius - Chapter 12, Verse 16
I believe there are people who genuinely want to help others, but I also believe there are folks who only want to help others because it makes them feel good about themselves. These are the kinds of people who will talk over you with unsolicited advice on a subject you didn’t even realize you needed help with in the first place. What these people really need is a listener. In that case, listening to them help you is the most helpful thing you can do to help them.
But in doing so, aren’t you just helping them because it makes you feel good about helping others? Which would make you no more helpful than they are, no?
This raises the question: Is listening politely really the most helpful thing you could do for these unhelpful helpers in the first place? Perhaps the most helpful thing would be to interrupt their helpfulness and tell them how unhelpful they really are.
But then, would your rudeness make you feel bad about helping others, therefore discouraging you from truly helping others at all? In which case, you’d be motivated to continue listening in an unhelpful manner because it’s too painful to give them the help they actually need. This would mean you’re acting purely out of self-interest, feeling better than you would if you acted helpfully because it would make you feel bad.
So, can you altruistically help others at all? And if so, how do you keep your helpfulness in check to a degree that it’s not just a selfishly helpful act in itself?
Even if you could, wouldn’t this mean that people who listen carefully and actually deliver relevant helpful advice are just a slyer version of the obviously selfish helpers? In which case, has my belief that there are people who are genuinely out there helping others now been disproven by my own attempt to help myself understand unhelpful people?
Please, help yourself by helping me with an answer in the comment section, you selfish bastard.