Charity given to a worthy person
simply because it is right to give,
without consideration of anything in return,
[...] is stated to be in the mode of goodness.
But charity given with reluctance,
with the hope of a return or in expectation of a reward,
is said to be in the mode of passion.
—The Bhagavad Gita - Chapter 17, Verses 20-21
I was in a recent discussion about serving others as a path to fulfillment, while remaining cautious that serving others isn’t a distraction from addressing your own trauma.
Take, for example, a career in nursing: a noble profession on the surface, but underneath, it’s a nonstop, high-stress environment where caring for others can take priority over caring for yourself. You have to ask yourself if choosing a career in caring for others can be a subconscious expression of the desire to be cared for.
Does, then, putting on the mask of Caretaker becomes a form of disingenuous service to others, as underneath, you’ve failed to care for yourself first?
Another way people serve others is by adopting pets, either consciously or subconsciously knowing that a fluffy friend will ease the pain of not feeling loved. Why face your fears and deal with trauma when you can simply plop a furball into your lap and experience the fleeting relief that comes with petting something soft and affectionate? As far as your neglected inner child is concerned, though, a furry distraction can be as much of a vice as filling the void with alcohol.
A third major path of distraction in serving others is by having children. Bringing a child into the world that will inherently love you is one way to fill the void. But as soon as those babies become independent teenagers and begin to separate themselves emotionally, that void filled with their dependency becomes empty again. That’s because temporary dependency isn’t a lasting solution to a persistent problem, just like pouring more water into a leaky bucket isn’t a solution to maintaining a bucket full of water.
While these paths may appear to be therapeutic on the surface, it’s important to realize that there are holes in your bucket that need to be patched up instead of constantly refilled. The point is, you owe it to yourself, your dog, your children, your significant other, or anyone else around you, to heal yourself so that you can become the best version of yourself in service to others.