3 psychological advantages
Minds are very important in a fight. They are essentially who we are.
They identify a personal bubble of space around us. Because this space is invisible, the boundaries of this owned area can often be disputed.
Our minds use senses to help delineate this invisible space, especially sight, touch, and smell.
You can observe the effects of this bubble at a gym. One person’s strong body odor may cause others to move on to more distant machines. Or if others are attracted to the person, they may desire to be closer to this person’s space.
A person often stands by the weights that he is using, having them visibly within or nearby to his personal bubble. This helps communicate to others that the weights are his for the time being.
As you enter a stranger’s bubble, you may become aware of his scent. You will probably feel uncomfortable from seeing his body so close to yours. If he makes a comment such as, “I'm using those weights,” his words are more impactful from his scent and body already having claimed ownership over the space.
If he is also touching the weights, that is an even more powerful claim over them.
Notice that all three senses were included in the above example, sight, touch, and smell.
Not to be crude, but simply to elucidate the impact of the latter sense—if you fart, you can watch people move away as you have unfairly expanded your personal bubble and colored it with a toxic smell.
Or if you have bad breath and speak close to a stranger, she will likely move away from your aromatic invasion into her space.
We recognize this personal bubble as a culture, creating strong social norms for people to shower regularly, so as to not offend other people’s senses.
The senses of sight and touch also help define this bubble. Stand an inch away from another person and observe what happens. Most likely, she will feel uncomfortable by the sight of your physical invasion. She observes you almost touching her. She sees your face too close to her own. She feels your breaths on her skin. She will either move away or try to get you to move.
However, if you observe a couple in a good relationship, they can be very close. This is because of an agreed upon and a mutual type of ownership of each other. “You are my lover, and I am yours.” A shared space exists between them.
Mutually agreed-upon closeness is much different than forced closeness.
For example, you can take the extreme cases of contact in lovemaking versus rape in which one is consensual and the other is nonconsensual. A more mild comparison would be a massage that was mutually consensual versus a massage that was nonconsensual. Perhaps you had the experience of a masseuse massaging you in a mutual consensual way. But imagine how you would feel if a complete stranger without your consent began massaging you. Consent is socially required to enter someone’s personal space.
The top girl does not have the bottom girl’s consent or agreement to sit on top of her and pin her to the ground.
In fact, she will frequently use language to express this: “Get off me!”
The top girl forced her adversary inside the bubble that she owns. As such, her adversary is in her territory. Most things here have been and are her possessions: her body, hair, smell, clothing, watches, bracelets, purses, phone, jewelry, etc. Even people who she allows to get this close to her are perceived with a type of ownership: her best friend or her boyfriend.
Being forced into her domain suggests the bottom girl being owned as well.
A visceral attitude of you are in my place leaks out from the top girl.
To compound this, the top girl has simultaneously invaded the bottom girl’s personal space, making it not so personal anymore. Because the bottom girl didn’t initiate and cannot change this, the top girl’s dominance is validated. She now occupies the bottom girl's space, dominating this area.
Your space is mine is the attitude from the top girl.
Not only that, she occupies the bottom girl’s most prized possession in this space—her very body.
It is like taking possession of something valuable that the bottom girl owns, such as taking her car without her permission.
The top girl can do whatever she wants in this space because she is in control of it and the other person’s body. She owns them both.
Another space invasion dynamic can be seen before a fight when one girl gets into the other’s face. She does this by standing so close to the other that their faces almost touch. If not as an attempt of dominance, then please explain this action.
Because she resides in her enemy’s space, she is more dangerous. She can now hurt the other girl with uncomfortable stinky breath, punches, kicks, hair pulling, pokes to the eye, spitting at the face, etc.
The personal bubble can also be observed from common exclamations, such as, “This is my spot in the line,” “I’m standing here,” “Don’t touch me,” “Back off!” and even feeling righteous about pushing other people away if they get too close.
But the bottom girl cannot push the top one away. She cannot stop the other from literally touching her body.
Imagine going to a nightclub and watching an attractive woman gets as close to your boyfriend as possible, touching him and staying in that position. How would that make you feel? You would probably try to put a stop to this as soon as possible. If personal space has nothing to do with ownership, then why wouldn’t you allow this to occur? What difference would standing five feet from him or one inch from him mean?
What does it mean at a nightclub when a strange undesired man places his hand on your buttocks? Why do you feel righteous about slapping him or pushing him away?
Although he may be trying, he does not own that part of your body.
Why do we tell our children not to get into the personal space of a strange adult’s car? The answer is they may be owned by the larger stranger, meaning the stranger will gain dominant control of them.
Like an adult kidnapper to a child, the higher person is in a psychological superior position.
Imagine looking up at an angry person about three feet taller than yourself. So if your height is five feet, four inches, then you would be looking up at someone eight feet, four inches. That is what the bottom girl is essentially doing. She is looking up at an enraged head which looms three feet over hers.
And the crowd of people standing around is much higher than herself. This can be quite intimidating, given that some people may be unfriendly and aggressive.
Imagine lying on the sidewalk in a large city during a busy time for foot traffic. You could get accidently trampled upon. Your instinct would be to stand up immediately.
Lying on the ground is a vulnerable position.
Higher is a more strategic position.
Predators in the animal kingdom know this. They often seek elevated ground to gain advantage. You rarely see a lion or cat seek a lower place to start a fight (unless it offers the power of concealment). They even leap up or lift themselves on their hind legs during a fight to increase their threat. They prefer higher ground, even trees, when real danger is around. Higher is identified as safer.
Many animals—for example, bears, gorillas, and sea lions—raise themselves off the ground to appear taller, larger, and more threatening to their opponent.
When do you see a bear lay on its back to prepare for an attack? Never. When do you see a dog do this? A dog only takes this position when it feels safe or submissive.
The fact that the top girl forced the other to the ground is a primal psychological boost for her. The bottom girl’s position is instinctually weaker and submissive. Both girls necessarily feel this.
We sit on a tree branch, a floating log, or a raft to remain above waters which may contain deadly predators, extreme coldness that can kill, or the potential for drowning. Even if you know how to swim, you must stick your head above the water frequently to intake air to keep yourself alive.
This is also true with regards to quicksand, tar pits, mud holes, and certain lightweight snowdrifts.
This instinct of being above things to stay alive or safe is a potent force.
After a fight, it is not uncommon for the bottom person to stay on the ground to show that she is remaining submissive, has given up, is no longer a threat, and no longer desires to fight. Sometimes the standing opponent will even tell the supine girl not to get up, or she will be beaten down again.
People who are sick, tired, or injured lie down. It is the weaker position.
Just in regards to physics, if you are higher than another object and are as massive, you have a greater potential energy. You can stomp, jump or drop onto the other person, using your body weight as a weapon that pummels into them. And of course you can pin them down.
Royalty, dictators, and other people in positions of power have historically resided on higher seats to psychologically accentuate their position.
A prince or princess is called “your Highness.”
People kneel in prayer, lowering themselves on purpose to show respect and submissiveness to a god. Some people bow to others as a sign of respect or that they are not a threat. The bottom girl has been forced into this lower position.
Just in regards to words, synonyms for surrender include bow, buckle, cave, go down, go under, and submit. And words are powerful. They are how we think.
We tell our boss, “I’m on top of it,” “I got it under control,” “I’m on it,” to explain our power over the situation.
Many animals hold their head high and raise their tails to appear dominant and more threatening. A lowering of the head is usually submissive.
The top girl literally looks down at the bottom girl’s low head. She may even position her head directly over the bottom girl’s head. And the bottom girl looks up to the top girl.
These arrangements mirror certain attitudes in our society. One is of looking up to people who we respect, admire, and want to follow. The other is of looking down at those people who we don't respect, don't admire, and are seen as unworthy and lower than ourselves.
Think of the phrases people use such as, “You are beneath me,” “I am taking the high road,” “I would like to rise to her morals,” and “I am above that,” as potential examples.
On top often means “better than.” Our society has these types of long held beliefs driven into us throughout our lives. A top student with the highest grades, listed higher than others; a top team of the NBA with the highest record of wins; the best basketball player with the highest number of baskets; a top scientist better than all others; a quarterback player above the rest; being an Olympian gold medalist and standing on the highest platform when receiving the gold medal; on top of the world; on top of your job—all these portray that being above, higher than, or on top of others is better.
And below means “less than.” You scored below average on the test; you are on the bottom of the list; your number of wins in baseball is below everyone else's number; your successful work with clients is too low to keep you employed; your intelligence is the lowest; you won the least amount of games in the tournament—all are further examples of this.
The hand gesture of thumbs up has a positive meaning versus thumbs down which has a negative meaning.
Even God and heaven are pictured above, and Satan and hell are pictured below in literary references and works of art.
The aggregation of all such attitudes cannot help but leak out when one girl sits atop another.
People raise their heads and hands high when victorious, sometimes jumping in the air for a greater effect. Sport teammates often raise the best player of the game on their shoulders to celebrate his or her greatness and dominance. Why would they do these actions if higher had no meaning?
Cheerleaders throw another member of their squad high into the air to raise the emotions of the crowd into hope of conquest and victory.
The top girl is already in this higher position.
She is identified as the winner. She may even do a little “winning dance” (more common in play fights), with her arms waving and her body jiggling on the bottom girl, accentuating the bottom girl’s defeat and adding a tease of humiliation.
There are entrenched beliefs in our society of winners being superior to losers, at least in the competition that was won. The label of loser is a psychological hit to the bottom girl. This nurtures her enemy’s confidence and decays hers.
We usually sit on things that are relatively unimportant (chairs, benches, stools, couches, pillows, bikes, toilets). In fact, their only value is for our use. They exist to provide rest, support, comfort, transportation, or disposal of our waste.
As such, the bottom girl is in that same position of being used. She is taking place of a mere object—something of low value. This is dehumanizing to her.
The bottom girl’s desires and feelings do not matter to her enemy. She is being treated without such human components, and is at the will of her enemy.
The person sitting is important, not the seat.
We are meant to sit in a seat for possibly hours at a time.
In fact, we often forget about our seats and focus on more important things, such as homework, a conversation, eating, driving, painting, watching television, surfing the internet, reading a book, etc.
The bottom girl’s function now is to support her enemy’s weight and provide her enemy with rest. This has been forced onto her. She is being treated as a chair.
Compared to a wooden stool, plastic chair, hard floor, or cement bench, she is a comfortable seat. Her body feels soft and spongy. Even if the top girl sits on her adversary’s rib cage, she is provided a seat with gentle give.
It is rare and brief when we sit on another human being. When it occurs, it cannot be isolated from the many thousands of hours of sitting on unimportant things.
Just count the number of hours you are sitting on objects on an average day. Then multiply that by 365, and then multiply that number by your age. If you are eighteen years old, this number is probably between 100,000 and 500,000 hours, depending on how active you are. Even the lower number translates to an excessive 4,166 days or 11.4 years. This enormous history of our seats being less important than ourselves exacerbates the sense inferiority of the bottom girl.
The top girl’s anus and genitals—where solid and liquid wastes are excreted—rest on the bottom girl.
Just because this is so disgusting that it is either denied or never discussed does not reduce its profound psychological impact.
Honestly ask yourself, would you reach into a toilet bowl at a public bathroom and touch a yellowed pool of liquid to pick up brown defecation logs submerged within it? Why not? What is so repulsive about this? Remember, these same places that fill a toilet are now directly above the bottom girl.
When else are we this close to the bathroom places of another?
For so long as a child you were told by parents that these places need to be cleaned regularly, get dirty, are private, and are not to touch other people. This is backed by experiential evidence through years of using the toilet that these places are dirty and do stink. This is substantiated socially through one example of requiring food workers to wash their hands after using the bathroom. These private areas are rarely allowed to touch other people. And now the top girl is allowed to put hers on someone she hates because of her strength.
What do you think this means psychologically for both girls?
Do you think this has no psychological component and should be ignored? Why is that?
Besides being worthless, human waste is repulsive, disgusting, contaminated with germs dangerous to us, and to be avoided at all costs.
The gases from the bowels contain one of the most lethal gases: hydrogen sulfide, which is also flammable. Urine outside of the body releases the intense smell of ammonia. Menstruation creates blood and dead tissue, which mixes with bacteria, and not infrequently has an odor to it.
We are taught that the latter is a beautiful thing, and it is. But an arch enemy’s menstruation on top of you is not so beautiful.
Our own excrement is repulsive to us, but an enemy’s is exponentially worse. Yet the bottom girl is not merely forced near these orifices of her adversary, but is in contact with them, apart from one to two layers of clothing.
These nasty places are pressing against her body. She can feel their warmth. This is where dirty things happen regularly.
It humiliates her to the extreme. There exist few situations more humiliating.
The top girl used the toilet probably several times in the previous eight hours, giving her a fresh mental association of the other girl in that same position: there to receive waste. This dynamic becomes even more intense if she had just defecated or urinated minutes before the fight.
She has forced her enemy down in the areas where gross and disgusting things just happened.
Her enemy is now in the same position as her toilet. That intense smell of a giant steaming log or a runny mess coming out of her is still fresh in her memory.
There cannot help but be some association of this in the mind. If this association is not consciously done, it will be unconsciously achieved, with similar psychological impacts.
The bottom girl also makes this humiliating and degrading association as she observes, feels, and possibly smells her enemy’s areas of waste discharge. This drives her to feel inferior and owned.
She has been forced to remain in perhaps the most unwanted area. It unequivocally displays her enemy’s rule over her.
Bullies sometime use the tactic of pushing their victim’s head inside of a toilet bowl. Why do you think they do this? Does it grant them some sort of extra power?
A subconscious or conscious fear may develop within the bottom girl of being defecated, bled, or urinated on.
After all, it would be the ultimate humiliation for her. What if the top girl has diarrhea? The danger of a little coming out could be real. What if her menstruation cycle is irregular or a little off, and she is bleeding that day? What if the top girl has a full bladder? A little might come out. She might even be one of those girls who has poor bladder control.
The top girl might have already had a little bit of defecation/urination into her underpants during the fight.
It is not unheard of to lose a little bit of control of your bowels or bladder while in strong fear. Where do you think the following expressions came from? “She got the shit beaten out of her!” “I was so scared I pissed my pants!” or “You scared the shit out of me!”
Because of the awkward position of the bottom girl underneath her enemy’s private parts, onlookers sometimes yell, “That looks so wrong!”
Think of the verbal attack, “Kiss my ass.” Why do people say this? What’s wrong with this? They don’t say, “Kiss my eye,” to hurt you. They don’t say, “Kiss my shoulder.” They say, “Kiss my ass.”
This is especially visceral due to the place of the body they are ordering the other to kiss. This is a most objectionable place for an enemy. It is a prime dirty spot. The comment attempts to gain power through degradation and humiliation of the other person.
But to truly place your ass on your adversary is not merely words, but reality. It is an intense demonstration of power.
A similar type of ownership through humiliation is exemplified in play fights when the top girl stuffs a dirty sock into the face of the bottom victim.
The top girl has not just forced her adversary into her personal bubble of space, but also into her private personal space.
This is very different from other parts of her body. (Notice how we offer our hands to strangers as a form of greeting, but never our bottoms. Why is that?)
This space contains the top girl’s private parts, which she has totally owned and has been her exclusive area for all of her life. This space is so much hers that no one else has been allowed to see it, touch it, smell it, taste it, or be within close proximity of it without her permission. She is the exclusive person who has the freedom to do these things or allow another person to do them. She is the total ruler over this domain.
This space is where very private actions occur on a regular basis. This is where she defecates, urinates, queefs, and farts. It is where she sheds dead tissue and bleeds, sweats to a greater degree, cultivates a high degree of bacteria, stinks, and creates smegma. She creates cleaning fluids, creates fluids of lubrication, becomes sexually aroused, masturbates, has intercourse, orgasms and ejaculates here. This is her innermost sanctum.
This is where she can give birth to life that she will identify as hers.
She has now forced her adversary into her completely owned territory. This cannot help but also convey stronger ownership over her adversary.
In fact, it is not uncommon to display banners at a high school or college sport game with a message similar or identical to, “This is our house.” This message is an attempt to mark territory, and convey ownership and dominance over the opposing team.
Knowing that her private space contains her enemy lifts the top girl’s confidence because it is her “house,” or owned area.
Tonight, if you dig into the soil on your land and find a gold coin, wouldn’t you believe you have rights to it because it was within your private property?
One of the definitions of private is belonging to some particular person.
The top girl’s private space is also charged with private emotions, increasing her entitlement of this area.
The genital area produces sexual feelings—perhaps the most private and personal of all emotions—which the top girl identifies as intimately hers, which she no doubt owns because they are her feelings. These are intensely personal of which no one else feels but her.
The anus is similar with regards to powerful feelings, which occur during bowel movements or anal sex. Some people report great pleasure or orgasmic-like feelings during these activities. This explains the use of anal beads or fingering the anus during sexual activity.
Urination shivers or Post-Micturition Convulsion Syndrome also occur from this private area of the body.
The bottom girl is caged in enemy territory where her enemy’s exclusively owned, intimate, intense feelings originate. This territory also contains intensely owned physical parts of this hated person.
She is inundated by her enemy.
This is a special type of violation. Everything intimate of this person she detests has been pushed onto her.
Our bottoms are not simply another part of our body, but also very strong olfactory places.
In less modern times, when our ancestors didn’t shave hair in the pubic and anus regions, didn’t have or take daily showers, didn’t have running water, soap, toilet paper (only commercially available about 100 years ago), wet wipes, tampons (available about 100 years ago) or pads (available about 120 years ago)—their scents were more readily deposited onto the places they sat. This conveyed a temporary ownership of that space through scent.
In more primitive societies without clothing (probably over 50 thousand years ago—a mere moment in the evolution of life), this conveyed an even greater aftereffect of ownership of those places, somewhat like leaving your jacket on a seat does nowadays. Actual particles of blood, feces, and urine could be deposited on your seat.
To help understand this concept, imagine if a stinky stranger sat on your pillow. You would abandon it for another due to the stranger’s strong odor still emanating and claiming ownership over it. You would not want to put your head where that foul scent continues to reside.
Some people are even leery to sit in a chair that a homeless person who hadn’t showered for weeks just vacated.
You probably have a memory of a very hot day in which you were discomforted by another person’s strong body odor who sat close to you.
Perhaps you felt discounted that he felt entitled enough to expand his personal space into your own.
Do you remember the time when you entered a bathroom stall and smelled the worst smell of your life? It didn’t feel like your space, did it? You wanted to get out of there as fast as possible, right? Someone else occupied that stall before you, and she could come back and have easy access to it again because everyone else abandons it for more congenial smelling stalls.
This is especially true if she left her defecation on the toilet seat and on the ground surrounding the toilet bowl, creating visual and tactile personal space as well as olfactory.
Imagine going to school naked every day with everyone else also naked. Would you attempt to sit in one seat everyday or would you sit in just any seat that could have been just vacated by someone who didn’t shower that day or clean themselves well after having just gone to the restroom.
Having a long evolutionary history of our worst stenches being easily deposited on our seats, comforted by our own smells and discomforted by strangers’ smells, has added to an innate psychological component of owning our seats. (More of this topic is discussed in the chapter of sensual dynamics.)
Apart from smell, a person relates ownership to anything she sits on. This is so ordinary and is doe so frequently that people forget its significance until someone sits on another person.
Everything the top girl sat on for every second of every hour during her life was hers as she sat on it. This is my chair now because I’m sitting on it. This is my spot on the couch. This is my spot on the beach because I’m sitting here. I’m on this swing, so go find your own swing. This is my turn on the inflatable raft in the pool; I’m using it. This is my seat in the movie theater. This is my turn on the ride, so wait until I’m done. I’m sitting on the bike right now because it is my turn, so I get to use it until I’m done. This is my seat in the classroom because I’ve sat here all year long. I’m on this yoga mat for this class so go get your own. This is my office chair that I sit in every day.
All of these are pervasive norms and attitudes that both girls have adopted and experienced throughout their lives. These rules are so entrenched and powerful that other people almost always move on to different spots that are not taken.
Try it out. Go to a movie theater, a park, a coffeehouse, or a library and have a seat.
Watch how many people walk by you to find another seat that they can claim. Every single person out of hundreds who passes by you identifies the seat as yours.
People do not even question your ownership of it.
But even in rare circumstances when someone demands your seat, that person would first have to move you to get it. Until then, it is yours, being used by you.
Your body is on it and holds it as yours.
Now consider the effect of the top girl sitting on the other girl.
While the top girl sits on the other, this attitude of ownership translates not only to both girls, but also to bystanders. She is occupying the seat. No one else is or can at the moment.
The top girl may say things like, “I own you, bitch.”
The crowd may yell, “She’s your bitch,” or “You own her.” Or they may yell to the bottom girl, “You got owned!”
Why would they say these comments?
If you are still in doubt that sitting equals owning, you are pretty stubborn indeed, but go back to the coffee shop, library, or class.
Now try to get someone to move who is already sitting.
Go ahead, what’s stopping you? Societal norms? What norms? Just tell them to move. After all, they don’t own that spot, do they?
A frequent reply will be something like, “No, I’m sitting here right now. Go find your own seat.”
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