1
To
All the SongWriters
from Nashville and behind
For
Ski-boys & Ski-girls
everywhere
With
Special Thanks
to the earlier "frontier justice"
Jackson Hole Ski School
2
Heinsian
SKIBOY-n-WESTERN MUSIC?
Skiers-- If you're sick of the turns the ski culture has taken in recent years toward obnoxious music and behavior, away from why we all started skiing in the first place, you are in for a treat.
MIXIN' MISERY & SKIIN' , with "ski-puns ablazin'," now you can read, or maybe hear live, the funnest remakes of Strait, Haggard, Jones, Thompson, Campbell, Price, and more---fifty songs includ-ing:
Jackson Hole By Mornin'
Ski Area Del Rey
Swingin' Poles
Today the Ski-Lift Let Me Down
Ski-Lift To-Go
Skiin' In Your Sleep
He Stopped Skiing Here That Day
One Turn At a Time
For the Good Turns
Sunday Mornin' Skiin' Down
"The First of the Singin' Skiboys," as Marshall Tucker might put it, GARY HEINS, lone skiboy of the SWINGIN' G WINTER
RANGE, worked on many of these songs while living in exile away from national PSIA ski instructor politics and pecking orders---"I felt maybe like Merle Haggard in San Quentin'," he says, "and I knew I had to somehow turn my life around if I was going to get back into the ski business." Treat skiing like what it really is: hard ranch work with a hard drinkin' problem, complete with unrequited love, money problems, and dysfunctional PSIA Politics. ---
It's one man verses PSIA: "The Ski School Business is going to get my verse before it gets better," says Gary, "I'll stick to my puns on that."
Country Music Fans-- You don't have to be addicted to skiing to enjoy these songs anymore than you have to be an alcoholic losing your third wife to enjoy regular country music. See how skiers use skiing as a crutch; and, if you want to hear a guy who "can sing like he don't need the money"---
GARY HEINS
SINGIN' CRUD
"Parallel Singin'"--and..."Country-Diction In Turns"
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Good Gravy, Another
SWINGIN’ G BOOK
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MIXIN' MISERY & SKIIN'
--Heinsian
SKIBOY
-n-
WESTERN
MUSIC
(Lyrics with plenty of Info)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~ GARY HEINS ~
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MIXIN' MISERY & SKIIN' --Heinsian
SKIBOY-n-WESTERN MUSIC
by GARY HEINS
Published by:
SWINGIN’ G BOOKS
PO Box 784
Saint Johns, Arizona 85936
All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in critical reviews.
Copyright © 1982-2011 Gary Lee Heins
LCCN
2011 901921
P-book
ISBN 10
1-882369-42-4
ISBN 13
978-1-882369-42-3
E-book
ISBN-10
1-882369-43-2
ISBN-13
978-1-882369-43-0
5
6
DISCLAIMER:
Good skiboy-n-western music can be dangerous stuff, as it tends to be far more physical, mental, . . .
and emotional . . . than other kinds of lyrics. It can be more dangerous than a dad watching and cheering his son at a wrestling meet. You might want to do some warm-up stretching exercises before reading some of these songs. The author and publisher cannot be held responsible for injuries suffered, by a reader . . . or from a reader, . . . whether physical, mental, or emotional, while reading or listening to these song lyrics.
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"All Writes Reversed."
8
MIXIN' MISERY & SKIIN'
--Heinsian
SKIBOY-n-WESTERN MUSIC
Intro--What is Skiboy-n-Western Music? . . . . . . . . .11
Jackson Hole By Mornin' ***
21
Steeps of Jackson Hole
23
Wichita Ski-man
25
Does Corbett's Ever Cross Your Mind?
27
Jackson Hole Snows
29
Ski-Shores of Old Jackson Hole
31
Another Jackson Hole Memory
33
Ski Area Del Rey ***
35
Last Skier's Waltz
37
Ski-In-n-Out Property
39
Skiin' Champagne
41
He Stopped Skiin' Here That Day
43
We Skied The Big One
45
Black-Diamond Waltz
47
One Turn At a Time ***
49
Double Black-Diamond
51
For the Good Turns ***
53
You Can't Make A Good Turn Without Me
55
The Chair-Lift
57
A Little Edgin's Rubbin' Off On Me
59
I Wish I Skied This Way Alone
61
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Swingin' Poles
63
The Instruction Here I Fear ***
65
Skiin' In Your Sleep
67
Slide Off of Your Satin Steeps
69
Baby's Gettin' Good At Big Sky
71
All My Action Skis In Jackson
73
Today the Ski-Lift Let Me Down
75
Misery n Skiin'
77
Back To the Ski-Runs Again
79
Ridin' the Chairs Over You
81
The Girl I Cain't Ski Down
83
Thrill of a Gnarly Fall
85
Sunday Mornin' Skiing Down ***
87
My Old Flame's Out Turnin'---
89
Ski-Lift To-Go
91
Dusty Skis
93
Faded Gloves
95
Rose-Colored Goggles
97
A Better Way To Ski
99
When Did You Stop Skiin' Free?
101
Beyond the Black-Diamond
103
First Of the Silver-Screen Skiboys ***
105
Back In My Ski-Boots Again
107
Rhinestone Skiboy ***
109
Fun Ski-boy ***
111
Hole Jackson, Oh, Hole Jackson
113
No, I Won't Have To Use a Gun ***
115
They Know I'll Mention It Again
117
Don't Be a Statue
119
10 -- Intro to MIXIN' MISERY & SKIIN'
Heinsian SKI-BOY-n-WESTERN MUSIC -- 11
What Is
SKIBOY-n-WESTERN
MUSIC?
And who is this man who writes it?--
If you've read our other books, you probably know the story about how they took Gary's cowboy hat away at age 4, which was a main turning point in his becoming a ski instructor "instead of just a misfit cowboy." While skiing and teaching Out West, he started to recall his old intentions, got his hat back, and didn't feel bashful about hanging out in smoke-filled honky-tonks with country music playing. Their taking away his hat at that tender age basically back-fired in the end, and this book is a sort of steep revenge for Assaults On Individuality---this brings us up-to-date.
So, you may think of Gary Heins more as just a ski instructor and skiboy poet ("just"---that's not the right word), but a huge side-show and off-shoot of his ski-boy poetry is his SKIBOY-n-WESTERN MUSIC, parodies of classic country-western songs. In fact, his most-clever lyrics not only delve deep into the nooks and crannies of his Swingin' G brand of DOWNHILL SKIING, they are highly instructional as well---he goes the extra ten-thousand miles compared to probably 99.999% of all other ski instructors in the History of Skiing. And he's bridging a gap, if you will, as many skiers are not necessarily country music fans---the ones who are feel pushed out by radical snowboarders and their taste for rap music. Very few young skiers are into George Strait and the like, but they could be most interested in some new music about skiing, even if it is curious country. Gary's make-believe band is GARY HEINS & His DUAL GS SKIBOY BAND. So GS can stand for classic Giant Slalom ski racing, the one ski-racing event accessible to almost any skier, . .
. or for George Strait---it's Dual GS in more ways than one.
The Dual GS event is medium-to-long ski turns that can be
12 -- Intro to MIXIN' MISERY & SKIIN'
done nicely on low-intermediate terrain, for timid skiers or pro racers either-one. A GS course like this is easy to stay in, but it takes a lot of technique and effort to go faster than the rest---racers do not coast, but timid skiers are welcome to. You can tell when someone is ignorant about ski-racing technique and effort when they talk about "ski-wax being the only deciding factor." The Dual comes in when you have two GS courses side-by-side, so that Mom and her 9-year-old son can dog each on the way down---sounds more like a Duel with an "e." At any rate, a nifty-n-casual Dual GS event can be set up any time during the ski season, without a bunch of new snow, to liven up otherwise boring conditions. . . . When people aren't doing something special lik