'Cause she loved the skiboy, my writing and lingo
---That's all I needed to know;
Yeah, I found I was needed
on the Ski Shores of Old Jackson Hole.
Yeah, she loved the skiboy, my writing and lingo
---That's all I needed to know---Ha-hah;
Yeah, I found I was needed
on the Ski Shores of Old Jackson Hole.
32 -- MIXIN' MISERY & SKIIN'
This was not an easy song to rewrite---the mouble-dean-ings and "needs" and "bees" and "buts" and "becauses" were tremendous,---but it's an important song, because it talks about the obvious, . . . that poor "faded glove" ski instructors are often treated like prostitutes, complete with low self-es-teem. It's no secret that everyone sees ski instructors as having a romantic sex-crazed lifestyle, but it's not usually in-the-end as romantic and lasting as everyone thinks. People come to the mountain, they fall in love with their ski instructor, they have a fling for a night or two, maybe a whole week, and then the poor ski instructor is left high-n-dry yearning for the next quick fix, if not something bigger. It can be fun at first, but the economics of the situation are ter-rible: ski instructors can end up spending their whole life kissing the rich people's ass on and off the slopes in order to make ends meet in the expensive ski town---Gary's not near as good at faking it as some people. Don't get us wrong: Gary loves his students to no end, but, even though he's spent nights with guests in the triple-digits, he's spent most of his life sleeping alone, alonelier than anyone, with more lonely triple-digit goodbyes than anyone can imagine. The same thing happens over and over in romantic places like Jackson Hole, or Steamboat, or Park City, or Vail, with dude wranglers, river-raft guides, and on and on and on: the rich high-paying guest falls in love with their romantic guide, for a short interlude, then the rich guest leaves the guide to fend or his-r-her-self---it can work the other way too. In the early 1990s, two young-stud Vail instructors were fired for brag-ging in GQ Magazine about what really goes on. From late 2010, a poingnant remake of a Shelly West classic, "Another Motel Memory"---now, if we can find just someone with a great voice like Shelly West:
Heinsian SKI-BOY-n-WESTERN MUSIC -- 33
Another
Jackson Hole Memory
I can see your desire
reachin' out . . . from day-skiin' to night; I can feel your turns
goin' from these slopes . . . to bein' warm in-side; But there's somethin' I'd rather do
than spend just-one-night with you.
'Cause the last-thing I need
is another Jackson Hole Memory,
The last-thing we need
is another Jackson Hole Casualty;
I need Lasting Love---
you're the last love I will ever need;
But the last-thing I need
is just another Jackson Hole Memory.
I've been here before:
it's our last snow dance, and it's time to go; If you can feel the love
as steep-n-deep as mine, I hope you'll let me know;
'Cause there's somethin' I'd rather do:
it's spend my Whole Life with You.
'But I don't wanna be
another Jackson Hole Memory,
We don't wanna be
another Jackson Hole Casualty;
With my faded-lasting gloves,
I'm the last love you will ever ever need---
But I don't wanna be
just another Jackson Hole Memory.
I don't wanna be
another Jackson Hole Memory . . . .
34 -- MIXIN' MISERY & SKIIN'
One of Gary's own personal favorites, this remake of
"Marina Del Rey" is a true story. The seagulls at the end of the George Strait classic years later inspired him to envision
"Ski Shores of Old Jackson Hole." From 1993, this love song illustrates the age-old idea that skiing is as good or better than sex:
Heinsian SKI-BOY-n-WESTERN MUSIC -- 35
Ski Area Del Rey
We said goodbye in Ski Area Del Rey---
"We skied a good line"
was the last thing I heard her say
as I walked away.
And, on the tram, back to Rendezvous Peak,
my mind comes across our memory,
and Powder Eights
in Ski Area Del Rey.
On the hidden steeps under a golden sun,
they spread a blanket that we skied down on
and carved the world away
in Ski Area Del Rey.
And, as we sunk into each other's lines,
we found our bodies lost in Paradise---
doin' Powder Eights
in Ski Area Del Rey.
Like the tram-car lines in Jackson Hole,
love sometimes comes n goes away
in Ski Area Del Rey.
And, as this tram-car's touchin' down,
tears touch my eyes for I have found
my heart has skied
in Ski Area Del Rey.
-------
On the hidden steeps under a golden sun,
they spread a blanket that we skied down on
and carved the world away
in Ski Area Del Rey.
And, as we sunk into each other's lines,
we found our bodies lost in Paradise---
doin' Powder Eights
in Ski Area Del Rey.
We skied a good line
in Ski Area Del Rey.
36 -- MIXIN' MISERY & SKIIN'
Here's "The Last Cheater's Waltz" skiboy style, "The Last Skier's Waltz," 1996. Maybe the Ski Patrol will post this one on ski-area boundary lines, to deter powder poachers from going out-of-bounds where they might not be able to get back, in this case because of a cliff-band. Gary tinkers about working with Ricky Van Shelton's "Statue Of a Fool"
for the same reason, but then that might be too gruesome for the families who've lost a member frozen to death wander-ing out-of-bounds---if he works with that song, it will be for preventative measures.
Heinsian SKI-BOY-n-WESTERN MUSIC -- 37
Last Skier's Waltz
We picked up his pieces
toward the valley floor---
He just had to ski here,
to ski just one more;
Those turns finally cost him,
the ultimate cost---
The cliff-band
played the Last Skier's Waltz.
And, oooooooh, don't he ski lonely;
and, oooooooh, don't he ski sad;
And, oooooooh, deep-powder only---
see the signs he ignored here,
And the cliff-band
played the Last Skier's Waltz.
He chose to ski powder,
where no one dared roam;
He told us he skied here
his best when alone;
The avalanche is all over,
and we know he's lost,
As the House Band
plays the Last Skier's Waltz.
And, oooooooh, don't he ski lonely;
and, oooooooh, don't he ski sad;
And, oooooooh, deep-powder only---
see the signs he ignored here,
And the House Band
plays the Last Skier's Waltz.
38 -- MIXIN' MISERY & SKIIN'
The real-estate business is kind a burr under Gary's saddle simply because the average ski instructor who doesn't see ski-teaching as the profession it should be . . . becomes a money-hungry real-estate agent in order to make the big score---there are probably more real-estate agents in the expensive ski-towns than any other profession. What sickens Gary: when these bums get their students in a ski lesson, they talk more about real-estate on the chair-lift than they do about skiing better. . . . Just when you thought George Strait's "Ocean-Front Property" in Arizona was far-fetched, listen to this one from 1996. Some Texans sure would like to believe it.
Heinsian SKI-BOY-n-WESTERN MUSIC -- 39
Ski-In-n-Out Property
If you don't ski, . . . I won't miss you;
and it don't bother me that . . .
You think I hafta ski, and I do it extremely,
'cause I don't have to---
Now, if you'll buy that, I got some . . .
ski-in-n-out property in Texas for ya:
From my front porch,
you can ski the steep---I got some . . .
ski-in-n-out property in Texas for ya---
If you'll buy that,
I'll throw the season pass in free.
I don't worship . . . the snow we ski down---
I never have, and that's a fact;
I don't follow . . . reports for new snow,
'cause I don't need to---
Now, if you'll buy that, I got some . . .
ski-in-n-out property in Texas for ya:
From my front porch,
you can ski the deep---I got some . . .
ski-in-n-out property in Texas for ya---
If you'll buy that,
I'll throw the season pass in free.
I got some . . .
ski-in-n-out property in Texas for ya:
From my front porch,
you can ski the steep---I got some . . .
ski-in-n-out property in Texas for ya---
If you'll buy that,
I'll throw the season pass in free.
Yeah, if you'll buy that,
I'll throw the season pass in free.
40 -- MIXIN' MISERY & SKIIN'
The sad thing about skiing bubbly virgin champagne powder is that it does not last forever. The economics of the ski business require that a ski instructor's turns earn their keep---packing snow and/or skiing with the dudes. Many untrue ski teachers teach skiing most reluctantly, wishing they could save the whole ski area for themselves. In any case, when enough skiers ski virgin powder and the ensuing crud long enough, moguls develop---and many skiers ar-guably agree these skier-formed bumps can be as obnoxious and un-fun as an abused bronc, requiring special instruction, even when the student is ready. Some think it would be nice to have nothing but virgin powder all the time: after all, as Gary puts it, the job of a skiboy is to pack virgin powder for summer irrigation of the ranch lands---and, when the work's all done, what fun is that? Well, skiing can be an addiction for many, not unlike alcohol---maybe, with the bumps head-ache to contend with the following day, this 1996 song is about a skier's hangover, if you will. The line about "some pretty young skiin'" is a nice touch, referring to new snow rather than young female flesh. Steamboat Springs should like this one, in the locker room anyway, where the beans can be spilled without the customers knowing everything.
Heinsian SKI-BOY-n-WESTERN MUSIC -- 41
Skiin' Champagne
I'm skiin' champagne, feelin' no pain,
till my group lesson,
Findin' and trashin'
all the virgin powder I can find:
I'm havin' a fling with some pretty young skiin'
till my group lesson,
Knowing, in an hour, I'll wake up
with students all in line.
Guilty conscience, I guess,
though I must confess
I couldn't ski as much without these dudes all in line.
So we'll all keep skiin' champagne, feelin' no pain
in my group lesson,
Findin' and trashin'
all the virgin powder we can find;
We're havin' a fling with some pretty young skiin'
in my group lesson,
Knowing tomorrow we'll wake up
with moguls on our mind.
-------
Guilty conscience, I guess,
though I must confess
I couldn't ski as much without these dudes all in line.
So we'll all keep skiin' champagne, feelin' no pain
in my group lesson,
Findin' and trashin'
all the virgin powder we can find;
We're havin' a fling with some pretty young skiin'
in my group lesson,
Knowing tomorrow we'll wake up
with moguls on our mind.
42 -- MIXIN' MISERY & SKIIN'
You might know a great classic about a guy who didn't stop loving a woman until he finally died, "He Stopped Loving Her Today." Well, here's a song about a guy who loved skiing as much as that George Jones character loved that woman. Written way back in 1982, this is probably Gary's first skiboy-n-western classic. "I remember singing it a-cappella," Gary recalls, "to fellow German instructor Christoph Shork on the chair at Park City---he told me
'That's beautiful,' and I knew I had something." . . . Actually, he had his friend Doug Coombs in mind when he wrote this, way before "Extreme Skiing" would become a Western term, but he wouldn't tell anyone until after Doug's death in 2006.
But Doug didn't die from the actual skiing; he died trying to save a friend from the actual extreme skiing. Gary's book The GREATEST SKI INSTRUCTOR In the West is about the difference between himself and the famous extreme skiers: ultimately, it wasn't Doug's skiing that got him killed; it was something else--- But World Champion Doug Coombs was truly the Greatest Extreme Skier.
Heinsian SKI-BOY-n-WESTERN MUSIC -- 43
He Stopped
Skiing Here That Day
He said, "I'll ski here till I die,"
they told him, "You'll get bored in time."
With the snow so deep n dry,
face-shots peyed upon his mind.
Hung ski posters on his wall,
went flat broke now and then;
But he still skied here through it all,
knowing it would snow again.
Kept his ski boots by his bed,
new in 19-82;
He wore underwear of red,
an old turtleneck of blue.
I went to ski with him that day;
oh, but he didn't ski 'nough turns:
All dressed up to ski away,
first time I'd seen him die in years---
He stopped skiin' here that day;
they placed his skis upon his door.
And soon they'll carry him away---
he stopped skiin' here that day.
You know, he has skied here his last time---
ah, we all wondered when he would;
And it kept runnin' through my mind:
this time, he's over it for good.
He stopped skiin' here that day;
they placed his skis upon his door.
And soon they'll carry him away---
he stopped skiin' here that day.
44 -- MIXIN' MISERY & SKIIN'
Here's a snappy song, about skiing being the true dangerous ranch chore that it is in Gary's mind. Having the most continuous vertical feet in North America, over four-thousand-feet---oh, Blackcomb and Big Sky might have more vertical, but it's not continuous, nor as steep,---Jackson Hole has always been considered "The Big One," the same title as the 1994 George Strait song referring to the Big Quake or a Big Heart Attack. This expert skier has finally found his soul-mate, and she's all mountain.
Heinsian SKI-BOY-n-WESTERN MUSIC -- 45
We Skied The Big One
Was just this mornin', down Rendezvous Bowl, My lungs ached, and my thighs weren't cold:
This is The Big One---there's no steeper runs.