Rhinestone Skiboy
(A parody of a Glen Campbell classic)
I've been teachin' these steeps-n-people so long,
Skiin' the same old songs---
I know every trick in the dirty pol'tics PSIA,
Where ass-kiss is the name of the game,
and Nice Guys get PSIAed away
like the snow down the drain.
There cain't be no compromisin'
on the slopes to my horizon,
'Cause I'm gonna be where the Rights are shinin' on me!
Like a Rhinestone Skiboy!---
Ridin' up on a lift in a GARY HEINS SKI SCHO-OL.!
Like a Rhinestone Skiboy!---
Teachin' steeps and powders to people I don't even know, . . . and even some-of-'em over the phone.
Well, I really don't like the "Ordained,"
And PSIA can hide all the pain;
But you're down when your ridin' the tram
that's takin' the wrong way;
And I dream of the things you'll do,
with My Instruction Book
and a wealth of stuff that all explains how-to.
There cain't be no compromisin'
on the slopes to my horizon,
'Cause I'm gonna be where the Rights are shinin' on me!
Like a Rhinestone Skiboy!---
Ridin' up on a lift in a GARY HEINS SKI SCHO-OL.!
Rhinestone Skiboy!---
Teachin' steeps-n-narrows to people I don't even know, . . . and even some-of-'em over the phone.
Like a Rhinestone Skiboy . . . .
Why SnowBoarding Is a Crime
and Should Be PROHIBITED!
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Hazards--
SnowBoarders are one-sided and have a blind side SnowBoarders are shackledand less maneuverable Their awkwardness makes chair-liftstoo tricky Flat terrain is hard especially for beginner boarders
Snow Trouble--
SnowBoarders trash steep powderand moguls by side-slippingand traversingtoo much When SnowBoarders fall, they leave huge divots Their divots also cause snow to meltsooner
Terrain Park Mentality--
SnowBoarders require special Terrain Parks which take space, time, money, man-power TP Mentality becomes juvenile-delinquent behavior which spills overto the rest of the ski world
Dangers--
Shackled pole-less SnowBoarders are less mobile, making them crash or get stuck or lost easier SnowBoarders without poles or releasable bindings are more vulnerable to avalanche and tree-wells
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Let's get back to more functional common-sense skiing. We want our mountains back, and we want our people back. Let's see SnowBoarding for the Social Epidemic it is
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By Order of
GARY HEINS, U.S. SKI TEACHER