How
SnowBoarders Have Infected Skiers
With 'N-Trax' & 'D-Trax'
& More
"Good evening, Mr Heins," I greeted, as we tipped our hats. "Hey, I thought of something after we parted last night: instead of using water-boarding for torturing those potential terrorist prisoners at Guantanamo Bay, Cheney and them could have used snow-boarding."
"Hey that's a good one, Mr Buntline."
And then I moved directly to the evening's new chapter: "Pardon the pun, Mr Heins, . . . but even downhill skiing has gone downhill in recent years, or I should say . . . the attitude around it has gone downhill . . . in large part because of snow-boarding?"
"Yes, Mr Buntline. In fact, with the newest technology in skiing, physically skiing goes downhill maybe even less, because the skis can be carved to the left and right so well, that maybe, instead of thinking vertical feet, . . . we ought to be talking about lateral feet. The snowboarders did it first probably, making swooping carves to the left and right, at least the skillful ones; then that may have led to the tinkering with ski-shape to give skiers more of the 'good' thing. Of course, now skis tend to do it even better than snowboards, this left-n-right business. We already touched on this in the last chapter, as one of the hazards. Don't get me wrong, Mr Buntline: the advances in ski technology . . . are not necessarily bad--in fact, they are good in many ways, though there were a few rough years in there around the turn of the millennium when many ski models were not very forgiving in their overkill ability to lock an edge,--but . . . it is man's abuse of this technology . . . that throws a monkey wrench into the whole skiing community."
"Abuse of ski technology, Mr Heins? Please, what do you mean?"
"Well, Mr Buntline, there are actually two abuses of ski technology: one is the obvious, how we use it, which has to do with each skier's attitude, and we won't dwell on it too much right here; . . . and the other abuse is far more subliminal or subtle, which has to do with the manipulation of ski design behind the scenes, simply to sell a lot more equipment, and this is the abuse very few have the balls to talk about."
"--Kind of like our automobile industry. . . . Ah, so, the first abuse is more basic, sort of parallel with the gun debate, like: 'Skis don't kill people, . . . skiers do.' . . . Then the second abuse . . . is one almost no one in the general populace knows about?--the possible manipulation of ski design? . . . so that ski equipment becomes 'outdated' sooner than necessary?"
"Well, there should be a few out there who know about the rip-off Planned Obsolescence, but it's sickening that they just shrug their shoulders and accept it--that's the kind of silly nonsense that drives our stupid Stock Market till it crashes."
"Yes, and we seem to love a system that makes a few people rich while putting everyone else in debt."
". . . But let's save this talk about ski technology for later, lest we scare the Reader too much . . . and get off track from some of the important issues we need to address yet first. Before that, the atmosphere in skiing has changed: we've gone from soothing Marshal Tucker Band and Pure Prairie League-type music and a more wholesome country flavor from the 1970s and early '80s . . . to nothing but obnoxious rap music and the citified atmosphere we have today. --While this maybe has been embraced by millions of young people who don't know any better, . . . it has driven out just as many millions more who don't find the new atmosphere very healthy. And: as you'll see, we're planting fear in our beginning skiers like never before; and we're seeing Road Rage on our ski slopes just like on our metropolitan roadways. I tell you, Mr Buntline, the young people of today . . . have no idea how nice the whole skiing experience used to be."
"Okay, Mr Heins. What would you like to delve into and point out first from snow-boarding . . . that has infected our beloved skiers?"
Terrain Park 'N-Trax' & 'D-Trax'--& the Skier Marshal
"Last night, Mr Buntline, we touched on the Terrain Park Mentality . . . as one of the reasons snow-boarding is deemed a crime at several major ski areas. . . . Well there is much more to it."
"I am ready, Mr Heins. How are you doing on beer? I don't want you to get interrupted and lose your turn of thought."
He accepted another beer . . . and, taking a deep breath, he began again: "Skate-board Parks . . . down in the cities . . . are a fairly natural phenomenon. Teenagers need some kind of recreation to keep them active and to stay out of trouble. A few tax dollars, a little bit of lumber including several pieces of plywood, maybe some metal here and there, . . . and you've got yourself a Skate-Board Park that takes up only a few-thousand square feet. An expert skate-boarder can go in there, walk up about a one-story flight of stairs, and get rolling back-n-forth in the Half-Pipe, like a pendulum, . . . about as many hours has he cares to, as efficient as a child on a swing-set. --Not so with snow boarders. "
I began seeing now more than ever . . . why he seemed to hate ski-area Terrain Parks.
"Back in the olden days, when skiing was just skiing, except for an occasional race event, all a skier needed . . . was the mountain and the snow. When snow-boarders came along, suddenly the mountain and the snow were not enough anymore; to imitate or carry-on their skate-board heritage, snow-boarders needed a ski area . . . Terrain Park, full of jumps, metal rails, and a half-pipe maybe hundreds of feet long. I hate them: they take up crucial ski-slope space needed by thousands of skiers instead of a few terrain-park fanatics, and they cost a lot of time and money to build and maintain by taking normal snow-cats and their drivers away from normal slope grooming, and they have to be thoroughly and carefully fenced off to keep the general public safe from running into its unnatural obstacles especially the morning after a heavy snowfall. They have to hire a full-time Skier Marshal to keep track of it all."
I gasped and said, "Oh, I see, Mr Heins, how dangerous Terrain Park Obstacles can be . . . hidden under fresh snow."
"I'll never forget one frantic ski area in Montana about 2003 that had to really scramble one morning to dig out or mark all its terrain-park obstacles that they had neglected to put a fence around. The potential for broken tibias and fibulas, even fibias and tibulas, was extremely high that morning, even for the men assigned to go dig the obstacles out. That was at a small mountain where Skier Marshals aren't mandatory yet."
"Quite right, Mr Heins. They were lucky a Skier Marshal didn't see it."
". . . Then, Mr Buntline, even after they win their right to have a terrain park, . . . the terrain park is not enough. It is not uncommon to see snow-boarders out in the boonies building jumps and other obstacles that they hike back up to repeatedly rather than using the chair-lift. One mountain had over ten-thousand Skier-Marshal Violations last year. It's getting so you just about have to watch out for dorsal-fins on the ski slopes--Great Whites beneath the snow's surface."
"Oh, yes, I have heard about that, as unsuspecting beginning and low-intermediate skiers get caught off guard by these home-made obstacles that actually would belong quarantined in the terrain park."
"This is where 'N-Trax' comes in. The typical Snow-Boarder Terrain-Park Mentality works like this: buy a lift ticket, ride the chair to the top, make a bee-line for the Terrain Park or some home-made jump, stop just above the obstacle or jump of choice, go ahead and perform the jump or trick, often wiping out, while other snow-boarders look on, get out of the way, take off the board, hike back up fifty yards or so, . . . and do it again. Do you see now what I mean by 'N-Trax'? If you go down one obstacle, that's one vertical-line of the 'N'; the diagonal line in the 'N' . . . is the hike back up, and the other vertical line of the 'N' . . . is the next time down. Okay, okay, if you do the same jump over and over, it makes 'D-Trax'--either way, it's disease, in my opinion. More worries for the Skier Marshal."
"And, again, teen-edgers suffering from peer pressure . . . are more susceptible to catching these diseases. Of course, Mr Heins, 'N-Trax,' similar to Anthrax in cattle, . . . and 'D-Trax,' which means the teen-edgers partaking is this unhealthy activity . . . are Detracted from doing what is right."
"There's a famous ski film-maker, who was part of the problem, a big part of the problem, who consciously of unconsciously helped get everything incubated. Every year since around 1950, this guy has produced a ski movie released in the fall . . . showing all the footage he got during the previous ski season. I used to like this man's movies, in the late 1970s, when I was young and stupid; but, over the years, I noticed it was always about the glitz and glamour, the rich and famous, and making fun of beginners. By the early 1990s, maybe the late 1980s, he added some skateboard antics from the off-season--wrecks on the courthouse steps, or the library hand-rail, that kind of thing, with maneuvers with sick names like 'sex-change,' and so on. Now, I can see skate-boarders entertaining themselves this way in their natural urban environment using what they have to work with, especially if their city hasn't offered them a bona-fide Skate-Board Park; . . . but Snow-Boarders had to have it too, and they had to bring their urban environment to our pristine natural ski areas. . . . This is why we need the Border Patrol nowadays patrolling who goes above or below the snow-line border."
"I see, Mr Heins. We don't want skateboarders going above the snow-line to become snow-boarders; and we don't need snow-boarders taking their metal edges down into the cities."
"Oh, a major point of this chapter: a percentage of skiers are infected with N-Trax, as they have to follow the Snow-boarders into the Terrain Park, which D-Trax from the Spirit of Skiing."
"It sounds like we are raising our juveniles to be a bunch of morons. Thanks, whatever your name is--or should I say?--Moron Willer?"
"Not to mention the costly damage done, Mr Bunt-line, to snow-boards and ski equipment in a Terrain Park. The metal edges and precision bases get dinged up in a hurry--the ski and snow-board equipment is not as durable or as easy to maintain and fix as its skate-board counterparts. I don't know how parents put up with it--some dads could end up in prison with a son insistent on tearing up equipment or his body in the Terrain Park."
"Yes, I can see how a father would get pretty irate if his son were to damage a thousand-dollars worth of equipment . . . the first day in a metal-obstacle terrain park."
"And some of the precious snow is melted prematurely in these terrain parks, as the metal obstacles get heated up with increased activity."
"Nooo, what will the farmers and ranches below use for irrigation water in the summer and fall?"
"That's right, Mr Buntline. The vast majority of the population has forgotten over time . . . the whole reason we started downhill skiing in the first place: not for fun, but to pack snow for summer irrigation water."
"Yes, not only the average person does not know where their produce and meat, milk, and eggs come from--they don't know where the water comes from either."
"That's why I don't totally agree with Hydraulic Skiing, Mr Buntline."
"Uh, . . . Hydraulic Skiing, Mr Heins?"
"Yeah, Mr Buntline, Hydraulic Skiing: it's a lot like High-Pressure Hydraulic Mining in the olden days, which caused way too much erosion to get at the 'yellow iron' underneath the ground. In Hydraulic Skiing, they use similar high-pressure cannons and millions of gallons of water, to spray man-made snow into the air. The problem I have with it is this: it depletes the immediate local water supply, by converting it to snow; then, if the ski village log cabins and condominiums were to catch fire, from a fire-place or clogged chimney or whatever, there might not be enough water to fight the blaze with."
"And, tied up in man-made snow," I agreed slowly, bowing my head, "it would have to be melted first, which can take several months. --Unless you build a fire to melt the snow to make water to put the other fire out--that wouldn't make any sense!"
"Yeah, Mr Buntline. And this man-made snow isn't like nature's snow: it is often sterile . . . and behaves like that large corporation Monsanto's Genetically-Engineered Foods or Genetically-Modified Crops. Remember: in nature, every snowflake in trillions is unique and different; in man-made snow, every snow-flake is the same, they're all identical."
"Oh, yeah, Monsanto-Mentality, in the ski world, . . . with who knows what consequences down the road."
"In fact, back to the simple basic fire fears, it has been suggested recently, Mr Buntline, authorities in Chicago are worried sick as they fear that feral snow-boarders sliding and bouncing on their down-town's metal rails there . . . could spark another Great Chicago Fire, far more destructive than the one that befell the city way back in 1871." He stopped for a moment, to drive one more point home: "And, back to the Monsanto Problem, Mr Buntline, come the end of ski season, technically . . . all the man-made snow . . . and terrain-park snow . . . should be burned."
"--So that it doesn't contaminate the natural snow and water supply," I sighed, as he sighed right along with me. "--Which can be another fire hazard, which is ironic."
"You've already mentioned the possibilities of drought and the coming Dust Bowl which could be caused by snow-boarding, in the last chapter, I think. And aren't ski areas generally receiving less snow to begin with in recent years, because of Global Warming?"
"That's right, Mr Buntline, I believe so. In fact, every now and then, a ski area might have trouble opening its lifts and runs early in the season . . . due to lack of snow."
"But some of them open anyway."
"Yeah! they go ahead and open anyway! knowing full well the dangers. There was a mountain the season of '05-06 . . . that opened prematurely and most of the season long . . . one main thoroughfare on strictly man-made snow. I was supposed to go to work for them on their ski school; but, when I saw the lack of decent snow cover, I stayed away all winter. They had less than ten-percent of the mountain open, and yet they were telling the millions of people down in the cities 'the powder's fine.' They said they 'don't want to disappoint the young people.' Finally, about the first week of March, they had a fatality: a woman skier was run off that narrow main thoroughfare by a snow-boarder, and she smacked a tree."
"Oh, my God! Jaws all over again. And all for the love of the Almighty Dollar. The Skier Marshal should have shut them down."
"Yeah, Mr Buntline: 'We're gonna need a bigger boat.' And then we wonder what's going wrong with America. "
"Yes, the authorities always telling everyone everything's fine, and most of the people falling for it--or too many people anyway. Some Skier Marshals try to do a good job, but many of them take kick-backs from the snow-board manufacturers. Only the most aware few million will be reading books like this one . . . and inching themselves closer and closer to the fire escape--or the skier escape."
"Again, Mr Buntline, it's like what you said in the last chapter, about how, in the movie HUD, old man Melvin Douglas touches on this with Paul Newman's nephew: the people we choose to look up to, or support, it changes the whole country, good or bad. The Emperor's not wearing any clothes, I tell you, Mr Buntline."
"And some of these misguided young people will one day be the new leaders of our country."
"I hate to break it to you, Mr Buntline, . . . but we have a few newer members of the U.S. Senate . . . and Congress right now . . . who have taken up snow-boarding, even huge banking officials and CEOs of large corporations. Even our current U.S. President may condone snow-boarding."
"Oh, my, Mr Heins, I don't know if I'll be able to get to sleep now, on that note. Good night."
"Good night, Mr Buntline. Hang in there, we are not half-done yet, and some of the best is yet to come." The Neophyte FUBAR--& Turn-Marshal Corruption
". . . One of the most alarming things about Snow-Boarding--and this never gets talked about, I guess because of 9/11, the War in Iraq, the Economic Crisis, the Price of Gasoline, our First Black President, missing college girls, OJ Simpson Trials, and so on---is that it has caused . . . what you might call a disease . . . of epidemic proportions. I call it The Neophyte FUBAR---it incubates in the snow-boarding community first, kind of like AIDS in the homosexual community, and then it transfers over to the highly vulnerable neophyte skiers, whose immune system is not very well-developed yet, equated with the heterosexual community."
"Uh, excuse me, Mr Heins, I just want to make sure: 'FUBAR' is an acronym for . . . 'Fouled Up Beyond All Recognition'?"
"Yes, Mr Buntline, something like that. Anyway, here's what happens: daily thousands of innocent people . . . take a beginner snow-boarding lesson at hundreds of ski areas all over the country; a high say double-digit percentage of them don't make it, they don't find any success, they decide snow-boarding is not their cup-of-tea; . . . so, with the common universal 'Satisfaction Guaranteed' Policy, they decide to try skiing instead the very next day. . . . Now, if you're a dedicated ski instructor in the business, you can spot these poor innocent students right away: they come to their 'first' ski lesson trembling, crying, and sometimes unable to even stand up."
"They've been traumatized? They are now below ground-zero?""
"Remember we already talked about how the odds are stacked against beginning snow-boarder--the
paradoxical smaller base-of-support, the paradox of the difficulty-getting-up on flat terrain, the lack of pole help, the awkwardness of riding on a chair-lift. The beginning skier doesn't have anything working against him like that, the beginning snow-boarder paradox; but then: . . . when you have a bad time trying to snow-board, . . . you can easily transfer that trouble . . . to your first skiing experience. Because of the aggravation of dysfunctional snow-boarding, these tainted neophyte skiers start out below ground-zero, afraid of the snow, afraid of the slope, afraid they themselves don't have what it takes and won't be able to get up--they're afraid of the very three primary variables I laid out in my book One Good Turn Deserves Another, . . . slope, snow, and task. And, without the benefit of poles, the beginning ski students are basically taught . . . 'how hard it is,' . . . not 'how easy it is'--it's a major setback. . . . I mean, here it is 2009, and I'm the only instructor who sees what matters; the Powers-That-Ski still preach 'technique, technique, technique' while I address Heart, Mind, and Body--so technique is only part . . . of a third! and it tends to come easily if all the other parts are dealt with right, Mr Buntline!"
"And so, even with unlimited expounding of explanation by a 'smart' instructor, . . . technique may not come at all, Mr Heins, if the Heart, Mind, and Body . . . are not properly addressed?--if the caring is not there?"
"That's right, Mr Buntline. We can affect their confidence, their desire, everything, . . . and some students are more sensitive than others--the Power-That-Ski don't take all this into consideration. And we haven't even talked yet about them prohibiting use of the wedge, the tricycle of skiing, a few years ago--we can save that for later."
"Why don't they take this Neophyte FUBAR into consideration, Mr Heins? Is there no 'cowman sense' left in the ski schools?"
"Well, maybe two reasons, Mr Buntline. Remember, the Powers-That-Ski don't even ski with beginners, and most of them don't even ski with the general pub-lic--so they are out of touch, they are not down in the trenches like I have been. Then, if they do happen to look out their window from the Ivory Tower . . . and see a subordinate instructor struggling with eight or ten traumatized beginners, . . . it's more entertainment for them than anything else."
"You always make so much sense, Mr Heins. I do believe, when this great book comes out, they are going to get their come-upance."
"But, back to how they brain-wash everyone with 'technique, technique'-- One day, a cold blustery day, I was doing a split with an instructor a little older than me, his son half our age was in charge of the kids' program. Him being the dad of the boss, I let him kind of take charge--he would have anyway,--and he splits up two 6-year-old twins, a boy and a girl, because 'the boy is skiing so much better!' I didn't want to take the 6-year-old boy because I already had a 12-year-old girl who was a gymnast, quite a rough-n-tumble progres-sor. Granted, it was only the 12-year-old's second day on skis, with me, so I knew what a good start she had, and I knew how tough she was; it was the 6-year-old's tenth day maybe over a couple vacations, and I knew how precious he was. Meanwhile, think of the 6-year-old twin sister--two grown men in ski instructor regalia telling her she's not as good as her own flesh-n-blood twin! That 'senior' instructor was looking only at technique, not the whole picture! When I open my mouth about such stuff, I appear insubordinate, but I'm anything but! Being the boss's dad doesn't make him anything! and he has one tenth the experience I've got, considering he's been two days a week for ten years at one-n-a-half mountains, while I've been six days a week for twenty-five years at seven mountains! And then they wonder why I'm so grumpy! . . . Well, the 6-year-old boy, I knew, didn't have the stamina of the 12-year-old gymnast, so, in some tough weather, he got cold and tired and wanted to rejoin his sister anyway, . . . so it worked out, I guess."
"Excuse me, Mr Heins, but why are you the only one who sees this? Is it that difficult to see what is going on? How can they allow their own business to be so ineptly run?"
"Well, Mr Buntline, maybe it's not so much that the Powers-That-Ski don't see it, all the dysfunction that takes place, . . . it's that they don't want to see it. Turn-Marshal Corruption has taken over most of our ski areas, . . . because all the bad lessons and dysfunction . . . is to their benefit--it makes their position at the top . . . more secure. They have insulated themselves from the general skiing public; they only prefer to harass the up-n-coming new instructors: when you give your own subordinate colleagues a bad lesson, it gives the illusion that it's the student's own fault, and they can't sue you--they wouldn't dare try to question the gods."
"It sounds like the same old story, doesn't it, Mr Heins? For thousands of years, the Kings and Queens of the world . . . have controlled what the people can think, through control of the media and the printing presses, who has access to proper education, what information is allowed to be disseminated, and so on."
"That's right, Mr Buntline. The Powers-That-Ski--first of all they want to keep the masses stupid . . . about what are the best ways to learn and teach skiing---this makes them all the more powerful looking. Second, Mr Buntline, again, they don't want to teach be-ginners--it is a difficult chore, one that they would rather relegate to the new instructors or the subordinate instructors. . . . I am one of the few wise older instructors, Mr Buntline, who was willing to do more than my fair share of beginner lessons--so I have seen and felt the dysfunction first-hand--"
"--While the Powers-That-Ski . . . look the other way. They are delighted that you and the new instructors would do the most-difficult work, so that they themselves can stay away from it. . . . But one major factor still doesn't make any sense, Mr Heins, it still doesn't add up: aren't they losing tons of business when they allow the bad beginner lessons to persist?"
"Oh, absolutely, Mr Buntline! But think about it: what could be better for the Powers-That-Ski?--than the constant turnover of new instructors? Besides me, the only older instructors who stick around . . . are the ones who do it half-heartedly, only part-time, without any true intentions of teaching anyway--the perpetual weekend warriors are only interested in the instructor perks, like free lift-passes and locker-room facilities and discounts on meals and equipment."
"Oh, my, Mr Heins, I do see now what you are driving at: the Powers-That-Ski must love the turnover of new instructors, and the lack of dedication among older ones, since these phenomena provide the few at the top . . . with unlimited power and unlimited security!"
That was a heavy thought to end on for the night. It was late, and we were out of beer, so we both agreed to retire for the night.
The next evening, we greeted each other with more enthusiasm than we had at previous nights--we knew we were getting his story written down, and in a most entertaining manner. Mr Heins didn't waste any time picking up where we had left off:
"Nowhere, Mr Buntline, does snow-boarding shine more dysfunctional . . . than at beginner- and intermediate-renowned Green Acres Ski Area."
"Do you mean 'Green' in the sense of recycling and conservation and all that in the news today?"
"No, Mr Buntline, I just mean 'Green' in the old-fashioned sense of 'new, inexperienced, flexible, not very smart yet,' like all those country bumpkins Eddie Albert was surrounded by on the Green Acres television series back in the late 1960s."
"Oh, yes, he was the only smart one of the bunch, but that made him the odd-ball, or the odd-man-out, because all the stupid people were all happily on the same wave-length."
"Yes, . . . and I also mean 'Green' because Green Acres Ski Area is comprised of plenty of green-circle beginner terrain."
"Now, wait a minute--correct me if I'm wrong--but aren't the easy ski areas . . . the places where snow-boarding has the easiest environment in which to thrive and prosper?"
"Well, Mr Buntline, you would think so, or maybe the most mediocre ski areas would be a better bet, something not too darn flat. So, and it is noticeable that, the tougher the mountain, the smaller the percentage of snow-boarders. Because of their self-imposed handicap, they don't care for it too steep, and they certainly don't care for it too flat."
"Wait a minute: but doesn't Green Acres have one of the highest percentages of snow-boarders, around seventy percent in '08-09?"
"Yes, Mr Buntline, even though in many respects, the logistics of the area . . . are too flat for snow-boarders to really enjoy themselves. You see, many snow-boarders don't know they don't like it too flat until it's too late, when they are stuck on the flat and can't seem to be able to get where need to go, hobbled with their snow-board. . . . So Green Acres Ski Area--they had a perfect opportunity to sell the advantages of skiing over snow-boarding, . . . and they didn't take it!"
"I don't quite follow you, Mr Heins. What do you mean they had a perfect opportunity to sell more skiing? I am ready."
"Green Acres Ski Area is in Utah, and it has two mountains separated by a state highway running between. Well, until just last season, they went forty years . . . with no link between the two mountains, they had to shuttle people in buses constantly to get clients back and forth. Well, last season, when I showed up, they unveiled a new snow-packed skier bridge over the highway linking the two mountains--it was a big deal, with all kinds of dignitaries present, and I would have done some classic ski-boy poetry at the ribbon cutting . . . if the Governor hadn't gone on and on and on with his speech. What's interesting is 2008 is the same year the commemorative Utah Quarter came out, commemorating the driving of the Golden Spike RailRoad at historic Promontory Point Utah, the linking of the East and West Rail-Roads. If I had been Mountain Manager, Mr Buntline, . . . I would have linked . . . the two historic events together . . . and had some real fun with it. Well, without that creativity present at the event ceremony, it would have been more fun to stay home and watch reruns of Petticoat Junction!"
"You have such Imagination! Mr Heins--more, I would venture to say, . . . than Yours Truly."
"Why, thank you for saying so, Mr Buntline. . . . What's interesting about Green Acres Ski Area's new Interconnect Bridge is this: snow-boarders hate it! while . . . good skiers who are open to the possibilities--they love it! My best friend Marsha, bless her heart--she made a little bit of fun of Green Acres' lack of huge vertical drop, pointing out the disadvantages, hence all the 'reasons' skiers 'need' to go to Snow-Bird and Alta. Wait a minute! I am an expert skier who's taught for twenty-five years, the highest percentage of my teaching being at Jackson Hole Ski Area, 'The Big One,' where you'll still find the highest continuous vertical drop in North America, over four-thousand vertical feet, huger than Snow-Bird and steeper than Alta! Since then, they temporarily got rid of their signature Aerial Tram--which raised a lot of eyebrows,--but I didn't relish riding that thing anyway: you have to stand for fifteen minutes to the top of the mountain before skiing! I prefer a good short chair-lift--yes, I said short--where I get to sit and rest my legs and don't freeze my ass for fifteen minutes."
"Yes, I think you're right: short chair-lift rides can be rather pleasant--they don't have to be seen as a curse."
". . . Oh! the reason snowboarders hate the Green Acres' Interconnect Bridge? --All the traversing involved, Mr Buntline, . . . as well as flat-terrain commuting. The way it works is this: we ski instructors being stationed on the smaller mountain would ride up Chair#4, ski down to the bottoms of Chairs#1-n-8 where the bridge is . . . with some flat ground between the two. We could ride Chair #1 several times and then traverse back over near the top of Chair#4 and ski bac