Trouble
In this part of the book I will reveal something that usually causes a lot of debate when I speak about it but let me not get ahead of myself.
Now Diana and I had been married for two years when the Lord decided to bless us with a child a little boy whom we named Moses after his uncle.
I never thought I could love Diana more but when he was born words still fail me but on that day when I held him in my arms I thought that my heart would burst because it had grown three sizes too big.
I stared around me at the hospital staff which had helped deliver this precious gift to me and that’s when I saw her.
I thought I would pass out because I couldn’t believe the vision which was standing in front of me but I chastised myself and convinced myself that I was caught up in the moment and it was all the excitement going to my head so I pushed the thoughts I was having of her to one side.
But no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t get her out of my mind, Roxanne, days after Diana had been checked out of the hospital I’d find myself parked outside the hospital starring at it hoping to catch a glimpse of her.
Then one day it happened I’d taken Moses in for checkup when I ran into her surprisingly enough she remembered me. I could feel my heart skipping a beat and I was shocked because I hadn’t felt anything like this except with Diana.
My friendship with Roxanne started soon after this we’d meet for coffees, have dinners together, watch movies you now all the things that friends do together but I wanted more whenever we would double date I would feel this uncontrollable rage which grew every time her date would touch her or kiss her or make her laugh.
I had this uncontrollable and unexplainable jealousy because I felt that those smiles, those kisses, those little touches everything that lovers shared. I felt like it should be me and I hated myself for it because here I was married to this wonderful woman who’d given me a son, three years of marriage, friendship, comfort, security and most importantly her love and I was trampling all over it with these thoughts I was having over someone she called friend.
So I sought guidance from my priest, I knew that I couldn’t turn to myself this time because my heart, mind and body were all tuned in on one thing Roxanne and any answer I received would not be honest because I was only thinking about myself.
I turned to my priest and he told me that it was lust and that the sooner I purged myself of it the better, he even gave me some useful hints and tips to follow.
I did all that he’d advised but it didn’t work, I was still having these thoughts so I turned to my friends and longtime advisors Jessica and Timothy.
I arranged to meet them later that week and I thought that it was perfect because I would be getting views from both sides.
We met at a local diner and after I told them what was going on with me they advised me.
They were both of the belief that Diana would be hurt because no matter how much I tried to deny it I was having an affair.
If you think you’re shocked by this statement how do you think I felt I mean to me it was completely ridiculous how dare they suggest something like that I’d been completely faithful to Diana I hadn’t strayed not even once so how could they say something like that?
Once again the again the answer shocked me in its simplicity, my body may not have strayed but my mind had and every time I had a thought about Roxanne I strayed because my heart, body and mind were not centered on my wife my attention was split and the best thing for me to do would be to cut her out of my life because if I didn’t she would be my downfall.
But that was easier said than done, I couldn’t cut her out of my life and not because it would be like cutting out a piece of my heart but because I didn’t know how to explain it to my wife.
There was only one other option open to me before I had to confess, I sought my parents advice the advice they gave me helped me make a decision which changed my life forever.
The lessons learnt:
1. Adultery is not just limited to what your flesh does.
2. You never know who or what the Lord will use to deliver a message