The One
Over the years I’ve been accused of simply succumbing to lust and using marriage as an excuse to justify it.
And what a joke if it was really lust that was motivating all this then I would have more than four wives, in fact I would have a harem because like the kings of old I could just pick and choose from the many, many women I have available to me.
Oh wait that’s still being done to this day, but now we don’t call them concubines we have other names for them like whores, sluts, booty calls and I’m sure that they are many more but I’m not too familiar with them.
So I always find it hilarious that a woman will say that she’s independent and she doesn’t need a man, but she’ll still be waiting for her phone to ring and even if he calls at three o’clock in the morning just so that she could pick him up because his drunk or he needs someone to cuddle with she’ll be there but in the glaring light of day she’ll still insist that she’s independent.
Such a girl is never seen as the one such a girl is seen as a sponge someone you use to rid yourself of the lust in your heart until the day you actually meet the one.
Remember when I got engaged for the first time and how it ended? After all these years I finally understand why she left me because I wasn’t the one, the feeling that Jessica and I say we felt when we met our respective halves.
So how do you know the difference between lust and the one?
Well for me I always go back to what my mama said, “if you can’t imagine your life without them,” then for me it’s a pretty good sign that that is the one.
If when you look at this person all you see is you and them having intercourse than it’s definitely lust. When I first saw Jessica all I saw was what she could do for me. Cleaning, cooking and ironing all the domestic chores I refused to do back then. The fact that we could have sex was a bonus but for me she was just a tool that I needed to take care of something I refused to do. I didn’t see her as a partner or an equal to me she was just the hired help and her payment was my false affection.
She wasn’t the one and I knew and she most probably knew it as well but every failed relationship is just another stepping stone onto the right one.
For me the sign hit me with all my wives because with each of them it felt like nothing I’d ever felt before and the instant that they disappeared from my view it made me feel physically ill. I still get that way whenever they leave the house because when they do I’m not with them and can’t protect them. But when that feeling first started I’d feel like someone had hit me in stomach when they disappeared.
For all my wives, I knew that they were meant for me but I knew that if they didn’t feel the same way than the whole issue was mute but for me as long as I was a part of her life I didn’t care. Case and point me and Roxanne I was willing to be just be a friend to her if that was all she wanted of me.
See that is what the one is someone you are willing to do absolutely anything for, someone you’re willing to change for that is the one.
What if you find The One and they don’t feel the same?
What do you do when you think you’ve found the one?
You began the courting process and during this time it’s very important that you follow the Rules of Courting it is during this period that you will either confirm what you heart already knows (that person is the one) or have your heart broken (if you were wrong).
How can you be sure that they are the one?
I always say that in life only three things are guaranteed you will be born, you will live and you will die the only unknown in this equation is the time you have and the quality of life you will have.
Even a stillborn child will experience this, they will be born, they lived in their mother’s stomach and they died at birth.
I can’t speak for everyone but for me my mother’s words are always my litmus test.
I always say that as a man you need to put this potential wife through a series of tests to see if they are truly the one and ready to settle.
1. Test their trust it can be anything as long as it’s something meaningful to you, something which if you were to discover later would absolutely destroy you and your relationship.
2. See how she is around your family because when she marries you she becomes part of you and by extension your family.
3. How much does she support you and your decisions? Once you are married you become the head of the house and the last thing you need is to be constantly explaining yourself. I’m not saying that she should be submissive all the time but that when it really counts she has your back. (Courting Lina).
4. She must never contradict you or humiliate you in public. You are her husband and the head of her household and as my mother always said you don’t show your problems to the world.
5. Who does she turn to when things get hard? The answer will show you if this is the woman God meant for you to be with or if it’s just a crush.
To close the issue of the one for me the second I saw each of these women I knew because the feelings which coursed through my body were like nothing I’d ever felt before or since. I always say it’s like someone just punched you right in the stomach and the force of the blow was enough to push you backwards a few steps. But the funny thing about this blow is that even though it hurts it still feels good.
Well when I first saw John I had these butterflies in my stomach but he was starring at me weirdly and I thought that maybe something was wrong with me so I stared back at him and he seemed to be fazed a bit. Then he just disappeared and I made enquiries but no one knew where to find him so I told myself that it was one of those once in a lifetime chances and I’d blown it when he reappeared. And the minute I saw him again I knew that we were meant to be together which is why I acted and when he eventually asked me to marry him I breathed a sigh of relief because the year of our courtship was the longest of my life.
I’ve already said how I felt the instant I saw John when I look at him I want to cry and smile because he just makes me so happy that sometimes I find it hard to describe how I feel, and that’s what I always tell my friends when they ask what first made him attractive to me and why I married him. I knew John was the one because by the time we started our courtship I already saw him as my husband and the father of my children.
Well earlier I said that I knew I wanted to be a Sister Wife, I knew I wanted to marry into the Phillips family but the reason I chose John is because when I saw him after all those years I just felt home and safe just by looking into his eyes.
When John first smiled at me I was caught the second I looked at him. It was for me and it still is a warm fuzzy feeling, a feeling of belonging and being loved and safe that I just don’t get anywhere else and that all came from a look.
When I saw her I knew that she was my reason, you know that thing we all have of being created for a reason? Well she is mine, when I saw Jess for the first time my heart literally stopped and I struggled to breath and when she spoke to me her voice. It was like; I’ve never heard and Angel before; but in my mind that was what they should sound like. To this day when I think abut the day I saw her I still feel this way even though we’ve been married for nearly twenty years I still get Goosebumps when she touches me.
After what happened with John my self confidence was pretty much shattered but then I bumped into Tim and all those feelings I’d had for John returned but there was something different this time round because the feelings I felt for him were so much more intense. It’s like what I told John when we reunited that what I felt for him was like a puddle of water left over from the rain compared to what I felt for Tim.
You see it’s different for everyone but the one thing we all agree upon is that when The One appears and the Sign hits you it’s like nothing you’ve felt before.