The Role of a Child
Well a child needs only know how to do the following, be respectful, be honest, be compassionate and be appreciative.
The basis of what and how a child will be start right here. You know when God gives you a child He is essentially giving you a blank slate to fill or a slab of marble to shape.
I always say to my children until you are old enough to decide for yourself then by my rules and decisions you shall live.
This simply means that as parents we often know what’s best for our children but eventually they get to a point where they no longer need us to make those decisions for them.
Does that mean that I won’t be there for them? Absolutely not, something else I always say to them is that the day you stop needing me is the day I die and I mean that literally the day they pronounce you dead is the day you kids stopping needing you because you will no longer be there to help them out.
Which is why I refer to a child as a blank state waiting to be filled, when I die I hope the lesson’s I’ve taught my children will still be there to help them when I’m not.
Respect
A mistake lot’s of people make is that they think that they automatically have their children’s respect, which is true. I suppose though the real question here is what you are doing to keep it. Children when they are born are born instinctively trusting the world, I guess it starts with the doctors and nurses who handle it after birth and then its parents who are charged with looking after it until either they or it dies.
So they are born trusting us and respecting because they don’t know better and for me personally every day in little ways I try to prove to them that I am worthy of their trust, respect and love.
Children are smart and they’re like little sponges with their eyes and ears wide open just watching and listening. Which is why we never argue in front of them, for example if I do something that upsets Roxanne or vice versa we wait for them to go to bed or outside and then we argue, if they are outside were on the outside are they and can they hear us if they are in bed we go to my quarters.
Some children know when their parents are about to fight because they give them a signal like, “guys please go to your rooms your dad and I need to talk.” There is the signal whenever they hear this they know a fight is about to start.
Also by waiting to be alone we allow emotions to cool so when we do talk cooler heads reign.
Another thing that parents do but shouldn’t do is that they ask their children to pick sides, I’m warning you don’t this because by doing so you force your children to not only lose respect for your significant other but for you as well.
To close the respect issue this is also how I also teach my children not to lie I always tell them that no matter what always respect someone enough to not lie to them.
Compassion
Satan loves corrupting the young and innocent because the Kingdom of God is promised to them and he’s jealous of that.
This is why he tries to corrupt them when they are young that way they can spend the rest of their lives corrupting others.
Teach your children to be compassionate, that’s the problem with today’s world there isn’t enough compassion in it if we teach our children compassion while they are still young imagine the good deeds we could achieve as a species.
Today’s youth is mainly consumed with the material and what other’s think of them instead of focusing on the real important things.
I always say to my children instead of asking for a new toy or gadget ask yourself what you can do to glorify the Lord today and because of this our teenagers volunteer at an old age home because they have so much and the Bible teaches that just as you are willing to receive so should you be willing to give.
Appreciation
I remember one day Tim came up to me and asked me to buy him a new bicycle, this wouldn’t be a problem if we hadn’t bought him a new bike just a few months ago and he wanted the bike because one of his friends had just gotten that model.
So he runs into my study and he asks me for a bike, he’d already tried Diana and she’d said no, he walks in and presents his case stressing heavily the fact that he needed it to get around.
When he was done I picked him up turned him upside down and told him to get me a glass of water, he immediately straightened himself up and started walking towards the kitchen. We he returned I asked why he needed the bike again and this time he had no answer for me.
I said it before what we needed was always provided and he didn’t need a new bike because he already had one and he has two functioning legs which he can use to get around.
When is it a good time for them to start dating?
Kids are smart and my kids personally are always challenging me which I appreciate because as parents we often tell our kids not to do things without actually explaining to them why.
So for me whenever I tell them not to do something I always explain why because for kids if you tell them not to do something they want to rebel especially with teenagers so they know in this house that once you turn thirteen there is a whole new set of rules waiting for you.
The first rule is that you are not allowed to date until your thirteen and even then all your dates have to be chaperoned until you turn sixteen and people question this because that’s when their hormones are raging. But I tell them what I tell my kids our relationship is based on trust I will never do anything to break it and I hope you do the same.
The second rule is that you are not allowed to drink until you turn twenty one, the law says that you shouldn’t drink before the age of twenty one and I’m sure they have their reasons, for me I would prefer if they didn’t drink at all but that’s an unrealistic goal.
The third rule is that you don’t have sex before you’re eighteen the reason for this for me is because I hope at that age you’re mature enough to appreciate the consequences of your actions. Ideally they wouldn’t have sex until the night of their wedding but again unrealistic goal.
Fourth rule is for the girls don’t wear makeup in my house, I’ve seen my daughters without makeup and for me they are perfect so I always say why mess with perfection, it’s the same with my wives I know what they look like when they wake up and they are gorgeous so why mess with that? They wear make up on occasion but never around because if I see them wearing it I always ask the question what are you hiding and if they were clothes which are to revealing I ask them what them what are you selling?
Fifth rule for the boys look after your sister’s because in my absence you are their protector.
So those are the rules that the teenagers have to live by in addition to all other rules in the house and if someday they question those rules I will hopefully have an answer.
Chores
From the second that they understand what we are saying they have chores to do, they have to pick up their toys as toddlers, when they are about five or so we expect them to not only pick up after themselves but to also help keep their bedrooms clean
When they are about eight they have to help with the dishes and when they enter their teens we teach them how to cook but they are not allowed cook on their own until they turn sixteen.
And this is something that we do with both our boys and girls.