My Father’s Return with Bismillah
Year 2019 brought some sad news for me with the passing of my dear father. He reached the age of 86 years.
His departure on 13 September 2019, had given me a great sign of the greatness of God.
God had chosen me, to look after my father’s departure in this world. So I brought my father home to Kuala Lumpur to care for him not knowing that those were the last days of him.
I didn’t realised the reason I took him from the village which was quite a distance away from Kuala Lumpur, to care for his old age but was actually to sent him ‘home’.
Indeed, God did not burden me at all.
All I thought before I took him in was that I must be ready to provide a pleasant place for him to stay here and adjusted my daily schedule to include several arrangements for his bed and wheelchairs, have some disable friendly home, be the nutrients experts for his meals and hire a maid to cook for him while I was away working. Also I gave some thoughts on how to spend time with him after work, given my schedule for my daughter was quite full with her tuition class etc.
God knew His plan all along. God had triggered my heart to go home and took him here as his ‘time’ was running close.
My father was not in his bad condition when I took him in the car and we drove 5 hours to arrive home. He eats well, sits well and his memory good at the time of our travel.
He just had ONE day at my house before slipped and fell. My father broke his hip and that made his condition difficult to move, leading to his final days.
O God, if I knew those were the last few days with him.
Three weeks looked after him in the hospital wasn’t a burden to me at all. The hospital was just 3 km away from my home. I slept besides him in the hospital and I shifted my time with my maid during the day.
My father took his last breath at the hospital due to acquired infection, pneumonia. He didn’t die because of his hip broken infact he had a successful surgery a week before his passing.
Now since Yassin (the verse from Quran) lived in me, I recited them for father every night at the hospital while waited for him to sleep. He used to wake up many times due to some ghosts around in the hospital so I took care of that with recitation of Yassin repeatedly. God is Most Merciful.
I saw the beauty in my father’s departure.
He was fortunate that his own daughter did not know about his last days, otherwise she might have asked God to prolong his life.
The sacred Yassin, words of God accompanied him every day prior to his departure. God had chosen the best way for my father’s return, surrounded by his children on the day he died.
O Allah, what about my sakaratul death departure?
Who will send me ‘home’ with Bismillah?
O God, if no one sends me, please send your angels to recite Bismillahi Rahmanir Rahim on my sakaratul departure moment.
I saw my father died so easy and gently until I didn’t realise the actual time of his passing because the pulse was still beating. I had been chanting Bismillahi Rahmanir Rahim the whole critical hours of him and I saw not a single wave of breath or a blink of pain he had. He left us in the blink of an eye.
I saw his hands fall, his nose fall and his breath in his throat. I followed the slow breathing of nafs that came out of his mouth and then exhaled Bismillahi Rahmanir Rahim.. It disappeared for quite few seconds… ..before he breathed in again, I inhaled them with bismillah.
Only within God’s knowledge, He knew when the nafs had returned home.
Last night, while I was sleeping and watched over his oxygen ventilator same time, I saw he was talking to someone unseen.
Could it be my mother’s spirit or the death angel? I was holding his cold fingers until my eyes fell asleep and my hand slipped.
Obviously I have heard he was uttering the word ‘home’, ‘home’ many times.
Three weeks ago, before knowing about his departure, we had a small chat at home, on the first day he was just arrived.
Spontaneously I said, ‘father, I will take care of you until you die, I will bury you here, near my home. I will not send your body back hometown to be buried’.
My father was quiet and listened. No comment.
He was still healthy when I was planning for his funeral?
Indeed I had decided the graveyard for him. How could possibly I did not know about his last day?
Allah is Great.… teaching His servant to know the unknown to see the unseen to talk the talking she never intends to speak.
I knew that my words had planned for his return.
But I ignored to acknowledge that he is going to die under my care. I would feel sad if I was the reason of his death.
The greatness of Bismillahi Rahmanir Rahim is not an ordinary zhikr. The word had showed itself the miracle of ‘Kun’, in my words, it happened.
Salam and Greetings to my beloved father, Badli, may Allah blessed your soul with His Love and Mercy.
May God raise and glorify us among His pious servants. Ameen.