20. GUILTY OF WANTING A FRIEND
The late 90’s and early 00’s was a funny or maybe should say strange time in my life, but very interesting. I got married twice, one lasted twenty or so minutes and the other, maybe a half hour. I’d made it to the point that I fairly well understood relationships, but just didn’t have the knack at finding a compatible girl.
Around this time I’d sold my house, and was taking my time to see what was really meant for me. Off and on I did struggle, was still learning on a daily basis, but this became the time to do nothing or maybe just very little. When I say nothing, I mean that it was a time to let my mind rest by being still and inventory my secrets thoughts.
I had built a six-plex apartment building a few year earlier, and was a little handier with a hammer and saw in my hands, so I began to build a house, no it was a home, up the hill from the one I’d sold. This was a pleasure for me as I was in ‘stand-by mode’.
Still had my coin business, and I was doing only very little farming. So I took the time to put together this house that I had planned in my brain for several years.
A year and a half after finally finishing it the way I wanted, it burnt down. This was only a year or so after my second divorce, and I sure wasn’t ready for this to happen. So now I was homeless.
Well, I began to build back the very same week. In fact, the building permit was good for two years from the last house, so I didn’t even have to get one of those. Folks, this was not a pleasant period of my life, as far as the out-side world. I most certainly felt like it was crumpling in.
I had a booth at a coin show that I occasionally went and manned on the week-ends. This is where I was when I’d gotten a phone message that my house had burnt down. I remembered this because at the time I was told by my daughter Susie to come home to see what had happened. For the life of me I could not figure out why I should go on home. There was nothing I could do about it, and the house was still going to be burnt down in a few days when I did make it back. There was nothing left, my home had been completely consumed.
It was at this time during the coin show that a man began to tell me about a vision that he had from God, and after listening to it, was not only convinced that it was from God, but it was my vision. What I mean by that is; I could see every detail that was being explained to me. I mean every nook and cranny, in living color, I could see the surroundings, smell the smells, and hear the sounds. This was my vision, certainly it was meant for me.
Very shortly I will explain in more detail about this vision that would forever change my life. Now, back to the story…….
Normally I enjoyed carpentry work, but this time it was kind of a push on me, and I wasn’t mentally ready to do all the work that had to take place to build the house back.
I was struggling to find the energy to get up in the morning, much less put in a full day’s work with building and still run my coin business. The business was going strong however, but, I was living out of a motel room, that wasn’t much bigger than a bath room.
With no other explanation except that God’s grace and Him bestowing me His energy, that I carried on.
Several months into working on the house, the outside was completed and I had a good start on the interior. I thought I’d hire someone to help me. Sounded like a good idea, but again chose the wrong person to help with the finishing.
I hired this company, or maybe should say man and his family, to help me complete what I thought were about a month’s work. It started off great, and even thought this man would end up being my best friend. This was not going to be the case.
Right before we were finishing, I had to order my kitchen cabinets, get the dry wall hung and finished, and then painted. There were a few more odds and ends including the heat pump and whatever. Not what you call putting the final touches on, but could now see the light of this project being completed.
At the same time this contractor, named Mike, became like a friend to me, and got himself into a bind, and asked me for some help, financially. For a friend, sure I’d help him. It was a perfect opportunity to help a fellow man, believing this was one of the purposes we were put on this earth for. It was a pleasure for me from the inside, and besides, I had the insurance money from the house, that was not needed in the near future. So between loaning him more than a little bit of money, and paying in advance for the materials needed to almost finish the house, I wrote him a check for $54,000.00. Not a small amount of money, but at this time, because of the insurance money, I had it.
So a few days later Mike rented a truck to drive to Kentucky to buy the kitchen cabinets, the bath room vanities, and most of the fixtures for me. He would be back a day or so later, and with the crew he had working it would only take a short time to finish and get me moved in.
Dumb me, It took about three or four days before I began to think something might be wrong. I was still trusting this guy, and told the workers he’d left behind (they didn’t belong to the company, just worked for him), that he was probably just taking a mini vacation since the whole family had gone with him in the rental truck that was rented earlier in the week. Time was passing slowly at this point, and the more we thought about it, the more concerned we became. So his crew and myself got into our vehicles to go to the place where he lived only to find out that he had moved. Long gone, could be in Mexico by now, or any other place that four days of travel could take them.
After filing a police report and warrant against him and waiting a week or so, I finally figured out that the man and my money was gone.
You know… If this had happened a few years earlier it might have torn me up, but at this place in my life, it did not. I said to myself; “It’s only money, hundreds, if not thousands of things could be a lot worse than this.” I still had a peace, for God was doing a wonderful work inside of me on a daily basis. Never did lose a minutes sleep or want to take revenge on him, or take it out on anyone else. Earlier, when God had asked me to be still in my mind, it was now paying off. A stress test in a magazine article that I read and took the test said that my stress level was over a hundred points higher than severe, but at this place in my life, I didn’t feel it.
Divorced, sold my home, moved, built another house and then it burned, and Mike stealing the money was not enough to tear down what God was putting together. Remember, as I quoted several times before, that; “All things work together for good to them that love the Lord, and called according to His purpose.” I wasn’t mad, or even aggravated at myself for even doing such a foolish thing. It was a learning experience for me and a proving ground. My life WAS changing, and I was enjoying every minute of it.
The other guys working for Mike were hurt, maybe a lot more than me. They were just guys trying to scratch out a living, working pay check to pay check, probably just getting by, and had to deal with at least a whole weeks pay that was lost, or I should say stolen.
Come to find out several weeks later that the contractor had scammed a half of dozen others with as much, if not more than he had me. His final take on this scam was well over a hundred thousand dollars.
Stupid people are just stupid, but I was guilty of ignorance and wanting a friend. A friend is that special person that comes along once in a life time. Mark Twain once wrote, and I’ll paraphrase; “A friend is the greatest asset a person can ever have, but only a fool tries to have two of them.”
Through all the years in counseling and the time spent learning what a friend was and how to be one, I was not totally deprived of the definition of friendship. At this point would have made a good one.
I didn’t beat myself up too badly for still trusting in mankind, helping my follow man, or just plain and simple, wanting the closeness that one can expect from a real friendship. Maybe got a little too anxious and jumped the gun on this one, but was not too hard on myself for being considerate, and would look a little deeper next time into what I was doing and the consequences of doing it. I hadn’t had a very good track record in the last six or eight years in the department of relationships.
I still had to finish the house I was building, and now I didn’t have any help. I was back to working by myself. It took several more months, but in July I had it all done. I had moved in and was snuggled and comfortable in my own bed again. A little smarter and a little wiser than before and also learned a few more things about me that I didn’t know before.
I learned to prioritize my life, in the fact that some things just aren’t that important, namely money and just about anything else the outer eye can see. I also began to develop some skills in the area of patience, but was not quite there yet, as I still had much more to learn through tribulations that were yet to come.