He’s bringing up an insult that was made by a person from my past that badly hurt me (back then).
Told me that I don’t have any faith.
My heart gave a panicked jump but a second later I calmed. It’s not true. Just part of the exposure process.
He wants me to know how good some females are at cunnilingus. These messages are meant to expose bad things in my heart to God though God knows what’s in our hearts.
He (the devil) will accuse you.
It’s crying because I’m soft-hearted – trying to play on me. Says that God let’s me do whatever I want. There was a time where I knew the smell of them – or thought I did. It‘s an odor that’s hard to describe. That’s how I used to know that one of them was around – or at least I thought I did.
It says, “Angel don’t want no thrills. Bet if her ass was hot enough and I was in there...”
Also, I’m a slut.
“Who do you love most - God or Jesus?” it asks.
Why I wonder?
It wants to know why I always ask for instruction instead of doing what I want or think is right?
As I prayed, it asked if I was praying to God or him. So if one is being haunted and prays, it thinks you’re praying to show him (the demon) that you’re praying.
So he’s quiet all the two hours of my business law class then soon as I walk to my car, ”Slut!” – this, that. So I ask this sucka what he done made, created, caused to grow - something. Response? Nothing.
Why? Because his sorry behind is holding on just like the rest of us. He ain’t nothing, ain’t did nothing, the knowledge he got started with God but his dirty lips steady flapping. Dumb, disrespectful dog.
If I call God, his sorry butt be running. This is the bump in the night? So basically, he’s no better than the common thugs and murderers running the street.
Ok.
He said, “I can make fire.”
I was putting out a cigarette and the flames sparked. I say, “Tada, there’s fire that I made.”
He says, “I can make fire out of my nose.”
I said, “Cause God made you that way. Just like I can make a baby or grow a plant.”
He said, “Well, if God says...” God says, “Well, answer her.”
He wants me to accuse God. So even though God has the eagle eye, I’m still exposed. So do I blame God for something, I ask myself? I don’t think so.
Then he said, “Well, HE killed Christ on the cross.”
I say, “I don’t know because it was a sacrifice made that I needed, but at the same time po’baby.” (meaning Christ)
So he says, ”They stuck Him through His stomach.”
I said, “Well, why didn’t you stop it – say, ‘no God, don’t do this - we'll find another way. This is wrong.’ Why didn’t you sacrifice yourself?”
He’s still calling me nigras.
He’s doing the crybaby voice, “You don't have any respect for me.”
~ He says I'll visit him everyday. ~
Maybe he’s going to jail.
“If Isa told you something, would you tell me?”
“Of course I would," I say. "But you know I'm a liar just like you."
(Just today I sent a $12 package out as media mail for $4)
I say to myself, “I wonder if he’s ever sorry.”
This sucka say, “For wanting to put it in your booty? No.”
I’m about to stop talking to him.
Hours later…
Me? Irritated.
This sucka always goes for an orifice. I remember asking God to not let him touch me and even though there’s no physical touching, it’s still terrible in your spirit. He is terrible.
I know there’s a female or man even who will pick up this memoir and recognize what I’m saying, someone who relates. He may bother me until I die, but I vow to write it all down. He will not dominate me. This memoir will help someone. Please pray.
Like make some furniture move around, make some crap fly across the room. But this pervaceous-pervyness gets on my damn nerves.
Why do I feel like I’m bothering God by calling HIM? Because I’m embarrassed to call HIM every five minutes because the devil is being nasty. But it’s my fault for talking to him. I’m queasy, shaky, want to go to the sunken place for an hour. After I say “sunken place”, he laughs and God gives me half a second wind.
He says, “If you give me a pound of flesh, I can make another.”
God tells me to ask where the pound of flesh comes from. I don't answer, so God holds out his hand.
“Another Me?” I say
It says, “Two.”
“Ah!” I say.
And at the same time it says, “Yesss.”
God told me weeks ago that my spirit would be corrupted.
One of the reasons he doesn’t like Christ is because he thinks He eats up any and everything God hands Him with awe- filled eyes. A suck-up basically - that Jesus will let HIM do anything HE wants to Him.
I say, “What can Jesus do?”
He says, “He wants it. That's the problem.”
God says that the devil thinks that HE and Christ are whispering about him, but they’re only talking about us.
All I can say is he tries too hard. I feel very, very sad for what he is and the feeling he brings – dread and misery. I started to say that when I try to be unbiased that I feel sorry for him, but God grabbed my arm in a death grip. When I say “death”, I mean that’s a path that leads to death - even for me. If one thinks about every bad thing that the devil had a hand in and so much so that God won’t grant him forgiveness or repentance -
God just turned HIS face. And that, for some reason, makes me sad.
He says, “Because God won’t forgive me, I want to kick you. God better sleep with one eye open.”
Aye carumba!
Jesus says, “I’ll be woke.”
God says there’s nowhere HE can’t go and HE’s the boss.
This all is happening while I’m folding laundry. By the way, an entire sleeve has been torn off an old nightgown at the shoulder. Maybe the dryer did it. The arm was a little ripped anyway. I’m going to blow it off as paranoia even though I’m creeped out.
Devil says, “There's people that would run to smell that gown for me.”
God says, “Very little of what he says is directed at you. It’s all mostly for MY benefit. In fact, very little of it is about you.”
But he didn't create those “running- to-smell” people either. He says it goes both ways. I guess he’s saying that if they were God's then they wouldn’t be chasing him. I am one of those people who believe that informed adults should be free to choose their own consequences.
God says, “If you don’t like how God works, WHAT YOU GONE DO?”
I say, “What is God doing that’s so wrong?”
Some people are upset because of suffering. I will admit that I have complained. I don’t know. I wouldn’t say that I don’t feel upset sometimes - that I don’t have questions - but at the end of the day, I'm on my knees. I just don’t care what HE does or doesn’t do. I don’t know. What can you do?
And I’m taken to task for having felt sorry for him.