There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out
fear. 1 John 4.18.
Now to this second antidote; a love (as the text above shows) that needs to be ‘perfect’—the divine kind—if ‘fear’ is to cast out. Yes, the love of a parent or spouse can quieten and comfort the ‘troubled breast’, but not enough to allay strong ‘fear’. In both quality and quantity, human love is inadequate. Only God’s love is perfect and sublime enough so it ‘ protects, trusts and never fails…(it) conquers all’ (1Cor 13); so powerful, Solomon describes it ‘as strong as death’ (S of Songs 8.6). Along with the two other antidotes, divine love can defeat any ‘giant’ of
‘fear’ mercilessly mocking as Goliath did to the children of Israel. The question is, ‘How does the love of God cast out
‘fear’?’ In two major ways; first, by receiving this love and then by giving it out. Overcoming ‘fear’ depends on both the ebb and flow of divine love for two reasons. When received, it heals areas within the psyche triggering ‘fear’ and when given out it detoxifies the heart attitudes generating ‘fear’.
WHAT IS LOVE?
To define ‘love’ may seem unnecessary, but casual, indiscriminate use of the word has trashed its meaning. When it is used to describe feelings about ice-cream, the dog, a color, and of course, our sweetheart, very few understand what true love is. Fortunately, the yardstick of Scripture solves this confusion, and it reveals a love of the kind able to overcome 77
fear. Once you learn what God’s word says about this ‘force for good’, it is up to you to make good use of this love, so different from all others. And to make the distinction clear, the writers of the N.T. chose chose ‘agape’ (Str G 26) from classical Greek to differentiate it from, family affection, from warm friendship, and from erotic passion. The N.T. refers to these lesser kinds, but ‘agape’ is reserved for divine love. In fact, God is love; His nature embodies what is more sublime than the very best example of human love, the kind which can often be self-serving. Not so with ‘agape’ love; it is, therefore, best defined as the love which gives to others for their highest good, while expecting nothing in return.
To win the war against ‘fear’, this is the love you must receive and give out. You may say this is impossible, but you're wrong. When the Holy Spirit was specifically sent to ‘shed abroad’ (Rom 5.5) this love in hearts there is no reason to doubt what I have written. As the divine ‘helper’, He supplies the love necessary to bring healing to wounds within the psyche and set free from ‘stinking thinking’, two main factors underlying fear.
REJECTION AND FEAR
The formative years of life affect us more than we think and one of the most damaging experiences in those early years is rejection. Yes, every trauma back then makes us more vulnerable to ‘fear’, but more so with rejection. If suffered very early in life, the fear of rejection, fear of hurt, fear of abandonment, and fear of failure will almost always take root within the developing psyche. Non-acceptance by parents and other authority figures automatically damages the self-esteem so 78
critical to emotional health, thus making it difficult to overcome these fears in adulthood. The damage from rejection is even more extensive as it also affects courage and inner fortitude.
Both form an important bulwark against ‘fear’ and to undermine them destroys the confidence and resilience needed to manage what life throws at us. Not only that, the rejected testify to serious issues with trust and the constant battle with negativity from skepticism, cynicism, and insecurity (to name a few). All of which holds good even if the rejection is only perceived or not consciously recognized.
I have already addressed some factors contributing to the epidemic of rejection, but I want to expand on this, and the first explanation for it, the obvious one, is the number of children suffering from broken marriages, abuse, neglect, etc.. A glaring tragedy that needs to be addressed if society is not to reap even greater costs in the future meeting mental, emotional, and physical health needs. And though it sounds simplistic and possibly hard to accept, the answer is ‘perfect love’. Now, to remedy a psyche wounded by rejection is no simple matter, yet it becomes eminently possible (over time) if the love of God is doing the repairs; a love the rejected receive directly by divine intervention or through human agents. Even after suffering severe rejection and left a ‘car wreck’ fit for the scrap heap, many testify to the healing from such an encounter.
But to preserve the emotional health of future generations, the root causes of this plague must also be addressed. And this starts with the parents who only show love for what their children can do instead of who they are. To only be accepted or 79
given attention after achieving certain standards or benchmarks in behavior, academia or sport, etc., cannot but injure their tender soul and guarantee rejection. Heaven continues to accept us when sin calls for chastisement; yes, it affects the level of God’s favor enjoyed as His child, but not His undying love.
Another factor less recognized in rejection is inappropriate chastisement. Now, to punish an erring child cruelly—
physically or otherwise—always does damage. It certainly contributed to my anxiety when my parents punished me as a child by locking me away in a room for hours on end isolated from the family. But so does the failure to administer chastisement; an erring child regards this as a ‘dereliction of duty’, deducing (mostly subconsciously) their parents don’t care enough (as they see it) to make the effort to remedy their guilt.
Bad behavior always elicits guilt and to not ease it with appropriate punishment and forgiveness, means they are left with it unresolved.
Even if unwelcome, here is some more advice. When children are very young, parents should think twice before both take gainful employment out of the home. Putting materialistic goals before the privilege of raising them relatively free from
‘fear’ throws the dice in a dangerous game of chance. In fact, the anti-child mentality seen today—especially in the numbers using extended contraception or seeking an abortion (or contemplating it)— must be reversed. Also of concern, the number of parents excessively offloading children into care facilities (commercial or otherwise) to pursue goals other than 80
child-rearing. Many seek to justify this, claiming it is necessary to have the lifestyle ‘they are accustomed to’!
Though not as damaging, but still worrisome, is the number of parents putting children in front of the T.V. or with computer games for hours on end. Even if a popular way to keep them occupied, the minimal time they now spend with mum and dad cannot but affect their emotional health. Parental care given indifferently or in an emotionally detached manner like this is always harmful. Of course, an accumulation of factors contributes to this tide of anxiety in children but fixing the lifestyle issues highlighted can change this trajectory. They may not be the only reasons for the epidemic of ‘fear’, but are some important ones.
Absentee mothers with ‘latchkey kids’ is a well-known problem, but absentee fathers as a factor in children with ‘fear’
is also a concern. The unique authority given them (by God) as
‘head of the house’, means the love, acceptance, and care children receive from fathers can strongly validate self-worth. It means fathers must be especially careful when their children are very young about the overtime hours, the unhelpful shift-work, and other arrangements taking them away from the home for lengthy periods (e.g. FIFO mining jobs). Where it’s not possible to avoid a lengthy absence, e.g. military service, it calls for much prayer for special grace to protect the family and minimize the negative effects.
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ANXIETY (FEAR) ABOUT SELF-WORTH
Preserving self-worth and the unique identity it affords is the paramount quest of every individual—even early in life, if not throughout. Why is registration of worth so essential? Because a lack of self-esteem always means a constant battle with ‘fear’
(anxiety, worry, etc.) on some level, leaving the victim with few prospects for true happiness in the future. The ego (inner self) instinctively knows it is not safe to be of little or no value. No one takes care of valueless junk, they throw it away. Hence, the door to a life of ‘fear’ automatically opens when a child has to question if they are valued enough to be respected and protected.
Children—especially the very young—keenly register this
‘devaluation’.
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