After my divorce, I had a busy life at work. I decided to hoist my new life and change a lot of things. After thinking of moving out, I simply redecorating our apartment in Knightsbridge, started taking care of myself, started electronic cigarettes (it didn't last) and embellished my life with a new wardrobe. It was not a cold winter, but my mood and my heart were freezing. So, I decided to hibernate and get into a TWS: Tube, Work & Sleep.

One sunny afternoon, the girls decided to visit me at home and faced to my unusual unwillingness of going out to one of the trendiest places in London and my incessant therapeutic condescending speeches on Pierre, Bianca interrupted me "You know something? This seems like the perfect opportunity to finally meet Prince Charming. Someone with a six pack of abs, not a 6-pack of beer belly fat. Someone hot, intelligent, and fun. Just like you!"

I was intrigued. Who did Bianca have in mind?

“Someone real? Let me guess, he will come riding on a black horse, and he will carry a large sword.” Interrupted Camellia full of doubts.

Bianca ignored the iron and added, "Oh, I don't know about the horse, but he should have a big one.... a big sword."

“I don't have time for this; I have so much work, and I'm taking additional responsibilities, I oversee a whole new perfume project for a big company. I might be promoted", I added.

Bianca insisted “Val, what you need is a dating website. I know a good one. It's called 'shagaholic'. That's where I met that hot, sexy, charming, polite, well-educated guy with a big hot c…”.

Camellia abruptly interrupted Bianca: “We get the idea!”

Bianca pushed back on the couch, gesticulating with her hand that her lips are sealed.

Camellia turned to me “Look, maybe Bianca is right. Maybe online dating will distract you. But no shagging website. There are a few decent options such as “EHarmony”. I think a drop of puke escape my mouth. Too much of a cheesy name to me. “Seriously?” I thought.

Yes, it isn't the most romantic way of meeting somebody. But at this point, it's the best option we've got since you're super busy!"

I flinched out of my chair. I expected Bianca's nonsense, but now Camellia was suggesting dating?

“And what is dating?” by the way I asked with curiosity.

Bianca answered my question with excitement "it's great fun, you'll see... It allows you to take your time in deciding which man you want for the rest of your life. Or you can just have fun. It's so British: decadent, edgy and it can be romantic if you want it to. I am dating three guys now."

"Oh là là! Three guys?? Why? And for how long?" I asked terrified.

Bianca proudly responded “3 months”.

Outraged and curious I promptly asked, “How do you find the time to see them? And why don’t you just pick one?”

She retorted, “Why pick one when I can have all three? Together they form the perfect man”.

“I want the perfect man in one” I whispered uninterested.

Vicious Bianca taunted "That's a bit much, coming from someone married to a fat transsexual for seven years. Plus, I don’t feel you’re ready for a long-term relationship. You need to have fun!"

Camellia responded “Smooth, Bianca. Real subtle”.

“He wasn't always that fat!” Was all that I could muster to respond. Intrigued by Bianca's story, I asked if she was having sex with the three of them.

"Just two.” she admitted. “I am playing hard to get with the third". I was surprised. I knew Bianca had a very active sex life, but I thought she was seeing those guys one after the other. Not on the same day of course (I know she could though) but after a small kind of pseudo-relationship.

I retorted, “You sleep with 2 of them! That is unfaithfulness to me!”

“The only person you should always be faithful to is yourself. If not, the one you put your faith in will deceive you”, she declaimed.

Camellia quickly disagreed, "That's not a rule. What happened to Val is just unfortunate."

“Which is why she should be more careful this time”, emphasised Bianca, “and have fun”.

"I just want a romance like in the movies, love at first sight, passion and amazing sex. I don't want to meet strangers," I whispered.

"This is how it works in this country honey," responded Bianca. "It's like walking in a supermarket. The more options you have, the better you choose. The better you choose, the more ingredients you have to cook the perfect dish. In other words, you will be well fed. You try, try, try until you find somebody that is worth fighting for and this takes time honey."

"In France, it's so much simpler", I though "you are either in a relationship or you are not! I do not understand why it's so complicated here. Dating, dating, dating, dating, relationship marriage? When does start the relationship? When the dating stops?"

I finally agreed, "Okay, fine. It's not like I have a better option. I'll try dating. After all, clearly my decision making process is not the best. Now that I'm in London, I should open my mind to other options and date the English way. But I asserted that I would not sign up on any website that has a word SHAG in it.

Naughty Bianca quipped “There is also one called www.voulez-vous-coucher-avec-moi.co.uk I mean if you prefer French dating". I laughed at Bianca while Camellia rolled her eyes and threw Bianca a funny look.

Bianca winked at us and walked over to my laptop and started signing me up to match.com. A compromise between Shag something and e-harmony that was too boring and old fashioned to Bianca’s point of view.

“Welcome to the fucktastic world of Internet dating,” says Bianca all excited. “Let’s have a look to your future Sleeping Dates”.

Camellia rolled her eyes “Language Bianca!”

“I said fantastic. Cam, you have a dirty mind!” claimed Bianca.

Camellia giggled and blushed.

Bianca started signing me up on Match, “Ok, so I'll put you down as 'single' not 'divorced’. I don't want you to sound desperate.”

Bianca read out while she was typing my profile "I am looking for a fun and intelligent man, who can stimulate me in a conversation and other areas as well."

I suddenly retorted, "No! Bianca, I sound just like you. And I definitely don't behave like you. I don't need any stimulation. I just need to be distracted for a while. That's all."

Bianca responded, “Look, this is just to get some attention from more attractive men. What you discuss after is up to you.”

Camellia added, "Yes, but she will target the wrong category of men who are only in it for the sex".

Bianca responded Camellia “Sorry, how is that the wrong category? What category are we looking for? Pathological liars?”

Interrupting my dear friend, I smirked "Look! I'm sceptical about this whole thing. And about men in general. I don't want to jump into the pool head first again, only to realise that it is empty".

“Well, what if this time the pool has water in it?” asked Camellia.

"Well, then I may drown!" I replied.

Bianca exclaimed excited, “Oooh, what do we have here. Hello, Martin! He is hot, blond, tall, blue eyes, and he works for the media”

I barked back,” The media? Yeurk! But hell, he’s hot!!!”

Camellia amazed, “Oh, how about Adrian? He looks nice. You are attracted to this type of man.... dark eyes, dark curly hair. He is dreamy and look, he is an entrepreneur.”

“Oh, my god”, I replied, “that guy looks hairy. Probably has a hairy back too. And he's red! Look at his tan! Next!”

“Right on babes, at least you haven't lost your sight” sniggered Bianca.

“Well, at least he's the first to send an email to Val. Clearly, he is a man who knows what he wants" Camellia smiled.

“Yeah well you obviously have no idea what that is. Plus, Martin has just written too. Ha! So, now she can write to both!”, added Bianca.

But I liked Harper more. There was something honest about him. He wasn’t trying to show off.

Bianca whispered to Camellia, “Probably has a small one or he’s a short-comer”.

“I heard that Bianca!”, I laughed.

Bianca all smiling, “Come on already, just do it!”.

Concerned, I confessed to the ladies, “I don't want to start anything and be unhappy again.”

Camellia reassured, “But if you start something, you have a chance to be happy! You always say to me “if you try something, you might fail....” I ended with her “but if you don’t try you definitely won’t succeed!”.

“Oh look, Harper just emailed you”, said Camellia.

Bianca pushed forward, “Let me see…” and read out loud "Hello Valérie. My name is Harper. Thank you for your flirt. I like your pictures. You're beautiful, and you have a genuine smile. Please note that at the moment, I live with my two adorable kids, if it's not a problem for you. I will be very pleased to know more about you. Hope to hear from you soon. Harper xxx."

Bianca apprehensive, “Ok leaving happiness aside for a moment, this Harper guy has children. Two little buggers. And, I...”.

All these men, I started being very excited by this all game and I interrupted Bianca, "ok, all is going too fast here! But it starts to be kind of interesting and fun! I'll write to all of them: Cute Harper, Red-face Adrian and hot Martin! And we'll see what's next!"

I hastily grabbed my laptop from Bianca and started replying to all of these guys, and that’s where a new chapter of my life started... A very long journey to get married again? Oui, maybe… Next!