My adventure started! Once upon a time, MOI a charming divorced French lady decided, after 300 winks and a hundred emails, to give the red tan guy a chance. Ever since I downloaded my pictures on my Match profile, my profile has been fantastically successful! Exciting! I received billions of messages and a few shy winks, and I did not even know where to focus.

Wow! There were hunks in this country, almost as handsome as the French, why haven't I noticed until now? I was super enthusiastic about finally being able to meet other men.

I decided to opt for Camellia's option by choosing Adrian who had five photos on his profile. Even though, I was concerned by one of his pictures, where he looked like he had greasy hair or a full gel tube on this head with a tomato red tan! The ugliest picture obviously! But the other pictures were quite nice. And he was trying so hard to meet me that I was willing to give him a chance and meet him. And unlike the others, he was not shy, and he quickly offered a date. So why not? He could be my mistake-allowed-date until I meet my real love.

All through our emails' exchange, I realised that Adrian was an edgy businessman, he had a recruitment company with several agencies in the Yorkshire, he liked travelling, loved the sun (I could tell!), liked concerts, golf, sailing and other things. We shared a few interests. After some relatively formal exchanges, which contradicted his rock'n'roll side, we exchanged phone numbers.

He called me almost immediately; I couldn't pick up, I was panicking, his accent???? What if I couldn't get a single word? Shit, I didn't think about this... What a fool... I let my mobile rang... Phew! He left a voicemail; let’s see if I could understand "Yorkshire".

I listened to the voicemail. Hallelujah! No accent!!! Reassured, I called him back pronto. Our conversation was fun! He sounded rather friendly over the phone. We were meeting next Friday. The first date sorted!

Friday arrived, and I didn't have any news from Adrian despite his confirmation the day before. Weird... Having dates here and there and being overwhelmed by my Match mailbox, I forgot about him. Then a few days later, I received a text asking me if I was okay… No apologies for standing me up a few days earlier which showed too much of disrespect to my taste. Astonished by his effrontery, I decided not to reply.

One Friday morning Adrian sent another text asking me out for dinner the same evening. This time, I responded that I was one week ahead or he was a week late. So I snubbed him by telling that I was not available. I offered him Saturday and he had no choice but accepting.

Date No.1

Rendezvous in Picca and more precisely in front of Lilywhites to 7:30 pm. Oh, oui! Where's Picca you're wondering? Let me explain, Parisians tend to shorten words and places, "St Michel" becomes "St Mich", "Les Champs Elysées" becomes "Les Champs", Piccadilly Circus becomes to me "Picca", French Attitude. Very.

I left my apartment to 7:15 p.m., jumped in a cab and sent a text to Adrian to let him know that I was on my way.

When my cab arrived at the Roundabout of the Shaftesbury Memorial Fountain, I was horrified... I almost asked the cab to go back home... I could see Adrian from kilometres away, his lemon-yellow hat with his shrinking tomato red tan; What is the delirium there! He reminded me of a scary clown with his Bozo look. And then the flashy blue t-shirt, dark jeans (thanks God!) and a dark purple rock'n'roll jacket... He looked like a human rainbow on that cold January night. He looked like the ugliest picture.

When I got off the cab, I was caught by a crazy sick laugh that translated into a warm smile when I approached him; I kissed him twice on both cheeks à la française, which at the look on his face wasn't expected.

Merde… I couldn't help saying to him that it would not be possible because he was not my style... Then he almost begged me to stay as he travelled from Leeds to meet me in London and that at least I could have a friendly drink with him. I admitted that this was not nice and why not just have a night full of fun with him? It's not like I was marrying him now. So I agreed. And that night happened to be a great date; I've never had so much fun.

The drinks and the dance at St James Tavern, the meal at the charming Wan Chai Corner, the snow battle in the streets of Soho and the clubbing in the very touristic Piccadilly Institute until no time... It was a cheerful night; I could have stayed with him all night.

When I decided to leave around 4 am, he gave me a cute little peck on the lips and hailed my cab that arrived illico. I was driven away home with my heart filled with memories.

Confusingly, I wanted to see him again; I loved the feeling I had around him, the way he took care of me and the way he talked to me. After all, his physical appearance could change. I would confiscate his gel and cancel his subscription to his tan salon.

We exchanged texts all day, every day. I couldn’t wait for our next date and was so into him that I forgot the dating website and the other latent dates.

Date No.2

Adrian & I were going to the cinema to see a film for our second date. In just a week, I was amazed how my feelings have changed towards him, I couldn't stop thinking about him, his words, his accent, his texts and our night together in Picca... So, we met at the Electric Cinema in Notting Hill on Portobello Rd, I've always loved their comfy sofas and the very nice decor and bar.

Well, not on that date, I've never felt so uncomfortable in a cinema. The film was good but way too long, so not "date appropriate". I didn't know if I should touch him, kiss him, lean my head on his shoulder, touch his hands, I remained stiff on my not so comfy sofa. I couldn't stop moving; I wanted to comment the movie, but I did not dare because Adrian was really into the plot. I kept moving, went three times to the bathroom, he was into the intrigue and didn't acknowledge me all through the film. I was comfortably uncomfortable; it annoyed me not to talk... That pissed me off not to be myself. I was desperate to get out of this! The wine didn't help…

Then, we went to eat in Notting Hill Kitchen. There indeed, I couldn't stop talking like a speechless dumb recovering her voice. I was even afraid of having revealed too much; I was babbling about my life: MOI, my loving family, my life and my expectations but not my recent divorce. I asked him questions, but he did not seem to be ready to talk, was it too soon?

The food, the wine, the laughs turned me on, and that’s why I was determined to follow him to his hotel, I wanted him. And this was happening, he was staying at the Kensington Court Hotel, cute little hotel near Earl’s Court, the room’s door wasn’t quite opened that we began to peck passionately. But where were the passionate French kisses? He pecked me all over my neck and my face, then we started to undress and unfortunately. We made love in a funeral silence, without passion, without energy... I was devastated… When I started to speak, I realised that he was sleeping like a dead old man, snoring, while I wanted so more of him…

Valentine

The week before Valentine's Day, I had a huge smile stuck on my face. I have never been in such a great mood. Adrian cared about me. He sent me messages reassuring me about his feelings. He consistently missed me "like crazy" despite the night without the sexual passion that we had last week. Bianca had been harsh about it "Sex without French kisses and passion is like a sex toy without batteries, tiring, inefficient & useless", she already hated him. But Camellia had reminded me that the first times were rarely the best, I decided to go for Camellia’s opinion on that one.

The more we got close to Valentine day (I was expecting us to spend some time together), the less I received texts from him, and we didn't speak over the phone since that terrible night.

Then, Valentine's weekend arrived, no news, Adrian didn’t reply to any of my calls and texts. I was terribly sad especially since I bought a card for him on this occasion. I did not understand; I was just hoping that nothing bad happened to him... The day after Valentine's Day, he called me saying that he was ill and needed a rain check. That's when the stampede began: the following weekend he had construction works at his house, the following he had matters to deal with and after nearly three weeks without seen each other, Adrian asked me if I wanted to come to Leeds. I accepted with pleasure, I was so happy to discover his city, I just couldn’t wait.

Leeds

I was longing to see him again, after the shitty sex we had, I was already thinking of a revenge party, something sexual and wild.

... And then later in the night, we'll go for something nicer, gentle, but passionate... And real French kisses, not these kindergarten pecks. I was in need, and these were my thoughts in my train leading to Leeds. The most important thing was to see him again.

Adrian came to pick me up at Leeds train station, I was like a child, and I jumped at him so happy to see him again. Then to my biggest surprise, I realised that we were not going to his place, we went to drop my luggage at the Park Hotel near the station. But I was too blinded by the joy of seeing him again to complain, we spoke the night away, and Adrian opened up a little bit more about his life and past relationships.

During that weekend, we couldn't stop drinking: noon, teatime, evening and night. I've never drunk that much in my life; I bet skin-smelled alcohol. Adrian showed me the best pubs and clubs of the city but stealthily and superficially the artistic side of it. Passionate about history and culture; I was rather disappointed to spend our time drinking, eating, bad sexing and still pecking. I realised that something substantial was missing. My instinct told me to finish it but my heart this brainless thing shuddered at every word he stated and made me addicted to him. I cursed this ambivalence... I was lost.

Chicago

The following Monday, I wasn’t feeling great about that weekend... Something deep down in me was telling me to let this merde burning... I knew it should be over... We had clearly not the same interests.

That same week was terrible as I also received the official papers of my divorce. It was official; I was not Valérie Martin anymore... Well, tears were invading my face... It was too hard: the divorce and the Adrian case. I decided to put myself back on Match and follow-up with all my fondest admirers.

Two weeks later, I received a text message from Adrian, and my heart was racing, I read the text message and was really excited at his invite to the farewell party of an Olympic celebrity at Club 10 in London near St. Paul. I was so glad I forgot the two weeks without news. And we started texting each other like old days, and he suddenly sent "I'll have to sack people at work because it is a mess when I'm not there" I was intrigued "where are you" I asked curiously, He explained that he was in Chicago for business. I was really annoyed as I was not even aware of this trip...

Then he sent me the following < can't wait to see you and hug you babe> and < awww Darling miss your kisses and hugs >, < next time we're together I swear I'm going never to let you go! > He was clearly in love mood; all these made me melt into pieces. I was thrilled to read these words. What a relief! We're getting back on track… I realised, it was also annoying because every time I would fall in an ocean of pain he would send me the nicest words to fish me out of misery at the right time at the best moment... Where all this was going? I though.

Back in the U.K.

Adrian is in England now, and unfortunately, we will not go to Club 10; this fabulous Donna Karan dress will have to be patient to be worn. What a shame, Adrian, this time, had an ear infection. I wasn't getting a flap this time too, our constant calls and texts comforted me, and Adrian was falling in love with me. He sent a few texts showing it < I wanna be your man > and he reiterated his feeling with < I Want to be your fella, I'll always be here for you babe > I thought my heart was going out of my body. I was very glad and didn't worry at all. He was just a bit too independent, and I am not used to this.

I thought he had doubts about me or that he didn't want to see me again... Maybe he wanted to test me, and he realised that it would not improve our relationship, that he needed to open up and be more honest about his feelings to have a healthy relationship with me. Also, he wanted to go on vacation with me for Easter. We agreed on dates, and I rushed to book my holidays at work. I couldn't wait... He wanted to spend more time with me, spend some "quality time" to get to know me better.

So, Adrian was now my boyfriend. Were we not "dating" anymore? This is what Bianca explained to me, didn't she? We've just re-qualified our relationship. He was coming the following weekend to book our holidays! Yippee!

Square Pig

Three weeks later, completely love jaded, I got a surprise text from Adrian, he was in London and wanted to dine with me... I was delighted.

We arranged our date at the Square Pig. Having been upset for so long, it was not the greatest reunion... Shy... impersonal… The English way to be honest: pecks on the lips with a discreet little hug... So I asked him angrily how was Chicago, but he didn't seem to notice my annoyance. He told me that next time he wanted me to be there with him... Pleased to hear but not convinced, then he quickly explained on which projects he was working there and how Chicago's jazzy clubs were nice. But, I interrupted him, and I walled, “Adrian, I felt abandoned." No drama, no scene... I was very serene and sincere. I saw that I touched him but I also saw that he would not tell me more, and he just stated "never ever ever, we will be separated for so long, never again... I missed you so much; it was hell."

After that, he asked me what I was doing next weekend? I told him exasperatingly (was he serious?) that I had days off for our holiday together. And then he asked me if I still wanted to go. I hastily replied affirmatively. We started looking on his iPad for sunny destinations. I was excited. We chose Alicante and the beautiful Asia Gardens. He said he would reserve upon his return at the hotel. I was thrilled.

After a few awkward minutes, we finally started to have a good time... It finally ended very nicely. But too fast, Adrian had to take his train back to Leeds. It was weird, and we have not seen each other for two months and our relationship has evolved... I felt we were just closer somehow.

Win front of Holborn station, we kissed passionately in the middle of the mayhem of the rush hours while the world continued to press and walk to catch their tubes around us... I felt like being in another dimension... I felt that the world had two speeds, ours and theirs... I was in heaven, after having spent two months in despair...

The hard truth

Since I sent my details to Adrian for the trip, I had no news. On Monday, the day before our supposed trip, I had a bad feeling... I smoked like a chimney and not my healthy (?) cigarettes! Everything irritated me: TV, writing, walking and even music.

Past midnight and I couldn't sleep. Adrian didn't answer any of my calls and texts... I was in my bed in a very sombre room. I was lost…

6 am, I told myself that I would never book days off for Adrian without seeing the plane tickets! I was sick enough to want to see him again after all this! This was the cherry on the cake and very disrespectful…

Tuesday… We should have been on the plane, and I had no news of Adrian, and this was the end of our relationship. I went on Match to get some new dates and realised that Adrian had signed up again. Voilà! I feel betrayed. In fact, I realised that he probably never had the intention of going on holiday with me. All of this was lies.

Why? Why talking about having a relationship then? Was it my fault? Is it so complicated to have an open, honest relationship with someone? I did not understand... And what did I do to displease him? I was in pain but at the same time relieved... So I decided to move on but before I sent this email on Match to Adrian:

< Happy Easter, I hope you're ok. I got a feeling that we're not going to go anywhere this WE. I wouldn't have booked these days off if it wasn't for you Adrian. I don't know what you expected from me … Did I do or say something wrong? I just wish you were honest with me. Anyway, enjoy your weekend. Xxx >

Well, Adrian left me without notice, he had those additive words; words that a fragile woman like me needed at the time. He was selling BS to me, and I purchased them blindly, I swallowed everything up.

The “break up” with Adrian was a real slap in my face on a scar still open by my recent divorce so really painful. To be totally "over", I had to make a list of what I did not like about him, and it was rather long! When I was thinking too much about him, I would reread it, and it will make me feel better.

I learnt the hard way with Adrian... I looked forward to dating as it should be, Bianca's way, no ring on my finger no exclusivity... She was right on this one. I acted like a naive chick believing Grimm’s tale and fairy tales. Here was London, and London is hard, callous, cold, cynical, windy and rainy but the most beautiful thing here is that after every shower, there is a rainbow full of hopes. I was ready for the adventure…

Believe it or not, Adrian contacted me 18 months later a few days before New Year, he asked about my new resolutions; I blocked him after he invited me to celebrate NYE in Tenerife. I thought it was a joke! I laughed out loud and obviously never replied. Next date please!