‘All men dream but not equal y. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their
minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are
dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes to make it possible.’
- T. E. Lawrence
What a powerful quote, T E Lawrence was a great man and lived his life by this
philosophy, I don’t believe I could say it any better.
So, Where to start? Dating Advice is such a huge area. If I was to put al the knowledge
I have in my head into an eBook on this subject, I think it would fil over 10,000 pages,
and that’s a conservative estimate.
So my aim from this book is to give you a good grounding and insight into the different
areas of dating, from Online Dating, Speed Dating, Dating Ideas, how to act on your
date and much more. I’ve listed a few of these below:
Daytime meets – talking to women in the street or store and just starting a conversation with them. Build rapport (a good connection) and then from there asking her out for a
coffee and swap phone numbers.
Night-time meets – bars and clubs mainly. Again, similar to day time except the
nighttime is a lot harder as the women expect to be chatted up by guys and they have
their guard up as a result. Again, make friends, have fun, get her number and arrange a
date for another time.
Online Dating – my favorite, I love online dating, I don’t think that anything beats this method. You can sit at your desk and have 10 instant dates with women in a single
evening via messaging and chat. You can arrange limitless dates through online dating
as many of my clients who have used my online dating course have found out!
Speed Dating – This is great fun, I love speed dating events because everyone knows
why each of you are there, to meet someone, simple. There real y is no beating around
the bush with this one, no doubts as to whether she is single or has a boyfriend. Again,
you can get up to 20 dates or more from a single night, it al depends on how good your
communication skil s are! Imagine getting 20 dates from a single night’s entertainment.
Dance Classes – this al ows you to quite possibly meet the woman of your dreams.
Some of the most amazing women that I have ever dated, I have met at Salsa clubs as
an example. Salsa or similar dance styles al ow you to touch and hold beautiful women
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without getting slapped! Where else can you do that?!
There are numerous ways of meeting women, the above examples are just a few of my
personal favorites.
Most people make the mistake of thinking that Dating is an external act, something that
they ‘have to do’ in this exact way to make a woman like them; but this is just not the
case in reality. I learnt this the hard way through sheer trial and error, looking back on
some of the dates I took women on now and the money I spent real y makes me cringe.
I used to think that the more beautiful the woman, the more I had to spend, when in
actual fact, the opposite is true.
Dating is actual y an internal act. The results that you get come from within you, the
women wil like you for who you are on the inside and how you make her feel, not what
you look like or how much you are wil ing to spend on her. This was a huge break-
through for me and this is what I now base my teachings on. It’s a real trick of the mind
which is only fueled by the media and these modern day Los Angeles TV shows with
the California blondes running about town demanding the World from their men.
I am going to go through my ‘Dating Mastery’ diagram in the chapters fol owing so you
can get a better vision of how I mastered dating and women. This wil be an introduction
to my model however and not the ful model as this is an introductory book.
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OUR SECRET FORMULA:
DATING ADVICE FLOW CHART
This is the simplified version; our advanced courses through our seminars,
webinars and digital products cover each topic in more depth.
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Meeting People
‘The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his
feet.’
- James Openheim
Bored of sitting at home when everyone else is out having fun?
How to be more social
People often ask me how to be more social and get more
friends. Because they assume that I was always like this and
have always had lots of friends, but in reality, the truth is quite
the opposite. I find that a lot of people want to go out more but
they just don’t have the social circle of friends to go out with,
either that, or they ‘say’ they don’t want to go out to cover up
for the fact that they real y are afraid to. Laziness, is often fear
in disguise. The fear of rejection or failure is one of the mote
powerful emotions there are.
I used to be in a similar position, I didn’t have many friends to
go out with and I used to hear from other people about how amazing last night was and
this girl they ‘hooked up with’ – it used to drive me crazy, I thought ‘this guys a real jerk, why is he getting al these girls and I’m getting nothing!’
So, here’s a few tips on how to build a bigger social circle so that you can start going
out more and becoming the person that you want to be! This is not a quick fix, it wil take
time, it’s like building a house, you have to lay strong foundations first and then slowly
start to build the house up stage by stage. Often people approach socializing and
making friends in the total y wrong order, like trying to build the roof of their house first only realizing afterwards, that they have no wal s on which to place the roof.
My aim here is that after reading this section, you wil never sit around the house again
thinking ‘I wish I could go out tonight’
Step 1. The Glass is always half ful
I used to go out every day with an invisible shield around me without knowing it, I would
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not interact with people in public if I could help it, and I certainly didn’t speak to any
women. One day I realized that I was missing out after a friend of mine said to me:
“why is your glass always half empty? You're always moaning about things instead of
seeing the positive, you should just be grateful for what
you do have, you’re far better off than most people your
age.“
A year or so later, I was running down the street one day
after a bus; (now I needed to get this bus for a very
important appointment!) No matter how fast I ran, I just
couldn’t catch it, I had missed the bus, it had already
passed the stop and so I ran to the traffic lights to try to
get on; the bus driver wouldn’t open the doors no matter what I said. So I started
shouting al sorts of abuse at him and getting very angry before walking off. Then as I
walked away, a guy walked up to the bus, smiled at the driver and pointed to the
door...... the door opened and the guy got on...
I learnt a valuable lesson that day: always be kind and courteous to people and they wil
do the same to you. Be the opposite, and you wil receive exactly that which you give
out.
This brings me on to my next point: the more people you befriend in this lifetime, the
happier you wil be and the more events you wil get invited to! It’s simple mathematics,
if you have 10 friends, you may get invited to 10 events a year, if you’re lucky! But if you have 1,000 friends – wel the odds have just gone up by 100 times!
As soon as I started to build up friendships with everyone I met, being more social just
came natural y, it was like a snowbal ... I started to meet friends of my friends, who then
introduced me to their friends and so on. Knowing how to be more social was now so
easy that I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it before!
And I’l extend the same offer to you now reading this, feel free to send me an email or
add me to your friends list on Facebook, and who know’s, maybe one day I’l invite
you to one of my many events.
Step 2. Take advantage of every opportunity
'You miss 100% of the shots you never take‘
- Wayne Gretzky, Canadian hockey player (1961 - )
If a friend of a friend invites you out on a Wednesday night to watch a play that their
sister is in, would you go? Probably not. Actual y, I’d say that 95% of the people reading
this would say no. This is probably why the majority of people don’t have a huge social
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circle. I always take the line that we need to take every opportunity that comes our way
in this lifetime, big or smal . You never know who you might meet at this play, and for al
you know, you could have a great time!
I truly believe that there are bigger forces that we can ever comprehend at play in the
World and Universe, and as long as we grasp the opportunities that come our way, we
wil al become a lot more happy and successful in this life. I could give numerous
examples of times that I have gone to events that I didn’t want to attend and as a result,
I have met some incredible people. Only recently I met Donald Trump in the VIP lounge
at an event that I didn’t even have a ticket to! A friend of mine asked me to attend with
him and then found that we didn’t have tickets, after several minutes of speaking with
people, we were upgraded to Diamond lounge tickets where to my absolute surprise
there was Donald Trump! Now at this stage, I could have said, “ok, it’s just pure co-
incidence that I have even got this far”, and then stopped where I felt the fear to
approach him, but I acted in spite of my fear and had a conversation with the man.
So next time someone invites you to an event and you don’t think it's ‘your thing’... re-
consider and just go for it! At worst you might have a boring night, but hey, guess what?
There is always tomorrow night! But at best you could have an amazing time, meet lots
of new people and make more friends! If you want to know how to be more social, start
taking up al opportunities that come your way. Who know’s who you may meet..
3. Keep a social calendar
Having a calendar is important for keeping track of al your
social events. If you are reading this now and saying to
yourself, ‘but I don’t own a calendar’ – then go out and buy
one or start using your digital calendar because this is
absolutely key to your success!
If you are using a paper calendar then make sure there is
enough space in each box to write the event details inside. I
actual y prefer to use my phone and tablet for my calendar as the options that come
with it are ideal for super efficiency not to mention taking a quick glance during the day
to see what I have on this week. The phone and tablets are also both networked so
when I update one, it automatical y updates the other.
Once you have your calendar up and running, start fil ing it with social events! It doesn’t
matter what you fil it with as long as you are going to be interacting with other people,
this is a key step in your journey to being more social. It could be a meal on a Monday
night with a friend at a buffet restaurant with a bar/lounge inside, a Tuesday evening trip
to the grocery store or supermarket, a Friday night out with a friend to a speed dating
event where you can practice your conversational skil s on women, a fitness class on
Saturday morning, a shopping trip on Saturday afternoon, a walk in the park or going to
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your religious place of worship on Sunday. It real y doesn't matter! The idea of a social
calendar is not to go out to bars and clubs every night because that would not get you
very far at al .
The more diverse your calendar, the faster you will achieve dating and social
success.
Step 4. Exchange details with new people
If you real y want to learn how to be more social, here’s a top tip:
Whenever you meet new people, always exchange contact details with them!
Even if you have no interest in a woman, it’s stil highly recommended to swap contact
information with her as a friend because there is a high chance that at some point,
she wil invite you to a party/picnic/hang out. Now this is key for several reasons,
the first being that al women have other female friends, it’s common sense, right?
Yet most guys wil just shrug her off without thinking this through. So let’s think about
this for a second, what’s the first thing a woman does when looking for a guy to date?
She tel s her friends about it, who then start thinking about who they can matchmake
her with!
And this is where you come in!
This principal applies to everyone you meet, not just potential dates and female friends,
but potential guy friends too. I add everyone, men and women. Only adding women is a
big mistake as a guy, you need to make friends with the woman's male friend(s) too so
you can real y hit it off and start to be more social around groups of men and women.
Women always talk to their friends about guys if they want a second opinion, whereas
most guys just grab what they can get, this is why women are more social y aware than
men.
Let’s talk strategy now. When it comes to swapping contact information, I always use a
direct phone number swap, but failing that, Facebook or a business card is my next
preferred option these days. Facebook is key to this whole process as you can then
look at this persons pictures and social events, this wil give you a great idea of the sort of person they are and what hobbies they like. Once I adopted this adding friends
philosophy, my success rate of making new friends went up by 1,000% within a month. I
have never had a woman not accept my friend request on Facebook to this day and I
get invited to at least 2 events per week every week, and at least 30 or 40 parties per year. Can you imagine what this would do to your social and dating life if you also
adopted this philosophy?
5. Go out with your work col eagues for a drink or coffee after work
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Going out with your col eagues after work for a drink or coffee
can be extremely beneficial in expanding your social circle. Not
only does it build up your working relationships which is
important in this day and age, but it also enables you to meet
new people when out in a social setting. This approach towards
socializing is great for meeting women when at the various
venues because it is non threatening, and the women are not
‘expecting’ men to try to hit on them in a coffee shop or in a
quiet bar or lounge on a weeknight. Because of this, it
dramatical y increases your chances of having a great
conversation with the women you meet and gives you a much
greater chance of you and her getting into strong rapport more quickly due to the lack of
distractions (loud music, guys chugging beer nearby, people acting crazy and drunk)
6. Make friends with the socialites of society and leverage their influence
Ever notice when you see your hairdresser on a Saturday night out for example, she or
he is always surrounded by people? Everyone goes over to speak to your hairdresser
because they are so friendly and respected by al , this because they make you look
good! We al love people who make us look or feel great, don’t we?
These are the people who you want to make close friends with. On a night out, you can
meet up to 20 new friends at a time just from being out with your hairdresser or socialite
of society, these people real y know how to be more social than everyone else!
People wil quite literal y approach your hairdresser al night for a chat and of course you can then say hel o to these people too, make friends with them, and exchange contact
details. To everyone else around, you wil look like the coolest most popular people in
the place... when in fact, your hairdresser wil just be being themselves and you would
be tagging along and leveraging on their influence!
7. Be the life and soul of the party
When you get an invite to a party, always go! We al tend to make these excuses when
there is a party going on that we are nervous about attending: ‘Oh, I wil only know the
guy having the party/ I’ve got no one to go with/ my favorite television show is on/ I need
to do my laundry/ I need to do this, I need to do that...’ - these are al just excuses!
It is the fear within us that tel s our conscious mind to make up an excuse not to go to
an event like this. If you are invited to a party, and you don’t know anyone, you should
stil go.
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Here’s what to do when you arrive: Walk in and find the person who invited you to the
party, then go and greet them in the most energetic (but appropriate) way possible.
Next, start to have a chat with them and compliment them on a great party. From there,
someone else wil arrive and you can be introduced to them through the host... and
again, then, meet someone else.
When I am at a party, I don’t leave until I have met most of the people at the event, I wil
not leave the party other than to get some fresh air or to make/ answer a phone cal . I
wil try to befriend everyone I meet, for this is the key to networking and building a larger social circle. Don’t be afraid to make friends, for this is key to being more social and in
turn, meeting more women.
If you think it seems unusual to befriend someone you don’t know then it wil come
across as unusual to them too in your approach and actions. But the fact is that the
uncomfortableness that you may feel is only in your own mind, it's what psychologists
refer to as your 'mental state' and it’s only in your own mind. If you are confident, people wil see that and want to meet you and be friends with you. If you are nervous, you wil
come across as nervous.... unless you have taken some acting classes of course!
8. Remember that person who invited you out for a drink?
We al tend to get these offers: “would you like to go out for a drink on Friday night?” But how many do we real y take up? Remember that guy you met at karate class who was
your sparring partner, he was tel ing you about his girlfriend and her friend and how he
wanted you al to go out for a drink together. You turned him down and made an excuse;
you told him you already had plans for Friday night, even though you didn’t...
Why do we al do this?! Doesn’t it seem crazy looking back on it now at al the offers we
turned down to make new friends. The average person receives an offer like this at least
once every 2 weeks (ok, maybe not a double date, but an offer of a drink or similar,
sure.)
Fancy going skateboarding? Coming for a drink? Going for something to eat? Meeting
for a coffee? Watching my friends show, and the list just goes on!
So why do we turn al these offers down?
Because they didn’t match the image that we look for in a friend and or, we don’t want to
take the risk. This is a very shal ow or cautious approach for some, but most people just
don’t realize they are doing it until someone points it out to us. In my case, my friend
said, “Neil, why did you say you were busy on Saturday night? You’re not doing
anything on that night, you need to start saying yes more instead of making up excuses”
It was only then that I realized that I had been passing up opportunities on a regular
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basis. If any of this sounds familiar to your life. start saying yes, starting today.
9. Catch up with old contacts and friends
Take a minute after this section to look through your
contacts on your mobile/cel phone address book. The
first time you do this, you wil see dozens if not hundreds
of contacts who are now no longer in your life. Some of
these contacts you can now delete, but others you can
use to re-establish old friendships again.
Just because someone was a geek at school/work, it
doesn’t mean they wil stil be a geek now, and even if they are, so what? Everyone has
something positive about them to offer you as a friend. This was a big breakthrough for
me in this area, I used to keep myself away from people who I felt were not good
enough, not cool enough or not high achievers in life; little did I know that this was
stopping me from real y connecting with people and making new friends.
I was a real trouble maker at school, the teachers did not have many nice things to say
about me and not many of my fel ow pupils did either. One of my teachers said "Neil,
you wil never make anything of your life, you wil either end up a complete failure in life or you wil end up in jail" I stil remember it as if it was yesterday.
Whenever I see my old school friends, I stop them for a chat; at first I can see that they
just want to escape from me as quickly as possible, their bodies are turned and their
feet are pointing away. But I start by apologizing for the way I acted at school and tel
them what I do now; I’m always amazed at the change in body language and interest!
Use your personal address book contacts and send a text message or if you’re feeling
real y brave, give them a cal ! I personal y prefer to text, you wil know who is worth
pursuing as they wil text you back. The others wil not, or the number is no longer in
use so you can get rid of it. Another top tip is to use the social media messaging option
on sites such as Facebook as you can write a longer message to explain things better
than a short text message.
Facebook is great for this as you can connect and find people that you have not heard
from in decades!
10. There are a lot of lonely people out there
Just because someone is the life and soul of the party and every time you see them
they are talking about something crazy they did, it doesn’t mean they are happy or
indeed tel ing the