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Bringing back to the mind, mind my mishap ridden journey from childhood, I can fairly accurately say that save for an occasion when, still in half-pants, my molar had gone bad and had to be removed, courage has never failed me. I confess I have never been in the vicinity of a lion or within a gunshot, but I ask you all are these the only tests of pluck? Where my humble life has tested me, I have stood firm, and that alone brings gratification.
Yes I tottered when my moment of truth arrived and pleaded with my didi to change her mind. I grumbled a whole day but, “Be a man!” didi said in the end and that was that. It is compact dialogues like these, these pocket bombs, which, when delivered by army generals to Shaky soldiers, change their fortunes forever. They march on to battlefront.

As for us, we tip toped to the roof, quietly opening the creaking doors on the way. The night sky was clear, stars were twinkling and the air was refreshing. I have already mentioned numerous times the virtues of pleasant weather. It drives all your worries away. The scented air worked on me like a bottle of spirits.

Didi dialed her number and pressed the phone against my ear. I turned my face away from her. Ring. I started feeling weak on my knees and that strange sensation in the stomach which one feels when exam scripts are handed, surfaced.

Shreya picked up. “Hullo,” she said sleepily.
“Hi! Sorry for disturbing you so late. Hope you were not asleep as yet.” Of course, she was.
“I was!”
“Never mind… I wanted to… talk to you. So I called up,” I said slowly.
“Alright! What happened that you wanted to talk to me in the middle of the night?”
“Nothing… was just thinking about us.”
“About us?”

She sounded confused. I was at a loss for words. I couldn’t think of anything to say. Nothing came to my mind. But, I knew if I had to tell her what I wanted to, I had to say it right away. It was unbearable to beat about the bush.

“Shreya, what do you think about me?”
“What sort of a question is that and in the middle of night?” she asked, obviously stumped. I was so afraid now. I was so nervous. I was almost certain she’d say, “I don’t like you.” And that would shatter me. I knew. It was better, not knowing her thoughts about me than her telling me off straight away. But I made myself strong.
“I mean, do you like me?”

There was a pause. She didn’t say anything for what seemed like an eternity. I had shocked her, of course, with such an idiotic question. We had been great friends and now that would be off too. It was all ruined. She finally said with carefully chosen words.

“See, Tejas, I really like you. But as a friend. And you have been a great one.”
There was silence again. I felt miserable, for I had thought she liked me. Not just as a friend. I honestly had.
“You too have been great, Shreya! But I thought I’d tell you my feelings. I really like you. And not just as a friend.”
“But I have never thought of you that way, Tejas.”
So finally the dreaded words that didi had spoken arrived, verbatim,” I have never thought of you that way.” It irritated me no end. I wanted to ask her, “Why on earth haven’t you through of me that way? Am I that bad? I thought we got along really well and had so many similarities. What more do you want? All you girls know is how to trick guys.” But I wisely skipped that part. “So honestly… have you never thought about us being more than friends?”
“Tejas, I can’t say anything right now. But yes, I have always thought of you as a good friend.”

I was getting madder. I felt didi’s hand on my shoulder. I looked into her eyes again. I found comfort. No, I didn’t blame her for rushing me into this. Good that I cam to know her feelings I looked at the sky. It was still lovely. The world had not changed. I changed my tone to a more cheery one and asked her, “I hope the door is not closed for me?”

“See Tejas, let us continue to be friends and see how things move on.”
“But please keep that door slightly ajar.”
“It is!”
“By the way I have a habit of sneaking in from the windows. Good night!”
“Good night!”
I hung up. Didi took my hands I hers.
“She didn’t close the door?”
“No, I smiled. One of those pensive ones.
“Don’t you worry, she needs more time. She has to be sure before she commits. She is a good girl after all.”
“Can we stay here and talk. The weather is not bad!”
“Sure, brother.”