“You’re gonna wear out the pavement if you don’t stop pacing,” Trojan says.
I look at him, then at my helium-filled balloons on a stick, the little white teddy bear in my hands and the basket of sweets and chocolates that I’m clutching and nod. “Yeah, you’re right,” I say with a smile. “What time is it?”
Trojan groans. “Relax. They’ll be here anytime now.” He pats the seat next to him.
I look at it but I don’t take it. It’s been fourteen days, four hours and six minutes since I saw my little sister and I’ve been in a daze until I heard that Glenda had arranged a visit. From the moment I heard, I’ve been watching the clock.
“Burn! Buuuuurn!”
I whirl around and look at Angel. “Burn! Burn!”
“Angel!” I open my arms and she flies across the parking lot and into them. “Angel.” I hold her to me and kiss her hair while she ducks under my arm and stays there, probably not wanting the social worker accompanying her or Trojan to see her crying. “Angel …”
My heart aches at the sight of her distress. I look over her head at Trojan.
He nods. Remember what we discussed. Be strong for Angel.
I nod and lift up Angel’s face so I can see her. I smile and hand her the stuff I bought her. “All for y…you, Angel.”
Like the child she is, she stops crying, wipes her eyes, and tears into the stuff Trojan bought her. She looks at Trojan. “H…hey T…Trojan.”
He holds out his arms.
She runs up to him and sobs into them. “Thanks.”
He hugs her while I cry. Then he holds out an arm to me. I rush into it and all three of us hug.
When she stops crying, we talk. “How are they treating you, Angel?” I ask.
“Nice,” she says. “Emily bought me this.” She flashes me a pink and green bracelet with a love-heart on it.
“It’s very pretty,” I say.
She puts her hands on either side of my face and looks into my eyes. “They’re nice to me, Burn. Really, they are. I don’t want you to worry, okay?” Typical Angel, trying to comfort me when I should be comforting her. I guess it’s what happens when you don’t have a mother – you mother each other.
“I have my own room, and Emily and Michael are buying me a cell phone so I can keep in touch with you and them.”
“They are?” I look at Trojan with raised eyebrows. ”That’s nice of them.”
“But, when can I come back home, Burn?” She puts her arms around my waist and holds me again. “I miss you.”
Unable to answer her, I start to choke up again.
“Hey, ice cream time,” Trojan says and ushers us into the ice cream parlor we’re standing outside. He buys ice cream for all of us, including the social worker.
“They’re really nice people, Burn,” Glenda says in a gentle voice. “They lost their child years ago and they just want to look after kids. They seem to have a lot of love to give.”
“Really?” That is such a relief.
“You will agree that Angel was in danger in those surroundings, right?”
My nod is reluctant.
“In fact, I worry about you, too.”
‘I’m okay.” I gesture to Trojan. “He watches over me.”
She looks at Trojan. “Is he your boyfriend?”
I look at Trojan. I never really kissed him or been intimate with him. Will she believe it?
Trojan’s gaze is questioning.
With a smile, I take his hand in mine and hold it close to my heart. “Right now, he’s my guardian angel.”
Mff. Clever answer. He looks away.
“Aww, that’s so sweet,” Glenda says.
“You’ll inspect again soon?” I ask. “’Cause I’ve cleaned up and Carlene’s keeping everyone away.” I don’t mention anything about the grand a month she’s missing out on these days.
“Yes, as I mentioned to Trojan, we will inspect in two months’ time.”
“Two months!” My heart sinks. Two months away from Angel …
When it’s time to leave, both Angel and I cling to each other. “I don’t wanna leave you, Burn. Don’t send me away, Burn!”
“Angel, soon, okay, baby. Hang in there, please. Please! I promise I’m doing everything I can to get you back. Just be strong for me, okay?”
Glenda has to tear her out of my arms.
When the car’s taillights disappear over the hill, I fall apart. Trojan takes me into his arms and I sob into his chest, wetting his shirt till it’s plastered against his chest. It’s like losing Angel all over again and helplessness shrouds me.
I go home, slip under the covers and shut my eyes. Don’t want to eat, don’t want to talk to anyone, just want to be alone in the dark. Trojan hovers around me, bringing me iced coffee, chocolates and trying to cheer me up.
“Trojan, it’s Saturday; go out. I’ll be okay,” I say, dabbing my eyes.
He doesn’t – he stays with me and falls asleep in my cramped bed.
****
“Where we going, Trojan?” My blue mood persists. I’ve lost weight, I’ve stopped, eating, smiling and I’ve shut the world out.
“Just relax and sit tight and soon you’ll know.”
“Mff. You look like you’re going to a job interview. What’s up?” He wears a long-sleeve, light blue, striped shirt, black formal navy pants and a navy blazer. He looks like a businessman. “You look nice.”
“Yeah.” He smiles. “Just trying to make a good impression.”
We drive to a nearby suburb and pull up outside a row of neat houses. Trojan switches off the engine and opens his door. He walks around to me and opens mine.
“Whose house is …?”
“You’ll see soon. Just relax.”
He leads me to a house with a neat garden and enters without knocking. I’m very surprised to see Curtis and a few of Trojan’s guys there.
Then I see a white couple, a man and a woman sitting on a chair looking very nervous. They glance at me, then at Curtis, who has a green, checked dishtowel over his arm. They haven’t moved from their seats or greeted me.
“Hi …” I say, my eyes flitting between them all.
Their nods are nervous.
I peer at the dishtowel Curtis is holding. It is then that I spot the gun. “What the hell?” I cry. “What are you doing, Curtis?!”
Curtis eyes shift to Trojan.
I swivel around to look at Trojan. When I see the look in his eyes, realization dawns on me. “Are you … Trojan, are you kidnapping …ohmigod!?”
“Kidnapping?” He jerks back. “Nooo!”
“So what the hell, Trojan?” My heart starts to pound, my mouth goes dry.
“This is Emily and Michael, Angel’s foster parents.”
“Whaaaat?!” My hands fly to my mouth, visions of all of us in prison over kidnapping and …whatever the fuck they can charge us with. “Are you nuts?” I punch him in the chest. “You can’t do this. This is serious shit, Trojan. What the hell’s wrong with you?”
“Relax,” he says, catching my hand. “I just wanted to do something nice for you. You seemed so down about Angel.”
“Doing something nice for me …” I hold my head with both my hands. “Ohmigod, Trojan, we are all going to prison over this.” I sink into a chair and place my head on my knees. Black guys holding a white couple at gunpoint? “Ohmigod! Ohmigod!”
“Nah, it’s ain’t going down like that, man,” Trojan says. He looks at the couple. “Ain’t that so?” More telling than asking.
Both Emily and Michael nod slowly.
“Do you wanna see Angel? She’s in the next room.”
“No!” I whisper. “Don’t bring her in. I don’t want to expose her to this.” I turn around to look at the couple. “Ma’am, sir, I am so, so sorry …” I put my hand to my chest as I speak.
Just then one of Trojan’s guys called Darius arrives. “Your car is fixed,” he says to Emily and hands her the keys. “We replaced one of them pipes so the coolant light, it should not never come on again, know what I’m saying? Shouldn’t give you no problem no more.”
“T…thanks,” she says and looks at Michael with uncertainty in her eyes.
“You also had a small oil leak. Fixed it too.”
“Thank you,” Michael says, as he squeezes Emily’s hand reassuringly.
Trojan drops onto his haunches in front of me. “Look,” he whispers, “I wanted to see you smile again, so I took matters into my own hands, baby. That’s all. I thought you’d be happy.”
“Trojan, I am happy, but …”
“They can’t ever go to the cops, ’cause I go to prison, they have to deal with the rest of my friends.” He looks at them. “Right?’
Michael nods. “Yes, of course. Sure.”
Trojan hops to his feet, removes his wallet from his pocket, peels off a couple of bills and shoves it into Michael’s top pocket. “For your inconvenience,” he says. “I just want my girl here to be able to see her sister whenever; know what I mean? She’s been having a hard time since they took Angel away.”
“Yes, yes, sure,” Michael says, nodding vigorously.
Emily looks at me. “Now that we’ve met you, we have no problem with that,” she says, her voice small and scared.
“Thank you,” I say. “Thank you so much.” I lean in and drop my voice. “I don’t travel with all of them, just him sometimes.” I jerk my thumb to Trojan. “And he’s okay, really. A good guy. He’s just feeling helpless that he can’t stop me from crying …” Tears course down my cheeks. “It’s been so h …hard on me.”
Michael nods, while Emily hands me some Kleenex.
Michael clears his throat and stands up. All the guys jump to attention and four guns, to my horror, appear.
I gasp.
“Look,” Michael says in a stern voice, “put away your guns and let’s just …just work things out. No one’s calling the police, no one’s going to shoot anyone and no one’s going to get hurt.” He looks at Trojan. “Thanks for the car. We really appreciate it. Em wasn’t able to use it for more than a week, so thanks. And you don’t have to give me money. We’re okay, really.” He hands the money to Trojan.
“Keep it,” Trojan says. “Or give it to your church or something.”
Michael bobs his head and puts away the bills. “Let’s bring in Angel.” He looks at Emily. “Em, make everyone coffee, please.”
Emily stands up. “Everyone for coffee?”
I nod.
Trojan nods.
“I don’t drink coffee,” Curtis says. “You got hot chocolate? Caffeine makes my hands shake.”
Since he’s got the gun, we can’t have his hand shaking.
“I’ve got hot chocolate!” Emily blurts.
“Yes, yes, yes!” Michael says. “We’ve got hot chocolate.”
“But hot chocolate also has caffeine,” Darius says.
“No, it don’t,” Curtis says.
“Yeah, it does,” Darius says.
Trojan and I exchange amused smiles.
Angel bounds into the room.
“Angel!” I cry and hug her, glaring at Curtis and his gun over her head.
Curtis quickly puts his gun out of sight.
After getting over her surprise at seeing me, Angel jumps up and down. “I wanna show you my room! I wanna show you my room!” She grabs my hand and Emily’s and leads us to it.
Angel’s room is beautiful – pink and lilac, with pretty pastel animal prints and a shaggy soft lavender carpet. A white desk and a rattan chair in one corner, while a dressing table with a mirror in the other. Sparkly pink, purple and white scatter cushions all around – everything I ever wanted for Angel.
“Look at this, Burn,” Angel says and points to a walkie-talkie. If I want Emily at night, I just push this and talk. If I get nightmares and stuff.”
Emily’s thought of everything.
Angel sounds so happy that I have to be happy for her.
“Why you crying, Burn?” Angel asks peering into my face.
I sink into her chair and cover my eyes with my hands.
“Burn?”
It’s a while before I answer. “Because … because … because Angel, I’m happy that you have such a nice room and you’ve got everything I’ve ever wanted for you and … and I’m so … happy for you ... and I feel like I’ve failed to get you those things and yet …”
She throws her little arms around me. “It’s okay, Burn. We can still get our dream house one day. This is just for now. But one day, you and me – we’ll get you your dream room, okay?”
I nod and try hard to stop crying.
With a smile she gently wipes away my tears, then hugs me to her.
When I look up, I see Michael, Emily, Curtis, Trojan and all the guys at the doorway watching us. Emily has tears in her eyes. Quickly, I jerk to my feet, embarrassed that they saw my breakdown.
“Don’t mind me,” I sniff to Michael and Emily. “I’m just a little emotional about …” I hurriedly wipe away tears. “I’m … I’m really happy that Angel has you guys in her life.” I smile. “And relieved.”
We sit down at a table – Trojan, me, Emily and Michael while Angel skips around all of us. The rest of the guys quietly leave.
Pretty soon, we are all laughing (thankfully) over the “kidnapping” incident. I’m so relieved, I could cry. I really had horrible visions of all of us in prison over this incident.
Emily and Michael are the nicest people I’ve ever come across. Emily is a registered nurse who now works part time and Michael is an accounts clerk. Their home is clean, neat, warm and welcoming – everything I’ve ever wanted for Angel. I mean, that’s how my mom kept things, but for a while now it’s been anything but.
They fuss over me, offering me coffee and hot chocolate and milk and homemade cookies. I’m nervous in case they don’t like me or think that I’m not worthy of them, like Dawn thought. But they’re genuinely nice people and they seem to like me.
Angel sits on my lap. I wrap my arms around her waist and nuzzle her back.
After a while, Michael takes Trojan to see his piano, leaving Emily and I alone with Angel.
As I talk to Emily about losing Angel, I get emotional again.
Emily puts down her oven mitt and leaps to hug me. “Burn, you’ve been a mother for too long. You need to be a regular teenager with no responsibilities, really. That’s normal, not what you’ve been forced to do. I mean, shopping, cooking, cleaning, helping with homework, attending PTA meetings – that’s too much for you, Burn. Not right for a teenager to be doing.”
I nod slowly and indulge in a pity party. It’s been so hard for so long and it took so much out of me. I had to give up so much and do without so much.
“You will agree that Angel is safe here and that you never have to worry about her being at risk in any way.”
“Y…Yes.” There’s no Bobby and his loser friends for me to worry about here.
Emily smiles. “I will take good care of her, Burn. Don’t look at it like you’ve lost Angel. Think of us as your reliable and safe baby sitters.”
I nod, believing all that she’s saying.
Angel runs off, fetches a little toy pony with really long hair, nestles on Emily’s lap and starts brushing the pony.
That startles me. I mean, how could she so quickly choose Emily’s lap instead of mine?
Michael and Trojan re-enter the room.
Then Angel jumps up and goes over to Michael. “Is its eye colour changing again?”
Michael peers at the pony as if there’s a possibility. Finally, with a straight face he says, “Yes, I do believe it is.”
Both he and Angel laugh at their silliness. For a while, she and Michael chat quietly about the pony and Michael gives her some ridiculous explanation as to how things work with the pony.
I catch Trojan’s eye. It mirrors my thoughts – Take her away from all of this? To Bobby and his crackhead friends?
I look away.
“Now that we’ve met you, Burn, we’re happy for you to spend nights here even weekends. If you’d like to, that is.”
My head jerks to look at her. “Really?”
“Yes. Angel would like that.” She looks at Angel. “What do you think?”
‘I’d looooove it!” Angel rushes over and throws her arms around me. “We can sleep in the same bed again, Burn, and you can tell me stories about mommy and how pretty she was, and about the girl with the Golden Gift and how daddy used to listen to music without words and drive you crazy and how he used to carry us both at the same time ’cause he was strong like Hercules.”
I squeeze her to me. “Yes. Okay. Sure.”
When it’s time for us to say goodbye, Michael pumps Trojan’s hand and Emily gives him a hug. Somehow, I feel that in spite of their harsh introduction, he has charmed them both. That makes me feel better.
When I leave the house, I’m crying even though I’m also happy for Angel. Angel is also crying which upsets me.
But I know one thing – Angel is safe. That’s what’s most important to me. And …I can see her every day if I want to. I plan to, of course.
As we drive home, I turn to look at Trojan. Ever since Angel was taken away, more than twenty-one days ago, he’s been at my side taking care of me and trying to find a way for Angel and me to see each other, even though Glenda told him that we had to wait for them to contact us and that we could only see Angel at scheduled visits.
He’s been quietly trying to figure out a way to help me, and he probably did the best he could. Could have gotten us all in trouble, but it didn’t in the end.
Then he charmed his way into Emily and Michael’s hearts and I got an invitation to spend weekends with Angel.
I know that in the beginning, our “relationship” started off as something other than regular, but he’s become my keeper these days and I find myself looking out for him when he’s not with me.
“What?”
I smile at him. “You did all this for me?”
He shrugs and his shoulders relax.
“You arranged for someone to follow Glenda, found out where Angel was, and planned this whole ‘kidnapping’ – all this for me?”
He shrugs. “No big deal.”
“That’s a lot of work for someone you plan on tagging and releasing, months from now.”
“Yeah, I’m a dumbass. What can I say?” He grins, revealing a lot of white teeth.
At the next traffic light, I reach over and put my arms around him.
He wraps his arms around me, draws me closer and kisses my hair. When the light changes, I reluctantly break away from him. He takes my hand in his. After a few moments, he raises it to his lips, then holds it to his chest. When our eyes lock, I feel something strange in the pit of my stomach – a feeling similar to … love.
That can’t be! It’s Brody I love.
Must be gratitude.
Yeah, it’s probably gratitude.
Definitely gratitude.
Right?